Young Employed and Single

YES 193

I need therapy.

Yes that’s what I need. I need therapy. Being told that I can go to jail was humbling indeed. How did it get here really? A few months ago I was a rising superstar in my industry now they were talking about me going to jail? Who was this person whom in the morning when I looked in the mirror I did not recognize? When was the last time I even did my hair? When was the last time I opened a book to read? I had become this zombie whose day to day existence was one calamity to the next. I did not need this in my life.

“But why would I be going to jail? I did nothing wrong!”

I asked and told her at the same time. What scared me is that she seemed convinced of it.


She should not do that. That is not news you tell someone offhand and expect them to be normal.

“I know you did nothing wrong but a lot of people don’t realize that when things have political implications when the law comes it takes the grass too! It’s not just the elephants that fight and are scathed!”

She explained and this was not comforting at all. My facial expression surely said it all and even the horror in my voice was unmistakeable.

“I am not saying this to scare you but to show you that we are not top of a situation which already is a serious one. As your lawyer I have to look out for you but I cannot do that without telling you what is going on. Our job is to make sure that you won’t get caught up in the tsunami when it comes!”

She reassured me but she was not convincing at all. I was about to go into panic mode when she said,

“Lungi I am going to say this again, the reason why I called you to tell you all this was to make sure that we make sure that you don’t end up there!”

She explained once again. I could hear her yes I just did not believe everything she had said.

“But what can I do I don’t know what’s going on to start with!”

I told her and yes I did not. I was so confused I even felt dizzy trying to wrap my head around everything. It was too much to take in at once.

“I know but you have to be even wearier now of the company you keep. It’s super important that you understand that. I can’t ne coming to bail you out with some of the shady people that you end up with!”

I knew what she was implying.

“I never hang around with such people. I am scared Nthabi I honestly don’t know what to do now!”

I told her. She did not seem to have words for me.

“Listen, I am your lawyer and I am supposed to warn you of any impending dangers rights. That day might never even come so I was saying that we need to look out for that, that’s all!”

She told me yet again. I know she could see that she had lost me already as the fear swept over me.

“Its ok I understand. I need to go now. I have to think. There is no way I am not taking this hard hey but I will be fine.”

I responded to what she had said with that. She tried to stop me from leaving but I insisted and I left. I wanted something to distract me and that moment it was not her. I had to go find. For myself what this who Steinhoff really was.

“Be careful out there!”

Nthabiseng said to me as she walked me drive away. She had insisted to take me to my car and even offered to get me an Uber but I was fine on the Uber. If there is one thing I don’t like its people showing up at my house unannounced. I consider it rude. Miriam had not been taking my calls and it was my duty as a best friend to show up for her even when she was not in the space for guests. I stopped by the shops and bought her a fruit basket. When I got to her gate I hooted but she did not open. I did not bother calling her I called Bongani,

“I am by your gate, Miriam is not opening!”

I told him when he picked up.

“Eish she has been in a funk. She is probably in there in bed crying. When people are there she acts strong as though everything is fine but when I get home I see that she has been crying. It’s really bad and I am scared she will do something stupid!”

He told me.

“So why would you leave her alone though? Why didn’t you call me?”

I asked him a bit annoyed at him.

“And get her even angrier. I consulted a psychologist friend of mine and she said she needs time to grieve alone in her own way so I am trying that but I am so scared.”

He explained.

“I can imagine. What else did you psychologist say?”

I asked him.

“Remember the lady back home, that’s also going to become an issue because now that she has lost our child she is going to blame herself and compete with her!”

He explained meekly.

“That part is your fault and I still haven’t given you my piece of mind on it! You hurt Miriam so much with that and I know you think you got away with it scot free but you did not.”

I warned him. How could I forget how we had bumped into him in the mall with another woman who had an army of his kids holding hands?

“Eish please let’s focus on the matter at hand. I am going to open the gate for you. The back door is often open so from there you should be fine. If you can’t just call me so that I can open and close for you again!”

He said clearly running away. I had touched a nerve but ok that was not a matter for now but for later. All these things we kept sweeping under the carpet will come back and haunt us. The gate opened in front of me and I drove in.


