Young Employed and Single

Y.E.S 54

“Commitment is not as difficult as we men tell ourselves. Either you love and respect your girl enough to be loyal or you don’t. It’s not rocket science! Mike Maphoto”


It’s never nice to hear that your friend has been dumped by a man she loved. Think of it as being you that has been dumped if you think you can’t feel her pain. I might have been angry at Rudzani but if there was one thing I knew she loved Azwindini. He was her life and made no secret about it. Why was he dumping her though? Was it his intention all along when he came back to get rid of her? A lot of people that are in long distance relationships suffer this fate. When your partner comes back from where ever he is based, you are never sure what mindset he is. It’s especially true of those guys that are noble. He won’t dump you on the phone. He will tell you that he had to wait to see you in person so that he shows you respect. I won’t lie, I would much rather he do it on the phone. Why must he dump me and see me crying too and knowing Rudzani she would have begged him not to do so?

“Rudzani give me a second please!”

I told her. My phone was ringing, the work phone that is. I had to answer it. There was a problem in two of my depots so had to take care of it. I told her I will call her back and it was only 30 minutes later before I could do so.

“I am sorry about that? Are you in your office? Has anyone come to check on you?”

I ask her in vein. No one had come. I did not know what the Cape Town office setup was precisely but I know they had more offices than ours so she probably had her own office. A little privacy at least.

“Isn’t he there with you?”

I asked her.

“No he left yesterday. He dumped me at the airport. He told me that the distance was too much and when I asked him he said that when he got to Jhb he met someone else! I mean the guy was only in Jhb for one day who could he have met?”

She asked me in between her tears. I had no answer for her even though I suspected I knew where this was going. What the fuck was wrong with this dude. I was not his person.

“I don’t know love. I am sorry. What are you going to do now? You can’t be at work like this surely you should go home?”

I told her. I know a lot of employers don’t take women seriously when we go through personal issues. If it’s a woman who is your boss and you tell her you have period pains she will probably tell you to toughen up because she has them too and if it’s a man, well they don’t even want to hear about it. Being dumped for a woman most times feels like it’s the end of your life. No one wants to give you a break. If I was her boss, not because I was her friend I would send her home to breathe.

“Do you really think I am going to ask for a day off? I will probably end up getting suspended for it. Worse I am working in the labs today to induct some people let’s hope I don’t create a bomb!”

She said in what was a joke I think. We work with hazardous materials so I totally got what she meant when she was saying that.

“I will call you later to check on you ok! Do not switch off your phone and if you feel overwhelmed at any point call me!”

I told her.

“Thank you. The way I regret going to Cape Town right now? I don’t know what I was thinking. I gave that guy everything I had and more. I worshipped him and I didn’t even listen to you when you tried to warn me. Look at me now! I look like a complete idiot! No in fact, I am an idiot. What was I thinking?”

She said and she started crying again. I didn’t know what to say and it took another ten minutes before I could console her enough to let her go back to work. I had to take a gamble; I called my former worst enemy, Susanna!

“Hi how are you?”

I said immediately. I think she was a bit surprised to hear from me. Much as we made our peace when she left we were not friends.

“I am ok! Are you missing us already there in Jhb?”

She asked me.

“Yes. It’s so different. I am not used to all this responsibility so it will take getting used to!”

I told and this part was true. Take over her work was harder than I thought no wonder why she was always angry. All of a sudden I was handling regional depots and so on. Is it just me but there is something wrong with people that work in the provincial branches if you from head quarters. It’s like they do their own thing and everyone else is supposed to move at their slow pace. Today alone I had fought with Polokwane and Rustenburg over something as basic as inventory! How do you not know how to count really?

“What can I help you with today dear?”

She asked me. Now I was dear! In all the years we had worked together she had never called me dear so I know I was not being petty.

“It’s Rudzani. Please check on her. She is not ok at all!”

I told her. I was tempted to tell her the whole story, woman to woman but eish, white women and black women might go through the same problems as women but we don’t react the same.

“I will do. When she entered I saw her but I was on the phone and she looked a bit under the weather!”

She explained. We did not stay long on the phone but at the very least she agreed to do so. Now I had my day ahead of me. Had to fix the problems I mentioned earlier on. I now had people under me and it was actually quite a nightmare. I was also tasked with double checking the samples and results of the day. Now I really was earning my salary, sigh! I got an internal call. It was reception.

