Majuba 35

I am often told that when you are in love with someone you must never keep secrets from each other. My question is

what happens when you have secrets that can destroy that love in the first place. I wanted to tell Londiwe about Naledi but in all honesty there was nothing to tell. I am not even sure how much she liked me and if we were going to get that contract she was integral to our relationship staying amicable. She looked like a sensitive person and that on its own is condescending when you think about it. I saw a video of a white American woman who when asked why she would not vote for Hilary Clinton she said,

“Women are emotional so imagine her being on the trigger of our nuclear bombs! She could start a war at any second!”

That was the rationale she gave. It’s a sad view to have of women so when I say Naledi was sensitive I meant it in the manner that if I told her off she could pull out of the tender meaning her father pull out. This is why telling Londiwe would be a bad idea because what happens when and not if, she goes to confront her? She will broke beat her up with that psycho sister of hers.

“You have gone quiet, are you thinking of that woman who called? I know you Vusi when you are up to no good!”

I got woken up from my thoughts.

“Yes as a matter of fact I am!”

I told her and I think my bluntness surprised her. Most guys in a case like this would lie but why do so.

“Wow with me here?”

She said already her tone going into combat mode.

“Yes. The tender is worth over 20 million and I feel like there is something missing. Her father is the one who is pulling the st…”

I did not finish the statement because she immediately said,

“R20million wow are you sure you just said r20 million? We are going to be rich!”

She said out loud and very excited. I knew by mentioning the money this was all she was going to hear. Forget everything I had said everyone understands numbers yes even the president!

“No we are not! That girl I spoke to is the link to all this working. I know you are suspecting me of something but believe me there is none of that!”

I told her trying to make peace with Londiwe. All this fighting was not healthy. I was in Joburg at last and I had my woman next to me. Don’t be in a rush to give up on your marriage or relationship at the first sign of trouble. That’s what all weak men do and I criticize weak men.

“Are we not going home?”

She asked me when she realized that I was not driving home straight.

“No we are not?”

I told her.

“Please don’t tell me we are going to your mother!”

She pleaded with me. Londiwe really did not like my mother and I am sure she even haunted her in her sleep. My mother was problematic to her but to be fair she was not that bad.

‘No we are not. You will probably have a heart attack if I did that. I have something else in mind!”

I told her but I could see she was not interested in whatever it is I had said because she kept looking around to figure out where we were. She was very anxious and I simply could not understand why until she said,

“I hope you not taking me to the doctor for something!”

I was very surprised by that.

“Why would I want to take you to the doctor?”

I asked her.

“I don’t know. The baby is fine and I don’t want to be poked and prodded like a cow unless its time and its my own doctor!”

She told me. I laughed at her fear because it was kind of irrational because for me the more doctors visits the better.

“That is weird because you do know that you will have regular checkups right?’

I asked her!

“Yes I do which is why impromptu ones are not necessary! Try going to the gynae once and you will know why doctors are so invasive!”

I laughed again. She genuinely hated going to the gynae. We had to find her an old Indian dude to be her doctor after a long search. I don’t see what’s wrong with it but I suppose it’s because I am a man. When we got to our destination, a shopping centre in Bedfordview she asked again why we were here.

“Ok don’t freak out but I booked us an appointment with a therapist!”

I told her and held my breath for the attack that would come next. She is quite predictable this one.

“Over my dead body! There is no way I will agree to this!”

She protested. It’s something I had foreseen hence why I had just taken her there by surprise. We had reached a point in our relationship were we needed help and seeing that she would not talk to my mother it meant we needed outside help!

“I know you are going to say no but I really think we need to see a therapist because all this fighting is going to lead us to breaking up. We do not have to live like this when we can actually stop this!”

I told her. She looked at me like I was crazy.

“I am not sure what you want of me but to think that I can sit in front of another person and speak about our problems is beyond me! I will not open up to someone I don’t know!”

She protested crossing her arms on her chest like an impetulant school child.

