Young Employed and Single

YES 95

As women we always tell ourselves that we will never be bad mothers. Often we compare ourselves to our own mothers

and say we are going to be better than them. It’s weird how the comparison is always with her yet I am sure that before she had a family she too said that she will be a great mom. Why then do we not find her so great when we are making this decision? I kept on making mistakes with Ntheteng. She was not my child yes but I can’t keep on stumbling from mishap to mishap and not worry that when one day I have one of my own I will make similar mistakes.

“BoyBoy you are grounded!”

I told my toy as I hid it away safely. Now Esethu was going to think me a pervert. I can’t blame her either I had let myself down. There was something I needed to call because it has been so long, Cindy. Since she miscarried and kind of lost it I have not been a good friend to her.

“Cindy hi!”

I told her when she greeted the phone.

“Hi, who’s this?”

She asked from the other aside. I checked my phone to see whether I had dialled the right number and indeed I had.

“Did you delete my number? It’s me Lungi!”

I told my stomach knotting because I was hurt by that.

“Oh hi, my phone formatted and I lost my numbers. I just had to wait for you to call me that’s all!”

She said rather coldly. Cindy often did that, she believed her true friends will reveal themselves by deleting her phone book and then wait to see who called back. Crazy but true.

“I am going to the doctor now but will call this evening!”

She said still coldly then she hung up. I stared at that phone for a moment longer and accept. I sat there wondering how I could have forgotten about that thing. I was tired so I lay down and decided to rest. I passed out only to be awakened by my phone ringing. The TV was still on cartoons. It was Mbuso.


I asked him groggily.

“Are you still coming, Ntheteng is ready and has been waiting for you?”

Mbuso asked me on the phone. I looked at the time and we were behind time indeed.

“Yes I am coming!”

I told him I was not about to let her down. When I got there I found the madam watching TV eating popcorn. This again was backfiring against me. It meant that I had taken Ntheti out of the picture giving her free reign of him in my presence. Since when did I become this petty person? I needed to get a grip of myself.

“Let’s go Aunty Lungi! Did you pack a camp chair? You will need one and don’t you have a big hat and sunglasses?”

Ntheti asked me. I had not packed all those but why is so important to her.

“Nope do I need them?”

I asked her.

“Yes you do. You also need a small cooler box with water and drinks that stays in your car just in case.”

She went on to explain. I did not have a small cooler box.

“I don’t have one.”

I told her and before I could continue she said,

“Daddy please can we have the cooler box!”

She asked for it.

“It’s in the car and a camp chair, let’s go will give it you!”

He said.


Esethu said waiving.

“Thank you we will, right Aunty Lungi!”

“Yes we will.”

I told her but I was far from convincing. Walking with Mbuso after what had happened last night was beyond awkward.

“Bring back my camp chair!”

He said by way of a joke. Like I was ever going to leave it there.

“Enjoy your lunch!”

I said sarcastically. Ok I was being nasty for no reason. I got the gps coordinates from Mbuso and we were off. Thank God she sat in the backseat all on her own because I would not have thought of that.

“So how long have you been friends with Kgaukgau?”

I asked her. They had met at school and she was her best friend in the whole world. That’s what she told me.

“Ntheti what does your father do?”

I asked her as we drove off. I had actually never asked him that question. He my neighbour yes and he had an amazing physique but I had no idea what he did.

“He is a plumber. It’s written on his other van but he doesn’t often come home with it.”

Did she say plumber? He was blue collar? Then how did he manage to stay in our estate because my unit alone rental was r8000 a month. Do plumbers even make that much amount of money?

“Is something wrong Aunty Lungi?”

She asked me.

“Nope, why do you ask?”

I asked her.

“It’s just that you went very quiet!”

This child was too observant. I am not being a snob here but picture a plumber and a doctor or a plumber and a bio chemist. Men always say they want women who will stimulate them intellectually, with Mbuso who was already a quiet person mind you

“Nah its fine. Everything is fine. What music do you like?”

