Young Employed and Single

YES 124

Attention attention! I would like to welcome you to the Lungile Mbatha show! Lights, camera, action… At this very

moment this is exactly how my life felt like. When you get a twist in your life like this you feel as though your life itself has betrayed you. What really had I done to these dead people for them to screw up my life so royally? I could imagine bringing him home and the look that would be on my mother’s face… Hawema!

He knocked again. Well he had to I don’t think he had a choice in the matter now did he? I had to.


I said out coldly. Was this some joke on me or what? This was Azwindini’s brother and the same cop from IPID who had come to investigate me.

“Yes maam it’s me!”

He said a bit surprised by all the dramatics.

“If you are closing the door because you think I am back on the case, I am not!”

He said.

“Ok, ufunani la?

I asked in the rudest way I could think of short of cursing. If these ancestors thought they could play games with me they had another thing coming. Tomorrow I was going to Pastor Mbhoro himself if I had to get him off my back. I will climb that mountain at ZCC if I had to and wear a doek too in 37 degree weather to avoid being with this man.

No vuwa hani?

He still had that shocked look from me slamming the door on him.

“I don’t know what that means!”

I said to him which was a lie. Rudzani had taught me a few words.

Pfarelo… I mean I am sorry. I said hello to you in Venda or rather how are you?”

He said again.

“I know its rude just showing up like this but since I saw you that day I have not thought of anyone or anything else but to come say hello again in another light!”

He said nervously.

“Ok hello. Bye!”

I said in typical girl who is being pursued by a guy she does not like fashion. We bring out our rude side.

“That’s rough but I know I deserve that.”

He said about to turn.

“But why didn’t you call first?”

I asked him. I was curious to know the logic of this man. We all have stereotypes about other tribes but one thing I know is that Venda’s are often considered the most intelligent South Africans. I remember so many matric years the highest achievers being them so with all those brains in their people how stupid was this dude?

“In Venda there is a saying which says u kondelela hu disa dakalo which means fortune favours the brave so I took a chance and am here!”

I would not have had a clue of what he had just said had he not translated but Venda is one those languages that has that thing. Have you ever taken a blanket or mat and hit it against a tree, there is a thudding sound it makes repetitively, that’s Venda in my ears. Another example is putting a sea shell on your ear and that soothing sound it makes, that’s Venda for me. It’s like poetry really, a very beautiful language.

“And what were the chances that you were going to allow me to come see you. Zero. At least I am here showing you that I am willing to embarrass myself with a rejection and am not some coward trying to take chances!”

He told me. These ancestors must have been sitting around a kraal laughing their heads off. Did they think I was going to become VhoMakadzi Lungile? Wait wait… E ma kancane!

“You are good with words neh?”

I said to him because let’s be fair, he was saying all the right things but to the wrong person. Whatever he was selling I was not buying!

“I am not. I am so nervous. I bought you flowers but I was so embarrassed to walk with them to your door because well…Venda men don’t buy flowers!”

He said and I burst out laughing. I remember Rudzani used to complain at how not romantic Azwindini was.

“Getting a Venda man to do what you want on time is like asking a guy who drives a GTI to stay indoors on a weekend! It’s impossible but compared to making him be romantic it’s like telling Jesus to come back!”

That’s what Rudzani used to say about Azwindini all the time. I used to laugh when she said this but now that I had one in my house, on my couch I was not finding it funny anymore.

“Ok you can come in but only for ten minutes. We leave the door open I don’t want to a stranger in my house!”

I said. I could hear my ancestors do high five at me using the word “stranger” because was it not what my aunt had said. My mouth dried immediately at that thought.

“Thank you!”

He said and he stepped in. He walked in and he stood first to allow me to offer him a place to sit.

“You are Azwindini’s brother right?”

I asked him.

“Yes Azwindini ndi murathu wanga. I asked him about you actually and he only had good things to say.”

He told me with a big smile. I stared back at him with a blank expressionless face. Did he just say that? Should I burst his bubble now and tell him I slept with his brother and his sister in law tried to molest me?

