Young Employed and Single

YES 66

“If your relationship becomes routine one of you will cheat. You need to constantly find new things to do together to keep each other active, challenged and interested!” Mike Maphoto


I am looking for the best words to describe period pains because honestly no matter how strong you are they are the one thing that can break you. You might think that because you know that they come every month then you should be prepared for them but reality is you can’t prepare for torture. Pain is pain and how many of you think a paper cut is sore? Period pains are a million times that and there is very little you can do to stop that pain. Mine were not crippling like some other girls I knew but they were bad. I had medicine already so I took the pills. They were early though and that didn’t sit well with me. They had spoiled my mood. I slept in pain. I made sure my phone alarm was on this time and I woke up early enough to be the first one at the office.

“Good morning? How are you feeling today?”

Nicolene asked me when she walked in.

“I am a bit better but my period pains are on some other level. It’s going to be a bad day!”

I told her. I paused soon after I said that because I realized she was not Rudzani. I used to tell Rudzani everything because as we shared an office it made sense that we spoke a lot. Nicolene well, nicolene was different; I did not know her that well.

“I have them too! I take Ponstel, you must try it! It works!”

She said cheerful. She touched me on the shoulder for reassurance.

“I have some in my bag if you want?”

I had already taken my pills but I was not about to say yes. This was my new reality unfortunately meaning that I had to be nice to her. It was pointless me keeping up the hostility towards her. I just had to watch my back twice as much!

“Yes please, I am going to need them! What did I miss yesterday?”

I asked her.

“Nothing much. I don’t think we are serious about this contract. I know we have just signed but there is no sense of urgency. I tried to speak to Mr. Gold yesterday about something I found in the research and he dismissed me out of hand without even looking at it!”

She told me.

“But why did you go straight to Mr Gold without coming through me because I am your immediate supervisor?”

Was my response. Even in the private sector there is a chain of command and she was deliberately jumping hers.

“You were not here and I actually emailed you on this! Did you check your mail yesterday?”

I asked her. I had checked my email I recall but what she was talking about I had not seen. I opened my email immediately to show her that she was mistaken. I did not need to look at emails to know I was being duped so I said this without even bothering to look.

“See what I meant? There is no email…”

I said turning to her to prove a point. She folded her arms and said,

“What’s that?”

She asked me. There were three separate emails she had sent me and there they were. When I get an email my phone gets a notification. I had had data the whole day but not one notification. I was so confused. Was this dropped call thing Vodacom had been talking about? I did not even know what to say.

“I, are you sure you…”

I checked to see the date sent thinking she had tricked me but she had not. They were from yesterday.

“I understand you were sick, maybe you just missed them!”

She said but I could see my accusation had hurt her. I wanted to apologize but she left before I could. What was going on with me? I remember yesterday during this time it’s when I was about to do some work. How could I have missed this? I was baffled. One email I understand, it could have slipped through the cracks but three I am certain I would have seen! Maybe I needed a new phone! The new Iphone has landed I should go get that!

“Let’s see what you are all about?”

I found myself talking to the computer screen. At the back of my head I was very worried about my state of mind. The articles were a report from an American journal. It was not a very big one and in fact personally, this was my first time reading from them. The reason why Simba’s company was in demand was because of some product they had created that helps reduce sampling time of collected matter. This journal was questioning that. When Nicolene had said she had gone to Mr. Gold she had is what to ask why we were moving so slow yet what she had sent me was totally different. Goodness, had we moved any faster and things gone wrong she would have said she told me her immediate supervisor and for this I could be fired and deservedly so. Had I made us sign a back contract?

I called Simba!


Wrecking through my brains I could not remember what Simba had said when he came to dinner the other night. Had he said he was living town? I picked up my phone to call Nicolene.

“Come to my office please!”

I told her. She said she was coming and ten minutes later she was there.

“I am sorry I shouted at you earlier. I think this pain is getting to me.”

I lied to her.

“Its ok I understand. I am also moody on my periods”

She said candidly.

“I see this but these are just articles. Who else have you emailed them to?”

I asked her.

“I emailed them to no one. I was not sure what to make of it. This was in the afternoon after I had asked for a meeting with Mr. Gold. Someone sent them to me! Have you called the client?”

She asked me. I told her I had just tried and failed.

“We need to bring this to the attention of Mr. Gold!”

I told her. I had a duty to do this. If I did not it would mean I had with held information. Guilty or not Simba had a lot of explaining to do because sure he must have known that there was criticism to their product and they had chosen not to disclose that to us.

“He is not in. He went to Cape Town. Go check with his PA though but I am fairly certain of this!”

She said. She seemed to know so much about the office going ons. I resolved to double check myself but this meant that if he was gone I would be able to follow up myself on Simba.