I asked her changing the topic. It was not because we got there in no time. The party had already started and by the looks of things people here keep time. Why had she asked me to bring a camp chair when it was a party in a house? Ntheteng ran inside immediately as I followed with the presents. How could Mbuso afford all this? By the time I got in she was hugging some woman so naturally I went to her.

“Remember my mum Kgau’s mom?”

She asked her before I could even open my mouth. This child had an agenda neh.

“Oh yes we met when you guys were buying ice cream!”

She said pleasantly.

“I must say you have a good memory and a beautiful home. Sorry we late, got delayed at home!”

I told her as I handed the present.

“This is for Kgaukgau!”

I said as she received it.

“Thank you for this. She is going to love it I am sure. I am Lulama by the way!”

Shit I had not introduced myself.

“Oh sorry, I am Lungile!”

I told her.

“Pleasure to meet you once more. You have such a beautiful daughter and she so polite. Every time I see her she passes a compliment! You taught her well”

The lady said and my first instinct was to try and explain that she was not my daughter I was babysitting but I felt bad. Ntheteng had introduced me as such.

“Thank you very much. I don’t attend much of these functions because of work but when I am around I try my best!”

I explained to her.

“Well let me introduce you to the other moms!”

She said pleasantly. It was a group of diverse women actually, four moms in all. I think even in the mom crowd there were cliques.

“This is Thembi, Tshepi, Nomonde and Fifi!”

She said. I learned as the day went on that two were teachers, Nomonde housewife and Fifi had an online store. I think that’s what she said.

“We also have a whatsapp group were we update each other on what’s happening at school and so on. You should join. Mbuso is already on but he never contributes to the discussion!”

She said and we all laughed. The excuses were because he was like a single dad and men don’t talk. I never actually realized how being a single mom is actually a lot of work. All in all we had a pleasant afternoon. By 630pm we were home and Ntheteng was so tired she slept in the car. I carried her to their door and Esethu opened.

“Oh you guys are back, come in how was it!”

She asked me.

“Being a mum is hard work. I hung out with a bunch of moms and they just made me feel like I have a lot to learn for when I become a mom one day. I need to make a baby soon you know!”

I told her and she laughed.

“I don’t think I want kids just yet. My career could be affected but I love kids!”

She said. I felt like asking what she was doing here then if that’s how she felt but I humbled myself.

“Say hi to Mbuso for me!”

I told her and I left. Very mature of me. My phone rang as I entered my house.

“Are you home, can I take you out for a drink?”

Simba asked me.


“Sure that’s fine. I am bored anyway!”

I told him. I forgot to mention the exhausted part but having spent the day with mums I needed fresh air.

“Let me send you an Uber. I don’t feel like driving and besides I said I want to have a sip.”

He said. I didn’t mind that either. Drinking and driving is a bad idea in any case and you put unnecessary pressure on yourself when you go out just trying to balance out how many drinks you should have to be allowed to drive.

“Ok then. I can’t wait!”

I told him

This day was not going to be disastrous after all.

Some peace and quiet!

*******The End********

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

I have wanted to write this for a long time. I am aged 35. I met a beautiful woman five years ago she is 30. I don’t have kids of my own but she has a 9 year old child. We started dating and she made it clear that she was getting old and wanted to get married. I grew up in a family where no one married anyone so marriage for us has never been a priority. I then took her daughter under my wing and raised her as a daughter, took her to an expensive private school, loved her provided for her as a real present father would. I made sure that my girlfriend (the mom) had everything she needed and I would even send her on holidays abroad and so on. A month ago she came and said that this is not enough for her, love is not enough. I love this woman and she knows this, I love her daughter even more. She said she wants us to break up. She says she is too scared to wait another year. I then told her she was right and let me gather my people around to start the negotiations. She says no, it’s too late. I have never cheated on her, I have never betrayed her, I have never let her down, I have done what no other man would do and raised her daughter, I have never allowed her to be broke etc. In our relationship we have never had a fight and in fact this “fight” we are having is the longest period we have fought “two weeks” but she is willing to break us up. I know I took us 5 years to this point when she has wanted to get married from year 3 so I don’t entirely blame her for wanting to leave as she has been asking for this. I have already started talking to my uncles who have already agreed on the date but now my girlfriend won’t accept to deliver the news because she is saying it’s too late.

