When things fall on your lap sometimes you have to adapt to them as they go. Being steadfast in your ways often means
that the world leaves you by and by the time you wake up to the new reality you are like an analogue watch in a digital era. Some things do come with regrets which will drive you away from whom you thought you are at the beginning. I always had a clear outlook of my life and this was not it. Two women chatting away in my kitchen, Londiwe in bum short pyjamas even. It did not even turn me on because of her rotten personality.
“Look whose up, the man of the hour!”
Naledi said sarcastically as I stretched.
“Imagine the women wake up before the men yet men are the ones who rule the world!”
She continued and the two of them laughed. It was late though and I don’t know how I had managed to oversleep. I said my grumpy good morning and went straight to shower. They both burst out laughing. I could hear them chatting away in the kitchen and they actually sounded happy. Naledi clearly had forgotten that Londiwe had beaten her up.
“We did not make you breakfast because well, who is your wife?”
Londiwe said when I walked back through the door.
“Who said I wanted breakfast?”
I asked them, that time my stomach was already having hunger pangs. I was not going to play games with them though because show these two weakness and they will eat up alive.
“I see so you will not eat lunch and supper as well because I have invited Naledi to sleep over a few nights until we sort this out.”
Londiwe said confidently.
“Ladies please let’s not do this please. I am not marrying two wives! I don’t believe in such things. I don’t care whether you are pregnant by me or not it’s just not going to happen!”
I told them. I picked up my keys to leave.
“Ah so you just going to leave without us fully discussing this?”
Londiwe asked me.
“Yes I am going to leave. I tried to talk to you yesterday but you both refused to listen. This is not for everyone. It’s not for me. Things like this are done by people who believe in them and I am not one of them. In my family there has never been a case of polygamy!”
I told them.
“So what you hardly know your family so no one cares. You can trail blaze your own path Vusi and come out of the shadow of others!””
Naledi said and she hardly knew about my family and me unless she had spoken to Londiwe of course.
“Naledi he does want us because cheating is what he prefers, right? You want to live kids lying around without being responsible for them? Do you know how much a child goes through when it grows up without a father?”
She said trying to guilt me.
“They are a lot of women who brag on social media how great they are as single mothers. In fact they drive it into us men that they can do better without us and advise other girls to stay single!”
I reminded her. This was not just a comment I was making she used to show me such texts on her Facebook when she read those letters.
“But we are not those women! We are women who need a man in our children’s lives right Naledi!”
She turned to her new bff.
“Yes right! Vusi think about this?”
She advised me. There was nothing to think about, this was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard of and besides are women not the first people to say that don’t marry someone simply because you got pregnant!
“I need fresh air.”
I told them which was going to be my exit strategy. I could not be here because the argument was starting again and on an empty stomach I was not going to win it anyway.
“By fresh air he means he is running away to his mother’s house! That’s what he does! Maybe he should just marry his mother!”
Londiwe said bitterly and that actually stung because I was going to my mother’s house but not because I was running away but to collect my things.
“No he must not go. We need him here!”
Londiwe protested to her.
“Don’t worry I have a plan!”
I heard her say. I did not hang around to hear what this ridiculous new plan would be so I left. I was hungry though and even with the two women in my house willing and wanting to cook for me I was not going to dare ask them to make food lest they think its official.
“Tumi where are you?”
I asked the only friend who I know was always ready to eat.
“I am not around. I left town and so should you with that psychopath trying to meet us in the Northern Cape!”
He said. I laughed.
“Dude you can’t be serious! He will not do anything to us it’s me he wants in any case!”
I reminded him but the dude was not hearing it.
“Just fix this mess man I am too young to die and all my women will miss me anyway! Who will pay maintenance for my kids?”
He asked me and I think that was meant to be a joke.
“Oh now they are your kids? You are forever running away from them!”
I reminded him and he laughed.
“It’s not them I am running from it’s their mothers. Some of these women I don’t know why I saw them as beautiful when I was with them because now I look at them and ask myself what the fuck was I thinking! I swear when you are with someone at the time they might look attractive but the moment you move on eish, they look like they eat grass!”
He said. Again that was funny because I found myself laughing yet again. The man was dramatic but needless to say he was refusing to come with me. My phone was ringing and it was a number I did not know.
I said when I picked up,
“Hey Vusi its Ezile!”
A female voice said on the other said.
“Ezi… Oh hey doc how are you?”
I said to her.
“I am good thanks and you?”
She asked me.
“Wait, is something wrong?”
I asked her because why else would the doctor call me.
“No silly nothing is wrong. I would have sounded more serious if something was wrong.”
“Mmmm ok phew you know when the doctor calls you it always feels like you have been bad!”
I told and she laughed.
“What are you busy with right now? Let’s have some brunch!”