“Miss Mbatha you have a visitor?”

They said. What now? I did not want visitors I was busy. Who could it possibly be? I went there to see who it was. I wanted to die honestly.

“Mum, what are you doing here?”

I asked her. Two shocks in two days!

“See what I told you! It’s hard when your children are not happy to see you! They forget that when they where young there was nothing we would not do for them!”

She said ignoring me and talking to the receptionist and security, rather embarrassing I tell you.

“Mom, it’s not like that come on!”

I told her. I meant that too!

“Well explain then why it is that I have never been invited to your office! I got lost four times!”

She said. I had never invited my mother to my work place but who does that. Your work family is not the same as your home family.

“Mum let’s go to my office!”

I told her because I did not know where she was going with this.

“I didn’t even know you had an office and you work with so many white people.”

She said out loud. A few people turned and I immediately said,

“Yes we all work together!”

I told her. My mother was not that old so I was certain she was doing it to embarrass me.

“Well in my day white people did not want to work with us!”

She said.

“Mum come on you know you can’t say such things!”

I told her.

“Good! I know that pretty much but because you don’t listen to me I have decided that until you go see the pastor with mi I am going to come here every day until you do as you are asked!”

She said. Goodness this woman, I was so annoyed. I could not shout at her because she would raise her voice.

“But mama, the pastor said that I can’t be baptized on my own, it has to be where everyone else is being baptized. You were there when he said this!”

I reminded her. Those were his words I recall distinctly.

“Well I spoke to him and the ladies in my cell. He said he can do it even today if I brought you!”

I could see where she was going with this. She wanted to corner me into leaving with her so we could go to church.

“Mum you can’t just surprise me with something so big. Am I not supposed to be baptized by choice not because my mother says so?”

I asked her.

“You see, there is that attitude that brought us to where we are right now. If it was not because of it we would be happy people but oh well, its not!”

She said getting comfortable. She spotted coffee in the corner of my office and said,

“Are you going to offer me coffee or must I pour it myself? You didn’t offer me water!”

She added. This really was going to be one of those days. I stood up and made her coffee.

“Next time please have tea because some of us old people are not into this coffee business. I taught you hospitality but look at you being high and mighty you no longer want to listen!”

I don’t know if that was just about the coffee now but I knew that even if I banned her from the office she would come anywhere. My mother was fiercely stubborn especially when she was wrong and wanted to come out right. She rarely ever accepted her mistakes.

“Mum I have a very important meeting. This could either get me fired or promoted. Please whatever you do, do not leave my office because it’s too late for me to take you home now!”

I pleaded with her.

“Mum are you listening to me?”

I asked her because she did not respond.

“When the meeting is done are you going to come get baptised with me?”

She asked me. My instinct was to say no but it would only cause a scene!

“Yes mom I will.”

I told her which was a lie. The moment I said she started ululating. I jumped across my office to silence her.

“Mum come on I am at work what are you doing?”

I asked her. She never ever ululates. In fact she believes it’s beneath her so what the fuck. There was a knock on my door. Crap, that person whoever it was surely heard that. Its was my bosses secretary. She immediately said without entering,

“Your delegation has arrived and the conference room is setup for you! You will have the room to yourself but isn’t you know we tape all meetings in there so they have already been set up!”

This company was paranoid about security. They taped every meeting.

“Mum I really have to go. It’s so important for me this thing and then we can do whatever you want ok!”

I told her.

She just nodded her head.

“Mum I want to hear you agree!”

I told her.

“Ok fine yes! I will wait!”

I had already set up my things for the meeting so all I did was pick them up and leave. I sat in the conference alone and just shook my head. I was angry at my mum for what she had done.

Enter Mr. Tizora!

Simba was hot. You know how foreign men usually don’t have the same features as South African men, Simba was that.

“Miss Mbatha how are you?”

He said as he walked in.

“Mr. Tizora good to see you again. I hope today we are signing because this back and forth is making my bosses nervous!”

I told with a smile on my face.

“Yes we are signing finally. If this is the only way I can get to work closely and more personally with you then what choice do I have?”

He asked me. Wow, what a loaded statement. He said this without taking his eyes off mine and I involuntarily bit my bottom lip. You try it girls!

