Young Employed and Single

YES 138

Miriam had just annoyed me. Yes I knew she had to keep her word to my mother but come on now. I was hurting now so

she had to see things my way. When people die do we still have to honour what we promised them to that extent? Miriam needed to tell me what happened and not stop playing games with my mind. My mother had found it fit to tell her and not us which was something that annoyed me immensely. I really could not help wonder what the secret was. When I got back to the house I found my aunt in the kitchen. The church people had arrived to do a service in the house. The pastor, the one who my mother had wanted to baptize me and show me the path back straight was the one leading the evening service. My aunt came out immediately when she saw me.

“Where is Mbilahelo?”

I asked her. Those were my first words to her and I guess that curiosity was still inside me.

“He left already. He said he could not wait and said to tell you that he is sorry for your loss!”

My aunt told me. I could see she was looking at me funny, that straight into the eye look as though she was looking for something.

“What is it?”

I asked her.


She responded. She had mischievous glint somewhere in there and I think something had happened in her session.

“So did you fix his problem?”

I asked her looking away trying not to sound obvious that I was prying into her business with a client.

“I am not sure yet I just got a sense of there was more to the story you know and am putting two and two together. Sometimes this calling makes us see things which are not there so I want to be sure!”

She said so mysteriously and walked away back into the house. We had to be part of the service and the whole family attended.

The next two days were a hustle with a lot of coming and goings. Even Susanna flew all the way from Cape Town to come offer her condolences. She came with Miriam and no there was no fight. Becky with the good hair was actually nice to me and there was no war. I am not going to go into too much detail about my mother’s funeral; it hurt a lot that’s for sure. She was buried on Saturday morning, you know how Jhb weather is, it rained just to make us suffer more. A lot of people came including some of my old high school friends imagine. People I had not seen in ages. We buried my mother well with dignity and respect.

Saturday Night.

With the crowd having dispersed the real talk came. My uncle brought up the issue of the dividing of goods in the house and so on. He was drunk obviously and I think somewhere in KZN they had told him he was a king of sorts. Men from KZN really think they own women and that women cannot think for themselves and when they can they think we are as good as children.

“We have to finish this issue tonight because a lot of us leave far so we can’t have this trip again. It’s a man’s issue that’s why everyone has to be here so that no gossip leaves here saying that we were unfair!”

He said further emphasizing why I think rural based men are something else. They are disrespectful and have over inflated egos. I don’t blame them. I blame us the women who allow these men to walk around strutting like peacocks when more often than not they are just losers who can’t even provide for their own families.

“This matter I thought we discussed and we concluded that the lawyers will come divide according to her wishes Bhuti…”

One of my aunts reminded him politely but I could sense her annoyance at the fact that we were back here again. I emphasize the way she asked politely because it was clear she knew her place in the family, somewhere down there. Maybe it’s me I am not sure or maybe it’s this education thing oh wait, maybe it’s the fact that I am in 2017 that makes me think that even within the family, men cannot treat us like this period! I did not speak up though I kept quiet.

“Nonsense, what lawyers? In our culture are there lawyers. We need to follow the traditions of our ancestors that’s what we need to do. I said before that it’s all this whiteness that is killing our families. Imagine my sister and I did not speak for so long because of it!”

My uncle said defending his case. With black people whiteness offends us when it suits us but when it comes to responsibilities we all want to go the white route. Black men use tradition to oppress women but still believe the woman must get a job in that very white economy to take care of the kids. The level of hypocrisy in our patriarchal society is actually quite appalling. My aunt who was now our de facto mother spoke up for us,

“But I thought we agreed with the kids that we must wait for the will. When my sister died it’s not like she did not have children, she did and they are here and old enough to take care of their mothers things!”

She pleaded with her cousin. He did not seem to like it because I could see he steadied himself but went on to say.

“She did not have sons. These are girls and if they get married we will lose our sisters inheritance to other families. We need to honour our traditions to the letter. Already all this in fighting has divided the family and here we get an opportunity to put things right then you say we must listen to children?”

He asked her. I was 28 years old meaning I was hardly a child. I was more educated than him meaning I was smarter than him and could not think as slowly as him even if. Tried but he still had the nerve to call me a child! Imagine! Just because I am a woman. I said nothing though.

“Look at you trying to act mighty? Are you not the same person who shamed me when I took this calling? Sies man Jeremiah stop acting like a god in here!”

My aunt went on the attack. You could hear a pin drop! Zulu men, the ones with titles especially do not want to be called by their first names especially if that name is English. It is like you have pulled down their pants and exposed their privates to the world to shame them.

“Eh sisi calm down!”

One of my other aunts intervened already seeing that this was going to go south very soon and she was right too because my uncle stood up menacingly.

“You dare call me by my name! Who do you think you are? Where is your respect? It’s this witchcraft of yours that brought this family to its knees and now you sit there and act like a Gogo, voetsek man!”

