YES 116

Posted on Posted in Young Employed and Single

Being subtle when you want information about something from someone is a very tricky art. I could not be aggressive in my questioning of his aunt because if I did not respect her she will become defensive. Another thing was that because she had just met me opening up to me was not the easiest thing to do unless I gave her a reason why to.

“Why are you not working today?”

She asked me as we sat by the pool. The kids were already splashing around meaning we were watching over them.

“I have taken my company to court.”

I told her and she shook her head.

“That’s the private sector for you! At some point you will find yourself in court defending something that should be common sense!”

She said. I could see that she related with me somehow meaning she had possibly worked in the private sector before.

“Yes that’s true. I never thought it would happen when I was so young though!”

I told her. I loved my job again I say and what was going on actually hurt. I was not going to let it to define who I was though, hell no.

“Its not about age. Don’t you realize that the intellectuals are getting younger by the day and because of that education are more likely to threaten the establishment than older people?”

She explained and she made sense. Usually when a person has a family they would not be so willing to fight the system. You simply had too much to lose and that would ultimately make you question if the sacrifice was worth it.

“So back to you and Mbuso?”

She said changing the subject back to what had left me speechless earlier.

“I was joking about the wedding but I know he likes you enough to want one! What’s going there?”

She said with a huge naught grin on her face. She was really curious.

“We have not reached that stage yet in our relationship and half the time we not on the same page!”

I explained to her.

“What do you mean?”

She had a lot of concern in her voice. You could tell she really loved Mbuso.

“Its hard to commit to someone whose back story you don’t know. He is very cagey about Kgabo and that scares me a lot. I understand he is still in love with her and that she is gone. I respect that and I know what she means to him but its hard competing with someone.”

I told her. You see women always like to be seen as though they know the most about relationships. I was playing on her emotions woman to woman.

“I am with you there I understand. Her loss really hit him hard and I have been encouraging him to open up and let someone in for a long time now. You are actually the first girl that he has allowed near Ntheti and I won’t lie for a moment there I thought it was never going to happen!”

She explained.

“What happened to her?”

I asked her.

“She died in a car accident. It was bad. I remember that day so well when I got the news. Such a lovely person too she was!”

It was in the way she said it that made me realize that was not just an ordinary woman. The way Aunty Lynda had pride in her voice. At that moment Malume Rodney walked out of the house towards us.

“There you are ladies you left me in the house all by myself!”

He said casually.

“Shouldn’t you be leaving for your place now? You have been here long enough!”

Aunty Lynda responded to him a bit rudely. It’s like I had arrived in the middle of a family feud and this woman was not about to take shit from this dude.

“Why do you go all out to be mean to me? I am trying here!”

He pleaded with her.

“Mean? Are you serious? Do you want me to embarrass you in front of our guest really Rodney?”

She asked him. He just looked at her and went back into the house.

“Maybe I should just leave,”

I offered but she would hear none of it.

“No don’t. If anyone should leave it is him not you. He does not live here anymore but he insists on coming!”

She said with a very annoyed tone. Ok I had already gotten that but did it have to play out in front of me like this though. Surely there had to be boundaries in whatever their feud was.

“Anyway back to Mbuso, he is a good boy. Him and Kgabo were destined to be. They hardly ever fought and they came from two different worlds which on its own is rare. He did everything he could to upgrade himself for that girl and guess what, she did not want all that. She used to tell him she loved him the way he was!”

She explained. Ok so far the story seemed familiar. It’s what he had said earlier but it did contradict what he had told Nthabiseng and I.

“But is it wise that he moves on when he is clearly still madly in love with her. I think he still needs to heal.”

I told her.

“He has healed but he told me he told you how Ntheteng was conceived. It was not a small thing and looking at her everyday I think is not an easy thing. It’s not something people open up to easily.”

And there was the second part of truth. She indeed came out of a rape situation. Now I felt guilty for having pried on his story. I did not want to hear more.

“I have to go, I am meeting my lawyers in an hour and I don’t want to get stuck in traffic!”

I lied to her as my way out. That was my excuse because I honestly could not think of anything else. That’s what I call lack of creativity.

“So soon? Come on we were getting to know you. Please do say you will come at least, after your meeting.”

She asked me. I was not sure about that because I felt like I had just embarrassed myself. He had told me the truth but now I did not trust him because I had already planted it in my head that he could not be trusted. There is usually no coming back from that.

“Ntheteng come say bye!’

She called out her. She came running.

“Are you leaving already? Why? Do you have to go work? Will you come pick me up later? I would like that!”

She asked so many questions in that one moment her aunt and I laughed.

“Relax Ntheteng I will see you later.”

