Would you lie to save yourself? Think about this carefully before you answer. In an
idealistic world your answer to that will be no and you will probably pick out scriptures from the bible or if you more blessed than us you will tell us why your grandmother said lying was wrong. The truth is we all lie, we have all lied but there is a time and a place to lie. There was a man in my house who had asked me for answers to something so important I could build his life by destroying mine or build my life by destroying his. Sometimes we lie to spare ones feelings even we know it’s wrong. Your enemies always want to see you fail and that’s not even an understatement. I could not for the life of me think who on earth could have told him this. I stood there staring at him like a fish out of water about to be eaten with my eyes open. I was truly at a loss for words. This was not the way I wanted for things to have gone but I am not sure if I would have told him eventually.
“Who told you this?”
I asked him. Those really are the only words I could master for now and they were not even audible I practically croaked them out. My mind was not blank. There were so many things going through it right now yet nothing coherent.
“You think that is your biggest problem the person who told me? Are you serious? Just tell me, the kids you are carrying are they mine or not?”
He asked me again. He seemed to have his stories straight and he was not her to play games. I have said he was a light skinned man and right now he was literally red. That’s how much incensed he was. This is why light skinned guys are only cute in high school because when we are grown you can’t have a man who turns into a tomato every time something happens! It’s embarrassing!
“Sfiso I …”
I stuttered. The words would not come out! It was a mixture of anxiety and fears neither of which are things are like within me. They both are definitely bad for the baby.
“Talk Lungi! You always have a lot to say now when it’s something important you are quiet?”
He shouted at me angrily with little darts of spit flying out like sharp arrows all over the place.
“Ok please don’t …don’t freak out!”
I pleaded with him.
“I am already freaked out can’t you see that! We have passed the point of no return already! What the fuck do you think this is? It’s not a game I am not here to play with you!”
He told me what I already knew.
“I am pregnant yes and I think it’s yours but I don’t need you I can take care of myself and my babies!”
I told him immediately. Without being offered he sat down on the couch and put his hands in his face. When he looked up he actually had tears rolling down his eyes! See what I said about light skin guys, crying for no reason like a slay queen that has not been paid after a good time! I was not going to ask him why he was crying though.
“I don’t understand though how? That time I am very certain we used a condom Lungile so how did this happen?”
He asked me. I got the impression that he wanted to deny the babies and I did not mind because the last thing I wanted was for him to become a problem in my life.
“I also don’t know how it happened believe me if I did I would tell you. That’s the reason why I did not tell you because how do you even start that conversation.”
I told him. I was becoming very good at lying lately. I seemed to almost always have a lie ready at the tip of my tongue.
“But I don’t get it, how can you not know didn’t the doctor give you dates as to when you could have had this? Were you with other people during that time?”
He asked me.
“I can’t tell you that!”
I immediately said trying to defend my honor because saying yes would really make me sound loose! He was insinuating even though he did not realize it that I had multiple partners.
“Like hell you can’t! What’s wrong with you? We have babies come along and you want to play saint on me! The reason why you don’t know what’s going on is because you don’t know who the father is!”
He accused me.
“You are the father ok but you know what I have already said that I don’t want anything from you! I will keep my babies and don’t worry I won’t one day wake up and ask for maintenance!”
I told him now finding my voice. I was not going to let a man dictate to me in my own house.
“Lungile what kind of a man do you think I am? I am not going to leave my children in the wildness like they want to be the next Messiah! I will raise my children and if I have to take you to court to do it I swear on every bit of decency left in me I will!”
He said without standing up. He was not joking either this man had every intention of not going anywhere.
“No offense Sfiso but you are not going to use my kids to replace your deceased child and wife!”
I told him defiantly. I know it was a low blow to be honest but this is what I foresaw happening. He had just lost his family and I think my children were what he was going to his as redemption.
“I can’t believe you would d say that and funny enough I had not thought of it that way. Do you think that this is Gods way of healing me?”
He asked his voice getting softer. The way he said that he had not thought of it made me realize that he had just heard this news.
“Are you going to tell me who told you this?”
I asked him.
“No I am not because you did not tell me yourself! Lungile I don’t think you appreciate how big this news really is and you are talking it as a game! You are pregnant with twins and these twins are mine!”
He said again.
