“In relationship things always go south the moment you start compromising your standards to accommodate his needs. You cannot be happy if you have to allow him to get away with things you don’t like in the first place!” Mike Maphoto
Truth time, no liberal suburban educated person is homophobic until they have to be in a situation that involves the act. Suddenly they discover themselves and start off by saying nah it’s not for me and as time goes on they become aggressive in their rejection of it. We have grown up to learn to accept everyone for whom they are. Yes there are hard heads out there that are not tolerant but I would like to believe that civilization and modernity has taught us to keep an open mind. With that said, I was a liberal. I had schooled and befriended a lot of same sex couples but it was always at a distance. We shared the occasional drinks amongst friends and so on but never that close personal relationship. I had long passed the experimental age and to be fair I never experimented, I was hundred percent hetero! Her question therefore took me by surprise.
“What are you talking about?”
I asked her tentatively. Even the shock on my face was evident.
“I asked you if you have ever had lesbian sex before. Isn’t you always tell me how good life was at university and how you had a modern experience compared to us who went to bush campuses!”
She added which was well, kind of true. I think people experience different things which are relative to the university they attend. Naturally kids who studied in Jhb will experience more in terms of partying and weekend events compared to say kids who studied at University of Venda because the facilities and infrastructure in and around the area is different. I am not in any way saying that the latter did not have fun because I am sure they have a tavern or two in the area plus braai’s and parties but reality is if you were in Jhb or Durban your experience is more rounded.
“No I have never had lesbian sex and you know very well in our conversation I never made it seem as though your experiences were less than what mine were! Rudzani you even used to say this yourself so now I don’t understand how you can put it like that!”
I protested. That’s the problem with women, we can have discussions, laugh at and joke at our experiences but the day we fight it will seem like those things were said to hurt. She will attack you with the things you shared even if she was the one who asked you to share them in the first place! Now it was like I was bragging when reality was she would ask me so many questions so that she could fill in blanks on what she did not understand.
“Well still I want to know what your experiences are to that end!”
I stood there and I did not know what to say or do. Before I knew about Azwindini I used to think Rudzani was bi sexual at the very least. Girls who don’t care about their appearance usually draw questions. I grew up liberal ok, I don’t mind LGBT community, they do them I do me
“No of course not, that’s disgusting man!”
I told her. As I said that she smiled and not frowned. Is it what she wanted me to do?
“I already know what happened between you and Miss Du Toit. Did you know that they wanted to fire you the first time when you brought the Simba deal? Much as they wanted it you know they would have much rather Nicole brought it. It was no secret; we all know who we work for.”
She explained so slowly and calmly.
“Yes I do but what does that have to do with anything?”
I asked her.
“Put your bag down. Well If I press charges you will be fired and I know you think you have a fall back plan but you don’t! So I have an offer for you!”
She said, she went and sat on the hotel chair and folded her legs like a lady, showing some black ass thigh under her hotel gown.
“And what offer is that because I am not sleeping with you if that’s what you are after! I will rather die!”
I told defiantly! Leya ntombazane ibihlanya uma ibicabanga ukuthi mina beng’zoyi khota lemomozi yayo ebabayo.
“Then die! You can leave! I am not going to force you to do anything whatsoever.”
She said to me without blinking an eyelid.
“I have never asked you for much in all our time together as colleagues yet every single time you had an errand for your mom, which was plenty of times I covered for you gladly. Do you realize that your mother has more problems than Pravin Ghordan?”
She said in what was an attempt at a joke but it misfired! I was not in the mood for jokes!
“Rudzani come on, you can’t be serious! You can’t do that to me that’s like rape!”
I told her! I figured using the word rape would shock her into submission. She would be forcing me to do it if I did it but then again she had said the decision was mine. I was confused at this stage…
“That’s why I said you can go! You know no one will believe you in any case even if you told! I am still that mousy stupid girl you have made people to believe I am and you are the powerful independent woman, force of nature so who do you think would believe who? Moreover, they will just think you are trying to save your own ass from getting fired by making up such a huge unbelievable story!”