To say I had a bad day is simply an understatement. I could barely sit still have the time but as a woman it’s something that we have to live with. I have said this before but if I die and find myself in front of God I am really going to ask him why? Why I had to suffer like this if He loved me so much. Eventually the day grinded to a halt and I could go home. I drove in pain and all I wanted to do was get home and lie down. My mother called and I picked up. On the car speaker,

“Hi mum!”

I said to her.

“I have good news; Moruti is back and can see you. Today even if you are available!”

She said clearly very excited.

“Mum I can’t today, I am on my periods, first day of them and you know how painful they are.”

I told her.

“Eish ngwanaka!”

She said concerned.

“Its ok I will hold him off for a few more days!”

She said and she hung up. When I got home that drive felt like an eternity. I parked and left everything in the car. That’s how badly I wanted to go lie down. I took the meds that Nicolene had given me and threw myself on the couch. It felt so good. Even the pain felt less with me lying down face first.

There was a knock and I could hear it was Mbuso as he was on the phone. I stood up and opened for him. He was standing with one hand in his pockets. He hung up.

“How you?”

I greeted him.

“I am good hey but sick! Where is Ntheteng?”

I asked him. I also had not seen her yesterday.

“I sent her to aunts for the weekend. I figured I should spend more time with you so that you get to know me a little better. You don’t even know my surname you know that right?”

He said confidently. I loved that. I did not want to have these walls talking back to me.

“I am going to say this and I know how it’s going to come out!”

I told him.

“I am on my periods!”

He looked at me like I had told him that I can fly.

“I am not a child you don’t have to make up such stories!”

He said with a bemused tone. I think he had thought that today was the day after the games of yesterday.

“I am not kidding!”

I told him and pointed out my meds on the kitchen counter…

“What you did yesterday was not cool though?’

He said. I laughed and said,

“Don’t be a sore loser! You did fine and didn’t die right?”

I asked him.

“I can see you haven’t started cooking, let me make you or us something to eat. I am far from the best cook but I can manage!”

I didn’t mind really. He was being sweet. It’s nice to be spoiled and pampered.

“Is it ok if I run a bath whilst you start with the cooking? I feel nasty!”

I told him.

“Sure thing!”

This Mbuso and I thing could work hey. He was growing to be a decent man after all. I went to the bathroom and I closed the door. I was not going to bath with the door open even though he suggested it. I tried not to take too long but when I was done I put on track pants and a top.

“I am done; do you need help with anything?”

It was not 10 minutes later when there was a knock on the door.

“Mbuso please open!”

I said to him. He opened and immediately I heard a voice I knew all too well.

It was Rudzani.

“Where are you?”

She shouted!

“I trusted you and you slept with Azwindini!”

She was saying when she came into full view. I looked behind her and there was Azwindini smiling.

“He is lying!”

I immediately said defending myself.

“No he is not! He taped it and played the tape for me!”

Did she say tape it?

“You taped us? You creepy pervert I should have never slept with you, it was a mistake!”

I said angrily at such an invasion of privacy.

“I didn’t tape you, I told her to say that so you can confess and you just did. Thank you! My job here is done!”

I was about to respond when Azwindini jumped over the table and started beating me up.

“You fucken whore! You knew how much I loved him! That’s why you got me sent to Cape Town so you can sleep with him!”

I saw Mbuso try to come to my rescue but Azwindini blocked him saying that it was none of his business it was between the two of them.

“Like hell it is!”

He said and he turned and punched Azwindini who fail on to the coffee table. Thank heavens it didn’t break. I was still pinned down and getting a beating from angry Azwindini when I realized something, this really was my fault.

The fight was on.