I called out as soon as I started knocking. She did not answer but I could hear music in the house. She was playing gospel. I went and rang the bell. With the music playing inside I could not hear whether or not someone was coming so I waited and did not stop ringing it. I did not want to go round the house for fear that you walk into someone’s house and they mistake you for a criminal and shoot you.

I called her husband.

“I am knocking but no one is answering. There is music play…”

I started to explain when the door opened.

“Never mind she just opened!”

I said to him hanging up and there she was in the flesh.

“Oh it’s you!”

She said. She was absolutely filthy!

“Miriam when was the last time you bathed!”

I asked her. I could even smell her and that’s not a joke!

“Hello to you too!”

She said stepping back into her house. I guess I was supposed to delicate with her but there was no time for that.

“You need to bath!’

I told her immediately. She went straight to sit on the couch. The house was a mess again. I thought the other day we had fixed it but dishes had piled up and flies were everywhere!

“Can Bongani not what dishes?”

I asked her.

“That one? He is too much of a man for that! When a woman is in the house it’s her job!”

She said dismissively.

“I hardly believe that!”

I told her. She had not chased me out yet so I got emboldened and opened all the curtains and windows.

“I deserve this you know!”

She said and the tears ran down her cheeks,

“What do you mean?”

I asked her.

“I am glad I lost the baby. It was a punishment. The baby was not even his and I was about to lie to him and make him raise someone else’s child!”

She said to me and that broke my heart. Yes she was wrong for what she had done but now that she was blaming herself for it I was not sure that was the way forward.

“You can’t say that come on. No one should ever be glad of losing a child so don’t let people hear you say that!”

I told her.

“I am glad I lost the baby. I am glad. Now I do not have to leave a lie my whole life! I have gotten what I deserved! I don’t care what other people think!”

She said to me looking down.

“Perhaps we should since we live in a world full of other people some of them with strange beliefs!”

The way she was talking I did not want her saying these things out loud in our neighbourhood where I know there will be always some resourceful person who would find a reason why to link this to witchcraft.

“I don’t know what I was thinking though! I mean Bongani is nice and all, I love him even but that’s because I learned to that! I don’t think I deserve him. He has been good to me!”

She explained.

“What are you going on about?”

I asked her.

“Don’t you get it? I loved him because I was pregnant and I was scared. Now with the baby gone I don’t want this anymore, I am meant to be free, I am meant to be more than just a house wife!”

She said and I just stood there.

“You can’t be serious! You have stability in your life more than anything else. You are happy. Do you want to be hopping from bed to bed because of your freedom?”

I asked her.

“I am more mature now but with the way I grew up did you really think that one man will satisfy me forever? I love men and I love men giving me attention! Marriage is not for me, it’s for others who accept to wither and die under the heel of a man!”

She explained. She stood up and went to the kitchen to drink water.

“I am going to ask him for a divorce Lungi. The jig is done. I can’t live this lie! I am sorry!”

She said.

I just stood there.

***********The End**************

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

Mr. Maphoto thank you for reading my letter. Its 2018 already and I must say congratulations on what you have achieved here. I am not much of a reader but my colleague says your people give good advice and has helped me compile this letter.

I am 47 and I have been married to my wife for 22 years now. Before we got married my wife had a 4 year old daughter and her father had disappeared. I raised her as my child and she has truly never known any father but me. Around the age of 16 she started acting out and whenever I reprimanded her she would remind me that I was not her real father. My wife at first would fight her for that but with time she stopped. We have other kids, two boys but with her being the only girl I put extra attention on her. I am a decent loving father and I did not want my child to end up sleeping with every man on the street. I know what men are like. By Gods grace she got to university. She did not qualify for a bursary but we had saved up well enough. She graduated last year and that’s when she dropped the bombshell. She said she was getting married and did not want me to give her away. She wanted her biological father to have that honour. It hurt. In all the years I raised her he never once sent her r5. He never bought her clothes, paid fees nor simply buy his daughter a sweet! What hurt even more was that her mother agreed with her and said something about ancestors not being happy if her real father does not give her his blessings. I asked her where these ancestors where when I sat in hospital with her sick at night, when I loved that girl every day she was supposed to be my daughter. I never saw them once; they never put food on our table and did not drive her to the matric dance! I did that! I am so angry I even want to divorce the mother! How can she say that? How can she side with such a thing? I might sound selfish but when you raise a family you get to be selfish because you love them. I want the best for my daughter like any father should but this is a slap in my face. I feel insulted.

