“Relationships got messy the day we started thinking a man asking, “Will you be my girlfriend,” was uncool. How is it wrong to define your intentions clearly from the beginning? Allowing someone intimately into your life is not something you live to chance so don’t leave things unsaid or undefined because you think it’s uncool!” Mike Maphoto
I don’t handle betrayal well, no one does. It happens though so I am fine with it, I move on. Things were already messy between us anyway and Ntheteng was in the picture. I know everyone says that him having a child is not an issue but you have to be in that space. I don’t even think I had maternal instincts and it’s not something you just conjure up. You need to bond with the child so to say on day one I could be her step mum, nope, that would be a lie to both me and her. Maybe I was dodging a bullet I don’t know. He sounded unsure when I mentioned the kiss though but in my eyes that made him look guiltier. Men give off tell tale signs when busted for doing something they are not supposed to be doing. It’s ridiculous really; they cheat and can’t even hide it well enough.
“You had that coming!”
I told myself with a heavy sigh as I sat down. I am one of those girls that make sure that men don’t play her. I have all these defensive mechanisms designed at keeping my heart safe but I had failed dismally at it. Why had I not suspected him to be the player type? It had been a long day already but what’s new, all my days had a way of being long in their own way. I sat down and took a deep breath. I must just forget about men for the moment because clearly this nonsense was not working for me. I had to focus on work. As I was thinking this my phone rang. It was Simba.
“I am glad I caught you! We need to meet so I can give you some paperwork on the project. This is part of the report we did on the Ebola thing and unfortunately they did not come in a soft copy!”
He said. He basically was saying either I should come over or he will come over.
“Can’t we do this tomorrow? I was not at work today because I was not well!”
I told him which was partially true.
“I am sorry to hear that, are you feeling better now!”
He asked me which was sweet of him.
“I will be ok I guess.”
“If that’s the case then definitely I have to come to you. I am leaving for Geneva tomorrow and you will need this for your report. I did not want to risk leaving at your offices because I was not sure you will get it!”
When he said that it hit me how hostile my office actually was. When you first get a job all these things pass you by but with time you start to appreciate such things.
“Thanks for that. I will message you my location. Please come now though because I need to sleep early. These meds they gave me are not friendly!”
I warned him. He agreed and said he would be by me in 20 minutes which was fair for me. I wanted to shower because I had been out all day and the car has a tendency of making you sweat but 20 minutes was not long enough a time for me to do that. Still had to finish cooking though. He did not make it in 20 minutes; in fact he came about 45 minutes later. I was done cooking and about to call him when the gate people called. I let him and waited for him at the door.
“Hey! Thanks for seeing me so late!”
He said as he entered.
“Its alright, you said it’s important!”
I told him. He had with him files and files. Was this meant to be overnight work because it was more than I expected.
“Yes it is important unfortunately!”
He said. He had a reassuring way of talking and that is what made it easy to talk to him.
“Something smells nice; did you make enough for two?”
He asked me.
“Wow that’s bold! You just ask for food where ever you go.”
I asked him. I am not even sure if I was annoyed at that or flattered that he thought my food smelt good. I am not the greatest cook so compliments in that department are most welcome.
“Only when the food smells this good I do. Why should I suffer when we are both adults and I am hungry?”
He asked me. He was very forward but I liked the assertiveness. If you know what you want then you will do great in life.
“Well you are lucky then because I actually cooked more than I need. These days I have no appetite though, I don’t know what’s happening!”
I found myself confessing to him.
“Don’t worry happens to me as well when I get busy at work. I lose appetite…”
He said but somehow I shut him out because we were not talking about the same thing. I shut him out because my problems had nothing to do work. Let’s hope I lose weight after all this.
“Hey… Are you still with me?”
I found Simba asking me when I regained my senses.
“Sorry, got lost there for a second!”
I told him. He was Zimbabwean maybe I should ask him about Sangomas! Everyone says people from the north know more or better than we do. I was however scared that it would change everything between us if he thought I was either a freak or backward. I think that was my biggest fear, people thinking less of me if accepted this calling.
“Must I dish now and we eat then work or must we work first then eat?”
I asked him.
“There is not much work for us to do though, or rather for me, I will just show you what you need to focus on! Next week the plan is for us to start working properly!”
He explained. We chose to work first and he was right, in thirty minutes we were done. Dinner was served and I asked him for his life story.
“I was top of my class at university but I did not think I will get a job here. You see in South Africa, its fine for foreigners to pay their fees as you know we don’t qualify for scholarships and bursaries but it’s not fine to find a job here! No one complains when we pay, we drive the economy they say but reality afterwards it’s a bit difficult. It was therefore imperative then that I come first because very few companies can ignore you if you are first.”
We had a good hour chat before he said he had to go. I was tired and the later he was here it was starting not to feel right. Maybe it was the exhaustion.