********The End*********

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Hello mike
Thank you a lot for giving us this platform. Your amazing work touches our heart and lives in so many levels.
My story is long but I desperately need advice very quick.
I was in an r/ship from 2011 to 2014.the guys used to beat me up for absolutely nothing. In the entire four years he beat me up 4 times and abused me verbally almost every day. I spent most of my days with this guy contemplating suicide. We loved each other and were very compatible. He was raised by a single mother and men just left his mom just like that and I started to feel like he is mistreating me because he has never seen his mother being loved by any man. I then finally broke it off in 2014 and dropped out of university because I wasn’t coping.
2015 I enrolled at another university and started afresh. I met this tall, dark and handsome guy with a body to die for a true gentleman that made me amazingly happy. We were both student and I used to help him with his school work cause he was struggling. That makes us stronger. i started seeing the red flags. He was also controlling & abusive. In February he beat me up because we were arguing about God, i was blessing the food with that prayer we are taught in primary school and he said I am too old for that prayer. I told him I am not praying him but God and he must not act like he knows God’s preference and he beat me up so bad and told me to sleep on the bathroom floor the whole night. I forgave him.
in May he beat me up again, i think he was just jealous because i had just had my first car. he started searching for things on my phone and accused me of cheating and said he was beating me up for that. i forgave him still.
He beat me up again in July after i had refused to have unprotected sex with him and he forced me to key in the password on my phone. When i refused he stepped on my other leg and twisted the other one. i forgave him and we started having separate sessions with the psychologist.
In august a guy tried to hug me and i looked at the guy weirdly and he fought me saying i am too weak and available for everyone. He took my phone and i ran after him trying to take it and he strangled me until i lost consciousness and fell face first on hard cement and fainted. i had a terrible scar on my face and we broke up. i went to confide on my friend and he became angry saying i am ruining his image and he will ruin mine by telling people about me secrets.
he locked me up at my place and i got scared and managed to escape and drove off to the police station but was not helped. i went to fetch my brother and had a meeting with my bf, brother and friend. My bf started crying and told stories from the bible. After the meeting was over i still went to his place to have my last moments with him. We talked things through and reconciled.
in 3rd September he beat me up cause i went out with my friends and i ended up drinking and driving. he went to my sister and brother in law and told them that he beat me up cause of this. they sided with him and bought into his story cause he was talking about Jesus and Christianity he doesn’t want me to drink at all (he doesn’t drink ). my family told him that if he ever beat me up again he will regret it and he promised not to do it again.
he then kicked me on the face repeatedly on the 22nd of September, he said he was doing it cause i was laughing when we were talking or rather arguing .this happened two days after we had a joined session at the psychologist and he kept on denying he is wrong and defending himself at the session forgave him again and he dint even ask for forgiveness.
on the 7th of Oct he beat me up to a point where I couldn’t even open my eyes and immediately b4 that he did it he said if I arrest him I will see how great his God is. When my eyes were swollen he calmed down and apologized. He even cried.
I told my family and now we have opened a case against him. He will be locked down tomorrow and my heart is bleeding because I still love him. And exams I nearby so it means he is going to fail and not come back to school next year.
I feel sorry for him because I understand his violence. He was beaten up as a child for absolutely nothing everyday and now he is communicating love to me in that way. He grew up in an environment that turned him to be like this but he doesn’t see it. He is sick and needs help about this. He will have a criminal record. What do I do, do I just toughen up and mess up his life?
Forgiving fool

71 thoughts on “YES 66

    1. I don’t tend to understand life all the abused women are so in love with their men who are abusive and if you’re a man who is not abusive it’s the other way round. I’m not an abusive man but I’m thinking about being one because these pricks get all the love in this world but us, we are being verbally abused left right center by our partners out of the blue you are told you think you’re clever and you ask her why you saying that then you get a silent treatment for a week and you don’t get a lot of things by that time, please some ladies stop this thing it’s hurting.

      1. Dude stay in your line and dont perpetuate the cycle of women abuse, you can never JUSTIFY this. If she doesnt respect you and asks questions like you think you clever, clearly the morals of that person are challenged. Its on you to walk away from that but dont be hitting umntana bantu coz you are not vocal enough to make her change.

      2. Hayke ngoku Themba…. So how will abuse make YOU haappy when you are constantly hurting another person simply because you dont get love where you are now…. ???/ Hay man grow up nawe….

        There are alot of ways to skin a cat…TALK …. Be firm but NOT ABUSIVE…That will just land you in jail….

  1. Thank you Mike…. I am to angry at the lady whose getting beaten up for nothing and its her fault because she allows it. NXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  2. Yes you are a fool for thinking his behaviour is acceptable worse because he preaches God who is love and gentleness. Perhaps it is time you sought God, before he takes you to meet your Creator. Run baby girl, and yes toughen up, he has made your life a living hell

  3. I feel sorry for him because I understand his violence. Think of all the abused women who lost their lives because they were scared or sympathetic. Call 0800 428 428 to find an NGO in your area that specifically deals with domestic violence. He is a narcissist who is emotionally , mentally and spiritually manipulative. What do you think is gonna happen when you let him come out? He is gonna kill you or use this as a tool for abuse for the rest of your life. I have an aunt who was abused and when I was in primary school I remember my parents going to their house to have a family meeting every other month. She was always in hospital , sacrificed her inheritance to buy a house which is only in his name and guess what? In their old age they divorced and he was petty enough to try and kick her out of the house. She had no peace in that marriage. If you think you dont deserve peace and believe that love is abusive then go ahead , we will bury you in 2017 and he will be married to another woman and graduating in 2018 and he will probably say you were a psycho alcoholic who made false police cases against him. I advise you make a clean break away from him, love yourself and show no mercy.

