When you love someone and they tell you that they are pregnant its one of the most beautiful moments in your life. It does not matter who you are, if you love him or her and they are having a baby with you it feels like you have fulfilled your life’s purpose. Don’t listen to these new age zealots who tell you that having a child is not the greatest thing in the world because those people are fucked up in their heads. How is bringing a child into this world not a beautiful thing? There is the fear of responsibility no doubt as you are about to raise another human being. I have always wanted to be a father I won’t lie and this was beautiful news.
“Please tell me again what you said?”
I asked her. She hesitated a bit and looked at me funny.
“I am pregnant!”
She said again and I found my dancing. The lord had blessed me tenfold and wow, I needed to build her a house.
“Londiwe please don’t say this as a joke, I am so happy!”
I told her. I don’t even know why I asked if it’s a joke because obviously no one would joke with such a thing. I literally had tears in my eyes as I asked this. South African men we are famous for running away when women tell us they are carrying our baby. I don’t think there is a bigger nation of losers than us when it comes to denying our babies.
“I am not kidding hey.”
She said looking down. She had tears in her eyes and I think it was tears of joy. I lifted her up and I twirled her around in the air.
“My baby is having baby!”
I screamed out loud.
“Stop it love you are making noise for the neighbours!”
She teased me laughing.
“I don’t care who hears me, I am so happy. I don’t know what to do!”
I told her.
“Let me tell my mum!”
I told her reaching out for the phone.
She screamed and stood in front of me.
I asked her surprised. This was good news. I wanted the whole world to know.
“Love I am Zulu from Jozini ok, we are very conservative. One of our traditions is that we don’t announce a pregnancy until it’s over 3 months old. It’s considered bad luck!”
She explained to me. I stood there for a moment and listened to what she had just said. Londiwe was superstitious about a lot of things and I always put it down to her background. Having grown up in Joburg I did not have them.
I remember she once said to me that any person killed by lightening will neither be mourned nor buried with a ceremony and I had jokingly said,
“You know in Limpopo that can’t be true right otherwise there would be no funeral ceremonies!”
And she had taken offense saying I accused people “eLimbombo” of witchcraft and it was not real. This was the same girl who believed that superstitions were real mmmm. Zulu people are a contradiction unto themselves, they will tell you on the one hand how much of Christians they are but are 100% convinced ukuthi bakhona abathakathi! That was my Londiwe for you.
“Ok baby I will not tell my mother but I do not know if I can keep such a huge secret to myself!”
I told her. My mother would be happy for me that’s for sure and now I wanted to see if she would still try to push me to Naledi after this.
“Love please you going to have to do that for me. This is our baby we talking about. I won’t leave anything to chance!”
She told me. She had me in a bind here. This was a huge tell someone moment and I could not even utter a word.
“You are forgiven for everything you ever did to hurt me and I am sorry for fighting with you. I am sorry for everything. I love you so much!”
I said. I am such a weak person. I had tears imagine.
“Today am going to make you supper!”
I told her and I went to the fridge. I immediately realized that I had no idea what to feed a pregnant woman! Crap.
“What would you like to eat? Name anything you want I will go get it!”
I told her and she just smiled and walked up to me and hugged me.
“Calm down. I am fine. This is big news years but we have to be calm. We are adults now and are going to be parents!”
She reassured me but come on now, this was not the time to be calm. This was the time to rejoice and be merry.
“You kill the vibe here love! I am too excited to be calm!”
I told her. As if on cue there was a knock on the door. Like really! With the way I was itching to tell someone this persons timing was going to get me into trouble. I went to the door to open.
I said out loud. Had I seen her a few hours earlier I probably would have strangled her but right now, at this moment, I gave her the biggest hug I could master and I did say she is not a small girl.
“Wow and then?”
She asked clearly surprised by mood. I was now wondering if maybe my wife had told her before me. I mean what else could she have been doing here.
“Come in come in, I am just happy to see you!”
I told her after she stood there with her mouth open clearly very shocked.
“Thanks I guess. I thought you would be angry at me still after yesterday!”
She said to me but I was not. I was too happy to even think of yesterday.
“Water under the bridge my beautiful sister in law, water under the bridge indeed!”
I told her.
“Can I pour you some wine?”
I asked her. She is a bit of a heavy drinker this one and alcohol makes her happy.
“Baby do we have some wine for your sister?”
I asked Londiwe before Nonjabulo even sat down. See what over excitement does.
“Love allow her to breathe for a moment come on now!”
My wife said cold looking at her sister. She was angry about something, I know that look. This was not a friendly visit clearly! Mood spoiler.