I shouldn’t have done that!

We were being recorded!

*******The End***********

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

Good morning readers and Mr. Mike!

I have always been lucky with women. From probably the age of 14 I was dating and have never been single for more than two weeks in that period. The girls I have dated where the girl next door types, decent people and most were marriage material. I am a man, 31 and I have a problem. I cannot stay faithful. I have never been faithful to any person I dated and it troubles me a lot. I wrote this letter because I saw one of your quotes which said cheating is a choice and much as I try to resist it I find myself doing it. At times as many four or five side girlfriends. The sides almost always know I have a girlfriend because I tell them when to call or when to visit and why it’s like that. I have slept with friends of the girls I am dating, sisters even and note, the sides always know about the main and even worse my preference is girls in relationships because I tell myself they are less trouble. Of all the girls I have slept with or dated, possibly only two don’t talk to me anymore otherwise I am still friends with most of these girls some of whom I have attended their weddings. I do have a decent job but I am not wealthy by any means. I even so a psychologist for this once believe it or not. I am not even a sex addict as I am those people that have sex once a week if at all but in the last ten years I have slept with over 50 women. I don’t have kids nor HIV and I always use a condom no matter what. There is something wrong with me I accept that and I need it to stop. I will take all the insults you throw at me but please when you are done, advise me on what I should do next. I really need this.

Thank You


19 thoughts on “Y.E.S 54

  1. Yhu hai Wynberg.. all you can do is DECIDE TO STOP.. this is not rocket science wethu. I know a guy like you, adores his gf but has several side chicks that all know about the gf.. only difference is he enjoys this lifestyle of his. Its clear you know the difference between right and wrong. You’ve just fallen into the HABIT of doing wrong and you have to retrain yourself to do right.. perhaps go back to the psychologist and actively re-tune your mind every single day. Surely you have some self-control buried in there somewhere?

  2. Thank you Bhut Mike 🙂

    Lol….a few days ago a lady wrote in saying she’s single and was in Cape Town…80% of the comments were ladies also in Cape Town who shared the same sentiment….Now here is a guy who gets multiple women ALSO in Cape Town…… Hahhahaha hay inoba lamanzi walapha akekho right ..what a gwan????

    Wynberg : Much as this is quite different to your situation but when I went through a phase of depression in my life I also tried therapy and it didnt help….But what did get me through it all… is 3 things… 1. Writing my feelings down…It may seem stupid at first but try it….write down everything from why you cheat..what makes you cheat…what you enjoy about cheating…then read it back to yourself…that way you get to “mirror” yourself and get a better persepective of yourself then you will have an idea of whats wrong where and then work on fixing that….. 2. Prayer..I started praying about my situation and for it…and that made me think more positively…3 Church… Going to church got my spirit on a positive high… So if you are a church person…do that…Never ever under estimate the power of prayer…. So do those things and see if any change comes your way…. But most importantly I think you need to take a break from relationships and go through a journey of self discovery…you will be amazed….

    All the best my brother….


  3. Wynberg

    You are what we call a Serial Cheater shame, i am not sure how you can stop that, you need prayers….. Lungi hayu marn hayi ukhona u Mbuso phuma ku Tizoro. I Hope Azwindini is not inlove wit you.

  4. lol PillzBerry ikhona ingxaki apha ekapa nyani but Im glad Im not one of Wynberg’s side chicks…
    Wynberg, I would like to commend you for actually seeing that there is a problem here. Your lifestyle is not normal and you really do need help. I agree with PillzBerry that you should try and be single for about 6 months to a year (and no casual sex either) just to get to know yourself and what kind of person you really are. The next mistake you could make at this point is getting married which would be bad for both you and your girlfriend. You dont have to break up with her completely you can talk to her about the situation and tell her that you see that there is a problem and need hep for the two of you…. Prayer really does help and geting a spiritual mentor that wont judge you but work with you in solving the issue. I suggest you go for pre marital counselling as this help resolve issues before you commit with another person through marriage or even a serious relationship.
    All the best with your problem and I hope you get help soon

  5. Thanks Mikeesto, Lungi’s mom is a nutcase for sure.

    I say this with the greatest confidence my guy, once you find someone worthy of you stopping this cheating business, then you will. Like you said, you don’t even know why you doing it, it aint even about the sex even. I used to do that shit, it just came natural, one minute you’re flirting the next thing you wake up asking “konje whats your name”.