“Thank you for supper and sorry I ate your food. Next time don’t invite me after you have cooked!”
He said laughing.
“Lesson learned but I didn’t mind really. Next time I will try make you a proper meal!”
I told him.
“I will hold you on that.”
It was meant to be a joke but after it came out I felt awkward as though I had asked him out. As I walked him I felt awkward. I was not asking out. I was not interested. Luck is something that deserts me always for some reason.
I said to Simba as he drove off but when I turned there stood Mbuso. I don’t know what he was doing there.
“How many guys visit you at night?”
He asked and he walked away. This guy! I should have run after him and told him that it was none of his business. This is why you don’t date neighbours because you can’t hide your shit from them.
I said out loud and walked away into my apartment. I did not have time for petty jealousies but I could see his point. I always bumped into him with a guy leaving or in my house. I wanted to shower but my phone was ringing. It was Miriam.
“Hey you. When can I come see you?”
She asked me. I think this was the first time she had asked me that question since she got married.
“Why what’s wrong?”
I asked her.
“Does something have to be wrong for me to come see my person?”
She asked laughing.
“With the number of times you have pulled that line out and the circumstances you have been in when you did I think I am in the right here!”
I said and we laughed together. Miriam would come hide from her boyfriends at my place the many times she had been caught cheating. It was her thing. She had more scandals than a South African politician yet the first ring was on her finger. With my education, job and accomplishment this is one department she made me feel like a failure. You know as women we can call other women whores or loose etc but reality is that if they died that day they would go to heaven or hell saying they have lived. We the so called good ones have so many strings attached to us we are puppets of every system we fall under. Girls like Miriam have no chains on them. They do what they want, when they want without apology whereas girls like me try and be proper by following all the rules society gives us. Sad reality!
“I promise you nothing is wrong. I just want to come see you and have a drink or something. Just to breathe. This wife business is a lot of work. I never knew a husband was like a child and needs constant attention!”
She told me. I laughed.
“Are you regretting?”
I asked her.
“No I am not. Relationship sex is so good. He can bring it on so I love it!”
She said and we laughed.
“How is your love life?”
She asked me. Here we go again. She knew my story was always the same.
“It’s complicated. The more I try at it the more complicated it gets. There is this guy called Mbuso I think I like. I am not even sure I do but anyway, we shared our first kiss yesterday …”
She interrupted me by saying,
“Oh that’s nice so how is it complicated already; you just shared your first moment yesterday! O rata drama!”
“No let me finish, later on I found out that he had kissed another girl before me!”
I concluded. She didn’t respond for a moment then she said,
“This is not high school where if a man kisses someone its war afterwards! You can’t still tell me that at your age a kiss is enough to make you run in the opposite direction! Come on Lungi, grow some balls!”
How did that story turn on me though?
“Listen Lungi, the moment a man has a woman, every hood rat and skank is going to want him too! Every where he turns he will have opportunities and don’t come up with all that feminist nonsense to say you can’t fight to be the one and only because that shit don’t keep you warm at night. If you want him, go get those answers and stop acting like a princess maan! It’s annoying!”
She said and just like that she hung up.
5 minutes later I was knocking at his door!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Bra Mike thank you for the platform you provide for the Diary Family. Your work is of high standards and your consistency is something that is greatly admired. Please keep up the fantastic work you are doing.
We are soo used to reading requests for advice, however my request is quite different. Readers I would like to call for assistance in planning a seminar in JHB for the 26th of November 2016. In this day and age where divorce and the break down of family structures has become the norm, Saneli Gumede saw it fit to form a platform to address issues that we all face on a daily basis within the family environment. The issues that many of our readers write into the blog seeking advice for. Due to the nature of these issues that we all face and the lack of a place to go to when facing these, Saneli created a platform where advice could be given in a manner where it got straight to the point in a light hearted manner to drive the message home. That was when she took it upon herself to make short videos and share them on social media pages. These videos have been seen by many and the feedback that she got constantly was can she please go into detail. That was when the idea of a seminar was born and now we are in the process of helping her realise her dream and save households in the process.
Please readers of the blog we are calling on anyone who is able to lend a hand, in the form of providing skills to make this event a success. Any form of help would be of great assistance. If you feel you have any skills that could contribute to this please kindly contact me on firstname.lastname@example.org
If you know of any doors that we could knock on please inform. If you are able to suggest any venues that would also be appreciated. Maybe you are more of a creative and could assist in designing flyers. The long term goal of this seminar is to see it being hosted in all the 9 Provinces. Saneli Gumede and her page Amaqiniso ami awami ngedwa has almost 30000 followers. Small business owners could use this as a platform to reach new clientele.
Jackzorro maybe you could consider making a guest appearance and finally give us the opportunity to meet you in person.
I thank you in advance for all the assistance that will be received.