Am I overreacting? How should I handle this? Does the mother respect me?

Thank You


49 thoughts on “YES 193

  1. Miriam has no chill shame

    Hhay I want to advice but yo letter just got me very emotional and pissed at that woman where were ancestors all along?

  2. DG. Your wife is STUPID sorry to say. If you haven’t spoken to her already about your feelings and thoughts on all this I say you sit her down and do so. If she insists on her stupidity rethink your marriage. There’s more to this than meets the eye.

  3. DG umfazi wakho kodwa ungenwe yini????Really where were these ancestors all along…this child is ungrateful and your wife is stupid nje qha…she should have taken your side on this. Umsizile wayikhulisa kahle ingane as your own and still want the best for her nangoku. Sit her down and just explain to her how you are feeling about this ungathethi and don’t ask pquestions just tell her about your feelings and then let her decide. As for divorce ayi angazi noma this qualifies as a reason nah, but serioussly a marital evaluation needs to be done.

  4. That’s really sad. You should have this discussion with your wife and tell her how all of this makes you feel. I hate it it when us woman have no problem making other man take care of our kids but then when it really counts we can tell them but you are not really their father. Sorry man, I really hope you and your family can work it out.

  5. The unfortunate reality is that this marriage has long been dead and you either chose not to see it or maybe you chose not to accept it. Your face mistake was allowing your wife to allow her not to call you her father. Most women I know when they remarry with a child make sure that their child identifies with the new man as their father. He is never ever an uncle or a step father. You now have now decide whether the marriage is worth it or not and the truth is it’s not. You are going to lose your sanity with her and I am afraid you might do something reckless because of it. Divorce therefore is my recommendation

  6. The Child could not just disrespect you out of the blue when you have been there for her from an early age, i would like to believe that your wife has been in contact with her baby daddy and the daughter met with him, they rekindle their love. all the good has been forgotten.

    i have a cousin who was raised by a stepdad from around that age as well when she was in college her mother introduced her to her real father without the knowledge of the stepdad and thats where the disrespect came from. since my cousin met her real dad she no longer respects the stepdad like she used to.

    1. Pearls I got the same feeling about this one, this woman hadn’t been honest to her husband, she obviously rekindle with her ex and now they are playing a poor guy! I mean where was this guy really when this poor husband was raising his daughter? So he just sat at the corner waiting for her to succeed so he can come claim her as his! Aye this mother is selfish nje!

  7. Ancestors zikabani? The biological father’s? If yes then these ancestors were ok with their own neglecting his own blood but will not be ok with u walking the daughter down the aisle? My advice 2 u is to tell yo daughter and wife how u feel if they decide 2 still go on then dont stop them..lomntu will show his true colours then bazobuya kuwe en apologise bazibone ubudenge

  8. you are right to be feeling betrayed. What they are doing is wrong. Its not worth your marriage thou. Accept that having the biological father give her away is their wish, let them have it. Give them a long rope to hang themselves.

    I have no doubt in my mind this father will dissapoint them eventually. Let him give her away. This shows maturity on your part and shows you want what is best for them. If it is the biological father, so be it. Maybe this is your daughters way of asserting her independence. Show her you are willing to support her decisions like you have always done. She will realise she has a diamond in you all on her own.

    You’re doing great!!! This is just one sacrifice you’ll just have to make for the good of your family. Trust me, the best option is not to fight but support. In the end you’ll come out smelling like roses. Rather than fight, Accept and cooperate

  9. Your wife is such a disappointment, I suspect that your wife and step daughter has been in contact with this men. They are just using ancestors to blind you. I also suspect that your wife is the one behind all that because most girl child always listen to their mothers. Just divorce this woman and move on, she is selfish

  10. Truth be told if I was you I will be checking if those other kids you have are yours. The way you are being discarded here shows there is a lot more to this woman than meets the eye.

