Sometimes when faced with so much you just give up. Its times like this when you feel like you are being set up for something and everyone else seems to see it except you. It’s like this, your friends can find you a person they will
think is good for you and will all work in unison to make sure that you see it that the person is for you. The problem is even if they are right; if you don’t see it you don’t see it. I was with Londiwe for a long time. I had loved her against all tides and they were many against me to be honest and now that I was finally pulling away from her the same people were changing their minds? There had to be more to this than I could see outright. My mother was not someone who stopped hating people for the fun of it. That woman could keep a lifetime grudge because of her pride which is why something had to have happened for her to change her mind on Londiwe. She was also not the apologizing type either so and to get to Londiwe she had to have apologized. I smelt a rat here because there had to be more going on.
“I am making supper! I didn’t know you were coming and I had taken out pork. I know you don’t like it that much I can change it!”
Londiwe said busying herself. I don’t if it’s something they are taught in KZN because Londiwe loved cooking for me. It’s the one thing she took pride in especially when I was there to show me how much of a good wife was.
“Its ok you don’t have to do that. I will eat whatever is there!”
I told her. She would busy herself chopping and frying just to please me and make small talk. It’s like she was a child again playing house with the kids next door. She would even take offense when I wanted pizza or take out because it meant I was not appreciating her cooking.
“Oh that’s great then because you know that you are such a fussy eater. If I didn’t know better I would say your mother spoilt you when you were young and let you eat whatever you wanted!”
She said laughing.
“No it’s not that hey I just don’t like certain things that’s all!”
I responded. When I was young I used to suffer from tummy aches so my choice of foods was limited. I just learned to be cautious with what I ate after that.
“We need to go on a diet though because the two of us are actually fat now. I tried on those white jeans you bought me the other day and I could not even close the zip. It could be the baby who knows but I did not like it.”
She said and that was the first she had brought up the pregnancy since I got back. This was the real reason why things had fallen apart between us and I think she mentioned the baby on purpose to check if I still remembered that she was pregnant.
“When last did you speak to my mother?”
I asked her.
“That’s a random question but when she was away she called me a few times. She said she was just checking up on me and all which was rather strange because that woman thinks I am sidewalk spit gum hey!”
She said. I was trying to establish why the change of heart from my mother because something had to have happened.
“Oh I see. Did you guys fix things between the two of you?”
I was trying to be subtle without giving it up that I was interrogating her and so far she seemed chatty so she was talking.
“I am not sure here she was nice to me though telling me how she would want to be a great grandmother but you know me I don’t trust that woman. She will go sell my baby at Marabastad so I told her yes that’s fine but no offense I did not mean it.”
She responded without hesitation. Her mind was made up on my mum which should have been the same thing from my mother towards her but alas, here we were!
“None taken I understand. When have you planned to see each other next seeing now you are friends on the phone?”
I asked her. I had so many questions but I needed to get to the bottom of this.
“See her? Friends? No Vusi you are getting ahead of yourself. Your mother and I will never be friends. That woman hates me and tried to break up my marriage. Do you have any idea how painful it is for a woman when someone does that to you?”
She asked me. I could hear what she was saying but for some reason I did not sense an anger inside her when she said that. What was going on? Normally a talk about my mother would leave her boiling but right now we might as well be gossiping of the neighbours.
“Ok I am sorry I did not mean to bring up bad memories I was just asking!”
I told her.
“Nah no bad memories here nor will I hold a grudge. I want my baby born stress free and I forgive your mother of everything but I will never trust. An axe might forget who it cut but the tree stump left behind will never forget who cut it! That’s me!”
There she was going to speak in riddles.
“I am craving a chicken salad hey!”
She said randomly.
“But you made pork!”
I told her.
“Yeah so what! I am pregnant so I am allowed to crave whatever I want!”
She said laughing. She went on to make the chicken salad from left over chicken and we ate about an hour later. I watched her as she put the dishes away. She was in a good mood and she kept on talking about the future. I did not understand this woman and at this point I did not understand myself. It was dangerous and unfair to lead her on.
“Londiwe please come sit down I am sure the dishes will be there in the morning!”
I told her and she laughed it off.
“I am almost finished. Why don’t you watch TV or something whilst I finish up because I can see that you are getting bored?”
She advised. I had not even noticed that the TV was off as I had so much going through my mind.