“I am surprised he did because we did not get along just like I am sure mina nawe are not going to get along!”

I told him frankly. I guess I decided that he did not need to hear the sordid details of my sex life and betrayal.

“I am not my brother. I am genuine…”

He started to explain but I was not going to hear it.

“I think it’s time you left. It’s already highly inappropriate that you are here and I am starting to feel uncomfortable!”

I told him. He stood up immediately and said,

“Can you come get the flowers from the car at least? I don’t know how I will walk back with them without falling over!”

He asked like a little lost puppy. He was very sweet in a crude kind of way.

“No thank you. I don’t do flowers, I am highly allergic!”

I told him and obviously that was a lie, I am not that black. I see beauty in flowers but I was not going to encourage someone I obviously did not like. I watched him walk and I just shook my head.

“Lungi what next?”

I asked myself. With me it was always one thing after another so I already to brace myself for the next thing. My life I tell you. I called my sister.

“How are you holding up today?”

I asked her. I could hear from her voice that she was not doing well. She was dealing with a broken heart and unless you have actually ever experienced one you would know it’s the most painful thing ever.

“I am not ok Lungi. Last night I could not sleep. It’s like there was a lump in my chest and I have this headache that won’t go away no matter how many pills I take.”

She explained to me.

“Pills sis, no come on. You need to be careful with them otherwise you might end up overdosing unless it’s what you want of course!”

I told her then immediately recognized that as a joke that was the wrong timing.

“I don’t know what to do. I tried to call him and he won’t even pick up my calls. It’s like I did something so evil to him.”

She cried to me on the phone. I felt so guilty and angry now that I had wasted so much time waiting at home for this idiot when I could have spent the day comforting my sister. She needed me meanwhile I was playing games. I was wrong.

“I am coming over, don’t cook ok I will bring you food. You still like pizza right?”

I asked her. My sister from the time we were young loved pizza with all her heart. It was the one thing that I think made sense to her whereas I hated it.

“I am not hungry but thank you for trying. I want him back Lungi, I want him back!”

She told me as she hung up. I am so tempted to join the #menaretrash brigade but I don’t have the energy right now. Hearing her heart breaking and that pain felt so real and so raw. It was like that was me.

On the way I bought the pizza nonetheless and some provisions for my mother. She never liked us doing shopping for her because like all parents she liked saying we bought the wrong food or food that was too expensive. When she bought she would hire a bakkie and go but at wholesales. That was my mother for you no matter how much money we gave her.

“Day two having both my girls in my house!”

My mother said when I arrived. She was standing outside with Mam’ Dolly.

“Are you not supposed to be resting?”

I asked her with obvious concern. Coming out of hospital a person should stay off their feet.

“Ah I am tired of being in bed. A person must stay on their feet as much as possible because when the Lord calls us home we will be sleeping for a long time!”

She said getting all religious and creepy on me.

“Come on mum don’t talk about death!”

I told her very much annoyed that she had been sick now she is talking about such. I am not even superstitious but its negative thinking and can bring bad luck eventually.

“She is right wena why are you being dramatic. Lungile you should come see me, I need your advice on something. First take this one inside though I must start cooking!”

Mam’ Dolly said to me as she immediately turned away.

“Hawu why didn’t you just say I was boring you I would have left long ago!”

My mother said jokingly to her friend as she walked away. Mam’ Dolly waved her off taking no offence at that comment. My sister immediately came out of the house as my mother went in.

“Thought you would be sleeping!”

I said opening the boot.

“I told you I can’t. May I please use your phone?”

I was tempted to ask what was wrong with hers but I did not.

“How do you put it on private? I have been trying to put mine but clearly I don’t know how!”

She said very annoyed with herself. She was filthy. She had not bathed, her hair was unkempt and she looked nervous.

“Come on sis don’t do this to yourself. You don’t have to call him.”

I told her concerned.

“Please I need this. I just want to hear his voice and to hear that he is ok.”

