Is it ok for your husband to choose who your friends are and should be? I could see why Vusi did not want me to go with them. In his eyes they were too wild for me and could influence me to make bad decisions. I am a grown woman, I can choose my own friends but to a man I must look like a child.
“What are we going to buy?”
I asked them as soon as we left. I did not have my bank card hence why I was asking.
“Don’t worry about it. Just a few things!”
She said. It was already getting late. Maybe Vusi had been right about me going with them but I also wanted him to mingle with people. He was always in the house and I read somewhere in these books that your man needs to go out for your relationship to stay healthy.
“So how long have you guys been married? I always see you guys all lovey dovey in the complex!”
Nobuhle asked when we got into their car. You will be surprised at how much people see you in the complexes you stay in but don’t actually talk to you.
“We not married married its just lobola for now it’s a year now and you guys?”
I asked her.
“We are married married as you put it white wedding and all and it’s been two years now!”
She said with such ease but I was shocked. They looked like those feisty couples but boyfriend and girlfriend type not husband and wife.
“I am not going to lie; I thought you guys were just dating!”
I told her. Most women don’t want to be told what’s wrong with them or their marriage so I could have been thrown out of the car but instead she loved.
“See what I was telling you. We don’t act like a married couple that’s why no one thinks it’s possible that we are married!”
She told her friend who agreed with her,
“I never disagreed though. It’s because you are too friendly with people when you are with him. It’s like you are challenging to make him jealous or something!”
She told her and she laughed. I could see that it was something she was used and she actually enjoyed that attention.
“Well I love my big bear. He has never cheated on me and I have never cheated on him. We get each other you know! I don’t want a husband who will stop me from being me and I don’t think he would want a woman that will do likewise. People take marriage too seriously and we are not our fathers. See how that turned out for them? Bad right?”
She had a point. A lot of women from back in the day stopped having fun the day they got married. It’s like marriage programs women to be subservient and docile. She was having fun in her marriage and better yet with the person she loved. Why could I not do the same with Vusi? He was always so serious and his idea of fun never included going and the like.
“Oh well I am glad you guys are happy. Where exactly are we going again I see we passed the shops?”
I asked them.
“Girl would you just relax! Nothing will happen to you ok. We just going to stop at my friends place then go back!”
She told me. I could already sense danger in that statement. I immediately decided to Whatsapp my husband to tell him this but guess what? In my rush to go next door I had left my phone. Things really do go south very fast.
“Can I please use your phone to tell my husband that I will be late at least?”
I asked her.
“Girl you have a lot to learn. We leave our phones to avoid that and we leave our phones with him so that when you say oops I made a mistake he must feel guilty for holding the phone in the first place!”
I laughed at the geniuesness of it but was also perturbed by the deceit behind it. They were interesting people but were also the type to teach you how to cheat on your husband. I was not comfortable.
“We are here…”
She said turning into some estate. It was not far like she promised. I walked in behind them and her friend was sitting there with two other girls watching …porn!
Women do that?
“Nobuhle check this out, his thing is so big it could tear someone apart!”
The girl that owned the flat said and they all laughed. I did not laugh. It was not funny. This was so not me.
“Monica meet my neighbour and new friend…”
She said motioning me with her hand to say my name.
I said annoyed and embarrassed. She did not even know my name yet she called her friend. See what liking things gets you.
“Nice to meet you Londy. So Londiwe since you are new the question I just asked the girls goes to you first…”
She said and the other girls started cheering,
“Yeah, ask her to break the tie…”
One of them chanted.
“What’s the best, no let me say this rather, what’s the most satisfactory position in bed when you are with your man, doggy or you on top…”
Everybody stared at me in anticipation for my answer.
“Doggy! Me on top is so much work ah!”
I responded and two of the girls jumped up to come hug me for my answer leaving Monica stranded.
“Ok ok fine you guys win but why do we so all this squats at the gym if we can’t even ride a guy. It sounds dumb as fuck to me!”
She said. Only now did Nobuhle find her voice.
“Speak for yourself Monica; some of us have very wide men!”
The girls laughed.
“Who is going to have time to stretch their legs like that? Nah fam I will end up going to church on crutches!”
With that we burst out laughing all of us myself included.
“You on the spot newbie, what’s sex with your man like? Is he a many round a night kind of guy or that boring one round a person type!”
