This calling thing was confusing I really have to admit. I had no idea what was going on in my life anymore. I did
not whether to call the mistakes I was making just mistakes or bring it down to bad omens. I am for real on this. Now my aunt was saying one thing about the reason why my mother was sick and for the first time in my life I really must say I actually believed her. There. Was sense in her words? Imagine, me with my education believing in something I would have called nonsense on any other occasion. How deep is that? Here I was second guessing doctors, people who I revered for beliefs that white people had systematically taught us to believe were nonsense. Yah neh, I really was on my own path towards doom.
I chased after her as she stomped out. I can’t blame her mother had rather humiliated her.
“You think if you dress so nice we don’t see what you are, you witch!”
My mother hissed after her. Humiliation has levels and I was embarrassed for my family. I caught up with my aunt as she went down the stairs.
“I am sorry you know how mum is!”
I reminded her. She did not respond but I could see she was crying as she stomped down the stairs with purpose.
“I should never have come!”
She said when we finally got to the bottom of the stairs.
“I should never have come!”
And she had a point. My sister had been presumptuous on this occasion. She really had. My mother hated my aunt, we all knew that. As far as my mother was concerned people like my aunt were the reason why white people still had all the land and we did not. She was the reason why Jesus was still not back and she was the reason why Pirates will never win the premiership again.
“Please forgive her. You know her. You know how she is!”
I told her.
“She blames me for this like I chose this. You think I wanted to become a Sangoma? You thing I had no other dreams myself. This was calling was hers and not mine but someone had to appease the ancestors and that person ended up being me. It was me that had to give up everything to protect the family. I was like you, smart and beautiful and the moment I accepted do you know how many friends I lost? I lost a lot of people because people at the time were like people now, the judge what they don’t know. People who hardly ever see the door of a church will come and tell you how God disapproves of this. Imagine, to such people telling them to go church is like torture. You will find that person saying they can’t go to church it’s too hot but the person was born and raised in Messina! How can an air conditioned church be hot then! But don’t think they won’t judge me?”
She was so annoyed with my mum. She was letting me know of her isolation ever since she because this. She was right too and I was not surprised either because with black people part of our reason for failure is that before we do something we tend to ask ourselves this,
“What will people say?”
It’s actually a deep question that holds so many of back because doing whatever it is that made you ask yourself that shows that you have to be prepared for the negativity.
“I am sorry aunty!”
I told her again. Did this mean she will not help me now because I still had to twasa?
“I am leaving.”
She said and she got into her car and drove out. She had a car? Can you picture a Sangoma in a business suit driving a car? That was my aunt for you. I went back inside to my sister. She had left mum who had been calmed down by a sedative.
“I walked out she is gone now!”
I told my sister when I got to her.
“It’s a good thing. I was not thinking right when I called her. She is crazy right?”
My sister asked me.
“I don’t think she is because she has a point about all these things that only seem to happen to mum!”
I told her. Those were my real thoughts.
“You can’t believe her though I am sure you know that. I know mum told me about getting a possible calling but are you really going to put our mother’s life at risk for something like this?”
My sister asked me sarcastically. I know when she is mocking me. She makes me answer my own questions. This is what happens when you know someone too well and I knew her so well.
“I was just saying that you know for a fact that mum has always been sick and we can’t figure out why or how? You used to even laugh at her for making things up but now when an alternative answer is given you freak out?”
I asked. There was a hint of confusion inside her that’s for sure. It was not just me seeing things. These things were happening.
“I don’t want to entertain that. Come on Lungi; please don’t go down that path!”
She warned me and walked away as a sign that she did not want to talk. Why did this have to be so stressful? Now I was left talking with Ezile.
“Do you think I should get some people from pysc to come restrain your mother? She seems quite riled up?”
She asked me with a lot of concern in her voice.
“No it’s cool. You don’t have to do that, her sister does this to her!”
I found myself telling her.
“Sisters? Wow, you could swear that they hate each other. Regardless if you need anything please call me ok!”
She said and for the second time put her hand on my shoulder as reassurance.
I told her as she walked away. Why was it every time this girl was there I appeared weak! Every time without fail. As I was thinking this Simba called. I was not in a mood to talk but it would have been rude. The man had run to my rescue.