  11. Yes, where were those ancestors all along? why didn’t the very same ancestors remind the biological father that he has a daughter to fend for? why would they wanna claim a daughter that I’m sure didn’t even get rituals as a child to be introduced to the same ancestors. TF! I understand where you coming from for being angry. Ask your is she willing to put your marriage under a rock just so that the biological father can have his way with the daughter he didn’t raise? Believe me its the biological’s fathers idea all this nonsense, they agreed to it and all they(mother & daughter) had to do is break it to you…

    This is the very same reason why men wouldn’t want to raise step kids, because they are all grown and working now they all of a sudden remember they have fathers somewhere.

  12. Hi DG..
    being a step daughter that has known only one man her entire life as her father and I’m 27 this year.. I really feel your pain. I’m sorry about this. May God give you his wisdom on how to go about this situation and grant you healing and peace that surpasses all understanding.

  13. Divorce is rather drastic. I can understand that you are hurt and angry but to go and divorce your wife also turn the lives of your other children upside down. Is it really worth it? Are your feelings more important than the lives of your other kids?
    The main reason why they want the biological father to walk her down the isle is because they want the lobola to be paid to him as well. I say, sit with your wife and your daughter preferably in a restaurant and talk. Restaurants, especially those high end expensive ones where there is 2 black customers for every 10 white ones, are the best spot to address heavy issues. This is because the environment forces everyone to be calm and not cause a scene with emotional outbursts and shouting. They will be embarrassed if they raise their voice and all the pink faces turn towards them.

    Tell your wife how you feel about this and why. Explain to them that if they are not willing to change their minds about it then you will accept their decision and not fight it , however, you will distance yourself from the whole wedding and marriage thing. You will not have any input be it financially, logistics or even emotionally. You will go to her wedding as a guest. In the marriage when she starts experiencing problems, she may not come to you she must consult with the father who gave her away as you cannot catch it at the tail. If you did not set the terms upon which this guy may take her as the wife, you can’t then be expected to call him out if he doesn’t comply. When you have said your piece , then let it go and let things happen as they may.

  14. DG, sesbadala masbangaka, and if you have never had a parent that was not present from your childhood then you will not/never understand. there is always that thing/void in someone raised by a “single” parent, which is why even at the age of 30 or more you find people who have had a fulfilled life still wondering and looking for the other parent… I understand that you are hurt, but also look at it from the child’s perspective (a child who has had a missing/unpresent parent in their live). You played a huge role in the child’s life, but you can never fill the void (usually that void is an optimistic perspective of what the parent you didn’t know is like, because they where never present, and the child does not know the kind of person that parent is, they tend to be drawn to them) her real father left.
    I am sorry for what you are going through, but its life.
    and tour wife is probably feeling guilty about denying the child access to their real father, its called “Mommy Guilt”

  15. I understand your anger and frustration but I don’t think it’s worth losing your marriage. Speak to your wife again and explain how this is affecting you. If they want to continue, let them go on with their plan.
    It might be the father was always in the daughter’s life but you were not told. I refer to your letter were you state that as a teen she always referred to the fact that you are not her real dad. Why would she say that? Why didn’t the mother reprimand her? Another option is to talk to the biological father without the 2 ladies. Get his views on the matter and maybe he might be embarrassed to walk a daughter he doesn’t know down the aisle. Good luck with everything

  16. DG, I’m so sorry for the betrayal, it must be so painful. I think the blame lies with your wife more than your daughter, she is supposed to be the one in control of the situation. I know it must hurt, I’m hurting on your behalf right now because some of us were not fortunate enough to have caring biological fathers or stepfathers, and by what you have described, I would have been happy if I had a stepfather like you. But for your own sanity, I would advice you to let it go, let it all go and watch the Universe do its work. Marriage needs a solid foundation from the building of the relationship right through the marriage itself, so if your stepdaughter wants to be handed over by the very same person that “threw” her away when she needed him most, then let her voluntary get thrown away again. Let’s see how he will help her when she needs his support during the tough times in her marriage, seeing that she is choosing him over you now at this happy time of her life, let her choose him again when things are not so happy, let’s see if this person won’t repeat the same mistakes and run off because the kitchen is hot. Wena just sit back and watch. Do not wish them any harm or ill-will at all, do what you have to do to stop hurting, but just leave it all to life to humble your stepdaughter and your wife because by them choosing this guy for this crucial part of the wedding, they are building their own foundation so let them be. I know a couple of people that fell into that trap and when it was time for the deadbeat to prove his worth he became a magician again and disappeared, and unfortunately by that time its already too late, they can’t unwalk down the isle and choose the person that deserved to have that moment, now they are living with regrets and a tarnished relationship with their step parent. So leave it all to life daddy, go tla loka.