Another girl asked. I was on the spot and I don’t think I was comfortable discussing my mans intimate details amongst strangers like this. I am not saying I would either if I was familiar with them. Vusi was a very private person you know.
“Nah by the look on her face he looks like a one round person. I can tell someone who is not getting enough of it! It’s those women who spend so much time doing ‘eyebrows on fleek'”
And with that people burst out laughing. I loved my eyebrows ok. Eye brows are to a black woman what the colour of eyes are to a white woman. They are significant and mine were always on point.
“Nah I don’t think it’s the eyebrows it’s the nails. How do you get so much time to do your nails with those long nails knowing you are going to dig your fingers into him when you riding that dick? It’s impossible. Half the time you will be worried you will either hurt him or break the nail!”
One of the girls Naledi was her name said and this time I laughed because it was not me with the nails this time it was Monica. She was actually the reason why they were here as it had been her birthday earlier so she was having a kind of after party with friends.
“Aowa birthday girl, a girl should have two things, beautiful nails and beautiful toes! You can’t go around looking like a street kid! That one I refuse!”
Someone said and we laughed. The next thing I knew I was being offered a chair, a drink …and then another drink. By the time I stopped laughing I realized it was 2 hours later.
“Shit ladies I have to go! Nobuhle we have to go!”
I said in a panicked state.
“Come on, ten more minutes!”
Nobuhle pleaded with me but I put my foot down,
“No guys. I left Vusi saying we will be back in ten minutes. That was 2 hours ago. He is going to be fuming. Please guys I really have to go!”
I pleaded and thank God they agreed.
“She is right, I have work tomorrow.”
Thank heavens Nobuhle suddenly saw the light. We stood up and we left but that process took a good 20 minutes. I was pretty tipsy but during the drive I sobered up pretty quickly.
“I am scared guys I have never done this before!”
I told Nobuhle. Her friend was passed out in the back. You know those people that want to prove that they can out drink others, well that was her. It was not even her party but she had had double our shots etc.
“I am scared too!”
She said laughing,
“At least this time we will be fighting our men side by side!”
She said and I felt I had sunk low. I often criticized her man fighting her but now I realized that I was definitely expecting a fight too.
“Hey love we home!”
She said when we entered her apartment. Vusi was not there.
“Vusi left an hour ago!”
The big Nigerian said.
“Ok thanks guys and Nobuhle thank you for introducing me to the girls. They are the coolest bunch!”
I told her. I left the house and went to mine. At the door I posed for a while. I did not have keys so I had to knock. Imagine that embarrassment.
Either he was sleeping or he was deliberately ignoring me. Do you know how long five minutes of knocking truly feels like? I knocked for a good ten before he said,
“Who is it?”
“Vusi baby it’s me, I am sorry!”
I said. Those were the first words that came out of my mouth. He did not open immediately. Instead he delayed a good minute making me wonder if he was going to leave me there. That time I was pressed for the loo!
“Thank you sthandwa sam!”
I said when he finally opened and I rain straight to pee. It’s like I had a tank in me. When I came back he was not in the sitting room he was in the bedroom.
“Vusi can I please explain…”
I pleaded with him.
“There is a blanket on the couch. I have work tomorrow!”
He said switching off the side lamp.
I was in trouble.
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (Fb)
Thank you for always giving us these daily doses, they are life!
I have been dating the same guy for three years now but I don’t like what he does. He is 28 and calls women bitches and whores all the time. I have told him several times that it’s not cool but he has such a dirty mouth it’s embarrassing. He is into hip hop and I always point out to him that which South African artist goes around cursing and swearing? He has never called me a bad word because make no mistake about it ke tlo mo klapa. He is actually a gentleman with me all times but I can’t help but feel that there is more to this. We go clubbing and he asks me to point out which girls are hot and asks me if I want clothes like that etc. We go to the mall and if he sees someone with nice hair he will ask me if I want that hair and when I say yes he will go all out to buy it for me. He has a decent job and so do I but I feel like he is trying to make me someone else, his fantasy girl. I play along most times but now that he is talking marriage I ask myself if its me he wants or this fantasy person. He wants a threesome, he has always asked for it and I always dodge the question. Its all this hip hop nonsense in his head. He is not a hard person to love, in fact we get along its just that when this alter ego comes out I really hate it. I love my man guys and we are seriously talking marriage so how do I stop this potty mouth of his.