“I was checking if everything was ok!”
He said as soon as I picked up.
“No its not. I am at the hospital now and everything is just a mess!”
“Hospital? You were fine when I met you though so what has changed now?”
He asked me.
“My mother, she was admitted yesterday. I forgot to tell you with all that was going on!”
I told him. I was not even sure that I had forgotten to but it’s what came out. I had so much on my mind I could not even remember some of the things I had told myself.
“I am coming there. Where are you? You are not supposed to be alone at a time like this!”
He warned me.
“I am not alone am with my sister.”
I told him.
“The same sister you are fighting with? Remember from our night out you said that.”
What had I not told this guy though? Was I that tipsy that I could not remember everything I said? He seemed to know so much about me and that I must say was worrying. Lesson to self, never drink too much on a first date if you do not know how to handle your liquor!
“Its fine you can come through. I am at the Netcare next to my house!”
I told him.
“Yeah I remember it. Give me about 30 minutes depending on traffic.”
He said. If I was still in life after 30 minutes then he would find me. With the way my sister was behaving one of us would be dead by then Shem. I sat there in silence and began to think, my mother was not sick but sick? That did not even make sense. My phone then rang,
I asked when I saw who it was. It was Sfiso.
“Hey you. Is that how you treat someone who has just lost his wife?”
He said jokingly.
“And how is that so? I was always going to call you!”
I told him feeling a bit guilty that I had not called him back.
“Liar liar, Lungi’s thongs on fire!”
He said and I burst out laughing. I was not ready for that but he had to be the one person that could me makes me laugh.
“Ok not the thongs; let’s burn all the granny pants first and yeah there will be world peace!”
He said and again I laughed. I looked around first and responded,
“I will have you know that full panties are comfortable you know!”
I told him,
“Yeah comfortable but they make you look like you are wearing pampers you bought on discount!”
And we laughed again. He had this effortless charm about him.
“I will be in Jhb this week I am coming to fix some life insurance things for my wife. I was hoping I take you to eat because last time I saw you you had lost too much weight. I could not even see you cheeks anymore!”
“I am fat dude don’t tease me!”
I retorted jokingly,
“Phew thank God you said it first I did not know how to bring it up!”
He said and we burst out laughing. He was killing me here.
“Listen I have to go. I will take you out for salad neh because I don’t want to be part of the reason why you not eating healthy.”
He said and hung up laughing. Some people really just have personality in abundance. I had needed that conversation to let my spirits up that joy was short lived; my sister was standing behind me with arms folded across her shoulders.
I asked her.
“I can’t believe you are standing here laughing so much when our mother is dying in there!”
She said guilt tripping me.
I was going to smack this girl now! I really was and I could feel that temper rise!
I just can’t stop myself.
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you the amazing work that you give us, I can only start my day off once I’ve had my daily fix.
So this is my current situation (can please remain anonymous) , if fellow readers could please give me some advice on how to handle this…
I have been in a relationship for over a year know with my baby’s father, things happened really fast for us as in I fell pregnant within two months of us dating and our relationship just took off like a runaway train from then. He stepped up, took responsibility for me and his daughter in every way possible; paid damages to my family, bought all baby things, he was even right there by my side the day she was born.
Here is my problem: The love and chemistry between me and him seems to have faded. I love him and he loves me but its not the “i would die for you” type of love (maybe I’ve been watching too many romantic comedies). Bottom line is I’m not happy with our relationship, it feels as though we together for the sake of the our baby. We live together so we invested so much time and effort into building a home for our family I don’t want to tear it apart but at the same time I don’t want our child growing up in a loveless home. For me it feels like our relationship has come to an end but he wants us give it another go. He’s really good guy, he’s never cheated, never abused me, hes always there when we need him, he’s a wonderful father and partner and our daughter adores him. I don’t want to break his heart or hurt him in any way but I feel like if it was not for me falling pregnant we would even be together for this long. So fellow readers, should stay and try and find happiness in my situation or should I go become a single mom and make my own happiness?
P.S I forgot to mention; he’s in the process of buying a house for us..