  17. DOAZG ladies and gents all of you are encouraging the divorce idea why are we destroying 22 years of marriage over 1 day of walking down the aisle.

    We don’t even know the mum side

    Are any of you in the situation for you to make all these comments.

    Batoung let’s not add petrol to an unnecessary fire.

    @step dad how about a compromise why not walk her out of the house and let dead beat dad be the laughing stock that he is and walk her down after all everyone knows that he was nothing but a sperm donor.

    You did well by her she is now an adult let her make her mistakes and she will learn from them.

    Thank you for not being a dead beat step dad
    Thank you for not molesting her like some step dad’s do.
    Thank you for being a positive male role model.

    We appreciate you, we salute you.

  18. Hey fam thank you thank you Mikey

    Man you have need used your wife is the master mind behind all this.kodwa dont give them what they expect ,give them support and watch how all they have been doing behind your back unfolds

  19. DG I cant even begin to comprehend the betrayal you feeling. Take LadyZee’s advice since they don’t recognise you as the father after all you’ve done don’t contribute anything to the wedding just go there as a guest. And make sure no ceremony is performed in your house. I’m sure the ‘biological father’ and his ancestors will handle everything. Lastly pray , pray that you don’t lose yourself over this. Stay Strong, May God be with you tata.

  20. DG this is indeed a very complex issue. If i were you I’d also be betrayed, i mean investing so much and then have it thrown in your face. My heart broke from reading this letter. Ewe he is a deadbeat and as much as it hurts she has the right to get to know who her biological father is, without him you wouldn’t have had the privilege of raising your daughter whom you love with all your heart. But if i were in that situation i would encourage you both walk her down the aisle, because by choosing one she is rejecting the other. I will not comment on your wife because for the life of her i pray that she knows what she is doing.
    Wena just be content in the fact that you raised her well and trust that your daughter knows what she is doing, don’t forsake her for this. Let her make this mistake, perhaps it will teach her to appreciate the important people in her life.

  21. nna I would claim all that I maintained the child with for the rest of her life from the biological father…..taking u for a tide nx…. I also suspect that the mother was in talks with the father behind your back

  22. Thanks Team…
    @DG – yes you have every reason to be dissappointed and angry but don’t be suprised, umuntu lo, and uzokumangaza! You can do everything right according to your books for a stepchild, but once the blood is thicker than water talk starts – everything that you have ever done for them is long forgotten. One should always leave room for dissappointments when it comes to stepchildren. DG – divorce is a bit drastic, but you have to let your stepdaughter have her way. Izingane ziyohlezi zisiphoxa singabazali, and into ebuhlungu la ukuthi uMah wakhe uyamvumela – and the reason is very simple – she places her daughter’s happiness over yours. Let her be! After all it is her day! I wouldn’t say stop contributing towards the wedding, but whatever you put in – let it be equal to monies that you wouldn’t mind forfeiting, b’coz it’s similar to putting it in an abyss. Be the better person, and move on from this, don’t ask / argue / fight them on this, your wife will come back to you asking for forgiveness, her conscience will be chowing her. If you are a spiritual person, pray some more, pray like you have never prayed before! You will find peace and tranquility in your life, can’t say the same about your wife and stepdaughter. Don’t forget your other children, spend more time with them just to distress and just continue loving them, coz they haven’t done anything wrong to you. I wish you all the best DG!

  23. I blame your wife. she’s supposed to control the situation and I get the feeling she’s not. like every one said talk to them. tell them u not happy with all this and if they still insist then let them be. Goodluck dear

  24. Don’t contribute anything to that wedding, see how they survive and definately change your Will, don’t leave anything for your wife and stepdaughter esp your stepdaughter. Divorce or not, if you do it’ll be understandable though but forgive them (I know it’ll be hard) for your own peace and sanity, be calm and give them a rope to hang themselves.
    I was raised by a good stepfather too although him and my mom are divorced. I do see my biological father, didn’t raise me though, still the deadbeat he always was hence he’ll never walk me down the aisle noma angazenzani. All he sees in me is money yet angazi ne cent lakhe, he’s mad if he thinks my mom raised me well and proper to be taking care of him, f&$% tradition and to what end are black people going to stop using tradition as an excuse for these nobodies to be glorified for being sperm donors?!? Mcm! I wish I had a stepfather like you, your step daughter doesn’t know what she has shem.
    You know how daughters marry men who are like their fathers, watch karma and see her husband be twice the deadbeat that her biological father is.
    I’m sorry for what you’re going through, this situation is very close to home for me, I feel so sad on your behalf. Your stepdaughter makes me so angry, she’s stupid and doesn’t deserve you.