    I say this as no saint either, but I can proudly and loudly pronounce that I’ve been free from those cheat-cages since my relationship started and it has been one helluva joyride. You see player, one thing I hate is to be cheated on, so when I spoke with my lady regarding cheating, she said nigga if you cheat that will be the end of us or she will do it too. To protect my ass as incentive, I stay the f away from situations and scenarios which may expose me to that. I’m still fragile too so avoiding by all means necessary is the holy key.

    At some point you have to know that your so called ‘main’ finding out will cause massive destruction to her entire existence, for life. Now imagine her tears and heartache for shit you do that you can’t even explain why you do…. That is not good enough. 31 Year Old ought to have more self-control. You ought to be developed enough to say I’m taking control of this, not the other way round. If you don’t have any meaningful gain from doing this or stopping, at least do it for the women you claim you love. At some point the chain needs to break ngawe boss.

    Fact is all men can cheat, that too all women can equally also. What separates us from our fellow animal species is being human, being human also means being loyal. Loyalty dictates that you stay faithful to one person, if you fail at this it means you’re more related to our animal relatives than our humans. ( I just made this shit up, hope it makes sense)


  6. Lungi never learns I guess its true that at times intwaso ikwenza ubengu no pipana!

    Mr Wynberg… If you are not looking for sex kula mantombazana then what are you really looking for? I think the minute you get an answer to that question then maybe you might have your solution. Staying faithful to one person is the most difficult thing and it defines most of us, what we stand for and cheating is the most easiest thing because it comes with less responsibility kwa uba ufuna aba bakwi relationships abantu.

    Instead of hopping learn new ways of loving your girlfriend each time you feel like calling a side chick call her! Love your woman in different ways, love her in a way that will make her special and stop running around you are too old for such! You had your fun of cheating since you were 14 surely now it is the time to retire.

    1. Hahahahahahhaha hay man S.. My cousion would proly agree with you because wayethanda uthi uyaqhawukelwa yile ntwaso hahahaha

  7. Wynberg I was once that type of a person but now I have changed it’s all in the mind, I think you are old enough now to settle with family meaning wife and kids and having your own house will make you settle I tell you, you will be a good husband because you played enough baba, the people who like women when they are old is those who did not date a lot when growing up they started dating after getting a job and those are the worst cheats they even marry iskobo and go for beautiful ladies enticing them with money.

  8. This is a perfect scenario to explain what they mean when they say “it is difficult to unlearn” you lived your whole life with you its normal. You must first unlearn this behaviour . Seek professional help.

  9. hhhhh, jah nehhh mfana. I feel you brahh. most of the time the behaviour of one going from one woman to the next is caused by you not being content with what you have. Check your current woman and ask yourself if you wanna lose her or not. the question will determine your next move. Set goals for yourself and date the girl that you really want. someone that you know you really want and see where life will take. Stop taking the next available girl.

    best of luck brahhh

  10. so… Lungi finds Simba attractive now? i thought he was short fat ka mokhaba!!! haaaibooo… now he is foreign hot!!!!??? Mike….???

  11. Lungi’s life is just busy busy nje! Hayi!
    Ta braMike.
    Wynberg, yo problem is complex indeed. In my view it cud be as natural as a born thief, who cud steal even a stick or a stone if there was nothing to steal. It also cud be from yo upbringing where discipline was not so paramount.
    Serial cheat just like pathological lying shows a lack of respect for others. It’s an over bearing control over others’ feelings & emotional abuse on them as they are so attached to U more than UR to them. More like using them for yo satisfaction.
    If a psychologist can’t help U, then try abstaining from relationships. Find out what love means to others & try to have sense of how it kills them when U share the same feelings with every others next person.
    I don’t know yo background but if yo parents have been married for a long time, it has some positive effect on how U view relationships. Remove flirting from yo vocabulary as most cheaters love that.
    Pray that U don’t meet a psycho who cud cheat on U too or worse who cud kill U for that.

  12. Wynberg… No offence but GROW UP! Man the hell up and quit acting like a boy… Or remain one its your choice. Quit playin

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