“Please note there is a part in Italics. Read that part as fast as you possibly can to get the full effect or feeling behind it. Enjoy!”
Temptation is as old as time itself. It’s something that we all tend to fall for at one point or the other. When you are in a relationship and the fighting starts that’s when you are at your most vulnerable. Some people are quick to say that you cheat because you already wanted to cheat but the reality is sometimes circumstances put you in a situation where you fall for the wrong person in order to fill a void left or created by another. Yes I will end up fall in that Ramaphosa category of men who cheat but I was tired. I wanted to just breathe and have some fun. I wanted to laugh again. Who remembers laughter? I don’t have it in my marriage because my wife is always so busy being goddam serious or scheming. Technology is something else. I went to the location that had been sent to me and it took me outside an apartment block. Hydro Apartments to be exact. I was confused because she had said she booked a hotel so what was i doing here? Was I lost?
“What am I doing?”
I asked myself out loud. I should not be here but going home was the only other option available to me so how was that even an option.
“Hey I am here! Its thr Apartments right, Hydro?”
I told her when I finally got the courage to allow the words to come out of my mouth. This was a bad idea.
“Yes it is. Thanks for coming I am so grateful!”
She said to me as she gave me her apartment number. Even as I went up the elevator I was telling myself to turn back but my feet had a mind of their own. What was so urgent that she had called me to come see her? At night!
She said when she opened the door.
Was my response. I could see that she had been crying.
“A lot is wrong! Please come in!”
She said. She was wearing winter pyjama bottoms and a sleeveless tight top. It was obvious she was not wearing a bra because her nipples were poking on the fabric of the vest. What is so sexy about a woman with no bra on though? I know it’s a new trend and it doesn’t work on every woman either. Smaller boobs work better and she had a smallish cup which looked like a small orange under that vest.
“Thank you. You got me worried there because for you to call me it must really have been something big on your mind.”
I told her as I walked in. Her place was neat and expensive. She was clearly someone with money or rather her father money if he was the one who had put this together.
“It is hey.”
She said sitting down offering me a place to sit. I looked around and her sense of style was totally different to that of Londiwe. Where Londiwe prefer cluster or at least I think she did this one preferred clean lines and almost minimalist clean look. She was definitely the diet and green tea type.
“You have a beautiful place I must say!”
I said complimenting her house.
“Thank you. I just need someone to talk to. Can I tell you why I called you?”
She asked me. She looked on edge and that was making me feel uneasy now.
“What do you know about Depression?”
She asked me. Huh? Was this what this was about? She was depressed about something?
“Wait I don’t understand your question. Do you mean like depression when you get upset with someone over something or clinical depression of which I know very little about!”
I asked her showing her that I was not totally clueless about what she was talking about.
“I mean the second kind. I suffer from depression and because of it I have had a very bad life and today a bad afternoon!”
She explained to me. I did not know what to say nor was I try to sound naïve actually but looking at her she looked absolutely normal as though she had no problem whatsoever.
“I must admit I know very little about it and I am even scared to ask you how you are feeling because I don’t know how that answer is going to come!”
I confessed to her. The little I know is that Depression is mental illness and I would like to conclude with that I think it’s a mental illness that comes from being depressed. That’s what I think I know anyway.
“Ok cool at least you not trying to pretend. When I was first diagnosed with it I did not know what was going on and my parents just thought it was mood swings that came from being a teenager!”
She started to explain.
“That’s black parents for you; I bet you they wanted to give you a hiding for those mood swings too!”
I said trying to crack a joke but it was not well received as she did not respond to that. It’s no joke black parents for most people are not exactly the most loving or thoughtful people out there. Yesterday I read a tweet that broke my heart where a mother said to her daughter she was raped because she liked boys too much! Imagine! How do you even say that no matter how angry or disappointed with your daughter for something? Anyway depression…
“Anyway things just seemed off or wrong no matter how much I tried to smile and be happy. My father thought it was because I had been dumped by a guy because I was crying a lot for no apparent reason, either at nothing or something that normally about insignificant!”
She told me. This was the first time I was getting to know Naledi apart from the tit bits of her that I had of her so far and ah in my head I was saying thank God she was not my problem and someone else’s. Imagine dating someone or being married to someone who has it. I am a shit human being for thinking this I know but truth be told a lot of people if they are honest think the same too.
“I used to feel like I was moving and thinking and moving in slow motion and could never even carry on with a normal conversation was tedious as I could not express myself. No one understood me!”
She said and suddenly she stood up, ok that startled me as I jumped a little as she went to the kitchen poured half a glass of water and drank it. See why my stupid ass should have stayed home. Now I was feeling a bit scared of this lady and much as I did not want to judge her I was judging her. It’s just human nature and yes I felt sorry for her but how do you fix it?
“Where was I …?”