I love this girl. Help me get her back. Help me build a family for us.

Thank You


43 thoughts on “YES 95

  1. tjo Mara why can’t we all find no John and live happily ever after this life bathong!!!!!!

    well my guess is ugirl has found someone else I mean why say no when a man says he wants to marry you!? some women date guys for 10 years waiting for them to marry them ,so miss thang just decides no its too late? it smells smokey here ….. my advise my guy is find someone else here is a woman you have done everything for and she still says no when you finally decide to marry her? you deserve better (I’m sorry to throw a fellow woman under the bus ,but honestly you deserve better) and I hope you find your happily ever after bathong …. OK are I could bottle you and keep you away from this bad world you are rare

  2. Haibo.. has that woman lost her marbles?! she’s getting what she wanted now she refuses? who is gonna marry her now? O_O.. yhu hayi.. guys we’re out here looking for men like this, stop chucking them away tuu.. Good luck with your situation John, i dont know how you’re gonna win her back.. ngathi she is someone who has/had an exit plan.. so strange.

  3. Thank you Tate Mike..

    Dear John
    You are a good person and she does’not deserve you. I don’t know how you feel but some people can be selfish and don’t appreciate . I just know that break ups are very hard, I have been through one recently and I date the guy for 5 years. You need to put yourself first, Pray to God and I hope you heal.
    In Namibia that woman would have been killed by such a man in your position. As I said you are a good man and May the Lord guide you and bless you.

  4. QA tell het to immediately find transfer forms for her daughter to public school, as u cnt continue paying while u separated, im tellin u she will change mind immediately.

  5. Lungi, I am disappointed in you that you look down to a blue collar work. honestly artisans makes a lot of money while wearing the overalls we look down at. a call out for a plumber is between 600 to 800 rands before the real work is done. at times they charge you per hour to be at your place, doing the work. Mbuso is making money, he might be making more than your make a month miss bio chemist.

  6. Ask Mike for my email. I know it’s her you want and she doesn’t want you.but I want you..

    P.s. I don’t have any kids you would have to send to private schools.

  7. John, i believe there is nothing you can do to change the woman’s mind. No woman can ever say no to a marriage proposal more especially when you have been than good to her. i believe your Lady has a Side Bae and you making things official will ruin things for her. Normally woman never dumps a man without plan b (which is a new man). my advice to you is that you asked your uncles to wait a bit with regards to the lobola, dont give her money(plus its month end) at all for the whole month, dont pay for the baby’s school fees. act as though you forgot. the good things you do for her stop if you staying with her move out if you renting or if its your house ask her to move out. the fighting will stop, We often take people for granted when they are next to us.

  8. The love of your life, has found the love of her life. Sometimes material things are not everything. Accept her decision, don’t force things and just move on because if you force things you will have an unhappy marriage. Look at it like this when she wanted to get married you did not, now you want to get married and she doesn’t respect that.

  9. John you need a therapist to help mediate between you and your partner. We cant make any worthwhile suggestions having heard just your side of the story. Because maybe she got tired of waiting and believes you are only promising now because she is declaring the relationship over, and she fears you will change your mind as soon things are fine. There is more to this.

  10. Some women are blessed with honourable men who love them but they don’t appreciate them. While thina we’re still single looking for love and loyalty.