  25. DG…i am so hurt on your behalf. these days you wont get many fathers like you, ther fo i salute you…. yes right now u feel hurt and you have every right to be. but i suggest you let them be, with the rate that they going its not going to end wel.

  26. I agree with Kim…. Let her deadbeat father take the ropes from now on.. She must go now, and from now on no more services rendered towards the girl coz now she knows she has a father. And on the weekend she is getting married, take your sons for an outing…. Leave on Friday night and come back Sunday night…. Basile lo mntana nonina

  27. Let the father pay for the wedding, DO NOT pay for anything. You will not contribute a cent towards her henceforth maybe then will they see your worth.

    I read something similar a few years back in Facebook but the man was based in the USA and the step daughter announced it during lunch that she would want her real dad to walk her down the aisle, mind you this real dad had never been around the stepfather did everything for her and more and he was shattered. Anyway he was angry and had his fit and then decided to let her have her wishes BUT he told her and the mother that he would not be paying for anything towards her or the wedding because in those few minutes he realised how little she thought of him. Anyway long story short deadbeat “real” dad went MIA but hey the damage had already been done.

    So take the higher ground DG and let him walk her down the aisle, should things go bad in her marriage one day she will blame you for putting a bad omen upon her life if you insist on her walking her, once people mention ancestors at times it’s better to let go and let them crash in the long run.

    I hope you come right and keep your chin up, you have been a great dad and sooner or later she will realize it. As for your wife, well some women are not equipped to think clearly and long term unfortunately. Don’t divorce her because of anger rather take a step back and ask yourself if you have been blinded all along or what – only you know your marriage.

    1. I read the same thing…Heard the father traveled the world and left the wife who didn’t show loyalty to him. He doesn’t have to leave her but I think he should book himself a lovely vacation on the weekend of the wedding and come back after all is done. No questions asked. This exclusion is painful especially to someone you raised as your own and loved with your entire being.

  28. I’m a very cultural person so I think the biological father shud give her away I know its hurt bt truth be told that’s wat black ppl do we r not white for me I’ll have both my fathers walked me down the aisle bt the because the daughter us rude and ungreatfull cow she shud have sat with u down and ask for yo permission and the stupid mother ai she was not raised well lowo yasangana bekumele bahlale nawe phansi and make u c reason n beg u

  29. I was raised by my stepfather, I have always known who my biological father is. I am grateful for my stepfather for choosing to love me when he really shouldn’t have. I wouldn’t chose my biological father to walk me down the aisle even though we have a great relationship, he doesn’t know me like my father does, I am my father’s daughter blood or not. I feel your pain and I am sorry for what you are going through and don’t stop being the great father that you are because of her blindness. There is only so much you can do, you did your job and I salute and respect you for that, pass the greatness to your sons.

  30. DG I am sad as I read your story. You know when people wanted to do something they want they always find something to use as a scapegoat to do it wherether its right or wron. Firstly if your wife talks about ancestors with us blacks if the child is born out of wedlock and the mother get married to someone else not the biological father that child belongs to her family (mothers family) that means she is uncles child. As you were a good man of which I salute you for that and take the daughter and raised her as yours while you take her mother as wife. as she is now about to get married firstly the lobola nogetiations must took place at her mothers home (komalume) and the uncles has to go her dow the aily or you can do that for “honour” and when its the traditional part of the wedding than omalume will announce esigcawini ukuthi ngempela lengane eyakwabani wena ubuyikhulisa ngoba uganwe unina. and they will appreciate and applaude for that. that is when the name of the deadbeat father will come out but he has no right what so ever to be part of that child’s wedding IF THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT ANCESTORS. but if they are use ancestors for ukungcola kwake lomkakho okubonakalayo nje ngoba the day lengane iqala ithi awusiye ureal father kusho khona ukuthi wayeseyitshelile ukuthi ubani ubaba wayo that is why she end up not repreminding her when she disrespect you. I wish you all the best but please keep on being the good man you are and don’t divorce her for the sake of your boys. ungaze ulahle impilo enhle yabafana bakho ngenxa yengane nonina abangakwazi ukubonga. Good luck