She begged me. I obliged her because she was actually in a bad shape. We dialled and guess what, someone picked up.


It was him.

“Love please it’s me, please don’t hang up…”

My sister begged immediately. Dear Lord my heart broke at that moment. Before he could even say that someone in the background,

“Is that her?”

It was a female voice. Next thing I think she grabbed the phone from him and said,

“Listen here sisi wami, he is my man now. I call him daddy and I do whatever he wants. He fucks real good too so please stop calling us or else I will go get a protection order”

She insulted my sister and I think handed over the phone to him as she walked away saying,

“Some bitches just don’t know when to quit. She has no pride no wonder why she lost you baby!”

The girl said.

Have you watched Taken?

I have.

I have a certain set of skills not found in many women.

I was going to look for her!

I was going to find her!

Then I was going to do things to her that will teach her never ever to call another woman bitch!

I was livid!

*******The End*********

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

Brother Mike thank you for reading my letter.

I am a 27 year old man and I am a virgin, I don’t drink, I have a job, car and have just bonded a house as of two months ago. I am not bad looking but I cannot say that I am handsome. The reason for my lack of experience is that I am a firm believer in Christ and have always been. I had never had regrets for following my God closely as I have until recently brothers and sisters. I have been proposed to by girls before but I was never ready. I want that first girl I get to be the one you know. At church recently a new girl joined us. She is beautiful bafowethu! I have never lusted for a woman the way I have for her no matter how much I have tried not to. Every Sunday at church I try catch her attention and sometimes it works often it does not. Like I said I don’t have experience. Ladies how would you like a man to approach you especially if your intentions are to date someone plus also marry her. I know its too soon to say “marry” which is why I need advice on how to approach it without scaring the girl. Then gents how do you break the ice with a girl that intimidates you so much? Sometimes I go to her and the words don’t come out. I find myself passing pretending as though I was going somewhere else when the intention was to to talk to her. Its so embarrassing. I asked one of the Sisters at church to approach and befriend her for me so that we can be properly introduced but now am nervous that what if it fails then it will be so obvious. I sound like a teenager I know and I apologize for that. Please advise me on how to get the girl that could be my future.

Thank You


42 thoughts on “YES 124

  1. oh Mike you nailed it especially those last lines,,,i hope Lungi finds her that girl deserves a huge klap.

    thanks Mike, your talent is beautiful

  2. I know exactly how Lungi feels right now re: her sister. I wanna find her and do things to her that will teach her the greatest lesson, but its not my fight and and I would rather teach him

    27 yr old virgin…Jack!!!

  3. Kante why did amadlozi ka Lungi kill Sifiso’s wife and unborn babies if Sifiso is not Lungi’s future hubby? M disappointed, I really thought Sifiso was the one.

    1. I know right! No advice, but I wish you the best guy, whether it’s her or with someone else. I genuinely wish you the best.

  4. So Lungi is going to marry a dude whom she has smashed his brother? Kutough!! Sooner or later she will fall for this guy if he really is the one. On the other hand I am now curious about the dream about her GRan Sfiso and the babies.

    Dear brother, it’s very concerning that as a man of GOd who has stayed pure because you wanted to find the one and now all of a sudden you want to throw it all away because of lust. You did say yourself that the initial attraction was based on lust and if it is lust then you might find yourself doing all the things you have been avoiding all of your life. A relationship based on lust never lasts. Maybe I’m basing my response more on the lust part but it really caught me.
    If you want to continue on the right path I think you should first re-evaluate why you like this girl besides lusting after her. If it’s purely lust I suggest you let her go and fall inlove with a woman for the right reasons.

    1. I share your sentiments exactly, lust is a sin at least it should be to someone who is a firm believer in Christ. Have you prayed about it? What are the procedures in your church when it comes to dating?
      To try and help you, there are many activities that happen in churches, choir, worshippers, prayer groups, ushers etc. I mean find what she is involved in and get actively involved in similar activities and the rest would be easier as you are from common ground. With the whoring that is happening in many churches today I wouldnt be surprised if someone is already ahead of you and has shown interest. All in all pray and pray about it, and try to ascertain if what you feel isnt lust cos then it will not last.

