People who have siblings know that fighting with your sibling comes with the
territory. You are rivals from the day you are born but you also love them. They annoy you, piss you off, make you cry and yes sometimes they betray you but I would like to believe that they are also the people you cry with, feel pain with and are your last line of defense when things go wrong. That’s love, loyalty and an understanding even a best friend can never fill. I may be pregnant and have hormones running wild inside me but I am not stupid. I had not shouted at my sister because I wanted to bring harm to my child nor because I did not listen. It was not my sister’s place to tell on me, it was my decision and I had to tell him. Now she had messed up everything for me because she had meddled where she should not have I had to deal with this? What’s wrong with my life really? I can’t have peace for more than a day! Something has to happen!
I was groggy when I woke up. For a moment it felt as though the room was spinning. This time however I knew where I was and the room didn’t want to swallow me. I allowed myself a good fifteen minutes to compose myself and only then did I call the nurse.
“What time is it?”
I asked her as soon as she entered. It was not the same nurse from last night.
“Its morning already, 0730 to be exact!”
She told me.
“Morning…are you sure? Did I sleep right through the night?”
I asked her surprised.
“No, I am told that you woke up around two and slept again. You can’t remember that?”
She asked me. Who told her that and why? Had I done something worth mentioning?
“No I do not believe that, I would remember!”
I told her. I would know if I woke up in the middle of the night. Even now I had not dreamt of anything I had slept right through.
“Has the doctor been here to see me yet?”
I asked her.
“No doctor comes in ten!”
She told me.
“Can I please have my phone I need to make some calls?”
I told the nurse.
“We are under strict instructions not to give you your phone for dear that any stress could further any complications you might have!”
“No no no this will stress me more! I have an interview today at ten, please you don’t have to give me the phone I will tell you who to call to ask them to postpone the interview for me!”
I told her. She was a bit hesitant but after begging for five minutes she agreed for me to make the call. As soon as I switched on my phone I had messages galore.
I said as soon as he picked up.
“Lungi why do you insist on embarrassing me! I have been calling you since yesterday and at some point I even got worried!”
He said angrily.
“No that’s not the thing it was not on purpose. I was admitted in hospital yesterday and had emergency surgery. They have only given me my back phone now for the first time since yesterday so yeah!”
I told him.
“Oh my God Lungi I am sorry to hear that. I will come see you later I have to go see my sister at the station!”
“What about the interview? I can’t make it now and I wish I could get a doctors letter but who gets a doctors letter for an interview!”
I asked him.
“I don’t know. I won’t be able to hold the job for you if you miss it but I will try talk to them. Eish Lungi it almost feels like something is preventing you from taking this job! Something seems to always get in the way! If you don’t get an intervention soon your life is going to spiral hey!”
He told me. I really was damaged goods at this rate and he was basically attesting to that.
“I know hey but I will work on it somewhere somehow, I just need to get healthy for now and fix my life!”
I told him as I felt a lump build up in my throat.
“I honestly don’t know whether I am coming or going these days because this not the life I want and its happening to me!”
I told him. I really was starting to be a wet blanket lately. Every time I spoke to someone I found myself confessing about how bad my life was. It needed to stop. I was losing that tough facade I was famous for.
“Kuzolunga Lungi you can’t give up. I will do what I have to and try keep the interview open for you. Should that fail I will knock on other doors for you ok?”
He told me or rather asked me at the end there.
“I really will appreciate that! Thank you for everything Simba! I know I don’t always sound nor act grateful but I really am!”
“It’s ok! I have to go though for now. I hope now you are going to have your phone and it will be easier to communicate with you!”
He told me.
Was the best I could do and he hung up. I felt this whole weight on my shoulders. The nurse who had left the room came back to check up on me to see if the phone call had not killed me I suppose.
“The nurse who was on duty told me to tell you that you had bad nightmares last night!”
She explained. See I knew there was reason why she felt she had to mention that I had not slept right through.
I asked her.
“Yes it is and she recommended that you see someone to talk to so when can I schedule that?”
She asked me.
“No I am fine I don’t need to see anyone. I have nightmares since I was a child so don’t worry about me I am fine.”
I lied. When it comes to nightmares I had become an expert lately so I knew what this was about that’s why I was not too bothered.
A voice said making the nurse turn around. It was Ezile!
“Good morning doc!”
I said to her. She had just served me from the interrogation from the nurse that’s for sure.
“Morning. Its 0830 I was told that you only come in at 10!”
I told her.
“Yes that’s true. Sister please give me a moment!”
She told the nurse who stepped out.