I told her. She could hug me because she was wet. I said bye to her ex husband and I drove out of that place. The guilt had not escaped me.

As soon as I got to the highway Nthabiseng called me. My hands free was not connected because my blue tooth on the phone was off. I had to pick up the phone direct which I hated. You never know when one of those Metro bike officers will stop you.

“Your company does not want to go to court, they want this to go away quickly and want a meeting. They want to settle and have asked for a meeting!”

Nthabiseng said. Imagine my timing for leave Aunty Lynda’s house and this phone call.

“Ok I am on my way!”

I told her. I don’t think I wanted a protracted fight either. Them wanting to settle was clearly as good as an admission of guilt. When I got to her office she was already preparing for our meeting.

“This is good right?”

I asked and she agreed with me.

“Cases can take months if not years sometimes so settling usually prevents all that. It allows you to move on quickly.”

She told me. I was so relieved. I wondered what I would do next with my life. I wanted to travel. I have always wanted to travel. This could be my chance. I had a few business ideas as well. Ten minutes after I got there their lawyers arrived. We were already sitting in the boardroom. It was three elderly white guys but you could see years of experience in them. Nthabiseng’s boss came and sat in with us. After the introductions one of them spoke up,

“There is no reason why to waste time. We have been instructed by our client that they are offering you r150 000, that’s three months pay!”

The lawyer said smugly. I could see the blood drain out of Nthabiseng’s face. Even her bosses jaw dropped.

“We also request that your client does not work in a job with the same specs for a period of not less than 3 months as her contract states!”

Nthabiseng could not hold it in.

“I would rather rot in hell before we ever accept such an insult. See you in court!”

She said angrily. Her boss did not stop her either and I think it was obvious that offer was beyond insulting.

“Its a fair offer Mrs Mbatha, think about it!”

He said directly to me.

“Its Miss and I am with my lawyer on this, are you mad? Like honestly did you smoke something before you came here?”

I asked him also shocked by the audacity of these people. Wow! White people yah neh. I give up on them shem!

******The End *******

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Mike@diaryofazulugirl.co.za

Dear Mike

Thank you for the great work.

I was raised by both my parents and being the only girl child, my mom and I are very close and we share everything. My parents have been married for 33 years and that has exposed me to how difficult marriage could be and my parents love each other but it was never perfect. I am in a relationship with this 31 year old guy and I am 26 years. I have a 3 year old son that I had in my previous relationship and my boyfriend has a son from a previous relationship as well. This guy really loves and adores both me and my son and maybe my son more than me. He is type of guy who would give you massages after a stressful day, take my son out for the whole day just so that I can rest, buys almost everything that I ask for, would cook for me and made sure that he came to the hospital everyday when I was sick even though he doesn’t have a car and had to walk more than 1km to get to the hospital from where the taxis’s are. But my problem is he is not educated and yes he works a stable job and does things for both me and my son(financially), I earn more than him and I have Post Grad Degree. I have pushed him to go back to school and he eventually agreed to do that this year from July but he lacks ambition and that worries me. He does not communicate, if I do or say something he will never talk about it, he sulks or he will do exactly what I did to him or said to him, I spoke to him about this and he says this is who he is. He has never cheated on me in the 3 years that we have been together(as far as I know), but I feel like he is so immature in how he handles things in the relationship and another problem that I have is that he loves his friends too much and booze(spoke to him about this and he is trying and has changed a bit). He wants to get married but I am just not ready for marriage and I don’t think I want to get married to him. He is also a type of guy that says a woman shouldn’t do this and I am raised by a woman who is independent who would even paint the house all by herself so I don’t believe in that crap of a woman should do this and not do what. I am afraid of ending things because I think I might get worse than what I have but at the same time I want an ambitious, successful and matured man who will treat me like my boyfriend. Am I being selfish or should I just settle and be grateful that I have a man who respects me and loves all of me(me and my son)? Am I looking for a perfect man that doesn’t exist? All I want is advise and not criticism.

Regards
Confused

34 thoughts on “YES 116

  1. Dear confused is pretty obvious that you don’t know what you want,I don’t think u love this guy,how can u say this guy love ur son more than you,love he’s friend and booze more than you,I mean if u mentioned friends more than u I will try to feel your pain but when it come to your son mxxxm your mad,many step fathers doesn’t lv their step son and your bf he’s an angel,he even want to marry you Geez some woman have quantity problems Shem,why complain because your bf he’s working and has a stable work,u said u want a man who’s educated go out there and look for him,when he’s too busy with he’s career and when he doesn’t love your son,don’t hv time to give u a massages and come to hospitals u will cry your lungs out

  2. Confused I’m failing to understand you. This guy does everything for you and your kid. He’s there for you when you stressed, bonds with your son like his own, has never cheated on you as far as you know (which is good) and has a stable job. Wena you want an educated man cause you have a post grad degree??. What does education have to do with love?. You earn more than him and hes not bothered by that why are you?…My Opinion is you just looking for a perfect man that doesn’t exist and even if you get the educated man with millions is it guaranteed that you and your son you will get the love you given now?. Lastly how is he a carrying guy if he likes friends and booze, you contradicting yourself and please don’t play that card .