“I will do all the talking then. I realize that me talking to you directly does not always help and besides you did say you will do whatever it takes to fix us before it’s too late! This is what we are doing now!”

I warned her before she could make much more of a noise. This was reverse psychology of some sort.

“I just want us to go back to the way things were that’s all. All this fighting is not us baby! I think the baby is just messing up with my hormones!”

She explained to me and it made sense to me.

“We don’t need to throw away money at a therapist because these hormones will be there for a long time. Please let’s just go home!”

She pleaded with me. I don’t know why I had not considered the baby angle and yes I have heard that pregnancy can cause hormones to be all over the place.

“I have already book love. If you don’t want to go in I will go in alone but that won’t be cool.”

I told her.

“Please let’s just go home. We need to work on us first before we reach this stage. This feels like the easy way out and I believe we can do better than this. Please baby!”

Black people and therapy are like oil and water. We simply do not want to acknowledge that sometimes outside advice helps.

“Ok then but this would have been good for us!”

I told her but she did not change her mind. She was set on this so no going in.

“Ok then let me go in alone then as I will still get charged for this!”

I told her. We were in the parking lot already and I was not going to waste money. She was adamant she was staying and indeed she did as I walked in alone. The moment I walked in there was depression. This was a marriage therapist and the people in here looked like they were at a funeral. Maybe Londiwe was right, I turned around immediately.

“Back so soon?”

She asked me as I got back.

“Yes let’s just go. It was all couples in there so I did not make sense!”

I told her even though I was lying. I was not going to tell her that she had been right in the first place. As we drove out her phone rang.


She said when she picked up. I don’t know what the person said to her but she responded,

“So you call me with a private number. I told you to stop calling me and now you are even calling me with a private number. What part of I don’t want to talk to you Simon don’t you understand?”

She said looking at me wanting me to say something. She put him on speaker.

“I don’t know what I did because you blow hot and cold. Sometimes you laugh at my jokes sometimes you don’t accept them. What am I supposed to do?”

“I am not laughing at your jokes you fool I am laughing at you! Now leave me alone please! You are causing enough problems for me as is!”

She shouted at him. I know she wanted me to speak but I did not want to.

“Why are you with that weak soldier anyway? He is not man enough for you! I am the man you should be with not him!”

He made his case to her.

“You are not even fit to tie his shoelaces so goodbye!”

She said and she hung up on him.

“There is your answer! I keep blocking him and he keeps calling. It’s like he is a stalker!”

She said. We were close to our place so I did not reply. I was thinking. I knew what I had to do. I am not always the smartest person I know but at the time it sounded like a good idea.

“Call him; I want to meet him with you so we finish this thing once and for all!”

I told her.

“You want to meet Simon? What for? What do you benefit from that?”

She asked me.

“Its time I had a talk with him. He is disturbing my home and it must stop. He is not someone who understands on the phone.”

I reminded her. She reluctantly dialled his number. She arranged a meeting for just her and him. We got into the house and she went to the bathroom. I took her phone and I walked out the door only to bump into my neighbour the big Nigerian.

“How are you? I heard about your accident?”

He asked me.

“I am good, recovered really well. What are you doing right now?”

I asked him.

“Nothing hey was about to take a walk the way I am bored!”

He said.

“Come with me, we will be about 20 minutes!”

I told him and he agreed. Poor Simon won’t see this one coming but he had earned it.

*******The End*********

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

Thank you mike for giving us this platform. I learn so much from your block.
Dear Doazg family

Abuse is a major social issue in our country. Now that i caught your attention. Please read below.
I am a final year student majoring in Statistics. I am currently busy with an academic project where statistical methods of analyzing data are used which will help me to make an informed conclusion on our problem statement defined below.
The purpose of this project is to determine if there is a relationship on how a child is treated and how the same child treats others as an adult. Basically I am trying to investigate if children who have experienced or witnessed abuse tend to have a hard time building healthy relationship as adults. This is a major project for me as I need it to pass my module and graduate next year.