“I am your friend so I wanted to see you before my rounds. I also brought you a tooth brush and some toiletries just in case!”
She said setting the on the little table next to me.
“Thanks so much, my breathe must be killing right now!”
I said embarrassed.
“I would not know I have not stood next to you yet and I won’t!”
She said and we laughed.
“I should have given you my keys last night when you were here to bring me things it just never crossed my mind. I don’t even know where my keys are so that would not have helped either!”
I told her.
“It’s ok no problem. Who is coming to see you today? Ask them and they will bring! If no one is coming I will go around 12 for you as I will be done!”
She offered. It made sense to allow her to go. She looked at my chart and shook her head,
“Is something wrong?”
I asked her.
“Yes everything is fine. One of the nurses mentioned you have nightmares and considering how delicate you are now it’s something that we are going to have to fix!”
She explained to me.
“Are you going to recommend a shrink?”
I asked her.
“I am afraid so if you want to have a safe pregnancy! It could just be a passing moment you know so it won’t harm you talking to someone!”
She advised me.
“Ok then its fine, if that’s what the doctor orders then I will do that!”
I did not second guess her even if I knew what was up.
“I have to go for now and get ready for my rounds. As soon as I am done I will come see you and take those keys!”
She told me and put my hand in hers for reassurance.
“You shall be fine don’t worry! I will make sure of it!”
And with that she walked towards the door.
I called out to her and she turned.
“You really are a good friend!”
I told her and she just smiled as she walked out. It was not ten minutes later that my aunt walked in.
“Lungi why didn’t you tell me that you were in hospital?”
She asked as she walked in.
“I didn’t have my phone till this morning but I am fine aunty!”
I told her which was true.
“I called your sister yesterday because I just had a bad feeling that something was wrong after I could not get hold of you. If I had not found her I would have not have known. She told me you kicked her out! Are you that arrogant to not see that your mother and I wasted all those years not talking for stupid reasons! Your sister is family and if you two keep fighting like this you will end up like your mother and I!”
She said shouting at the top of her voice.
“Aunty please lower your voice we are in a hospital!”
I pleaded with her. I am sure everyone had heard.
“Why? Isn’t you don’t listen when we are in private maybe these people you want to save face from will force you to listen!”
She told me meaning that she clearly was not going to listen to me. Today she had come to give me a lecture because she knew that I could not run away. Reminds me of when Mugabe told those that overthrew him that they waited until he was old and sick before gaining the guts to stab him in the back.
“Lungi your stubbornness is what’s going to harm my grandchild!”
She said standing on the bed next to me and opened taking out things out of her bag, Sangoma things!
“Aunty what are you doing?”
I asked her in a panicked state.
“I need to ask the ancestors to protect you …”
She said taking out the bag that has her bones and she blew into it. Hell no,
“Aunty we can’t do it here come on!”
I whispered harshly to her and it was clear that I was not playing with her,
“You should have listened and you didn’t, now blow into this!”
She said sternly. I had to get it over and done with her because I couldn’t physically throw her out.
She said and she threw the bones onto the little mat, door side of me onto the floor. At that very moment in entered Ezile and Sfiso,
“And then? What the hell is going on here?”
She asked and her voice was not too friendly I daresay!
Sfiso’s voice said after that shaking his head and I could sense judgment. Embarrassment set in!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you sir for reading my letter. I never intended to write this but something happened at work that made me do it. The other day we had a debate at work on who the best South African writer was and your name came up lots of times. One of my colleagues even argued that the reason why you are not praised even more is because you write online and have not published that. I don’t think you fully appreciate yourself Bra Mike how Zulu Girl Goes to Jhb made people read again. I know you are a self publisher maybe ask your readers to help you raise funds to publish all your manuscripts. It will be a pity for people not to go through your works for generations to come. You even have academic relevance and instead of us reading Shakespeare at school some of your works can be read in schools. I just thought I should let you know this.
Anyway Bra Mike I am a 43 year old woman and I have never been married. I had a daughter when I was 26 from a fling but that never worked out with the father. I raised my child alone with the father not in the picture. I barely ever dated all this time until last year when I met a divorcee. He is a good man and is very caring. We get along well and even his kids and I get along. His divorce was because his wife had a high profile cheating scandal which was in the newspapers. He was definitely the victim in this one. The problem I have now is that the closer I got to him the more my daughter resisted this. She hates him and throws tantrums whenever he comes around. She has started acting out coming home late and even having fights at school. I can’t let a man ruin my family but I also need to be loved and to love someone.
Can anyone please advise me on how I can get my daughter to accept that it’s ok for me to date and be happy?