  11. Ee mara girls we don’t have each others backs neh. PhD summa cumlaude.

    Dude, kera Mr John. Clearly you love her enough to have been a husband without the rituals bigups to you. Relationships go through ups and downs and requires perseverance to keep them going. I don’t know missy story but it might not necessarily be about a third person.materials aside. A woman needs assurance that she is yours and for some women if not 99.999 that assurance is marriage. She has nagged you for such a long time and each time you declined she was deeply hurt and depending on your approach she might feel that you are now going through to get her off your back. Instead of rushing through with the lobola under the circumstances rather work on repairing the broken peace. Assure her that you are doing this for the right reasons, I. E. Because she is the love of your life. 2 weeks is too short to give up. All the best abuti. May love conquer.

    Ps: don’t forget to invite me to the wedding ; )

    1. Wow that’s the best advice I’ve read. We women are quick to judge one another and we feel sorry for guys when they go through situations, but when tables turn have no sympathy for one of our own. Its not nice waiting for something forever and since money is not the problem, why did he make her wait for that long? Thanks for a lovely comment

  12. John my dear truth be told wena u have a fear of marriage u even said it on ur letter that no one marries in your family so its not a priority to you and at the beginning of this relationship she told YOU that she wants to be married now that she wants to leave u are calling bo malume for what? ask your self this were you goona call bo malume if she never threatended to leave you? do you realy want to get married or ur doing for her? i thnk this woman wanted to be your wife not a girlfriend for ever and she gave you enough time to do that but u didnt and she has finally dicided to leave and the northng you can do besides letting her go and find peace brother

  13. Thanks Mikeesto, awesome one buddy.

    John mfanakithi, that woman sounded desperate for marriage very early and you shouldve noted that. She was not looking for financial stability or affordability, she just wanted a husband and a wedding.

    This woman told u what she wanted and you took too damn long. Get this though, this could be the best way out of this. Shes willing to marry at all cost proly to someone she doesnt love. Thank your lucky soul she left bro, something awfully odd bout this chick.


  14. Thank you Mike.
    Eix yah ne Lerato! John if your woman went to an extend of breaking things off with you then it means marriage is of importance to her and she has no reason to turn you away now that you want to marry her, she probably wants to see how serious you are with her and if you truly intend on marrying her, so get to talk to her or take the letter to her home yourself then her elders will talk to her and if she denies then you will know that there’s more than what meets the eye but for now don’t be fooled by ‘us’ single women in here saying we are available . You guys have been through so much together or should I say you’ve invested in that relationship n I suppose you did all those things out of love so John I believe you are known at her home so take the letter stating when does your uncles intend on going for lobola discussions and wait for their response before you make any drastic decision.

    Fellow single women don’t worry you’ll find your ‘right men’ with time, just keep on praying and behaving.

  15. Nice chapter Mike. John your girlfriend might have found someone who promised her a better deal than yours iImean why would she refuse to marry you after she nagged you for so long for marrige

  16. She fell out of love for u fortunately u’r not yet married the marriage would’ve ended in divorce. Don’t beat yourself for it bcos there’s nothing wrong u did the relationship was not meant to be

  17. John you are better off without the conformist woman who makes her life altering decisions based on other people’s opinions. Who said you must marry after a certain period? She probably met a guy who promised to marry her soon and she is dumping you.

    Talk to her. Tell her that you want to marry her now because you are ready and if she is no longer willing the relationship is over. She is in love with someone else honey.

    You can be my side nigga. I’ll treat you right. LOL

  18. Lol Lolo, john if you really want to see if this lady loves u, then let her go, she will eventually come back if she still loves u. But if u keep chasing her, then she will just keep on running. But another option is for you to ask Mike for tge email adress of the ladies who are single and looking, this group have a lots of them hey, me included. Mike please gave John my email adress if he ask.

  19. Dear John
    I just wanted to say i am very available just in case she doesnt come back. What women will leave a man like that.

  20. Woooow… @ long last i catched up with u guys….
    Mike i must say bra….i am very impressed… i love ur work …. keep it up!!

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