  5. 27 year old virgin
    Go to the lady, smile and ask how was the service. Then introduce yourself, wait for her to introduce herself. Ask if she would like to have lunch with you now (as in after church). If she says no or has other plans. Ask for her numbers so you call her during the week.

    Don’t talk about your feelings, don’t stare at her boobs, look at her face. If she agrees to lunch, ask where she is from, what she does, talk about the church service. At the end of the date, ask for her numbers and tell her you would like to see her again.
    If she doesn’t agree to lunch immediately, call her and schedule one, don’t whatsapp.

    Goodluck, you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain. As hot as she is you need to evaluate whether she has the same beliefs as you, her lifestyle and character.

  6. Lungi sounds so much like me in those last good one Mike

    27 year old virgin, Im with Lilz on this one.. you need to pray about this; the devil may have sent that woman to throw you off.. your letter is definitely laced with a lot of lust. You sound like such a genuine guy, God speed wit your shelling missions.

  7. LOL at the letter…

    I appluad Mike `s use of the Luvenda, so perfect… I also want to help find this girl and teach her, through words and not violence that life is a wheel and soon he might just be at the bottom.

    PS: I like this guy for Lungi… I do

  8. Lungi please let it go. This isn’t your battle to fight. If you do something stupid and these 2 find a way back to each other’s hands??? Remember what happened when you beat him up?

    Brother!!!! Take it easy. Just be yourself. Approach her and befriend her. See what happens from there. Good luck!!

  9. Wow Mike. I’m really impressed. I was certain that it was going to be Sfiso or Simba. This chapter was amazing, I never saw it coming. I love the way mbalahelo showed Lungi respect, and his honesty, the guy is really charming. I’m in love with the character. I wish he can be the one to end up with Lungi, but with YES, there are always twist lol. Thank u Mike. U are really talented.

  10. Wow 27year old virgin I admire your strength to stay true to your beliefs in these harsh times. I agree with belara just approach her in a friendly manner and ask her out. Trust me girls prefer that than beating around the Bush and doing it through people. Good luck! Thank you Mike this story jus gets better and better. I kind of like this guy he seemed sweet Shem. I do like sfiso tho but a new guy wouldn’t hurt and is like a breathe of fresh air lol.

  11. Lols man 27 yr old virgin, man how did you do it… for lungi, please don’t do it. She’ll be in trouble if she goes after the girl and knowing trouble is her middle name, big trouble she’ll find herself in

    Thanks mike, you the best

  12. @ Brother, please give me your email address and nna ketla ephereyela wena, that lady mohlemongwe ga interested else she should have met you halfway by now.

    You sounds just like my future husband ( Ha ha ha).

  13. Thanks Mikeesto, awesome one buddy.

    I was about to grab them pop corns nam but then I figured, hayi this guy really needs help hey LOL! People say he must pray about it lmfao!!! This guy prayed for 27 years straight, same time Mandela did in prison and he got no action, niks, not even a BJ nyana, DOLOLO! I think prayer needs to take a chill and let this guy get his freak on.

    Mamela njayam, you were born with game yezwa, the minute you sprayed them doctors with urine 27 years ago, your game was unleashed. Now the same confidence you have to stay close to God and have guts to stand up on a pulpit and preach when need be, you need to preach to this girl in a G way. She proly digs you as it is, this ‘holiness’ you got going scores you some points to these church girls. Half the time most of them are there looking for husbands anyway so half the job is already done.

    Take it a like a job interview, like your first car lesson, like your first exam. You have this thing inside that tells you that you can do it, then the other half says you cant. Whatever happens, you only find out by taking the damn test right? Now do this. Go to a mirror and rehearse this ish dawg, Speak to the mirror like it’s the girl, say all the things you want to say to her, throw in a few movie lines also just for romance. Let’s be real player, when that girl is standing in front of you, none of those things will come out your mouth but atleast you practised yabo. Then just lay it out, ask her out to a movie, or a picnic. Just the two of you ntwana. Then go back to YES chapter where Simba was telling Lungi what he wants out of the relationship, familiarise yourself with such tone and attitude. You need to have swag and charisma, it has to just jump out of your words, don’t be mumbling like a Politian now.