  4. Today’s letter got me folding my fists wanting to beat you up to for so much ignorance and stupidity. You know the is nothing that breaks my heart more than a woman who consistently defends her abusers point blank. When a story is so brutal but a person continuously tries to sell it in a sweet way so they don,t make the other person look bad. I mean what exactly are you asking us because clearly you don’t see what he is doing to you as a bad thing i mean after all you “understand his violence” and even after he beats u up you “go back to his place for last moments” i mean WTF last moments of what death?
    Look clearly you have accepted to be another persons punching bag just because they had a bad upbringing and they quote bible verses, sister no where in the bible is it okay to lay your hand on another person never! So even thou i feel this advice will fall on a deaf ears due to all this abuse listen here. I don,t think your parents brought u into this world to be a punching bag. Dump this scumbag and don,t even look bag and don’t you dare even drop those charges if not for you then for the next woman he dates let him go fight men his size where he needs to in jail, instead of being a coward and picking on you. You sound like an established woman whom has even bought herself a car so I’m failing to understand why you dont see your self worth and that u deserve something way better than someone whom will leave u unconscious just because of the Lords prayer.

    Dear woman
    Stop staying in shit relationships just for the sake of having a partner if a person no longer plays the role of what you expect a loving partner to play walk away and dont look back. Its not doom to be single and focus on yourself and when the time is right you will meet someone worth the wait.

    Wena F Fool I hope you leave now before the next beating leaves you dead

  5. forgiving fool…you want to leave in a body bag? don’t blame yourself for what happened to him in the past.
    You cant be his punching bag for so long and still claims he loves you. aowa mama …run for your life ,,,there’s no future there

  6. Dear Forgiving fool. I think you need to take a break from relationships and start with self-love. Your email is making me sad. You need to stop allowing men to use you as punching bags. Someone’s past doesn’t need to be an excuse for them to be abusive. One chooses to abuse on their own will. I am really sorry you had to go through this. Please learn to love yourself.

  7. PrincessMN you say she allows it but you havent been in that situation. She was previously abused and cl;early has Stockholm Syndrome. She has a supportive family so imagine if she didnt? This is why a lot of our sisters dont leave. they are physically, emotionally and financially dependent on men. This guy is a narcissist who manipulates using the bible. They come as Prince Charming and when something goes wrong they blame it on you which he does all the time. They are masters at elevating and worshipping you one day and then destroying you the next so you wont even see whats coming. For all we know Forgiving Fool is an assertive loud person and evryone arounds them thinks she is the problem vele, Dont judge if you havent been there or havenet seen someone go through it.

    1. You are sugarcoating this nonsense Nana, who’s fault is it? She even has the dates saved showing she is conscious when all this happens, and she stays? Unless this guy does some hypnosis on her then indeed it is her fault. Been there or not, common sense may not be common but this is utter stupidity from this girl.

  8. Dear forgiving fool.
    my cousin has been going through the same situation as you and the worst part is that she has two kids with the guy that abuses her and she is doing matric this year. We tried to talk to the guy but he would stop for 2 weeks and after that he would hit her again for nothing. My family we have IZINKABI (Hit men), they took him at night to a hostel and they hit him for a week they made him feel the pain my cousin felt, till this day he respects my family as well as my cousin. Violence isnt a good solution but i suggest you leave the guy, you don’t have a kid with him that will make you have a reason to stay with him, you love him yes but what will abuse do to that love, you will end up at a mortuary and he will be crying and quoting the Bible to your family sisi phuma usaphila.

    1. Can Mike please arrange for you and Miss Fool to be in contact and share with her these much needed services and get this stupid patronising fool panel beated goed.. Gosh I am so angry at this girl.. Who justifies such a behaviour though?

  9. I feel like it’s so easy for us to point fingers and call forgiving fool names because we have never been in such situations. I know exactly what she’s going through, it is extremely hard to leave some you love. She knows that what he’s doing is wrong but she understands where his pain comes from. We need to hate in mind that this lady could be suffering from Stolkhom syndrome, not an easy thing to escape or understand. Nana you need to go for counselling and start valuing yourself a bit more. This is not love but manipulation.

  10. Thanks Mike tjoo drama never ends for Lungi, i was gonna deny it even if kune tape, Forgiving fool, i was once in an abusive relationship the guy was supper sweet at first he was extra nice to everyone so when i complained about his verbal abuse kube engathi i was wrong, one day he beat me up for asking if he was still with his gf. I forgave him the second he grabbed me by the neck and shoved me to the wall. That was it for me, i realized he had a problem and he was gonna take me down with him, and he didn’t want help. I left ngisamthanda and that’s the best decision I’ve made for myself. Leave him or you will die

  11. Shame ,Lungi’s drama seems to be everywhere, ay, Thanx ta Mike for our daily dose

    Dear forgiving fool: You seem to be forgiving alot for someone who’s been abused it’s like you are enjoying it. Seek help cc before this man kills you. and don’t fool yourself, abusers don’t change for the better instead they change for the worst. Wake up and smell the coffee dear! !!!!

