When a man is obsessed with you girls see it one of two ways, either he sweet and loves me so much which is a brilliant thing as I can get away with a lot or it’s creepy, scary, and abusive and he is trying to control me. Even
if it’s your boyfriend and he is completely devoted to you, the fact that he wants to be with you all the time, wants to know where you are and you to know where he is that can be called abusive. I don’t understand this love thing clearly because shouldn’t the person you are with put everything else down first just to be with you. Imagine if he was the opposite what would you be saying? You will be part of the #manaretrash because he does not want to spend time with you, does not care where you are or if you are safe, does not take you out because he will rather be elsewhere and does not love you because how can he if he is only content with see you once a week even though you live in the same area! I had been panicking about losing Sam for nothing! Now I had to deal with Neo. I was being selfish. Neo needed to be with someone who would not cheat on him. I loved him, that’s no lie but that does not mean I did not have other needs at this moment greater than this love. People will never get it!
“Baby we need to talk!”
I said to him when I got back. I had managed to clear my thoughts and I knew what I needed to do. It’s a good thing too that I took the walk because I had had so many voices in my head telling me to say yes to his proposal. I was going to ask him to wait with the engagement announcements because we were not ready.
“Unfortunately that will have to wait!”
He said. His face looked glum and he was pacing back and forth!
“We have to go back now!”
“What do you mean we have to go back now we are paid through until tomorrow right?”
I reminded him. I know this because I paid and yes it was Sam’s money but this place was bloody expensive.
“I got a call from home, my mother had a stroke!”
He said and I felt my heart sink.
“I am so sorry!”
I said walking over to hug him.
“Yes definitely we have to go. I will help you pack. O God! Where is she?”
I asked him. He was shaking. I could see he was so scared and I was scared for him. I forced him to sit down and started packing our things.
“I don’t understand, she was fine yesterday. When I left she was even talking about attending a wedding on the weekend. How does this happen so fast?”
He asked me.
“I don’t know.”
All I know about strokes is that they come from diabetes and are a lifestyle disease. I will have to read up more on it so I that I can better advise him.
“Are you ok to drive though?”
I asked him.
“Yes I am. Don’t worry, I am not about to kill my fiancé!”
He said with a dry smile. I could see he was hurting and I don’t blame him. If it was my mother in this situation I have no doubt that I would be freaking out right now. He tried his best to stay calm but he was shaking like a lead. Was he really going to drive us in his state?
“I think I should go drop you off at home first from here! I don’t know what the situation at home is so I can’t go with you just yet!”
He said and I totally understood. I was not going to argue with that logic because someone sick at home is a personal thing. It is family business at best.
“Are you going to go say bye to your new friends?”
I asked him teasing.
“He gave me his card so will call and tell him!”
He told me. That was fast. My man can hustle that’s for sure. We did not take long and the next thing we were on the road. I tried to keep him calm by talking to him as we drove. I could see he was not in the mood to talk because he kept on giving me one word answers. His mind was very far away I could tell which really worried me. Now I wish I could drive.
“Baby don’t you think I should go with you to Vaal? I don’t think you driving alone like this is wise.”
I told him. It’s not that he was. Driving irrationally but rather he was absent minded and that’s dangerous. He did not respond. I don’t even think he heard me.
He did not respond.
I said slapping his shoulder lightly.
“Yes love what it is it?”
He asked me.
“You did not hear anything I said did you?”
I asked him.
“Sorry about that. What are you saying love?”
He asked me.
“I said shouldn’t I go with you to Vaal. You can barely pay attention to me sitting next to you in the car what about when you are alone in the road? Am not comfortable at all!”
I told him.
“Thanks love but I will be fine, which reminds me, back at the lodge what were you about to tell me before I interrupted you?”
He asked me.
“How so, I can’t remember!”
“Remember when you came back you told me that you had something on your mind. I cut you off!”
“Oh that, never mind, for this moment of now it’s hardly relevant. I want us to focus on your mom for now I think it’s more important!”
How was I going to tell him now that I thought him proposing to me was a dumb idea and we had to postpone this asking business? I had been pressured into saying yes by people I did not even know. I loved Neo but my mind was not in the right place.
“If you say so. We almost by your place in any case. I am going to call my uncle and see if he is going when I get to your place!”
He told me and I think that was meant to reassure and frankly speaking it did not. I was not happy. He was adamant ongoing alone so I let him be but I did not allow him to lose concentration again. He had to focus.
“I change my mind; go drop me off at campus! I don’t want to go home. I need to start studying in any case!”
I told him. It’s no secret that I don’t already like going home but it also meant that I could drive with him for longer and make sure that he was fine. Thank heavens there was no traffic as we glided smoothly past Pretoria, Midrand and finally took our off ramp at Empire and next thing I was at school.
“Baby please drive safely! I know it’s a hard time but your mother needs you so don’t make mistakes on the road!”
I told him.
“I will be fine! I have to go love!”
He said after I held on too long on the hug. I just did want to let him go to be honest. I was so scared for him and Vaal is not the closest place in any case.
I watched him drive away before I took my bags and went into the building. As soon as I hit reception two girls whose name I can’t even remember ran up to me to ask,
*Are you ok? We heard what happened, we are so sorry!”
They said literally in unison.
“I will help you with your bag!”
One of the girls asked with concern before I even responded. It was only then I remembered why they could have been saying this. I had now become ‘that girl’ or rather ‘the girl who tried to commit suicide’ eish and that’s not a good thing. It basically meant where ever I go with the residence people would be pointing at me. This was not good at all.
“Its ok guy’s thank you so much I will manage! I need all the exercise I can get after being in hospital!”
I said owning my mishap. I was too scared now to deny it as it meant people would only be even more concerned and watch me closely. I needed my privacy.
“Ok then if you say. Just call us if you need help!”
The girl who had offered to carry the bag said. I wanted to tell her that I did not even know her name but I just said thank you and walked up to my room. Coming back was starting to feel like a bad idea because everyone I met along the way literally stared at me. I had not tried to commit suicide yet I felt so ashamed that I could be associated with such. Thank heavens my roommate was not in when I arrived because I don’t know what I would have told her. I noticed however that the pills she kept on her table were all gone and I could not help but wonder if that was meant for me.
“Hey where are you? I am back in my room!”
I told Khanyi when she picked up.
“Oh you are back already! I am not at res I am in Sandton having a late lunch so to speak!”
She said. She sounded very nervous as she said that.
“Having lunch? With who?”
I asked her.
“Uhm… With Sam!”
“I beg your pardon?”
I asked her.
“Its not what you thinking!”
How did she know what I was thinking?
Why didn’t she send me a message earlier that she would be having lunch with Sam and since when did she have lunch with Sam?
“I can’t believe you!”
I said and hung up!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Greetings mike and fellow readers.
I’ve been having trouble accessing the HIV support blog, I don’t know if its because I’m using a mobile phone or what? Please post this letter on one of the blogs.
My sister was diagnosed with HIV early this year around February I think. She found out during her antenatal care visit, and was immediately put on treatment. Fast forward to October she was blessed with a healthy baby girl. Seeing as she is breast feeding, the baby girl was put on doctrim suspension. My concern is that they are giving the little one additional meds I.e druppels,gripe water and muthi we nyoni to name a few.I know I grew up on them but I don’t know if these meds are safe in such a case? Is there anyone out there that was in a similar case and what effect if any did it have on the baby? Do those meds also fall under that category of things that can increase chances of transmission?