Nice life problems look nice when you are looking in from the other side. I have a friend who had neighbours that had
an Alaskan Husky as a pet. It’s a beautiful dog I kid you not and we used to go to the fence and look at it as often as the white people who owned it tolerated. Then one day they let it out and trust me, it stopped being pretty. With that said, I am very certain if I was seeing Simba from the other side of the spectrum he would have looked so ideal. A man who tells you what he wants, no games and all that jazz. That’s the stuff of dreams in a world where men are mostly clowns and fuck boys. Part of me agrees with that assessment but I guess I was old fashioned like that. I wanted to get to know a person first before I could say yes to him. This was not the age of arranged marriages but women empowerment so how disempowering would it be to marry a man I don’t even know.
“Life with no sex won’t work for me!”
I said boldly to him and I meant it.
“That’s fair but why may I ask? It’s only for a few months before we get engaged so is it not a worthy sacrifice? How many people get to know each other without the complications of a quick shag clouding their judgment?”
He asked standing up.
“Because I don’t think I would be happy with it that’s all! The only people who d that are people who meet on social media and swap numbers. Before they meet all they do is talk about sex and what they would like to do with each other.”
I responded giving my opinion in the matter and I knew a thing or two about it too. I was from the original social media not these fong kongs, I came from Mig33 and Mig33 was nasty, horny and wayward. We all had nicknames to bring out alter ego inner sluts and my name was … I am not going there! He opened a lower cabinet and took out a bottle of alcohol. He poured a drink and drank it straight.
“Are you ok?”
I asked him.
“Wow I did not think you would be so upfront about that? Now I feel rather stupid for having values?”
He responded. I don’t get it, where is written that a women talking about sex shows lack of values! I am sorry if that’s the Bible then the Bible is wrong. Sex is the one tool that has been used to oppress women over generations simply because we can get pregnant. It’s all fine when we are giving birth to your children through it but when I want to enjoy it without the complications of a baby I become a whore, loose, slut etc… You name it! No! I refuse.
“Why? Is it because women should not be open about sex?”
I asked him and he made as though to say something but he hesitated.
“I am an educated young female and Simba I love sex. I am not going to lie about it. Maybe somewhere out there women are not allowed to say this but where I am from I am not ashamed of it. I love sex!”
I said. I don’t know why I was pushing him like this. It’s weird that I actually liked him but because he had a stubborn nature I also liked pushing his buttons. No victory without sacrifice right.
“I never said that. Please don’t make me seem to be outdated and a bigot but my father was a Chaplin, a strict one at that and worse at a military school. He also happened to be a boarding school principal and at his school, in 6 years as principal not one girl got pregnant so you can see how sex topic was rather taboo!”
It took me a minute to understand that example and when I did I actually found myself whistling. It’s actually a rare feat to have a school with no one getting pregnant nowadays. He must have been a principal a hundred years ago then because in most schools today there is someone pregnant or who got pregnant.
“Now that’s just showing off. Is he still alive?”
I asked him trying to lighten the mood a bit because I had gone way too serious.
“He is actually and still strict. He runs the family like an army that’s how we turned out like me! I don’t want that for my family though. I want my kids to be able to crack jokes without being treated like war criminals!”
He said and we laughed. It was clearly an uncomfortable truth but it was a truth nonetheless. A lot of people think that girls are the only ones with daddy issues? Well that’s not true. Men have them too they just manifest differently.
“Are you going to be your father then and follow his same values?”
I asked him in what was more of a mock gesture.
“Of course not but some of the things he taught me the answer is yes I will do so. I took this from him and I have no regrets, we respect women above everything else. That’s why I said the sex thing; it’s to protect you from yet another man who wants to…use you!”
He sad explaining himself. It’s not that he was not taught well just rather he was a bit outdated. This could end up being one of those marriage were no matter how loving it could be, I would need permission to even go out. I am just saying.
“I can take care of myself and I can sleep with whoever I want when I want before I am married. Will you be able to handle that?”
I asked him.
“If that’s what you want then so be it but my offer is just that. I obviously don’t want you sleeping around and I am sorry if my offer to make a decent couple out of us was not what you expected.”
He said. Ok I had played the game a bit too much but from what I know, strong men want strong women. I was trying to appear strong for him to see that I was worth the challenge. With luck on my side I was winning.
“I think I should take you home now.”
He said calmly. Goodness he was kicking me out. What happened to Paris though? We had not discussed it again. I wanted to go to Paris.
“I think I will use an Uber thank you. When you are ready to treat me like the lady that I am, take an Uber to my place. Don’t drive!”
I told him as I went on my app. His mouth was left wide open.
“You are joking right.”
He asked me. I smiled back at him and in 5 minutes when my Uber arrived the joke was clearly on him.
“I am sorry I was too forward.”
He said with a bit of panic in his voice.
“You did nothing wrong? You approached it the way you saw it fit and that’s you. We will talk later!”
I told him as I left in my Uber. Simba the Lion King. I had butterflies in my stomach. I had actually enjoyed that believe it or not. I was tired of push over men and Simba seemed really sure of himself. When I got home I called my sister.
“Mum is quite calm now. The doctors want to sedate her over night so I suggest you see her tomorrow!”
My sister advised. I am ashamed to say I did not have the energy either to go see her so this was a relief.
“Ok cool then. I am sorry again for causing this rift between us. I miss my sister a lot and I miss her giving me advice.”
I told her.
That was her response and she hung up. Eish, we were not out of the woods yet. I needed something out of the car so I stepped out of the house phone still in hand. When I got there my phone rang and it was Sfiso, I just found myself smiling.
I said with a smile on my face but Sfiso being him did not just respond he sang,
“Hello Ntombazane, Mhoro Musikana, Unjani la, Unonzwa sei, Kudala ndifuni kuthetha nawe…”
I was laughing already.
“You really like Ringo and Mtukudzi neh, you have already sang me that song!”
I told him and he laughed too.
“Ah come on FAM, I am trying to be romantic here and you are just killing it. So what I sang it before, I am out of touch with South African music remember I am stuck in England!”
He said and I remembered.
“Goodness I am such a terrible person hey,”
I said laughing and went on,
“Nowadays we sing, ‘Mthande, mthande umuntu wakho, mncome, mncome, umuntu wakho!”
I sang in my terrible voice but he absolutely loved it by the way he was laughing at me.
“Now that was romantic you know!”
He said but my thoughts were distracted when from behind me someone cleared their throat. I turned around to see Mbuso standing there.
“You left your jacket in the car!”
He said in a deep voice, handed it over and walked back to his place.
“Who was that?”
Sfiso asked me.
“Nobody, just a friend?”
I told him.
“Well please tell just a friend that your man is coming to town so you won’t be leaving things in his car anymore!”
He said sounding rather annoyed and he hung up!
All three were angry at me!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I don’t think there are many writers out there who can do what you do with this much consistency. Well done sir we are really proud of you!
I am 37 married with two children and I would like to divorce my husband. We have been married for nine years but in nine years he has never said I love you. He does not discuss anything with me finances or other wise. At the end of the month when we both get paid we don’t do a budget together he does his own and I do my own. I have tried to explain to him how abnormal this is but he refuses to listen. Before we got married he was the quiet type but we communicated well enough when it came to finances. We dated for two years. After marriage he just became serious. We cannot even talk about feelings and we are not even a fighting couple. He is comfortable talking about work, soccer and sometimes gossip about family but when it comes to us nothing. He is good with the kids too but its just me he cannot talk to. I never cheated or disrespected him but honestly I feel like a stranger at home.
I love my husband a lot, am faithful and loyal but I am miserable. How do I fix this?