  12. kani uyahlanya. that man will kill you and you will understand. he is a grown man he understands that beating you up is wrong. best scenario for you is that you leave him and he goes and does this to another girl and he could kill her and that will be on you. you yourself will feel so guilty.

    and my love God does not condone woman abuse.

  13. Talk about a bad day, poor Lungi. Miss Forgiving you need to learn to walk away and stop giving your abusers excuses why they are abusing you. Next time it might not be a swollen eye, it might be you in a box. if they need help they should go to a priest of the head doctor.

  14. Dear Forgiving Fool, the next tears we will share it will be at your funeral. You worth more than that, walk away let the law do its course please.

  15. Forgiving Fool..I want you to read your letter 3 times nhe….. Uyandi caphukisa man yeeeeerrrrrr…. I cant even give you any advice right now…..

      1. Yhuuuuu Jack…Like uRight lomntana??? Goodness me . I could just shake her right now ..becuase the next time she will find herself ina body bag and getting flowers for her funeral…… yeeessssesss man

  16. Forgiving fool: I’m sorry to say this, but you truly are a fool sis. After all this man has done to you, you want to forgive him? Hay mntasekhaya you can’t be serious. But let’s face the facts here, you allowed this to happen to you, the first time he laid a hand on you, you should have walked out and not stay for the sake of love. I mean that’s a pathetic excuse. Everyday people are talking about abuse out there , you should have known better and learned from your previous relationship, but I guess you don’t learn from your mistakes. Don’t get me wrong I loath men who abuse women, they are useless and pathetic. What these men did to you was wrong, but you did allow it standwa sam. Now you worried cause you ‘might mess up his life’ , that’s bullshit. Do you think when he was busy beating you up and down did he care that he was messing up your life or that he might even kill you? No he didn’t, suba ne mistake mntase, this guy never loved you, not even once. The best thing you can do now is to forget about this guy [cause clearly his mama didn’t show him love, if she did, then he would have known how to treat and love a woman] or getting into a new relationship anytime soon. Focus on yourself cause clearly you don’t have the confidence to love and appreciate yourself, instead you out there looking for love in all the wrong places, start with you by learning how to love yourself, be independent . Wena you wanna depend on a man to be happy and feel loved. You don’t need a man to be happy, you can do that all by yourself. Appreciate who you are, have faith in yourself, believe in you. If you can’t do these things you’ll never be satisfy with who you are and you’ll never know yourself worth. I mean how can you expect someone else to love you, when you are unable to do that, cause if you did love yourself, even if it was an ounce of love then non of this would have happened. VUKA EMAQANDENI sana before it’s too late. Remember you only have one life.

  17. indeed you are a forgiving fool my dear you need to drop the case allow the guy to get help but most importantly you need help yourself my dear you cant keep going back to abuse no matter how much you love a person what are you? A punching Bag? No Dear you need to go get help and be taught what it really means to be loved and learn how to love yourself what the guy did is wrong yes but you kept going back and forgiving him all in the name of “LOVE” I myself have been abused physically and emotionally but you need to love yourself more and let that person go so that you can heal abuse is wrong PERIOD but getting him arrested wont help him he needs to go for counseling to deal with the past and start a new future and sending him to jail will just make the matter worse. Sorry my dear for all that you going through but please know a person who loves you will never hit you

  18. As long as u still have a reason why he is beating u up he will never stop…a man beats u once n u forgive then forger he will stop, same as cheating. That relationship is not healthy for u…leave

  19. I’d figure because she left a previously abusive relationship that she would have left this current one immediately after the second or even first relationship. Mara no. This lady must like pain or something. You are in university and you and bae are playing with fists like they will go out of fashion. Where is the family support? I won’t be a parrot but I sincerely hope that you will be ready to leave this man sooner rather than before you leave him casket style. Your sister doesn’t love you! Who condones their siblings being turned into a punching bag. Please distance yourself from all these people that are making you look guilty for this man’s actions towards you. Pick up that same Bible he uses to guilt trip you with and read to understand that what this man is doing to you is wrong and from it find love for yourself. Don’t be a blind follower, the Lord wouldn’t punish you in this way. Lastly please remember books before boys. University is expensive, get your degree before people feel like they can make you an ultimate punching bag. You should be going to counseling sessions also to find out why you empathize with people that think so little of you. Chin up. Things will get better but only if you want them to and if you allow them to.

  20. Firstly love us not shown by violence. That monster needs help and you can’t help him. Two blinds can’t lead each other. You also need help to deal with the abuse and stop making excuses for him. Let him face the law and you get help. No matter how much you love each other you are not good enough for each other. He will end up killing you.

  21. I don’t agree with the beating of any person let me say abuse of anyone and even after such abuse u willing to fgv him due to his past and final decision is yours i wish you all the best but don’t go bk to him he need help he need to save himself from himself.

