This was embarrassing. As a woman not every man should see your panty and right now it felt as though every man in my life had done so. You work so hard not to feel cheap or like a slut
but reality is if you are honest with yourself and do the body count when you are done counting you will be left a little ashamed of yourself. I always thought I would graduate varsity by 23, have a husband by 27, a child by 28 and live happily ever after. I thought all this of myself yet here I was today, I had not achieved any of my targets. In fact I had lost all my dignity, my job and my sense of direction since this whole mess started. I was that very cheap woman I always feared I would be and what’s worse I did not even know which man I had let live his sperm inside me. Somewhere inside of me I had buried the lady that I thought I wanted to be. In her place was this fighting for survival person who did not know whether she was coming or going.
I ran out but Mbilahelo saw me.
“Are you leaving already you have not even seen my mum yet!”
He asked me.
“I can’t be here. I am not good around death and you know I recently lost my mother meaning this is too fresh a wound for me!”
I told him which was partially true. This was a family moment so I honestly don’t know what it was I was doing here!
“Ok then I was not thinking straight when I said you should come here. Thank you for coming regardless!”
He said to me. He was too busy to be fair to checking on me so I think he saw it as good reason that I should go home.
“Ezile where are you?”
I asked her.
“I am at home why? Is everything ok?”
She asked me.
“No it’s not ok Ezile! I had to be embarrassed by another doctor telling me that I am having twins when you did not tell me!”
I accused her angrily.
“Lungi I told you that you need to go for a proper check up and you refused. You can’t now accuse me because you failed to do as per my instructions!”
She said I thing angrily at me. Ezile never raised her voice and I am not sure I was even angry at her to start with.
“Now I have to go book a gynae and those people take long! Do you know any?”
I asked her.
“Yes I do but first apologize for coming at me like that! It’s not cool really!”
She said. I am like her to be honest; you can criticize me on anything else but not my work. I am a true believer of black excellence and I am excellent at what I do!
“I am sorry Ezile but I am freaking out right now. My mind had already accepted that I was getting one child so you can imagine my shock!”
I told her. The sad part is that this was not even about her I was angry at the fact that I did not know. I had not been reckless because I had used condoms at all times I think. I was not even sure anymore.
“It’s ok. I have a friend I know, just moved here from Bloemfontein so still building up a client base. I will call now and see if they can give us space today. Gynecologists do not come cheap though and charge R800 for consultation!”
She warned me. Its true through specialists charge you an arm and a leg just to sit in their waiting room. You will be very lucky if you find one who offers coffee! This is what makes me think that I chose the wrong degree sometimes.
“I don’t have a choice do I. Please do it, please make the appointment and if you are free please come with me! I don’t want to go alone!”
I told her.
“That’s fine I will come with you, let’s see what he says!”
She told me before she hung up. I must have misheard her because she said He but must be a mistake.
“He can only see you at 1730 so will come pick you up by your place!”
She said cheerfully. I was starting to learn that this girl was very lonely because every time I called her she seemed very happy to hear from.
“Ok cool thank please don’t forget. I am going to go home now and will just wait for you!”
I told her as I hung up. My things were at my mother’s so I had to drive there first. I was not looking forward to all the driving but it had to be done. When I got to my mother’s I found a strange car I had never seen before. It was an expensive car. I had to park at the gate because whoever it was had blocked the driveway.
As soon as I walked in I knew who it was, it was my sisters ex husband.
“What is he doing here?”
I asked my sister without acknowledging him.
“Shit you are back early!”
My sister said.
“We were about to leave!”
“Lungi please, I am sorry for what I put you and your family through!”
He said to me. I honestly did not know what to say to him.
“Lungi please it’s my decision don’t get mad please!”
My sister pleaded with me.
“Remember when mommy died! He came here with his 16 year old to pay his respects! He did not even have the courtesy to respect our mother who loved him so much yet he is sitting on the sofa like a pregnant cat!”
I reminded her. Why did God make us women so forgiving though? I remember how my sister had cried for him when she left but here she was even making him tea!
“I know but he has changed. Look he bought me a car, here are the papers it’s my name and everything! He is saying sorry!”
She told me. That explained the big car outside and although my sister was not a gold digger type there is no woman who is not flattered by expensive gifts.
“I hope he makes you happy but he is not welcome here! You know this and I know this! Mama would not like this so please take your friend and go with him!”
I told her. She did not argue and neither did he. I was not being dramatic nor was I being a bully. The way this man had hurt our family he could not stay here ngeke!
“I will call you later!”
She said. I could not even hug her for that matter. Just two days ago she was at Mbuso’s now here she was! What was happening with her?
“Yeah you do that!”
I told her as they walked past me. What was my sister thinking though?
“I am sorry again Lungi!”