“Nonjabulo ufunani la?”
Londiwe asked her sister. See, I knew it!
“Vusi I came to apologize to you about the party. The way things went down it was not supposed to be like that and for that am truly sorry!”
She made her apology. So that’s why she was here! I didn’t expect her to come all the way considering now we were going to have to feed her and probably me drive her home but you know what, today everyone gets a free pass. I was Oprah today giving away forgiveness.
“Its water under the bridge. Londiwe and I discussed it and we are cool!”
I said to her with a huge smile I could not get rid of!
“What have you given him? I was expecting a bit of a fight you know!”
Nonjabulo said turning to her sister. This meant that Nonjabulo had not been told about the pregnancy yet. I felt happy and nervous at the same time. Happy because I was the very first person she had told but nervous because why had she not even told her sister!
“You not supposed to be here. I am not happy with you I told you so!”
Londiwe confronted her sister.
“I am sorry but I had to say this in person to Vusi!”
Nonjabulo said calmly accepting her glass of wine.
“You need to respect me Nonjabulo. If I say I don’t want to see you then I don’t want to see you!”
My wife said. Did this mean she had only found out today?
“I am sorry. Thanks for the wine. The person who dropped me off is outside so I have to go!”
Nonjabulo said. This was not like her. Normally she would come and take long and Londiwe would practically have to get rid of her.
“Ok that’s fine I will walk you out!”
I told her. I was not going to encourage her to stay I wanted to be alone with my wife so I could celebrate us and her.
“No it’s cool. I found my way to the door I can walk myself out!”
She said already walking out. Did I already say she was being weird? Goodness she really wanted to get out of here. She is a grown woman though so we allowed her to leave.
“I am sorry for my sister. She is a bit much!”
Londy apologized. She had made this apology a million times in our relationship already not that I ever asked for it.
“It’s fine. Let’s not talk about her. Right now it’s about us!”
I told her grinning from ear to ass.
“You really are happy? You want this?”
She asked me a rhetorical question I am sure.
“Of course I am ecstatic. I am not happy about one thing though; you shouldn’t have gotten drunk yesterday!”
I told her and when the look on her face became a bit tense I immediately said,
“No I am not angry love. It’s just that now that we are having a baby we can’t do many things as it will jeopardise the pregnancy!”
I told her.
“Yes I know. I only found out this morning. Remember I had a hangover so I felt something was wrong. I was throwing up.”
She explained to me and I was very much satisfied with that response.
“I am so proud of you. Thank you so much for giving me the best news ever!”
I told her. I had to work twice as hard now to get us out of this apartment. A family needs a house and I had to do that. This meant I had to take that deal with my mum now, eish.
“Oh I forgot to tell you, your mum asked my mum out for lunch! Imagine!”
She told me. Were it any other time I would not have minded but my mother always had an ulterior motive.
“She did? Do you know why?”
I asked Londiwe.
“Nope. I am just as surprised as you. This will not turn out well. That woman lives on another planet!”
You can say that again. I was not sure which woman she meant because both were work.
“I need to talk to my mum!”
I told my wife. I was actually nervous. What if she told Londiwe’s mother than she did not see a future for us together? My mother was blunt like that and she could and would say something so stupid.
“I tried talking to my mother too about it but she waved it off. Is everything ok, you seem worried?”
She asked me. I was worried that’s true. Should I tell her about my mother trying to hook me up to Naledi?
Couples should never keep secrets especially big ones like these.
“No everything is not alright!”
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you for reading my letter Bra Mike and please may I remain anonymous because I am very embarrassed. I even made a new email just to post this.
I am 28 and in a healthy relationship. My fiancé has a son who is three and I have no kids yet. I am happy with her and we have been together for 4 years. I have a problem friends I am addicted to masturbating and porn. I cannot sleep without watching porn and even on the days that I have sex with my fiancé if it’s not last thing before bed I will watch porn and masturbate. The irony is when I go visiting to a friend’s place or relatives; I don’t feel the urge or the craving to do it. Even when I sleep in hotels I don’t masturbate. Its only when am at home in my bed that I will not be able to sleep without doing it. I spend of 2 GB a week on data because of porn. I have tried to delete but that makes me download even more. I need help. My fiancé does not know because I hide it and I am very ashamed of this. I live in Makhado (Limpopo) and there are no facilities that can help me. It’s a conservative town which I do not think I will even be able to tell the doctor without feeling ashamed.
I am tired of this and I think in the long run it will affect my marriage. We have sex about twice a week with my fiancé. I don’t think I like sex that much, it’s sweaty and this place is hot in any case. Maybe it’s because of the masturbating I don’t know.