He cursed at her. It’s amazing how nowadays with insults like ‘fuck you’ ‘arsehole’ and all the other crude insults I can think of, ‘voetsek’ has stood the test of time and is still arguably the most disrespectful thing to say to a black South African. It is so resilient even kids say it, dogs run away from and aunts’ like mine, become ninjas out of it. I say this because whoever was holding her back was not holding her tight enough because somehow she slipped from their grip and flew across the room to moer my uncle. She landed quite a few blows too before even he realized what was happening. The other relatives jumped in and pulled them apart.

“You call me a witch wena? Who did you come to when you couldn’t get it up and could not have kids? Was it not me? Did I not help you give your wife kids today you call me a witch?”

Ah ah ah what happened to that doctor patient confidentiality now? She had refused to tell me about her meeting with Mbilahelo yet she was now on that black twitter savage level right now releasing files. If only I had popcorn.

“How dare you…?”

He started to say but everyone let out a collective shocked,


This literally knocked the air out of him.

“I am a good person! I have only ever been good to you. I have never said a bad word to you out of anger or behind your back! Today you stand there and call me a witch! Have you ever seen me harm anyone, even a fly? Tell me Jeremiah?”

Saying his name really felt like a slap to the face. Maybe it’s me I don’t understand but why is it older Zulu men don’t want women calling them by name. How is your own name, the one on your birth certificate, identity document and will be on your death certificate shameful? It’s your very identity. Unless your name is Bhuti Manamela how many of you have names like “Baba’ “Malume” “Bhuti: etc all names reserved for men? If it’s because of respect how is it more often than not the very same men don’t accord you that same level of respect? Figure that out.

“Malume calm down please! You are embarrassing all of us now fighting like this!”

Another of my uncles said trying to calm him down. You would think my aunt had called him by something so disrespectful when all she had done was say his name. Life I tell you.

“She has lost her mind if she thinks I am scared of her! She has lost her mind! I am going to teach her a lesson! I am the man in this family not her and her bones! The women in this family have no respect because they are led by this nondindwa!”

He said throwing that last word in as an insult. “Nondindwa” basically means that you are all over the place, you sleep around, you sleep with every guy like a person who is just everywhere except for home. It’s a very disrespectful thing to say but guess what, not one female in that room said a word.

“Malume, I am sorry now I see why mum did not want you. I for one am not a prostitute. Please Malume leave my house!”

I said clenching my fist so that I would not burst. This arrogant man. How dare he? I don’t care what our relationship was with him but he was rude.

“It’s my sister’s house so you can’t chase me out!”

He said defiantly.

“My sister is right! Leave. You are rude, disrespectful and a cruel person. Get out or I will call the boys around here to come beat you up before you leave!”

My sister said standing up next to me.

“Malume let’s go sleep this off and we can discuss it tomorrow it’s not…”

One of my uncles said to him putting his hand over his shoulder to usher him away.

“Don’t touch me!”

He said angrily swatting his hand off him like it was an irritating child.

“Wena, let’s go, we are driving back home right now! Our things are already in the car anyway!”

He said angrily to his wife rudely!

“But Baba you are too drunk to drive all that way!”

She pleaded with him.

“Either you get in the car and go home with me or you never step into my house again!”

He said. Everyone protested and encouraged her to stay. She looked at us and in resignation ran after her husband.

This was insane!

*******The End********

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Mike

Thank you Mike for reading my letter. I am even nervous posting this but thank you nonetheless.

I am married to a wonderful man whom I love dearly. A year ago I gave birth to our son. I went off sex and was not in the mood for it but my husband has a healthy appetite. The only way I can get in the mood is by fantasizing about having sex with another man. That man I fantasize about is his brother who is only 21 and I am 32 mind you. I have never kissed or touched his brother sexually. I don’t even like him when we are together but when it comes to sex I find myself fantasizing about him just to be able to get wet enough for his brother. Have I gone crazy! His little brother is annoying and irritates the crap out of me even before I had the baby. I don’t like him at all. My husband keeps praising me saying our sex is even better now after the baby when reality is I am not even thinking about him. When the sex is done I go back to loving my husband which makes no sense to me and I feel so guilty.

Please how do I get my brother in law out of my head? I hate this so much I can’t even ask for advice from my friends for fear it will get out. I need help.

Thank You


18 thoughts on “YES 138

  1. keep fantasising gal – its keeping your marriage alive.. kele ben10 daai ding. As long as u dont act out your feelings towards him

  2. Can somebody please comment on Mike’s work guys? This chapter was brilliant. Lungi has a tenowe but I really liked how she handled herself. I would have gone crazy.

    QnA What is wrong with our society? You are telling this last that’s it’s ok she sees her husband’s brother in her mind fucking her and it’s fine? imagine if your boyfriend or husband pictured your sister every time he had sex with you? would you not feel so violated and disrespected?