He said as he walked past me too. I could have kicked him but I am a pregnant woman now I can’t be taking off my earrings for no reason anymore. I had twins to protect.
“What a loser!”
I said to myself as they drove out. He knew I did not like him and I was happy with that. I was not going to pretend to do so even for my sister. As I walked outside going to the car Mam’ Dolly came round to intercept me. She actually looked sad.
“Are you ok Mam’Dolly?”
I asked her. I had grown up next to this woman all my life so I knew when something was wrong with her. Right now something was wrong with her.
“I am not sure how I feel right now but I was just wondering if you have you gone to see Miriam lately?”
She asked me.
“No is everything ok?”
I asked her again. I really had not had a chance to go there nor to call her. I knew because they had fought the other day they were not in good terms.
“She has not called in a few days and I was just wondering. I miss her you know!”
She told me.
“Don’t worry she will call you.”
I reassured her. I was in a rush but I was going to give her a piece of my mind as soon as I got the chance. I had to go to Checkers to buy some things. My house was almost empty and sometimes this thing of leaving alone meant that you don’t always shop the way you should.
“Lungi where are you?”
My sister asked on the call.
“I am on my way home!”
I told her.
“Oh ok cool never mind!”
I told her. I decided that I should shop as much as I can because I already hate going to the shops anyway.
Someone said to me from behind me. I turned around and there was a young corporate type guy behind me.
I said back dismissively so as not to encourage him.
“I just saw and I could not resist but I had to say hi.”
He said to me.
“Really dude! Do those lines ever work?”
I asked him already annoyed.
“No they don’t because I really felt like saying hello. My name is Ratladi and I am new around her. Just trying to make friends!”
When guys tell you that they are new they are expecting to ask them where they came from so they can prolong the conversation.
“Ok! My name is not interested!”
I told him coldly and walked away. He actually laughed when I said that but fortunately did not follow me.
15minutes later I found myself with and fully trolley and on the till next to me there was that dude again he was actually behind me but on the next till. .
My till lady said when she was done with me. I took out my card to swipe then she looked at me with a gum chewing face and said,
She said it loudly.
“Maybe I put in the wrong pin!”
I told her annoyed at myself. The second time around I put in my pin more carefully and she looked at me and said,
What the hell?
“Is there an ATM nearby?”
I asked her.
“Yes just outside by the door!”
She told me as she took that CLOSED. Thing and put it behind me annoying the white lady who was following me.
I told the colonizer as I ran to the ATM. There was no line so I put in my card immediately, punched in my pin and tried to withdraw R1000.
“Account Error. No Funds. Visit Nearest Branch!”
At this point my heart was beating fast now. What the hell was going on? I could not even run away because the teller was looking me wanting me to hurry up. All the pride taken out of me I went back to her,
“Eish something is wrong with my card, I will have to leave this here!”
I told her.
“Don’t worry, some man came and paid for you. He said he is your friend Ratladi!”
She said. I just stood there stunned and embarrassed. I really prayed he was not waiting for me outside but I was also panicking. I pushed that trolley of mine quickly so as no one could stop me and I called that private banker of mine.
“Hi its Lungile Mbatha, I just went to the ATM and my card refused to work, what’s up?”
I asked him.
“Miss Mbatha hi, that should not have happened. Can I have your I.D. Number please so I can check? It should be a minor thing so don’t worry!”
He reassured me. I held on the line for about a minute then he said,
“This can’t be right!”
“What can’t be right?”
I asked him.
“Your account is frozen and there is even an advisory to refer this to my supervisor. I will have to call you back?”
Nthabiseng had warned me.
They had frozen my accounts.
I was scared.
*********The End ***********
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Last night I got the urge to write to someone and you were the only one I could think of. A friend of mine told me that you give advice and I really could do with one right now. I am 17 years old from PE and I was raped. I don’t know who to tell because on Saturday I went to a party which I was not supposed to go to. My father is a very strict man and I asked him if I could go and he said no. My mother does what my mother said. They went to bed early and my friends came to pick me up. It was a normal house party but there were older boys there. Someone must have put things in my drink because my friends found me in one of the rooms and they said they had looked for me for about two hours. I could not remember what happened or how I got there. My bum was sore and so was my vagina. I went home immediately. On Monday my friend and I went to the clinic from school. I told the nurse what happened and they gave me some medicines. She said I should tell my parents so that I go for proper check up but guys you don’t know my father. He once saw me standing with a guy, stopped the car and beat up the both of us. The guy had actually brought me notes from school as I was sick that day but to my dad I had lied that I was sick. I walked this boy to the gate. He is short tempered and always angry. My mother is scared of him. What do I do? I am so scared and alone. I feel violated and humiliated. Please keep me anonymous as this is so embarrassing. I failed myself and now I am being punished.