“I can always watch TV later for now I think we should talk!”
I told her but she was hearing none of it as she continued with what she was doing.
I said again.
“We need to talk about something important!”
I told her putting more sincerity in my voice. She could see that I was serious and tense.
“Vusi whenever you say we need to talk things don’t always end up well for us. Are you not tired of all these talks that we have which make us fight? Can’t we just sweep this one under the carpet and move on please love!”
She pleaded with me but what I had to say needed to be said.
“I am sorry but it needs to be done now sooner rather than later!”
I told her. I felt bad because she looked very optimistic that I would not say whatever it is was on my mind.
“Ok then! What’s up?”
She said sitting down pensively.
“You know things haven’t been well with us lately right?”
I asked her.
“I know that very well but that’s not enough for me to give up on us and it should not be for you either!”
She said already getting defensive.
“I did not say that but after what I have to say I think you will change your mind.”
I told her. She looked at me with concern in her eyes as it dawned on her that I was indeed serious and this was something that could mean that.
“You know sometimes I wonder if you do things to deliberately hurt me. I don’t understand why though because you know, the whole world knows everything I do is to show you that I love you. That’s all I do.”
She said. She was not crying though which was a bonus but the way she said that made me want to cry. It was true what she had said that she was always trying to show me that she loves me whereas I was the one trying to push her away.
“I am sorry that things have turned out like this between us but once upon a time I felt I was you right now. I wanted nothing but the best for us but oh well that was then and this is now!”
I told her.
“Listen to the way you said that. You did not even attempt to fix our problem but instead sought to justify why you keep on wanting to hurt me. Is this the new Vusi? Is this how much your mother turned you against me?”
She asked me and I saw where this was going. We were going into another fight and this was not what this next conversation was about.
“Londiwe please let’s not go there. All I said is that I have something I want to tell you and you are not allowing me to!”
I told her again. This time she came and she sat in front of me but with her arms crossed against her chest.
“Yeah I am here! You can say whatever you want to say!”
She said almost defiantly. I think she had steeled herself on whatever it is I had to say which under the circumstances was hard to do.
“This is not meant to hurt you in any way nor was it done one purpose. It was purely an accident and before I start I must emphasize how sorry I am for this!”
I told her.
“Vusi just say it!”
She said to me.
“I made another woman pregnant!”
I told her. I don’t know why I said another woman like I could make a man pregnant but that’s how it came out. She stared at me blankly for about 10 seconds without batting an eyelid before she then said,
“I don’t understand!”
She said dumbly or defiantly I am not sure what’s the right word is but that was what she asked.
“I did not want to surprise you down the line with this but I slept with someone else and she is pregnant!”
I told her. I thought it would have been easier to tell her considering how much distance had gone in between the two of us but it didn’t work like that. I felt bad as was.
“Who is it?”
She asked me.
“Its not important righ…”
I did not finish that because screamed angrily,
“Who is it?”
I am sure everyone heard that because this was at the top of her lungs.
I told her. She looked at me and she stood up.
“Please sit down…”
I started to say but before I could even react she slapped me hard across my face.
I deserved that.
She had tears in her eyes as she walked out of the house in the dark evening sky.
I had just broken her heart.
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Happy 2018 guys, hello to Mike and all the readers. Thank you for taking time out to read my letter.
My life is a mess guys and I put myself in this situation now don’t know how to get out of it. Last year I was dating a guy whom was not really husband material. It was just a fling but it was a nice fling. I liked one of his friends whom he introduced us to but because we were already dating I could not even hint at the guy that I am looking. Anyway as fate would have it my best friend went through a bad break up and one day I pushed the friend to give her some rebound sex as she was dying of salt. She did not want to date him that’s for sure because we don’t have the same taste in men but you know how sometimes you let down you guard and feba nyana! She slept with him twice and told me how great he was in bed. I was not supposed to be jealous but I was. I then went on to break up with my fling (he went back to his ex) and we moved on. We all kept in contact. My best friend then got a new guy and when they wanted to double date I told her I had no date and she hooked me up to my exes’ friend. We did not do anything weird nor did we sleep together. The problem is I can’t stop thinking about him and I want to talk to him all the time. He has not made a move on me and I know my bestie won’t like it if I sleep with him. Its gross even I accept that.
How do I get rid of these thoughts before I mess up my friendship?