  3. Thanks Mike, I have the same problem with our society, some people still look at women and see baby incubators. I’m young, educated and employed and you still get some men who get offended just because I have something to say, or they call it disrespect. Thanks for putting it out there, from now on I’m gonna speak out without fear of offending this madalas.

  4. Thanks Team… wonderful, as always… usithatha usibeke phakathi, I felt like I was there in that family meeting, and shame bandla poor Mrs Malume….they won’t reach home, car accident b’coz of that drunk arrogant bastard selfserving…. man, she calls her husband. Men like this uncle just make me see red….
    Q&A: eish, this is a difficult one? How do you get turned on by someone you hate? Ngilahleka lapho ke mina, not unless the young man or someone is bewitching you guys (banifakele is’chitho)…. Whatever happens please do not ever act on your dreams. Please watch ‘Power’ and fantasize ngo Ghost, atleast he is on TV…(wink wink)

  5. Talking about the best writer of all times 👏👏👏 Great Work Maphoto…Hahaha this is why I sometimes don’t understand Zulu Man. Yea I am a Zulu girl but yuuuh Our Uncles and Fathers. They are something else. And You ask urself kanti what’s their problem with women speaking up.

    And Then Pretoria.
    What is wrong with u?!? Kanti what’s going on in this world. How would u feel if ur husband felt like that towards ur sister really?, that is insane. you need prayer and make sure u behave urself or else You’ll be single. That is waaay out of line…You’re so old for such games and to think so stupidly. Come on!!

  6. Miss Vee the world is so wrong because of people like you who are ready to attack and throw insults at woman seeking advice. Why don’t you shut up if you have nothing better to say…Q&A what you are doing to your husband is wrong, it’s emotional cheating, you need to seek help. At least you have taken the initiative to write here but this is not enough. Pray talk to God seek help spirituality, and get delivered from that spiritual husband. If you not a Christian then go see a psychiatrist. Please do it for yourself first coz you need help and to reconnect with your husband. Love yourself first to seek help for you to be able to love your husband again. For love doesn’t cheat, you might think you love him however you have lost that the munite you cheated emotionally. But because love is beautiful, forgiving and peaceful it can be restored and it’s a good thing that you haven’t spoken to your friends, for sometimes friends have minimum experience and might give wrong advice and things might blow up and get out of control…. you will be fine and reunited with your husband emotionally if you trust God. For whatever is impossible with man is possible with God.

  7. QnA I know this myt sound risky but if u love ur hubby and he loves yu the same nothing bits honesty like wht you are telling us ryt now tell him as well and be as honest as possible with him coz this is a problem, and u have not created on him akere, just tell him you have a problem and yu wd like him to be open minded about wat ur about to tell him bcz u are not proud of it either….it depends on how you deliver this to him but u must always be honest to ur hubby it might bruise your marriage a lil but if u guys deal with it together it will be easier for both y’all to move forward….but u have a partner u cnt deal with this alone rather talk to him(hope he’s not one of those Zulus lol) but trust me u being honest with him this fantasy will eventually wearoff, what’s the point of being with him if u re with him by keeping things from him and by sparing his feelings…he’s ur better half!! Not his younger bro….manner of approach though is vital

  8. Brilliant work bra Mike. I read this chapter twice because it was so good I felt I missed some things….

    QnA do you remember how as kids we used to pretend to hate the people we liked? Like you and your crush would be going around chasing each other to beat each other with some hidden tickles in between?
    Good so you see where I’m going with this. You don’t hate your bro in law, like why would you get turned on by fantasizing about him then? You probably like him and mask it with the annoyance you claim to have towards him
    Remind yourself why you love your husband and if he needs a makeover for you to find him attractive; give him one but whatever you do STOP WITH THE FANTASIES

  9. Wooow Mike bravo. This insert neh.Thank you.

    Yoooo this life.
    Seek help in anyway possible. I think brother is being used as a spiritual husband. If you are a christian you can google untie knots with spiritual husbands or divorcing spiritual husband… if you traditional get Lungis aunt (sangoma) to help you might be isichitho like someone said here. This sounds more spiritual than just a fantasy. Also try pleasuring yourself when alone,it will help you lead hubby on how you want to be touched and done during the butternut.
    All the best Pitoli

  10. Hide my id bhuti Mike.I would like to advise usisi Pretoria.My sister you need Jesus.First and foremost, are you saved.If you have Jesus in your life, the Holy Spirit is going to come along.He( the holy spirit) is going to be Your Teacher,Your Helper, Your ever present help in times like these.So The Holy Spirit is going to Restore, Redeem, Transform and Nourish your marriage like you have never imagined.See Ephesians 3:20.Allow Jesus to take control of your life and things will Never Never Never be the same Again.All the best.

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