    She’s just a girl, not yours yet so you don’t need to be sweating about what if she rejects you. You are rejected as is. Leap of faith and maybe you might be telling us you getting married soon. Just ensure you dont go in there blindfolded ntanga, church girls are hella voodoo nowadays .

    But Gawdamn sbalie itswayi engaka, like you don’t know the most magical place that God gone created on earth yet you claim to be close to thee? Like what trade art thou? The must be a planet somewhere that Im not familiar with where niggaz go to hide from girls… do you have any clue what you’ve been missing out on? Like my dude, all your achievements all your efforts all of your existence has basically meant absolutely Jackshit if you aint tasted the most fundamental cake of all of mankind. Yeses what a fucken loser!!! LMAO!!


    1. Hahaha, This response give me life

      This right here is treasure, proper KO statement “Like my dude, all your achievements all your efforts all of your existence has basically meant absolutely Jackshit if you aint tasted the most fundamental cake of all of mankind. Yeses what a fucken loser”

      Jackzorro you’re a star

  14. thanks for the read.

    @brother, what you feeling is lust and as a man of prayer I beleive you should connect with your God if what you see / feel is real or lust. the devil is here to use you my dear wake up from that dream and focus on your God, when the time is right He will show you and even your pastor / prophet will confirm it. you come a long way to give it away lat minute.
    hold on.
    love u my brother.

    Nongo @BW

  15. i disagree with you my Jack, wa bona this christianity road e thata papa, gase mme mphe bogobe you face all the trials of this earth, there are so many satanists out there the brother shud be very careful.prayer we mean where he should really consult with God to confirm, but to me this is lust he’s feeling coz yes he has never been in the game. but talking from a womans perspective you can pray and finally find the one that you share the same sentiments.
    my two thebe anyway, not open for debate though.

  16. Lungi show the bitch what you made of these kids don’t have morals, she’s 23 right mxm trapa sfebe se, so mad right now mxm. Mike please hook Brother with my number he sounds like my size lol, on a serious note though I am single and need a good man in my life.

  17. this is probably creepy but sometimes i imagine what Jackzorro looks like ngeke, like his fingers when he types these responses, his facial expressions when he reads these letters…i even have mental picture on how he looks like
    I fought with my bf because of him,i think i need to sort myself out and leave this blog for a short coz this is some Jackshit

    1. I read this like 20 times….It’s so hilarious, creepy yes, but insanely hilarious too…OMW…Quick one Anon; “do you have fantasies about Jaczorro and what is he doing?” But this is also cute maan…lol

  18. Eh Lungi is gonna use her special skills that not many women has.Mmmmh i cant wait for them to unleash.Great one as always bra Mike,thank u

  19. And just like that, I’m inlove with Lungi’s future hubby. I’ve never been close to any Venda people, I don’t understand anything they say but what Lungi said made me so interested in the language….
    Karma will be too slow for that girl, let’s go find her Lungi.

  20. Dear 27 year old virgin
    My now boyfriend used to bump into me and say the randomest things, I could tell he was nervous shem, eventually he asked me out on a date and I went and still he
    couldn’t say the right things lol. So after that he just bought me flowers and asked me to be his girlfriend on the card with a smiley face.
    If she could be your future wife think outside the box.

  21. Listen Brother… Uya phapha nawe, Y r u busy chasing after someone that clearly doesn’t notice you, u should’ve settled for those that were running behind you…

    Haai men…

  22. @mi_casa My friends always laugh when i talk like this and yes i do have fantasies but us just having a convo about life. I imagined myself visiting eCape town and him taking me on a tour…nothing dirty it’s weird but i just kinda picture as my older brother i never because everything he says is just things i wish to hear from an older brother so ya

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