“Just because the person you love is broke and walks does not make him a better man to the one in a car. Morals are not about money but about what’s in a persons heart!” Mike Maphoto
I know my mother means well but she does overstep her boundaries. At my age she cannot ask me who I am sleeping with unless I am the one telling her. She must respect me. My friends always tell me that I am to blame for allowing my mother to constantly emotionally blackmail me like this. She like putting me down and reminding me that ii am a failure because I had no steady relationship and a ring on my finger. The problem is when you are single you are usually seen as a child and your parents see you as the one they can still influence. My sister was married so to a certain extent and in my mothers eyes she “belonged” to her husbands family. She acted like that too because she always did things on his side of the family but I think secretly its because she is avoiding mum. I would too if I could.. To my mother I was a child and even the thought that I had my own place did not seem to matter to her.
“No mum you can’t ask me such a question come on now. Its not correct!”
I reprimanded her.
“I can’t ask you what? I can’t ask you if a man wants to bring lobola to my house? Is that it?”
She said. I could see she was trying to make me feel guilty for asking that. She was good though. This woman, I salute her!
“Yes mum you can’t ask ask me that. I refuse. I won’t answer that question with all due respect. Its wrong!”
I told her standing my ground.
“Well in case you are, that man has a child Lungi? What are you doing? You didn’t get all that education to go be a step mother! Jesus did not die on the cross for my daughter to become someone else’s childs nanny!”
She lectured me. It was annoying but admit it, the last part with the Jesus thing was funny.
“He is a friend and a neighbor! You are the one that always says I must live well with my neighbors so don’t make this a big deal!”
I told trying to make her not raise her voice because with my mother things go hot very quick.
“Well your friendship is not healthy because once you get used to raising another persons child you will not want a child of your own!”
My mother was a piece of work.
“Who said I am raising someone elses child? You met them for two minutes and already you are judging! I am oold enough to associate with whoever I want mum!”
I told her very annoyed but with Africans telling them you are old enough to do something is like slapping them in the face. My mother was no different.
“So you are defying me?”
She asked me.
“Defying you on what mama? There is nothing to deny you on. Mbuso is my neighbor and I live well wwith neighbors as per your advice. He lives with his daughter because his daughters mother passed away. Now you want me to sit here and judge them, no wait, sit here by myself and stare at the TV all day because you are uncomfortable that I have a friend?”
I asked her standing up to her. My mother was a bully and to a certain extent I had allowed it. I had allowed for her to treat me like this.
“That’s not the point. The point is a man with a child is a bad idea. If you ever end up with him don’t bring his child to my house! I want you to have your own and stop playing house with other peoples children!”
“The pastor is waiting in the car.”
I told her as my way of kicking her out. I could not say to her it was time for her leave directly but she got the picture. She did not have a choice because at that stage I had already walked to the door.
“Yes he is waiting but wena time is not waiting. You need to have a child or children soon otherwise you will regret it later!”
She told me. I did not want to respond because that would mean conversation with her when I wanted her to go.
“Yes mom! And thank you for coming!”
I said to her when we got to the car. She was not done yet with me but because the pastor was there I think she held back. I said bye to the pastor and thanked him for coming. As I walked away I could not help feel anxious about everything that happened to me and to make matters worse a bird shiit on me as it flew past, imagine! Of all the bad luck. I had to go to my place and change.
When I got to his door I took a deep breathe and composed myself. I needed to steel myself because I was feeling a tad bit emotional at this stage. I knocked and Ntheteng sweetly asked from the other side,
“Who is it?l
I wanted to laugh at the sweetness of this child’s voice,
“Its Aunty Lungi!”
I said from my side. It felt weird coming from me.
“Sorry guys I am late!”
I told them as I walked in.
“Its ok, we had not even started eating even though daddy is complaining he is hungry. He is outside on the phone with my aunt, my mothers sister, and they are fighting again!”
She said. This kid spoke too much. I learned this the hard way growing up. I once overhead my mother gossiping very bad things about some lady on our street. She was gossiping with Miriam’s mother obviously. They said the lady was a prostitute and bitching around with peoples husbands. It was not even true funny enough. The following day at school I told my friends about it and one of the friends was friends with that woman’s daughter who was a grade above me. She not only beat me up but went to report me to her mother who confronted my mother and Miriam’s mum and guess what, I got the hiding of my life from my mum. Miriam was not spared either because she was beaten up by her mum for being guilty by association but the truth is I am the one who had opened my mouth on grown up peoples business.
