When you sit down and think about it, if women were to put their minds to it they can really destroy the men that
they are with by the sheer amount of information or dirt they have on them. Take a moment to consider how much David Mabuza, Jacob Zuma or even Cyril Ramaphosa’s wife know about them. Honestly it would be world war three out there if some of these secrets ever come out. It’s not that men are weak for such secrets to be coming out and worthy of worrying about but the reality is your wife shares the most secrets with you. Brave men divorce without fear and consequence because often the wives don’t use that information on them. Londiwe had information that could leave a lot of people in jail so it was worthy of taking her seriously. If she was not so evil and twisted and other women didn’t actually judge her as shit she was a brilliant strategist and if she was a man I am certain she will be praised. To beat her I had to play her at her own game.
“Londiwe what are you doing? I thought you said we going to register the date today?”
I asked her box in hand.
“What do you mean?”
She asked me turning and stopping. That was a good sign.
“At the court we have to register I don’t think you can’t just walk in and get married!”
I told her.
“Yeah I know but I have a meeting with your…ex boss!”
“Is he more important than me?”
I asked her. Emotional blackmail is the lowest form of manipulation and frankly speaking it undermines the intellect of the next person but oh well today I had to bring my A game on.
“Sir please you don’t want to leave this room with your feet not touching the ground! Leave!”
One of the security guards said to me. I had almost forgotten that I was being chased out.
“Londiwe are you coming or not?”
I asked her.
The security guard said to me getting even more menacing. The last thing I wanted to do was to get my ass whopped after being fired. That would feel like double the punishment. Londiwe just looked at me as I walked away.
“Don’t call me when you need me because I was willing to do what you asked!”
I told her. I walked out of the building hopefully for the last time after what had just happened. I sat in the car for about five minutes before I found my mind again.
“Ok let’s go! I postponed the meeting!”
She said sitting down next to me.
“Why would you even want to meet my boss? Am I that bad to you that you would want that of me?”
I asked her not that it made sense to me anymore. Now that I had her in the car I did not want her sitting here with me but how could I get rid of her like that. She would probably just freak-out and go right back in.
“Let’s go to the courtroom!”
She said to me sticking to her guns. She knew she had me where she wanted and for now anyway I had survived.
“Ok let’s go. Which court would you like?”
I asked her.
“Randburg is the closest I want that one!”
I told her.
“Ok but you know that we are going to need witnesses right?”
I told her again.
“We will get them there. I don’t want anything to stop us! I even have me I.D. On me so I am ready.”
She told me. She knew my I.D stayed in the car so ah there was not use lying. I knew things that she did not obviously whilst Londiwe was like Julius Malema who thought you could just walk into an institution without prior notice and register without prior notice! Ignorance is not limited to politicians only; even the sheep they lead can be just as dumb! Do you think Bushiri grew his church alone? Nope, people followed him because they wanted to know you are all blaming him for getting rich of them when he never forced anyone ever to come to his church. Let’s go give my wife a miracle then.
“Excuse me sir, my husband and I are here to get married!”
She said excitedly at the lobby to the security guard who was clearly not having a good day. Someone needed to tell him that minimum wage had gone up made that would at least illicit a smile.
“That’s great but how do you marry your husband?”
He asked my wife. I saw what he did there and I wanted to burst out laughing because Londiwe was completely lost.
“I don’t understand!”
She said to him but I noticed it had not dampened her spirit at all.
“Well surely you are still engaged so he is…never mind!”
The security said coldly to her but in the mood she was in that did not dampen her mood at all. She was made for this moment.
“So what would you like to do again maam?”
He asked her.
“We are here to get married!”
She told him again excited.
“Dressed like that? Surely even if you are getting married in court you dress up for the occasion!”
He said ok now he was being rude. It was time to intervene!
“You are brainwashed neh? Where is written that if you are going to get married you must wear a white dress and I must wear a suit?”
I asked him a bit annoyed at him. I am one of those people who get annoyed by security guards. They like to act smart on people all the time and love nothing more than humiliating if you give them a chance.
“Do you wear new clothes every time it’s your birthday?”
Londiwe asked him immediately seeing that I had joined the fight.
“My birthday is every year madam but your wedding is only once unless you want to be divorced some day! If it was my wedding I would want to make sure that pictures at least look different and not have me wearing joggers like this! Gape ke tracksuit ye o e apereng!”
He said turning to me. This guy was not joking around we had truly annoyed in something that was not his job. Give a man a bit of power and see him become a king.
