Sometimes I think when God made us women he had not really thought this through. To start with if the bible is
anything to go by we were an afterthought if you read the story of creation. From being an afterthought we became his greatest mistake which got us kicked out of the Garden of Eden. From there not only did he command us to multiply but he also made sure we knew how painful it was going to be giving birth. This left us in Catch22 situation where we need and love children but getting that baby out is the most painful thing ever. I say all this because sitting in that gynaecologist chair was good for me but it was also deeply embarrassing. Imagine a man, a stranger to be exact seeing your secrets opened up like a gutted fish like this! I think of all health professionals I hate gynaes the most no wonder why women don’t go often to them.
“You have been very quiet!”
Ezile said to me in the car as we drove away. She was not wrong though it’s just that I had expected the news I had been told but not quite. Sometimes you just dot want to accept the truth even if it hits you in the face.
I asked her.
“Yup. I am even too scared to ask if everything went well!”
She added and I could see she was trying to keep her eyes on the road at the same time looking at me.
“I just have a lot on my mind but everything is fine!”
I told her. I needed a moment, a time out!
“If I was the one having twins I would be celebrating right now. Do you know how many delusional women come to the hospital to ask how they can increase their chances of having twins?”
She asked me. I wanted to be happy don’t get me wrong but how could I? Right now I had no job, was about to go through Sangoma training, I was about to go bury two people I did not necessarily like but I had to be there and above all I was alone! My mother had always warned me that if I was not careful I would end up alone. She had been right of course. Imagine having your first child at 30 or later. You literally limit yourself in the number of kids you can have if you want to have a sane old age.
“I know when you are not happy but its ok, nothing can’t resist ice cream though so am going to buy you a tub!”
She said thoughtfully. I did not respond because I was too lost in my thoughts at this moment. Ratladi had given me dates of possible conception and it was not Mbuso. He was out. I felt guilty though because my sister had gone back to her doosh piece of shit husband thinking that I was having a baby with the man who had just tried to engage her. This was messed up.
“I like Andiccios’ ice cream. Hagen Das is my favourite to be exact have you ever had it before?”
She asked me. I could see she was trying to shift my attention so I allowed her,
“Yeah I do. You have fine tastes but it’s flippen expensive and right now I am on a strong budget for the sake of the baby!”
I told her and she laughed,
“The babies Lungi the babies and they too need to taste the finer things in life. Don’t worry I am buying though!”
She said to me. We went and we bought and it was only about two hours later that found myself sitting all alone in my apartment thinking about what had happened with my gynaecologist. The real father as implicated by the dates had to know the truth. My impulsiveness is what had led me into all these problems and keeping this a secret will cause me more problems. I looked at my medical report and again I found myself counting the weeks even though they were written there.
“How can he be there father of my child?”
I asked myself. I stood up and paced back and forth in my apartment because now that this was official and confirmed I could not hide from the truth!
My poor sister.
I had done my sister wrong that’s for sure and I can judge her for falling for Mbuso so fast but I should have told her of our relationship. My phone rang throwing me out of this thought pattern.
I asked as I was not sure who the number was.
“Hey it’s Simba!”
He said on the other side.
I said coldly.
“Oh wow what have I done for that cold hello?”
He asked me.
“Let’s see, apart from abandoning me and leaving me to face these legal things on my own uhm…not much!”
I said with my voice dripping with so much sarcasm it was obvious that I was not happy with him.
“Lungi sometimes I feel like you don’t listen when I talk to you. There is an obvious reason why we could not and even now should not be talking!”
“Yet you are calling me right now! Ufunani Simba? Ngicela ungiyekele tu! Please leave me to suffer alone!”
I pleaded with him. Real friends don’t leave you under a bus alone, they actually stand by you. Look at my girls; they have all been coming through one by one.
“If that’s what you want well I don’t know. I was calling to tell you that I got you the job I promised. I friend of mine, ok I lie, a friend of a friend with connections found you a consultative job in the Ministry of Science and Technology. I submitted your CV through him and on Monday you must meet Human Resources for your interview at 10am.”