  22. Jesus Christ did not die on the cross for you so that you can b beaten up by this guy that clearly doesn’t love you. Love doesn’t hurt #period

  23. Thanks Mikeesto, awesome one buddy, the fight is on.

    The only person that is sick and needs help here is you forgiving FOOL. Im dismayed, does a conscious person truly justify such nonsense? Uyikaka yomntu wena yazi, such a waste of space. Sies!! I hope you drop those charges so that he can manovure a christian murder scenario on your pathetic existence.

    Rha bububhanxa ba ntoni obu on a Friday, hayi maan, ndmoshela i-weekend wena.

  24. Even a child knows not to play with fire, you put your hand on the stove once and you don’t go back because it hurts, it burns. How does a grown woman, in varsity even, with a capable mind, in this day and age fail to pull the plug. It wasn’t enough that the first one was making you a punching bag, you had to endure another psycho… for the freaking why??? If you knew your bible, if you knew your God and you loved yourself then this wouldn’t be happening. Its the very thing this guy is using against you. Where in the holy book does Adam moer Eve, even after she makes him disobey Gods instruction? So what stories is this pathetic hunk of yours quoting that can even come close to making sense of beating you? You are a walking coffin if you drop those charges. I hope you drink and drive enough ke so that when you let him out of jail, he doesn’t have another excuse to hit you, as if hitting a woman needs an excuse or should happen at all.

    Then they gonna call all Men dogs because of people like you that allow such pricks to get away with murder.

  25. Yah ne women, bazokuxaka for real. “Uyangishaya ngoba uyangithanda”, “I provoked him I deserve to be hit”. As for defending your abuser, it also beats me how you even manage to write about him…

  26. yohhh QnA! you ruined my friday 🙁 im so angry right now its not even funny…. please read your latter over and over again and send it to your family maybe they will speak more sense into you or a last clap nyana to wake you up (no pun intended i think). believe me im trying to understand, i have a friend who was abused by her first bf who is also her baby daddy but thankfully she got out of the relationship after he smashed her head on the wall infront of their child… even if he was abused as a child, one chooses how they wanna treat their love ones because they wouldn’t want them to go through the same as they did…. you’ll only find out that he wont hit his next gf

  27. the more I kept o n reading this letter the more I kept on thinking at the end it will say “… on this day he beat me up to death and i’m writing from my grave…” because that’s how this beatings end. its either u let them lock him up or you wont even live to see festive.. LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU CAN SEEK LOVE OUTSIDE. If you loved yourself enough you wouldn’t be making excuses for him, before u even start searching for why he’s being abusive, u should’ve started with self introspection first as to why u allowing that to happen to u, because i’m sitting here thinking something is definitely wrong with u girl,,,

  28. Miss Forgiving as you can read your letter has surely provoked a lot of emotions and thoughts and mostly you are being told to leave the guy and not drop the charges. Something I myself support 121%! Now let me tell you this….there is nothing wrong with loving a man and because you did not press a button saying “fall inlove” you will not fall out of love with him. You will probably always have a special place for him in your heart even when you are 70+ years. The point is he is not good for you and your well-being despite the fact that you love him. Somebody earlier said abusive people are the biggest manipulators, that’s true and it is all the good things and the special things he has done and shown you + the love that make it hard to leave. Making-up after an abusive episode is high up in the sky and it is part of what makes you addicted to this toxic relationship. So baby girl move on and choose to move on. You are not responsible for the choices he has made!!! Besides jail is meant to rehabilitate him and that is his choice as well. Am so proud of you for choosing yourself and taking the 1st step of opening a case against him. It is not easy to keep the charges I understand because you’re not a bad person….but think about it you are indirectly saving him too from murder perhaps or more. Fight baby girl fight for you and your well-being!! You are worthy, you are special, you are God’s child too and you deserve to have peace in your life and choose safety in all respects. Do lean on your family that God gave you and persevere to see this through and teach that man you are no punching bag!!!

  29. Forgiving fool I was so in love with some guy my first real bf! But one day we planned to spend quality time together as we were playing he got upset n lifted me with my neck the way it’s done in wrestling my legs were hanging in the air…….as soon as he put me down I RAN FOR MY LIFE, KEPT RUNNING I NEVER STOPPED RUNNING N NEVER LOOKED BACK EITHER OF CAUSE HE DID APOLOGIZE BUT HEY A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGE ITS SPOT IF U VALUE YA LIFE U WILL DO THE SAME. RUN!