“Sir that’s neither here nor there… I…”
I started to say but he rudely ignored me and said,
“Was getting married his idea? I am sure it was. He is a cheapskate and you will regret marrying him like this. He did not even put an effort and if a man fails to put an effort in your wedding day which is supposed to be your happiest day as a woman what do you think will happen down the line?”
She asked him. I wanted to snap at him but I could see that Londiwe was quite dispirited now. His words had sunk in and he was fighting my battle for me.
“That’s not your business chief, if you don’t want to help us I will get someone else who can!”
I told him.
“You don’t call me chief do I look like a chief to you!”
He said dismissively. This security guard was wired I just stopped arguing at that moment.
“Sir Can you please just tell us where to go.”
Londiwe said sounding quite deflated at this moment. I don’t blame her I was deflated too and I didn’t even want to be here in the first place.
“When did you register so I can check what time you are supposed to be in?”
He asked us.
Londiwe asked him.
He asked her folding his shoulders across his chest. This old man was something else and what’s worse he could not even hide his annoyance.
“We didn’t register. We were just trying to be spontaneous!”
She told me trying to make it sound cute. Spontaneous is for white people in the movies not for us. We have to plan everything first otherwise we end up in situations like these.
“Madam this is a court room not a spaza shop. You don’t just come here anytime you want and think that the doors will be open for you to play games! Take your I.D. Look for a clerk and register.”
He told her. The look on Londiwe’s face was priceless. She genuinely had not realized this and I am not surprised. There was no reason why to be rude but I also wanted to get out of there. As quickly as possible.
“Baby let’s go to where we are going to be helped. We don’t need to stay and be insulted by this uneducated fool!”
She said a
“Don’t you want to book; the waiting list is 6 months long so you must get in early. Seems like people are either too broke to throw weddings anymore or have become clever to realize that there is nothing neither more stupid nor more wasteful than a white wedding. That thing is often attended but people you don’t like who will eat your food and go home and tell their people how bad your wedding was!”
He said she was fuming now. She walked out angrily to the car leaving me behind. The old man stood there and watched her go then the serious face he had carried all along left his face and he smiled,
“You were right when you said she was a lot of work and you are also lucky that I was the one on duty. Why didn’t you tell me you were on your way though because when you walked in I was about to swap with someone?”
He asked me.
“Things ended up happening so fast in the morning I could not tip you off. It’s a good thing we spoke last night though because eish I would have had problems.”
I told. Biza, this old man was actually someone I knew. He was one Tumi’s connections and I knew he worked here so I had told him my predicament and he said I must come through. I had not planned it to be today of course.
“Eh now my throat is dry what do you have for me?”
He asked me. I took out r100 to hand it over to him and at that moment I heard,
It was Londy. I still handed him the money and I walked away towards her.
“I saw you giving him money! Why?”
She demanded loudly.
“Relax; the date was six months away remember I am trying to get a faster date!”
I told her and walked out in front of her allowing her to process what I had just said.
“Oh wow that is so sweet!”
She said running after me and hugging me from behind.
I had won the day yes but my problems were many. I was unemployed, had a potential lawsuit against me and let’s not forget, I was about to marry the devil!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you for reading my letter and greetings to all the readers.
I am 27 years old and I have dated an older man since I was 21. Yes its six years. He was 38 when met and now he is 44. My parents did not support the relationship from the beginning but him being a rich man and all made them eventually soften down. He was not married, his previous wife had died so I did not steal him from anyone but he has two kids. Anyway he proposed to marry me about 6 months ago and I said yes. I have been faithful to this man from day one, sacrificed my dignity and almost my family for him. There is nothing I have not given up for him. On his side after my parents gave up on me (temporarily) took me to school until graduation. He was never in a rush to have kids which I fully supported. About three months ago my mother made a confession to me. She had cheated on my father with guess who, my fiancé! I wanted to kill her. I wanted to kill him. I could not tell my father because he has cancer and he is dying. I did not want him to go out with that hatred in him. Now I have to worry about myself. I moved out of our house (fiancé and I) and got a flat. My mother keeps apologizing and so does he. I am writing to you guys today because I feel so weak as I have not yet dumped him. I am scared of being alone and to be honest I am also scared of losing the wealth. Is this enough for my dignity. My fiancé is worth over r100m and I can flatter myself and say I will replace him but how many men out there are worth that. This is my predicament today as to what do I do?