“You want to eat with me? I should warn you I chew like a washing machine!”
I told her and she laughed,
“At least you don’t chew like you are hand washing a dish cloth so its fine!”
She told me and I laughed. I wonder what she wanted. She probably wanted to discuss Londiwe which I was ready for because anything pertaining to the baby I was attentive.
“Ok, something simple! I like Wimpy, I know its cliché but I love their Double Up breakfast!”
I told her.
“I am sorry I can’t do Wimpy, I have some self respect. Let’s do Sandton and I will choose! Don’t worry I am paying!”
She said and I laughed.
“Ok the Sandton it is then!”
I told her. I guess I was going to Sandton after all. I am not much of a fan for it because there are a lot of pretentious people in there especially young black girls looking for rich men. I know this because I have seen it.
“See you then!”
She said. There was no traffic even though it was raining which rare on its own. Black folks and driving in the rain is a recipe for disaster. It’s like no one told us to adjust our driving depending on the weather! We go in anyway disregarding the consequences. What’s normal on a dry road in clear light is very different in that in the rain were visibility is reduced is pretty reckless!
“Goodness that weather is a mess!”
I told her as soon as I got into the mall and I saw her!
“I beat the rain actually. I was in the area.”
She told me.
“You don’t look like you dressed for work, are you off today?”
She asked me.
“Yes I am hey. I was going to be bored at home so I figured let me call up an old friend and catch up!”
“I feel honoured that it was me you thought of even though I must say it’s so random! Last time we ate together in the same room was probably matric dance if you recall!”
I told her. That’s how long ago it had been. Today here she was a doctor and me on the verge of marrying two wives! The world works in mysterious ways.
“Yes I remember and Nandi and Thabang got caught in the hotel bathrooms and were kicked out of the dance! Whatever happened to them?”
She asked me as we laughed it off. In all schools there is a “Manando” you know those hard core kids who act like they were born under a trick who don’t give a hoot about anything. They fight teachers, students, rules, the system you name and often they don’t have direction. In my school we had two, Thabang was the guy and he was a total mess. Nandi was just a bully that beat up other girls for fun. The irony though was how pretty she was.
“In prison somewhere I suppose! I never saw them after we left school and last I heard Thabang was a policeman!”
She said and we laughed.
“God help us!”
“So I promised you brunch so where would you like to go?”
She asked me.
“I feel like a steak!”
“So early in the morning?”
I asked her. This woman was not looking for breakfast this was truly brunch.
“You lead then!”
I told. I felt for my pocket to make sure I had my wallet because I was not going to make her pay. It’s not how I was raised.
“This is the Butchers Grill but I am sure you have been here before, everyone has!”
She said when she took me to some restaurant in Nelson Mandela Square. I was already thinking of the bill now that I had committed myself to paying.
“I have never been!”
I lied to her to make her feel like she had discovered quite the gem. I had been here enough times. That started the most beautiful date I had ever been on.
“You know you are actually a funny guy Vusi? In high school you were always so serious and I used to think it was because you wanted to be a prefect!”
She said and we laughed. Its true and I did not get to be one. She of course was Head Girl and a snitch of note. This girl used to send her own friends for detention that’s how much she could not be counted on.
“Yeah if I was a teacher’s pet like you I would have been!”
I said to her.
“Oh wow spicy indeed but it had it perks. They put extra attention on me when I asked for help at school simply because I was nice. Look at the student who thought they were bad ass what happened to them?”
She asked me and she was right. Teachers are human too and you treated them bad, they treat you bad.
“Good morning Vusi!”
A voice said from behind me. I turned around and there was Naledi’s father. He was smiling,
“I just heard the good news from Naledi!”
He said and hugged me.
“Good news what good news?”
I asked him and he smiled and he hugged me gain.
What the fuck?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Dear Mr Mike and fellow readers.
Thank you Mr Mike for keeping us entertained as well as educating us.
I am 24 years old and I am have been dating a guy for 4 months now .. I am a virgin and I am planning to keep it until marriage. I let this guy know of that fact a week into the relationship so he could have the opportunity to leave me if he wanted to but like most guys I have dated he said he wants to stick around. Now 4 months down the line, he says he is really struggling and although he doesn’t want to leave me .. things are difficult on his side. So now I have a lot going on in my mind
1. Should I let him go, but if i do am I ever going to find a guy who will wait with me until marriage or will I die alone ?
2. I have been thinking about giving him the blessing of getting a “friend with benefits” type of situation. But my fears with that are what if he falls for the “friend” or looses interest in our relationship? And by openly allowing it or rather giving my blessing for this to happen, am I diminishing my worth ? Will that somehow give him a platform to disrespect me ?
3. Lastly, am I being unrealistic or unreasonable ? How can we reach some form of compromise?
What do I do guys, I would really appreciate your opinions.