  30. Fool, you are a fool simple…
    For you not to see that this is wrong! God didn’t make you for this guy, your mother gave birth to you alone,you were not brought to this world to suffer. I have never been abused so I don’t know how people feel or what restricts them from leaving the abuser.. love yourself nana you don’t deserve all this torture. There is someone out there for you who will love you and if ever there is a problem you he will talk not punch.. one thing you should know is you were not born loving this person,you learnt to love him so do believe that you will learnt not to love him… my advice girl is to never drop those chargers,he deserves to go to hail. Think of some girl who will go through what you are going through. And lastly seek help,go for counselling, pray God helps you to forgive him, pray he must help you let him go, pray to God so that he must help you move on, and most importantly, pray to God so that he must help you love yourself, and know your worth. You deserve better girl

  31. forgiving fool let me tell u a story about my sister who nearly got killed by her late husband last year she was just like u same mentality yadi tlaela lyk u labelling urself .her husband showed hus true colors on the day of their lobola when they charged his family thats wen we saw the kind of prick he was he came to aunts house angry and called my sister who was then pregnant with their baby names and that her family was robbing him their daughter dsnt deserve such amount of lobola as if that wasnt enough as time went he moered her day and night as heavily pregnant as she was she went into early labour bcz of all the stress and beating and then last year july he beat her up for refusing to hv sex with him infront of their son and throwed furniture on her we found a fridge was pushed ontop of her leg image friedge kodimo ha leeto la motho and went on to force her and the baby to drink a mixture of pills along with him are waba bolaya kaufela and wen he saw that the pills werent working he went to fetch his gun frim work as he was a police man saying he will kill em all wen he gets back dts wen my sis realised that shit was about to hit the fan and called us to rescue her we went there with police to rescue her she was locked inside with their son witb the furniture all over the place luckily we went with police men and wen the guy got back he made few gun shots b4 entering the gate not knowing there police men in his yard n wen he saw em n that we were taking my sister the coward bastard shot himself and died right infront of our eyes now shit like that we only saw it in movies and it is stupid ppl like u who make us go through such trauma bcz of so called” LOVE” as if lerato lateng la thoma ka lona le paletse bo mme wa rona i dnt knw you even bothered writing ur stupid letter to us bcz u just brought back bad memories some of us are still trying to forget . So nana if u wnt to go drop the charges against him go do it and i hope he comes back to moer u goed askago dladisa amd show u how much he loves u cz thats the kind of love u understand aker ago trape strong

  32. Wazi wena cc hai u need jesus himslf to come down n shake u up. I mean u acknowledged dat u being abused kodwa u still want to stay it doesnt click in my head as to y u still with him. Love a person but awa not more dan urslf dats u abusing urself. It wud b such a joy 4 u now to be thinkin how u can use ur situation to help ada woman overcome abuse dan u stayin in 1. Da are situations in life wr u read somedang take a deep breath skretch ur head n wonder if this is 4 real urs made me do dat. Da 1st punch shuld have made u run n show him u wont stand 4 it but u stayed how do u dan expect him to learn. Ai giv him tough love so he can c where his gonna end up with his abusive ways yoooo

  33. I don’t understand women who let men walk all over them, my mother was the same,how I hate women who stay with abusive men,my belief is that you treasure something you love.I don’t understand why QnA is asking for our advice but keep on making excuses for the Abuser.she need to love and accept herself and leave before her family buries her.

  34. This woman is preaching to me…
    I was once u dear. Got beatings for absolutely nothing. I used to think I loved him so much that I couldn’t live without him. I only realised after i had left that it wasn’t love. I really can’t explain it 5 years later ukuthi y abuse victims tend to linger on their abusers.
    I never got him arrested thinking I will ruin his life but guess wat, I was giving mine away. For my entire life. I will live with the fact that i was abused. Everytime i read or see such I relive the pain….
    Angazi wat to say to u bcz i know only u can make a decision on this…

  35. Mamela nontombi, you past does not determine your future. YOU choose your path. Even the bible Deuteronomy 30 : 19 gives us a choice of either life or death. So your boyfriend chose to be an abuser and you are choosing to death. Nontombi ubuvuvu awubunyamezeli, uyabucaphukela. Don’t be a victim but be a victor. It saddens me that in 2016 unyamezele ukuqushwa yindoda. Baleka mntasekhaya while you still can.

  36. U guys can call her names all u like. All I know she hears non of it…
    N I notice y’all are speaking out of common sense no1 out of direct experience. I wish I heard means to teach woman about self love. That’s wat we should be preaching.
    Woman tend to think that they are God or something. We need to appreciate that we have our own lifes to live. We can’t change the world. Yes he is sick but u no doctor. Stop feeling sorry for him. He’s not ur responsibility.
    Woman love urselves. Respect urselves. Value urself enough to move on From wat doesn’t serve u. It’s ok!
    Forgive u first on everything. Love urself first. Above all. Know n appreciate that God loves n thetefor u need no man to love u

  37. this letter broke my heart,to think a lady somewhere out there is devaluing herself so much all in the name of love…. I feel so sad and heartbroken right now

  38. Geez your story is horrifying the fact that you keep going back for more is a pitty and dissapointing. These guy has his on issues to deal with and you making excuses for him. Move on with your life before you end up in a body bag.