She said. She was right too on many levels! No one would believe me. In fact because of our different personalities I think I would be seen as the one capable of doing this not her!
“When they call for a disciplinary hearing I am going to wear my ZCC doek, badge and long skirt! Let’s see who they will feel sorry for then!”
She said with a chuckle! The look on her face was priceless. My phone was off, battery flat. I could not even tape this for my sake. I felt as though every time something bad happened in my life my phone was off. It was always like that.
“Rudzani come on, you really can’t force me to do this!”
I half pleaded with her because at this stage her mind was already made up. I was kidding myself if I thought I could change her mind at this stage.
“That’s why I said you can go. I would never force you but know that if you walk out there is no turning back!”
She said confidently.
“Are you even lesbian yourself? You say it as though you have been doing this for years when you know nothing of it!”
I asked her trying to turn this on her.
“The thing is Lungi you always undermine me. To you I am this rural Limpopian who knows nothing of the world. You forget we work for the same company, the same job and yes you might be more senior than me but we have the same degree!”
She said and she was right too. We were basically the same education wise even though we had different experiences.
“You didn’t answer my questions though!”
I told her.
“I don’t have to. I am the one asking all the questions so why must I?”
She said smugly! I could just punch her in the face right now. The reason why I was vulnerable right now was because I had just gotten a promotion and with I were I was now in the company it was not like last time when I was willing to resign. This time I really was where I wanted to be because I had plans for my own company a year or two down the line! The access to information and resources at this new level was definitely priceless for me. I needed this badly enough to do something stupid.
“What are you thinking? You have gone quiet? Are you thinking of something else to say to get out of it?”
She asked sounding a bit impatient now. Something was not adding up here!
“Rudzani you not a lesbian, bi maybe, I feel like there is something that you not telling me. This was not your idea! You don’t think like that. You not sadistic and cruel no matter how angry you are!”
I said to her.
“How would you feel if that precious boyfriend of yourself slept with your friend? You making me out to be the bad guy here but how would you feel if it was you? Have you asked yourself that? I am the one whose boyfriend you fucked not the other way round!”
She snapped at me. I was and she was right.
“But I will be frank with you, Azwindini wants a threesome! He has always wanted one and has asked me several times and I said no, not because I would not do anything to please him but because up till now I never knew who I could ask! That’s his condition for us getting back together! I know he is the one who cheated but the fact that your boyfriend punched him suddenly became my fault!”
She said. You know we take abused people in relationships for granted and never actually fully appreciate how deep they are into the men that do these things to them. By abuse I mean emotional abuse.
“Rudzani, you want to have a threesome because your boyfriend cheated and to get back with him he said bring the very woman he cheated with into your bed? Do you even hear yourself?”
I asked her.
“You honestly think I haven’t thought of that a million times! Of course I have and in the beginning I fought it! I did not want it! I felt cheap and dirty then I realized something, again I will be denying myself the pleasure of something because of hiding behind something else!”
I had no idea what she had just said.
“I know you think I am crazy, there is no better way to punish you by making you go down on me, the person you think so lowly of and getting fucked by the guy you thought was a one night stand knowing that like me once upon a time, your precious boyfriend is sitting at home waiting for you!”
I looked at her with a blank face! I should get up and leave but my feet would not move!
My career was on the line and I did this to myself! I can’t believe I was actually considering it!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you for the wonderful blogs.
I am a 22 year old young woman and I recently had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. He was not a virgin I was but it was not nice at all. I might not have had experience at it but I could tell he was over excited because I was finally giving it up after three years of dating. He had begged several times before and I always said no. This time I don’t know why I even agreed because I still felt I was not ready. I am someone who says my mind so after a few days from losing my virginity I told him I did not enjoy it. I told him how I wanted it done next time. He was so angry? He told me I was cheating because how else could I have known. He has not spoken to me since that day. I don’t want to lose my boyfriend and I did not wait for three years to have sex with him for me to be dumped after the first round. I don’t think he is cheating because he stays at home and his sister who is also my friend tells me he spends all his spare time at home mopping around. I went to see him to apologize but he asked me how it was I knew that the sex was bad? I don’t know what to do now.
Please advise me.