On Fathers Day

Posted on Posted in ZuluGirlGoes2Jhb

****READ SLOWLY*******

I am deliberately sitting where I am today
Right at the back of the class where no one can see me cry
Its that day that reminds me the most of you imagine ah,
Fathers Day why must it always come can’t they just ban it?
Why at the back you ask, simple, I fear looking at the other kids faces
What with their smiling, happy faces and joyous chatter
As they cut out pieces of all that colourful paper into cards
For it feels like it is my heart they cutting to shreds!

I was not good enough for you to stay by my side
You abandoned me without even thinking twice on it
I was not yours you yelled at mommy when she told you
Imagine her shock for then she thought it was good news!
I used to make stories up about who you were
I made you up to be this great and amazing hero
When truth be told the sum of your worth should have been zero
But every child dreams so who was I to dare be different!

The teacher just asked me why am I not making a card for you
Don’t you want to tell your daddy you love him she asks?
I look at her and tell her I do and she asks so why am I not?
I tell her with tears in my eyes that I don’t know what you look like
Did your father pass on sweet teacher asks with sadness in her eyes
What should I say now for the truth is so hard to admit openly
Or must I make up another story so I can be normal like the others
Oh no wait, why lie, you have never been a father to me one day!

I don’t hate men, no will never give you that satisfaction
I do hate you though so don’t smile because its not about you
Uncle Mike raised me right and taught me so much
Like a puzzle he built what you tried to break to be whole again
And with mommy he taught me the decency to love and to care
With his last cent he fought to raise me a child not his own
That there Sir is my father and he will give me away
He is the man I will call my king to the day I die
That Sir is the man you should have been but failed to be
For I know where he was when I needed you most!

As for you Dad one day I will grow up to be big and strong
One day I will remind you God willing of this day today
I wanted to make you a card telling you what a great dad you were
One day when I can fend for myself and mommy I will do this
I will remind you of all the nights mommy cried for you
I will remind you of all the stories I made of you
It will be a day very much like this you have my word
As I will say with an ironic smile, Happy Fathers Day to you!

11 thoughts on “On Fathers Day

  1. My husband often has such thoughts about his father, I think that pushes him to be a good father to his children. For thst I am grateful for having him in our lives.

  2. Every year when it is Father’s day, I think of my dad. Thinking of him gets me emotional. He died when I was still very young to even remember. I often ask God, why did He take him so early? Why did He let him miss out on everything about me? Why did He let me miss out the feeling of having fatherhood in my life? So many why’s. How I wish to have 1 chance to c him again. I miss daddy. A mother will always be a woman not a man, no matter what. Big ups to all the daddies who play their roles in their families.

  3. Even as an adult I still lie about the role you played in my life, while in reality I met you after my matric,and you didn’t live long in less than 2 years you died. Sad part your son never got the chance to see you as he just reconnected with your family last year, 11 years after your passing. I was asking God this morning why would I have to struggle for everything, you denied me before I was born unfortunately I look like you.

    Career wise I struggled to be where I am and I’m still fighting, relationshipso are also hard,you messed my life. The man I thought is the one walked out of our home. For all my suffering I blame you as you never loved me.

    You took an easy way out by dying, you’re not a father but a coward.😢😢😢

  4. Hey braMike that hit home. It’s such a sad reality of our modern day society. We all belong to it by default. If UR a man UR either that absent father or one of those responsible malumes.
    Huge credit also to the Grannys who take over raising most of these grandchildren using their pension. Makes one wonder if we shudn’t have a Grannys’ day in future.

  5. Yho Mike…I am in tears as I am typing. My father holds one of the high ranks in his church and he broke my mom’s virginity after their wedding night. He admitted that we are all his…all four of us and yet he chose to neglect us. He chose to feed his girlfriend’s kids while we were starving, chose to give the girlfriend’s kids an education while we were kicked out of class for oustanding school fees. I saw myself abused by aunts and uncles…I wont even get started on the ugly names they gave us when they grew tired of supporting us while mom was studying towards her degree. I lost all hope in God and to this day I struggle to love a man because I see monsters dressed in suits instead. What kills me to this day still…is how an educated man can deprive his own kids of basic education. However I will always be grateful to my maternal uncles and aunts for trying to help even though it was hard. At least today I can pick up the pieces and continue with my life because God is amazing. I know that I will get that law degree no matter what it takes.

  6. Sad reality bhut’Mike. My father died of stroke when I was 11, I would have loved for my child to experience the love of a father and have that relationship for I know what it is to have a father and I also know what it is not to have as he was taken so early in our lives; unfortunately his ran away from that responsibility while I was still pregnant. My child tells his friends that his father is dead and in truth to him he is, because he has never been there and has never seen him (that is his choice; he even moved to another province) I thank and appreciate the uncle Mike in our lives for taking that role.

  7. You rejected me before I was even born, and thereafter every man mom brought home rejected me. Thanks to you mom regretted having me and would always remind of the mistake I was in her life, claiming that she had me when she was too young. She loves my other siblings more than I ( I suppose because their fathers are present and could pay maintenance on the other hand I was a burden to her)whole life I wondered what it was to have a dad, someone to love and protect you. In May 2012 I had a conversation with God, and I told him about my longing of an earthly father, July 2012 my prayer was answered. He was 12 years my senior, he introduced me to his family. What a lovely family he has. He gave me away on my wedding day in November 2016 (memory I will cherish) forever. Sadly he passed away on the 12th March 2017, through that man I experienced unconditional love, he taught me how to drive, was part of my lobola delegation and was a grand father to my kids, through his family I learnt that we do not have to be blood related to be a family. My family has become mine.

  8. He broke my virginity and got me pregnant. Went through 2 paternity tests that came back positive when my son was 5.
    My son is 12 years old today and doe not know his father. Only slight memory of him is when we went for the paternity tests… he remembers a man being there …… Ive asked him many times why he left and he just shrugs
    I used to hurt because he just left, no goodbyes , no explanation when my son was only a year old. He left us for an older woman with 2 kids. He was proud to tell me to my face that he prefers to date a woman with kids then to have his own, even if he was to brake up with this one he would still want a woman with kids . lol
    Today they are married , no kids of his own , still a daddy to her children and is nothing to his own flesh and blood.

    Im over all that and just find it really funny and i pray everyday that my son is strong enough to handle everything and that God keep me around long enough to see him through the battle.

    I am happy really happy i didn’t end up with an idiot like him, took me a long time to realize that. But on the one hand he gave me The best gift in the whole wide world. I love my little prince to bits and I’m very grateful i had him. Wouldn’t trade him for anything

  9. This just hits home.. i also remember how I USED TO LIE TO MY FRIENDS, SAYING THAT MY DAD IS WORKING FAR FROM HOME, WHEREAS I DON’T EVEN KNOW HIS SURNAME NOT TO MENTION HIS NAME. I REMEMBER HOW CONFUSED ID BE WHEN WHEN THEY ASK ‘OBANI ABANGENABO OBABA’ BACK IN SCHOOL, AT TIMES ID SAY HE DIED… AND THE SADDEST PART IN ALL THIS IS THAT , THAT ONE PERSON WHO’S SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME ANSWERS (MY MOM) IS NO MORE

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