I am inviting people who have experienced or witnessed abuse at a young age to answer my questionnaire. Don’t worry, I don’t ask personal questions and the questionnaire wont open up your old childhood wounds. Witnessing abuse may come in a form of:

1. Seeing actual events.

2. Hearing threats or fighting or fighting noises.

3. Observing the aftermath of physical abuse such as blood, bruises, tears, torn clothing or broken items.

4. Being aware of the tension at home such as seeing fearfulness on family members.

Please if you are familiar with abuse, click on the link below and answer my questionnaire. It will only take 5min of your time. I only need 70 participants.


7 thoughts on “Majuba 35

  1. All the best with your studies. Please also look at organizations that have current research as well like POWA and Tswaranang Legal Reserach Centre, Sonke Gender Justice, Brothes for Life, GenderLinks, Commission for Gender Equality, NISAA Institute for Women’s Development, ADAPT, The Shukumisa Campaign, anything published by Lisa Vetten and many more I can’t remember

  2. Dear Student
    I was physically abused by my grandmother, she hated my mother and also came from an abusive marriage where she was forced to be married to an older men. She fled to SA leaving 3 kids behind( a story for another day). I experienced more beatings than anyone else me being the eldest grandchild, to make matters worse sometimes if the younger kids did something wrong during my absence I would still get a beating. My mom worked as a domestic worker so we had to stay with my gran. My two cousins were not mistreated like me and my siblings. My uncle also would belt us at any given time. I was made to wash, clean and cook for the family at a very young age maybe 10 years old. To date I don’t have a good relationship with my dad and my son. Personally I think it’s a pattern my gran being from a forced marriage it was not easy to open up about her kids that she left behind, we only found out very late after my uncle questioned her about her family background. I thinks this is the root, it begins with the older generation then pass it on to the young ones. I was also in an abusive relationship my ex baby daddy use to beat me up. It took a long time for me to get over it. I hated men for a very long time. At last I went for counselling and now I think I’m much better now but can’t trust men. I’m always trying to see if they are not abusive or wont lie to me. It makes it very difficult to be in a relationship. Hope this will help,by the way I’m 47 this year and my son is 24. I love my son very much .

  3. Thank you Mike for the daily dose 🙂

    Student: I once dated a guy who came from an abusive home…His father used to beat his mother and most of his uncles who were married beat up their wives…His bestfriend was an abuser as well , and so he saw it as a norm …for him , it was like he didn’t “love” me if he didn’t beat me….and I think me , raised by a single mother ( as much as she used to beat me when im wrong) it never felt like abuse, maybe because there was a lot of love and the beatings weren’t an everyday thing…. Anywhoooo.. he saw abuse as a normal thing to do , absolutely nothing wrong with it , and me , not so much!! … Another guy ( I didn’t date this one ) is an abuser as well…and hes mom was in an abusive relationship so yeah… Hope this helps!!

    But I do think that , especially with men because they are “programed” to not speak about their feelings and stuff , that the root of their abusive nature is because they have experienced it at an early age, and this is their way the trauma manifest itself…and no I am in NO WAY justifying their actions…but I am saying there is a reason behind it…because whether abuse you experience it at home or in the hands of your partner , it is traumatic and not dealt with can lead any sane person to do crazy things!!!


  4. Hello student
    What a great and relevant study, have you also looked at other forms of abuse (sexual and emotional) as they also affect them psychologically and are also a big issue in South Africa?
    Good luck

  5. @ Pontsho.
    You story very painful. I am glad you have managed to get counselling. A lot of people dont reach out for help when in situations like that. They end up having a very deep rooted anger and then make innocent people pay for their childhood pain.this is a pattern I have noticed in society, hence I’m doing a research in it.I hope you have forgiven the perpetrator and also building strong healthy relationship with your son..I hope you answered my questionaire.stay blessed. ..

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