It’s weird how everyone experiences growth and encouraged to grow as a person. One of the things about University is that it’s inevitable that you find yourself and find out whom you are. The irony is that there are a bunch of people out there who sit at home and have this uncanny belief that your growth should be in the way they expect you to grow. Almost every girl in South Africa of age of course has had yet more than one sexual partner yet once upon a time that would have been considered highly immoral and discourgaged. Of those girls at least half of them has cheated on someone and actually had justified why they did it. Again once upon a time that was wrong. Today the currency for morals is based on money and how you get it. We can all pretend that it’s not true but it’s a lie. Unless you are married, highly educated with a job that pays you enough, emotionally satisfied by someone who gives you rules and restrictions at home the truth is the door is open for you to do things which were once upon a time considered immoral for money. Here is the best part, almost every woman looking in from the outside will judge you for it but deep down wish it was them getting that money. I had been kicked out and all I had to do was stay in a man’s house who did not even live with me. Other girls have done worse. He was probably diabetic and couldn’t get it up.
“Samke are you sure about this because this means you can come back and if you are scared you won’t see your friends freely again I can assure you that you will! I am the best roommate ever!”
Katlego pleaded to try to encourage me to see reason. The thought was appealing but in the short space of time, Zamo had taught me that if I lived in residence I would be at her mercy.
“Katlego you know I love you but you saw how Zamo managed to get me kicked out without even breaking a sweat. The reality is that if I came back there I would have to walk on eggs as I would have to watch my back all the time!”
I reminded her.
“I do not approve of what Zamo did and I have canceled her too. She tried worming her way back into my life but I don’t want her near me.”
She said but that was not her point as she went on to carry on,
“The issue is the Nigerian guys and you can’t throw your life away over men who will replace you as soon as they find something the consider better if not cheaper! Nigerian men are famous for that, they will spoil you for a moment then leave you in problems you can’t even imagine!”
She advised me but the word that cut me deep in what she had said there was “cheaper”. Was she implying that I was cheap for being with Ada, ok fine she did not know but I knew and that’s what mattered.
” I don’t date Nigerian men. My parents would skin me alive!”
I told her and we both laughed. That’s what all South African girls openly say in public or to each other so as not to be judged. It’s effective too because in makes all those xenophobes on Twitter happy especially South African men who will kill you for ignoring them when they hit on you. That’s the alternative.
“Yeah I know just imagine what will happen if you show up a Nigerian at home!”
She said and I did imagine it. My father would never approve and neither will my mother because Mooi River is a small community and in our circles my mother will be known as the mother of the daughter who brought home,
She would be humiliated and shamed for it even by her closest friends. We come from a.community were we even take abeSotho with a pinch of salt regardless of the the fact that they are South African.
“It’s ok then I cannot force you. I will only tell my uncle this tomorrow though just in case you change your mind!”
She told me. She looked at me and. Think I could see tears in her eyes.
“I know you have made up your mind but I really pray you think this through because it won’t be the same without you!”
Even as I listened to her say this my heart was not in it. There was a party I had heard off which I would probably be attending and I would be wearing my new heels. It was not even a question whether I was going to give an extra or second thought to me going back to residence! To do what? That would be like stopping watching The River because someone said the Queen is better, mayibabo! Just imagine one day ending up dancing naked for Shaka during lockdown, I am not that Zulu shem!
“I have to go!”
She said. I am not sure if it was because she could see my mind was not fully with her or what. It’s not that I meant to be rude.
Growing up almost certainly means that you have to make decisions that benefit you and only you. This is the reason why friendships end and you find new friends. Almost every girl can tell you of a friendship that ended because either a friend took or slept with her boyfriend or she took or slept with her friend man! They will always tell you that the one took from the other was wrong! Was she though? In life are we not taught to go after what we want no matter what. Think of it this way, every job you get there were other people who wanted yet you did whatever it takes to get that job. I lover Katlego I really did and I was grateful for what she had done but now I needed to think of me. It was probably a bad idea but at least it was mine.
“I am sorry Katlego I cannot do this to my father especially knowing that the fault is entirely mine!”
I told her again. She put her head in her hands and sighed,
“Samke you don’t understand, this will live a lot of egg on my face.”
She lamented. She was really troubled by this but i was not going to change my mind. I move closer and i hugged her.
“I am really sorry for this!”
I told her and I really did mean it.
“You are going to have to make it up to me somehow because now if you face the House Mother yourself it will be awkward. I will tell her I could not find you or something!”
She told me. I was glad she was finally coming around because I did not feel nice putting her in this position. When I walked out of her room I felt free and relieved. I was doing the right thing and even though I was scared I was good with it. With exams almost upon me I did not need all this back and forth so at least I had settled this one. I went to my place and all I wanted to do was sleep.
End of Part One