Look I know in black culture we are not supposed to tell the truth about our parents. I don’t even know what the law
to that tradition is but it’s just something we do not do. It will not bring you bad luck or anything like that it’s just something we are not supposed to do. We call them #blackparents and they are a force of nature on their own. You do not negotiate with them and win. They do not apologize and they most certainly do not believe in your rights…tshini! Ever told your mother that she has no right to beat you up? She will probably beat you up even more for saying that and then expect you to apologize! Yup, black parents are probably the only parents in the world that expect gratitude for beating you up! Phew! With that said, my mother is the worst of those black mothers because she judges you on what she did in front of you all of your lives. She was one of those liberal women who cheated in front of dad in front of us. It’s hardly a secret that I know my mother slept around as often as she could. She did not make any effort to hide this at all especially when my father lost his job and she was the breadwinner. That’s my mum for you and for her to now tell me I could not go because she suspected there to be a man behind it Wanyela!
I called her back.
“What do you want? I said I am coming to get you!”
She said angrily.
“Mum, I do not want to disrespect you but I am telling you right now that dead or alive I am going to Dubai. I am not going to wait for some blesser someday to get me a ticket when I can do it now on my own accord!”
I told her as sternly as I could so that she knew that even when she got here, there was going to be one hell of a challenge to get me not to go.
“We shall see about that! So sending you to university means that you think you are the same age as us and can tell us what to do?”
She asked challenging me right back. At least she was talking so this was good for me. It’s when she chooses to ignore that you know you have a fight on your hands.
“No mom. I told dad. I was polite about…”
Before I finished she interjected.
“When last did you live with your father? How dare you play that card with me? When last did your father come home and cook you supper?”
She asked me a barrage of questions screaming. I am a woman and I know we can play victim like no other. My mother cheated on my father and he left. When therefore was he supposed to come cook for us! I don’t know why parents do things in front of their children and think we are blind to it.
“Mom I am not arguing with you about dad, that’s between the two of you! You never told me he is not my father anymore or that I can’t ask for permission from him for things. I therefore did not disobey you nor go behind your back in this!”
I reminded her. It was funny in a way the silence that came at that moment. I could hear she was in traffic and funny enough I could sense that she was thinking of the next salvo.
“Dubai is not like you going to Limpopo though or Eastern Cape! It’s far out of the country with people whose cultures you neither nor or understand. It’s dangerous!”
She said defiantly. I was not winning easily.
“Yes mum but tell me two things you know about Xhosa culture apart from the fact that boys go to the mountain?”
I asked her cheekily. I knew she could not answer that because reality is, very few people can. She therefore could not tell me about people’s cultures that we did not know when she could not even tell you about South African cultures!
“That’s beside the point. I am your mother and you will do as I say. You are not going that’s that!”
She said again like I had not heard her before.
“Mum, my bags need packing. I have told you my side and I am done.”
I was not brave enough to hang up the phone as I should have at that moment to assert dominance because I knew if I did that I would not be seen alive again lol! Eish I am laughing but black mothers have boundaries you must never test. I had already pushed enough buttons.
“I am stuck in traffic but I am coming! You stay there, this conversation is not over!”
She said and she hung up even tough not graciously. I had a phone call to make, to the traitor, my dad!
“Why did you tell mom about my trip? She is angry and saying I can’t go after you already said I could!”
I accused him as soon as he picked up the phone. He was the one who had caused this fight and now look what was happening.
“Calm down Palesa! I told you I was going to tell and you gave me your permission to do so even. I even called that lady you said I must call and verified. Your mum knows all this!”
He said trying to reassure me. Yes I had given him permission, I just forgot.
“So what are we going to do because I can’t cancel my plans? I am so excited for this!”
I told him. He told me not to worry because he had my back. I hoped he did because a confrontation was coming with my mother at all costs because it would no doubt sour the trip.
I said before I hung up. I decided that I had to make a plan B. I could not go with my passport home because what if my mother hid it when I got home or something. My mum was definitely capable of that. She had evil in her heart that woman. It had to stay with Khanyi. I immediately went to take it and took it to her.
“You can’t believe my mum!”
I told her as soon as I entered her room. She was going to bath and was dressed only in her underwear!
“What about her?”
“She says I can’t go to Dubai! Like over my dead body! I plan this so well and now she pulls off such things!”
I told her. I was so angry but truth be told, young girls call mothers unreasonable and names for trying to protect them.
“I didn’t even tell my parents. I am just leaving. They can just miss me and call the police if they must!”
She told me. I admired her independence so much. Why did I have to have unreasonable parents though sies maan?
“You see why I said you need to call Sam!”
She reminded me again. Yeah she was right. I needed my own apartment. This situation had just amplified that need. I know I had started the conversation but now I had to go and finish it off. I had to call him again and I know he hated that. Yeah it was a silly rule but it was a rule meant to protect us. I was only allowed to call once unless I knew that he was specifically alone. I was just going to have to call him and that was something I was not comfortable with doing too often.
I picked up the phone and called. He picked up fortunately.
“I can’t go home because if I do I doubt I will be able to come out. I need a place to stay for the vacation. This way I will be able to see you anytime!”
I told him. I then went on to explain everything that was going on with my mother and he listened attentively.
“Ok then I fully understand. I will have to get back to you tomorrow on this as I can’t give you an answer now!”
Crap! I needed a place today. I was leaving soon and going home could have problems.
“Didn’t you say we are seeing each other tonight?”
I asked him.
“I did but my wife suspects something. She just asked me about you today. She asked me what I am getting you for Christmas and it was not a joke!”
What the hell does that mean?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you for reading and hello good people! Guys I just did a bad thing but I have to share.
I am a 22 year female and was a final year student. I guess now I have joined the unemployment queue but I think I will go back to school 2017. My friends and I had a farewell party at one of their flats. My best friend is also 22 and she has been dating a guy who is 28 and he works. He is not that much of a rich guy but is doing ok. He sponsored the party and he loves his girlfriend, spoils her rotten and does whatever she wants. When the party was winding down someone amongst the three of us suggested a threesome. I don’t know who or how but there had been a lot of flirting during the party amongst all involved. People were making out everywhere with people whom are not their partners. The next thing I ended in the bedroom with my bestie (a girl) and her man and we had a 3sum. He did us both and I think I went down on my bestie. I can’t remember if she returned the favor. It was just a disaster nje! That was a week and a half ago and I can’t even talk to my best friend because now she is angry that I slept with her man. Someone put it in her head that I have always wanted her man which is not true. I have a boyfriend who was not at the party because I specifically told him I wanted to party with my friends so he must give me a free pass for the night. I have never cheated on him and did not want to cheat on him but look what happened. He can sense something is wrong especially the fact that my bestie and I are not talking which is a rare thing on its own. I need to fix this guys. I really don’t know how things went that far and the guilt is eating me up. I know I can never confess but I don’t want to lose my friend. We have been through too much together.