  3. Confused… In my point of view, you are actually not confused. You know exactly what you want – you want an ambitious, successful and mature man who will treat you like your boyfriend. So, my question is, why are you wasting your time with a person who’s not what you want or who’s half of what you want? You know, the time you are wasting with him kumele ngabe usisebenzisa ukuthola lo bhuti oyilento oyifunayo. If you are settling with your boyfriend just because you are afraid you might get someone who’s worse than him, then you are settling for misery. Your boyfriend seems like a good person, but the fact remains HE IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT, so you will never be 100% happy with him. Leave him, there are other ladies who will be very happy to be with him. Don’t waste his time anymore, the poor guy is already on his 30s. Never ever settle for less than what you want. Yekela abanye isisi bazithathele. Maybe uzomthola lo oyilento oyifunayo. Good luck

  4. You will never find a perfect man and education is not everything, you earn more than this man but he still does everything for you and your son? Kanti sisi ufunani. To me you are in a 80/20 relationship and you busy looking up the 20 which might not be what you need in your life. Even though your guys drinks and has friends but he is still responsible enough to see you when you sick and has time to cook and take care of your child when you can’t. YHeeee Sisi you say your man even massages you, do you know how much I long for one from my fiance andiyibhaqi tu noba sekutheni. Appreciate your man sisi cause a good man is really hard to find. Yes he has things that he lacks but with your patience and not forcefulness he can attain those things. Phola, think with your mind and not emotions.

  5. @confused
    I think you have yourself a good guy here and you’d be a fool to let him go… just appreciate the guy and stop looking for perfection cause it doesn’t exist… atleast he’s trying and even agreed to go back to school for wena!!! Mara wuwe owaziyo enhlizwen ukuth ufunan.

  6. so confused you are one of those ladies that say “i want miserable in a mansion than happy in a 2 room house”? good men are hard to find, atleast brother has a stable job and he loves you and your son, what more can you ask for? you said you earn more than him, what is wrong with that? today many women earn more than their men and they are happily married because of respect. please dont waste his time let him go now and find yourself a rich ambitious man who will provide you with all the luxury of the world BUT LOVE.

  7. Such an insult though R150000….. How long was she with them? And is that what she is really worth to them?

    Confused….. A man with all the qualities you mentioned is a dream come true for some of us….. I mean ur Man isn’t educated but imagine if u push him hard enough he will be educated right?
    Now picture this a Highly educated man who earns triple what u earn…. But is arrogant, selfish and the only thing he cares about is his work and making money. You know that kind that says “Im doing it all for you and our kids” would u accept that?

    What I mean here is ur uneducated guy can change that and get degrees too but an educated selfish man….that my dear u cant improve on.
    Its ur choice though

  8. Thank you Mike.
    You will never find what you looking for, but you can try and encourage him to invest in education on what he’s currently doing and something he truly love.
    Sometimes I don’t get it ey, what is it that women want though??? I mean if he’s able to provide for you guys and loves both you and your son then and go extra mile to please you then where does an honours or doctorate has to do with anything cos he’s got a stable job and does everything you ask???
    Leave him to women who will be more appreciative and find your PhD who wouldn’t care to cook nor give you a massage.

  9. Thanks Mikeesto, great one buddy.

    Confused askies I don’t have advise for you coz at some point it will be very critical to criticize otherwise sugar-coating aint gonna help you with JACK. I wish that man a woman worthy of him yaz, likewise to you sisiza.

  10. But guys how can you crucify Confused for wanting to see more ambition in her man? She did not say she wants riches but just more ambition for him to do better and a better person in life. A good relationship in my opinion is one of people who encourage each other and challenge each other to be better people in all aspects of life be it career or personality wise. I say keep encouraging him to do best so you both can live your best lives and if ubona ukuthi ugibele istimela esmile sisi ehla! This is your future and if you would rather be crying in a mansion than being happy in a RDP house then that’s fine too. I know I would choose the mansion even if I had to live in it all by myself. I will never starve myself for love and I will always afford spas for massages!

  11. Thanks bhut Mike 🙂

    Confused: I don’t have any advice for you since you said you don’t want to be criticized … I will however leave you with some words a Pastor once shared at a wedding….