He said. For a moment there he just went quiet and so did I. He was expecting a thank you I know but I was so lost I just stared at the phone.
“Lungi are you there?”
He asked and I just had tears in my eyes.
“I am here and it’s not that I am not grateful but so much is happening right now I am overwhelmed. I am not in a good space and if attend that interview I might just embarrass myself and your friend.”
I confessed to him. I know that people would think I am stupid for not ceasing the opportunity but right now if anyone was to ask me who Lungile Mbatha, if I was to stand in front of the mirror and ask the reflection “Who are you” I honestly would not know.
“Goodness and the strings I pulled for this. That’s a lot of social capital but its ok I understand. I can’t cancel though because I would not even know when to start but I hope in the next 7 days you will change your mind!”
He said and with he dropped the phone. You know when you literally touch the disappoint through the phone. I could touch his and it was again justified like all my current problems.
It was time to call the father of my child but I did not even know where to start.
“Call him tomorrow!”
A little voice said to me but I did not want to listen to it. I wanted to get this over and done with. Maybe he would even come over so we could discuss a little matter of the twins. How do you however bring up a topic like?
“Oh by the way I am having twins by you!”
In this economy though. Azwindini had dodged a bullet because it was clearly not him but then again there was that calling and my aunt, my beautiful wise old aunt had made it very clear that only a surgeon can operate on you hence I needed his mother to lead me into this journey.
“How will you play this Lungi?”
I asked myself again out loud. It’s not only old or mad people that talk to themselves so please don’t judge me and think I was losing it or was I? Who stays sane with all these things happening in their lives?
“Make the fucken call Lungi!”
I said again and this time I dialled. I half expected to hear it ring from outside. It took a few rings before he picked up. I even thought it would go to voicemail which right about now I would not have minded. Ok it’s true I am a coward I accept.
“Ok I am very surprised by this call!”
He said as soon as he picked up. See that’s why I don’t call people, they act like they are too special to receive calls.
“Did you not want me to call you?”
I asked him.
“Of course I wanted to but after the rejection you have been throwing my way and even in front of your sister I guess I thought I should let you go before I start looking like a stalker! I know nowadays if a man pursues a woman too much it won’t end well. I don’t want to be called entitled!”
He told me and he was right. The rules of the game have changed. Even hitting on a girl is seen as men being entitled or chauvinistic if black Twitter is to be believed.
“Yes I know and it’s because men brought this upon themselves so don’t try and act like you the victim here!”
I snapped at him.
“You have been avoiding me and that is not cool at all! Anyway what’s up?”
He asked me.
“We need to talk, its important!”
I told him.
“Talk about what because I think I need to move on with my life. You not the coolest person you know!”
“Are you coming back on the bed?”
A female voice said suddenly from wherever he was.
“Are you with someone?”
I asked him.
“I am on the phone!”
He said to whoever he was talking.
“Sfiso come on hang up because your time is almost up! I have other clients coming!”
The female voice said again.
“Are you with a prostitute?”
I asked him angrily. I was so annoyed I hung up the phone without even waiting for the response.
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you so much for your time.
Hey guys and greetings to you all. Ok I am a mess. I got my first child when I was in high school in grade 11. I slept with my boyfriend and the condom broke. I even used a morning after but dololo solution I got pregnant. My mother was so mad at me she made me move to my grandmothers in the village. This was for about 6 months then she came back said sorry and took my son as though it was her son. My son even calls her mama. At school he registered under her because I was a student and she works for government so for medical aid and other benefits it’s benefitted her to be the mother. I went to varsity and got a job but yho I got too busy living I forgot that my first responsibility was my son. With new job and all I got a boyfriend and it never came up that my son was my son because of his relationship with my mother. Eventually boyfriend wanted to pay lobola and that’s when I brought up that the boy who calls me “sisi” is actually supposed to be saying “mama”. He was so disappointed he told me that he did not think I was fit to be a mother if I can’t acknowledge my child. I know I was wrong but did he overreact? I am not even sure what to think because yes I know I truly messed up but was I not justified. See why I say I a mess!
Please advise and is it possible to salvage this relationship because even the lobola negotiations are on hold.