I was not about to remind her in fact I hoped she had forgotten it all but no luck there as she continued,
“I was forgetful hey and I it just felt like there was a glass wall between me and the rest of the world. I was anxious and worried all the time. I always felt if people knew they would judge me harshly and start treating me badly or differently. The doctors gave me medication and sometimes they worked ok most times they did but sometimes like today I just reached lows no one should ever experience!”
She said and with one bat of her eyelids the tears started rolling down her cheeks. I did not know what to do and part of me wanted to start singing thula thula but oh well.
“No don’t cry I am here now. You just need someone to hold you right and to reassure you that at the end of the day and at the end of every day everything will be ok!”
I told her or rather asked her ah I don’t know now but I know I was trying to do something. It’s a good thing Trevor Noah doesn’t make jokes about such things because picture him using Julius Malema in his joke trying to explain to Julius what depression is! Sigh mental illness is a whole new ball game and most of us just try to pretend it does not exist.
“I feel like I am drowning hey more like suffocating and I am anxious…did I already say that? I think I said that. Do you hate me now? Do you think I am crazy? Do you think I am a freak? I have never told anyone else this; my parents are the only ones who I am sorry I called you over! I am sorry I am not good enough for you! Did you know? Is it why you always rebuff my attempts to getting to know you better? Every time I think of you I think of an ‘us’ but I tell myself I am not good enough for you because you don’t even look at me like that? I feel ugly and unwanted. I feel like I am disgusting. I once tried to commit suicide, not once a lot of times and…”
She said all this so fast I don’t think she even took a breath in all that. This was getting very confusing now and confusing for me is bad. I did not know what to say and did she just say suicide? This was not a joke. This was actually very serious.
“I should not have said that! I should not have said that! I see by the way you are looking at me I disgust you now! You think I am weak oh God I should not have told you that! I should not have called you over!”
She told me and she burst into tears. She was actually genuinely depressed, ok that’s redundant now I mean she was quite hurt that it had slipped her lips.
“No don’t do that, no is judging you for it. Come here!”
I told her and stood up to give her a hug. It felt as though she needed it because she clutched one me so tight. She was facing me and my face was facing the bed. I noticed something, a sex toy in fact a few as I looked even closer lying carelessly on the bed. I did not want to pry but I was so confused by all this.
I closed my eyes and said,
“Its ok don’t worry everything will be fine ok. You have people who care for you and I am here!”
I told her trying to reassure. I am not sure if I cared for her though because I was in love with someone else and at this moment I had never appreciated my psychopath (Londiwe) as I did now. I did not have problems in life because some people have it rough out there.
“Thank you. I was scared you will reject me and judge me. The last guy I told this stood up and left!”
“What a dick!”
I said and indeed that person was not right in the mind if he could leave someone like her in this state.
“There is something else I want to tell you…”
She said stepping back.
“Depression in bipolar people can sometimes be corrected by a boost of serotonin! Do you know what this?”
She asked me.
“I must admit I have no idea what this? Please explain?”
I asked genuinely interested in knowing more now that I did not want to be that dick that left her alone stranded. Men like that are definitely in the same whatsapp group with all the trash men out there! He just left here there imagine!
“I can’t believe I am going to say this…”
She said almost getting shy,
“Say what’s on your mind?”
“I am here for you!”
I said holding on her shoulders to show her support. I was a complete gentleman.
“Sex is the ultimate anti depression and naturally boosts serotonin levels. I get hypersexual when I am depressed and today I have used my toys but it’s not working. I want you…”
She told me and I could not even say oh! The look on my face was totally blank.
Say what now?
********The End *************
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you very much for the time you spend sharing your incredible talent with us.
I am 25 and live in KZN. I met a guy in Jhb online 3 years ago and we started dating. We did that whole Facebook dating for about 6 months until he saved up enough money to come and see me. We met and he was everything he said he was online. My friends would tell me how it would never work and how he probably had a wife there in Mafikeng where he was from. I started visiting him there quite often especially when I got a job. His parents loved me and his friends too. I was not content though because back in KZN I had two boyfriends to satisfy that itch you know. I know I was bad because I was actually in love with the Mafikeng guy. A month ago my boyfriend proposed to me with a ring and all. One of my two KZN guys found out about this and he is pissed off. He said he wants to come and expose me. He has already screen munched some of our chats where we spoke about our sex and things like that. It’s really bad because I know my Mafikeng always reminds me that cheating is the one thing I must never forgive him for if he does meaning I would not be forgiven. I know that the guy who wants revenge had a crush on a friend of mine but he never acted on it. When we first met I was with my friend but somehow he ended up dating me. He confessed this and we laughed about it. My friend knows my situation and also knows he had a crush on her. Should I hook them up to appease him? I know it’s weird but I am running out of options as my fiancé is coming to do lobola in October. I can’t mess this up and confessing to my fiancé is really not an option.
Please help me someone.