  31. DG, don’t be selfish, deep deep down u knew this day would come. Be the father you have always been, love her unconditionally like you always have. Don’t be petty, she will appreciate you when the time is right and that disappointment of the man that failed to raise her will remain at that. If you want to divorce your wife do it for reasons independent of this situation, because this is just another parenting challenge. Give her your blessing, love her, care for her, be there for her, when her heart breaks that dead beat won’t be there for her she will need her father which is YOU. You have done a great job, you are amazing,you are important to her you have her heart. She is still confused, wait on ur little girl she will need you and return to you.

    1. Selfish you say? Ohhhh and petty. Wow! This is a grown ass woman about to get married, not a “little girl” as you put it. I’m appalled by your comment.

  32. DG I am really sad as I read your story. first of all u raised that kid without even complaining n you did it with so much love. I’m really surprised as for the same woman you accepted and married with a child to accept or even support the stupid idea of the biological father walking her daughter down the aisle. The person to be called a father is about being present, being there for your child 24/7, loving the child no matter what and holding that child every step of the way until he can stand on his/her own. as for the ancestors I agree with you hundred percent bane ba le kae hao hodisa ngwana oo o moetsa mosadi eo e leng yena kajeno? if the ancestors are real they should consider this kind of situations. That woman is a selfish bastard with no backbone and both of them they are ungrateful but what I like in life what goes around comes around. I support your decision to divorce. You are not selfish at all.

  33. I totally agree with this. There’s nothimg wrong with a daughter wanting to meet her biological father, its her right. But the mother should have guided her better when the time came, talked it over with the father who raised her and informed him about the meet. And if the daughter got to meet and bond with her father, well and good…but “informing” the man who raised her that she would be walked down the isle by the man who left her at four, that’s disrespectful and even inhuman. Unless there are other hidden reasons, it totally makes no sense. I suspect like comments above, there’s more to the story, especially when it comes to the mum and biological father….this guy should look into it. But yeah, distance himself from the whole thing, no contribution whatsoever….my dad left us when i was little, i was bitter and always angry at him but i eventually forgave him. When the time came for me to get married however, i sat him down and explained that i believed dowry was a token of appreciation for raising a daughter. I also let him know that our mother single handedly raised us. For this reason, she would receive the dowry. Of course he wasn’t happy with it but choices have consequences. and i told him i would understand if he wanted no part of the wedding. Long story short, i had a wedding, he and my mom walked me down and we still talk…life has consequences!!!!

  34. Hi fam, bradaman Mikie, thnx for coming back, we had missed yo writings.
    DG, divorce seems extreme & from yo writing, IC UR not an extremist.
    UR that cool dady type who loves his kids wholeheartedly, biological or not. In yo shoes, I wud start by cutting my financial help. Don’t pay for the wedding anymore. Rather, since U know this girl well more than her bio father, buy here a present with a meaning. Something that will remind her of yo father daughter gud days.
    The money U save, book yoself & yo kids a wknd away without the mother. If she is up to no gud, as ppl say the whole issue is suspicious, U will get the evidence that can be reason for divorce but not this. Just let be and karma is female by the way. She’s just finishing her 6mnths contract that she signed.

  35. Both this child nd her mother are ungrateful,they have used u,they shud be ashamed of themselves,nd i really thnk u shud rethink ur marriage.m deeply touched by ur story

  36. DC.. i think you should allow your daughter to meet his biological father so she can understand what you have been protecting her from, who knows she may realize that you’ve been his real father who loved and always wanted whats good for her and don’t divorce your wife. Just let them do what they want to do so they can see they own mistake and learn from it.

  37. u wrong bandla u wife kodwa maybe u daddy has been giving her money and she kept it a secret. speak with her and tell her how you feel about this whole think and dont rush to end the marriage.

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