“Ok that’s fine, let us let him finish his conversation in peace. What are you watching in any case?”
I asked her.
“Ricky, Dicky, Nicky and Dawn!”
She responded and I just realized I knew absolutely zero about kids.
“Never heard of them!”
I responded. She seemed disturbed that I had never heard of them. We sat together as I watched the most annoying kid show ever. Goodness we had the Power Rangers in our day and that was cool. I was the Pink Ranger when we played with my friends.
“Sorry about that!”
Mbuso said when he finally came to rescue me. It was perfect timing too because I would have fallen asleep for sure.
“Dad, Aunty Lungi does not know Ricky, Dicky, Nicky and Dawn just imagine!”
Ntheteng said without looking up from the TV. We laughed him and I as he responded,
“She will some day!”
I noticed that with Ntheteng there he was much more free. Its like she brought out the best in him.
“Ok Aunty Lungi, let’s have a pizza moment. We need to warm it up since well, its a bit cool since we came back! Ntheteng would you like to help us?”
He asked his daughter but she was so absorbed by the TV I doubt she heard us.
“That’s what happens when the TV is own, she can’t concentrate on more than it unfortunately.”
He explained. I stood up and escorted him the kitchen. I must say for a man who lived alone he was quite neat. It might sound like a stereotype but its fact, women keep places cleaner and more orderly than men.
“How much pizza do you give her because that’s a lot of cheese?”
I asked him.
“She only has one slice. She does not eat a lot so its a always a war getting her to eat.”
“Ntheteng please pray for us?”
He asked her. You pray over pizza? For me we prayed when we cooked food because fast food doesn’t count.
“Ok. Let me pause the TV!”
The little confident girl said and she burst into song, the prayer was a song I mean,
“Thank you Father, Thank you father, for our food, for our food, ‘any many blessings, ‘any many blessings, A-ha-men, A-ha-men!”
I wanted to laugh because it was so funny and so cute but I could see this was a serious moment, priceless.
“Thank you for that!”
I told her.
“Do you pray at your house before you eat?”
She asked me. The truth is I don’t but if a kid asks you if Santa is real do you say no?
“Yes I do, I don’t do it like you though. I will teach you some day!”
I told her.
“I would like that but don’t make it too long like they do at church because I get bored!”
We ate the pizza full of voice and conversation. This was the Mbuso I had hoped for. He was open and happy.
“My soccer is about to start ladies!”
He finally said. It was almost three and quite hot outside.
“Ah dad come on, soccer is boring. I will give you the remote if you buy me icecream!”
She said blackmailing her father. We both laughed at this.
“I would like some ice cream too how about we go but at Mcdonalds together!”
I asked her and she readily agreed.
“Please dad can we go. Its just five minutes away!”
She said and indeed it was but he seemed reluctant.
“Must I come with you?”
He asked me.
“No stay, we are girls and we can do this right Ntheti!”
I asked her.
“Yes we can!”
She said as she got up.
“We will be fine don’t worry. Must we bring you some ice cream too?”
I asked him. He refused and we left. When we got to Mcdonalds the drive through was packed. Jhb people are lazy ah. You can’t even walk out of your car to walk 50m? No that can’t be right. We parked and we walked in together.
“Oh that girl goes to my school!”
She pointed to some girl who when she saw Ntheteng she immediately ran to her to say hi.
“Come meet my mum!”
Ntheteng said to her.
“Mum, this is my friend from school. See I told you I had a mum she was just out of the country!”
Ntheteng lied but she was so excited as she said that!
“Hi Nthetengs mum!”
The little girl said.
I greeted her back but this was too weird and unnerving for me!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Please hide my ID
I am a 33 year old, fun loving, affectionate lady who knows what it takes to make a relationship work. I have been single for 2 years as I was concentrating on working and my studies.
These days I feel very lonely and is looking for a companion/ partner. – He must be honest, mature, gentleman, respectable and knows how to treat a lady.
I am located in the Western Cape but travel a lot to other regions for work purposes, and a long distance relationship would not be a problem for me.
If there is anyone out there who is single and looking for love please don’t hesitate to contact me.