“Wait, they will only be yours when they are born! Please don’t put pressure on me I don’t need it right now!”
I told him.
“That’s your problem! I want to be there for you every step of the pregnancy. You have already said it’s my kids so I won’t be going anywhere! We need to go to the doctor together to confirm the dates and all!”
He told me.
“Eh dude slow down! You know by law I don’t have to do anything I don’t want right?”
I asked him.
“Yes I know that but I am not your enemy! I have never been. I know I messed up when I left for England after your mother passed away and I can never make that up to you! I really am sorry for that!”
“Sfiso right now you and I are not going to date! I have a boyfriend!”
I told him.
“Really now no problem, he will help carry the pamphers for the babies because they are mine not his!”
He said dismissively. He can be so annoyingly funny at times.
“Did you really say that?”
I asked him.
“Of course! Twins needs lots of pamphers I can’t carry them all on my own! Goodness do you realize how much you are going to glow! I mean one child makes a woman glow but two surely you will be a light bulb by the time you give birth!”
He said and much as I was annoyed I laughed.
“Sfiso stop it! I have work to do and you have your answers! We need to sit down and talk properly about this because I don’t want this to mess up my relationship!”
I warned him.
“I am going to honor your wishes but I can tell you this right now, if that guy messes up I am coming to take my lady. You and I have something going for us and you don’t want to admit now but the dude will be you settling for less! I just thought I should put it out there!”
I told him. Sfiso was always over confident. He had that type of arrogance that made him sexy but I was about to be a mother now I needed someone serious I could rely on and Sfiso had moments where I was not sure I could fully trust.
“Ok then. Please go now I have work to do!”
I told him and he stood up. When he got to the door he turned around and looked at me,
“O honestly cannot believe that God has given me another chance! Thank you Lungile for coming into my life when you did. Thank you!”
He said and he walked out. This was stupid! Now that I was alone I could think straight! What the hell was I doing?
“I am so screwed!”
I said to myself. Was I going mad? Lately I have been talking to myself a lot. Is that normal? I wanted to be with Mbilahelo he made me feel protected and secure. He was not funny like Sfiso but a man who gives you stability is a God sent. The problem though was accepting him would mean having to tell him about Sfiso and he already made it clear that it was because of the twins that he wanted us to be together. I sat down for a second as I needed to think about this. My phone was on the counter so I decided that I should call Miriam and ask her for advice on this. She is the only friend I have who has juggled men at a regular basis and lived to tell the tale.
“Dude switch on your phone!”
I said when I got her voicemail. That’s when I felt it, a sharp pain in my lower abdomen which made me bend over in half.
I screamed in pain. I turned around to go back to the couch and there was blood, lots of it! Why hadn’t I felt it when I stood up! I panicked and dialed the last number to have called me.
“Sfiso come back now please I am in trouble!”
I told him putting down the phone.
“In trouble? What’s wrong?”
He asked me.
“I am bleeding!”
I cried as I doubled down in pain.
I told him as I lay on the floor a pool of blood accumulating between my legs.
Every time Sfiso was near me something happened!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you for posting my letter to the readers.
I’m a 26yr old girl who is working and independent. I’ve had my own share of bad luck with man to a point where I stopped believing in love. I’ve been single for almost 3 years now but I wasn’t looking. I recently met a guy and he is Nigerian. I really like him but I don’t want to invest my feelings in him because of a few reasons. First of all I don’t know what he does for a living as he is always available when I need him, and it doesn’t matter what day it is, he is always around in the morning, I’m saying this because when he comes through to my place during the week I leave him in the morning as I’m going to work. I haven’t asked him directly what he does for a living because I’m scared, he doesn’t like opening up about personal things. I don’t want to be stereotypic and think he might be selling drugs but I can’t dismiss the idea as well. And lastly my problem is not the fact that he is Nigerian but rather some of my friends are kind of xenophobic and I don’t think they would approve of the relationship, they will give me every reason not to date him. If the guy and I date I would like for him to have a decent relationship with my girls, but I’m scared they will judge me for going for a Nigerian guy when SA men are asking me out. I don’t want to be with him for his money as I don’t even ask him for it I genuinely like him, I’m so confused I need advising. I know this might seem stupid but really I don’t know what to do.
Thanks in advance.