  39. You are a fool inded. You say u understand his violence and his way of communicating love nawe ukukushaya……you need help yourself.

  40. You say he is “communicating love” through his fists and feet? Right. ….
    Girl google the poem “today I got flowers”
    Other than that, I have no words for you.

  41. Dear Forgiving Fool, learn to put yourslef first before another person. A man who loves you can never beat you up. Yes he was abused in the past but why should you take the blame? I understand you still love him but if loving him will leave you dead, I suggest you run for your life. You’re beautiful, smart, talented and the most amazing of all God’s creations nd don’t you ever forget that! Don’t let another man make you feel that way. If you really love him, you’ll let him spend some time in jail

  42. Ive never been soooooo pissed yhoo forgiving fool u got it ryt u are a fool agha i repeat A FOOL, are u for real ryt now u wanna drop the charges bcos it will ruin his future hayibo ur ancestors must be tossing and turning what abt ur future yini u have a death wish ayi maaan stop being naive n u reali need help awukho ryt wena ngeke how can u stand such nonsense yhooo #pissed

  43. Oh wow. And I chose to read it at midnight 🙁 Azwindini is a child sham. Sies man. And I was enjoying where Lungi’s life was headed 🙁 Thank you Mike.
    QnA: This family right here cares ey, the emotions are overwhelming and understandably so. I come from a family of protective men, a man touched me wrong once and my cousins beat him up and the brother who came to defend him. My sister’s ex hit her once, my uncles and cousins were at his house the next day fighting over who should beat him up first. So I can’t imagine how people tolerate abuse. All I can say is if you start on a path and keep walking on it, eventually you will end up where it leads and this one leads to death. I wish you wisdom and strength. And I agree with what has been said. You are not God. You can’t heal him of anything. . I am actually starting to get angry at this so I will leave it here

  44. Abt time we had boxing sessions here brada Mike. Lungi said “Yes” to the wrong question there. Danki my broer!
    Forgiving fool, here the long & short version of yo problem.
    Stupidity is similar to Death. U don’t notice it yoself but Everybody else around U does.
    At the moment UR in the “stupidity” stage, next U will be in the “Death” stage & guess what, U won’t notice either.

  45. Cudn’t help myself marveling at the other child being abused, has two kids with the abusive guy & wait for it, she’s doing matric. What a twisted life! Forget putting the horse before the cart, talk abt double trailer pulling an Oshkosh truck! Makes me feel like swearing….. Frog!

  46. Ausi when I went through the series of events you went through.. I figured you need deliverance coz that spirit of abuse, no call it infirmity cannot leave you.. You have to learn to love yourself.. You have to learn to pray for yourself.. This is not good.. You cannot be going into every relationship to be abused.. It’s the energy you give out and we cancel it in the Mighty name of Jesus. Pray Ausi.. Move on.. All will be well.. But you need to stay single for a while.. It’s not healthy for your psychologist well-being. You’re in my prayers and hope God sends a person who will love you unconditionally and treat you well.

  47. I honestly don’t know what the lady is asking to be advised on because I quit reading the letter after the part where the guy thrust her on the concrete floor and she decided to stay after she regained consciousness. The bible doesn’t condone abuse but that men should treat women as delicate vessels. If he is not treating you that way, then he is not a man qha qwaba ke. Stay away from these bad boys

  48. who cares if he has exams to write this month? o tsena kae wena? its got nothig to do with u-he can write his exams in jail – its free with UNISA!!!!!

  49. You need help to understand why you keep allowing men to beat you up. You will die. They will kill you. This is somethong you can prevent and stop. You already know what you have to do. Just do it. Wake up woman… just wake up before its too late.

  50. Confused Fool —- you are not crazy or wrong. You did yourself a favour. If he refuses to get help or doesnt even in the life of him see anything wrong with what his doing — let go. Change its a decison he must make. you cant force him or baby sit him or drill it into him. IF GOING TO JAIL IS THE ONLY WAY HE WILL SEE IT then so be it. Yes its tough, but you just have to woman up. you need a break from him. hE NEEDS to meditate on him. Acceptance is the 1st step to change and doesnt sound like he wants too. God he is already going to a psycologist but still dololo. You are not the Victim. you did nothing wrong. if he cant humble himself and show remorse to change and actually speak out then unfortunatly sister there is not much you can do as much as hurting this is. you tried to show him love, but he refuses and keeps blocking you out. You will leave that house in a coffin i tell you…. Carry on with the case, he needs to know that this is not love and definitly wrong no matter what the case. you youself need counselling, that was not love.

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