    “God does not give you a Perfect man, but will give you the material to build your perfect man… Like when you want to build a house, you get cement, sand water and bricks, to build a house that you want. So take the material you have and build your own perfect man. There is no such thing as a perfect man..so be realistic. If you think your husband is perfect then you are setting yourself up for disaster.Again, take the material you have and build your perfect man into what you want him to be.”

    All the best
    PillzBerry

  12. Confused no one is perfect lewena you are not, I’m a 31 year old lady i started dating last year(real relationship). Ne ke tshwana le wena but now I’m in a relationship with a simple guy (no degree or diploma only matric certificate ) but I’m happy. Ke rata go bala yena nix ,you must know that a re tshwane (gifts and calling) . My boyfriend o good ka business he’s not educated but I’ve learned to concentrate on what is good than his bad side. No one is perfect

  13. R150 000 really now???? va delela ngoo..
    @Confused.. a less educated man earning less than you but still does things for you and your son with his less salary and is not intimidated at all, adores you, not cheating on you…. and u say he is not matured on how he handles things in ur relationship ??women are indeed the most confused and confusing species I tell you.

  14. Dear Confused
    1stly I think you are snob. I see this by how you portray this guy. You think you are dating someone who’s not in your caliber. Wow!!
    Secondly, he’s taking care of you and your son, he’s trying to limit he’s alcohol intake for you and he’s also going to further his studies for you, nursed you to recovery and yet you still find faults??? Double wow!!!

    Ma’am I’m not trying to judge but you making it so hard?! Cause we are out here struggling to find guys because they feel we are “too successful” and wena you are having nice life problems 😅.
    I don’t know what to say…but don’t be me…and become a regular at a sex toy store because guys find you intimidating. Mthande anjalo umuntu wakho tu

  15. Esheee a K150 000 like really now?!!
    Thanx Mike as always you delivered, lovely!

    Dear Confused, I will not criticise you because when you make your bed you have to lie in it! So if you are looking for someone that your boyfriend is not, you are at liberty to do so. You don’t want to be stuck with someone you’re not happy with. However, remember that you might be an ambitious person and your boyfriend is not, and pls check if you can live with that. Also you need to see if you cannot accept your bf’s shortcomings and weigh whether his strengths do not count more. To me it feels like you are saying “he has all these strengths but if only he can also have this and that life will be good for us” What you are currently not happy with in your man are things that can either be accepted, changed or resolved and it’s all up to you and your attitude. I can also understand your confusion bcoz on one side he has all these good qualities and on the other he lacks qualities you want in a man. This all depends on you which way it goes.

  16. @ Confused… Yazi yini i problem yakho confused… Experience… I dont know, but have you ever been hurt, been played… Mina ngithi leave the guy and see what will happen… You will get the experience and you will remember him.. By that time he will be gone..

  17. If he didn’t have a drinking problem I would say you should just stay..you can’t lack ambition and be an immature drunkard at the same time.that is a worst combination..I see a lot of people are telling you to push him and build him.from what I have observerd men dont wanna be baby sitted and groomed.most men who are built by their woman eventually leave the woman and go for someone else because that someone else boost their ego. He will go charm someone else with all the qualities that you helped him acquire. I think you should look him in the eye and tell him that if your were to spend your life with a zero ambition drunkard,that will be a wasted life for you.give him time to pull up his socks and when he doesn’t then go get your ideal man.what you seek is seeking you too and you will only find it if you have faith..

  18. R150k, are they smoking some old socks?
    Confused, either way U choose, ask yoself which qualities in a man are the ones U can’t leave without as guidelines.
    Ever heard the saying, never look a gift horse in the mouth? But if UR not happy, don’t force matters.

  19. Confused I have no advise for you but rather a request…. Kindly send me boyfie’s number or better yet put him on a plane or even a bus (since he lacks ambition ) to Namibia.
    I will thank you later.

    Bye

  20. Confused
    Went through the same thing 4 years ago. Left the relationship, found my equal, got married and had a baby. Go for it, its worth it… U can’t stay with an empty vessel forever that shit can drive u crazy.. Ou and the money my ex spent on me my husband spends 10 times that much on me so yah…. Upgrade Girl.

  21. Thanks Mike.what u really want Mara.use the material u have baby.Im 45 no kids no man.in short I’m lonely.please think baby.love that man.he even try to change for you.No one is perfect.mepepe ka moka yana.

  22. White people clap once,not sure if it’s me or what the letters recently sistaz nkare they don’t know what they want here I’m wishing for that man, something needs to be done for us single n working looking for these men.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *