Blessed 39

Posted on Posted in Blessed are the Blessed

Its something that we are always told, its no secret, you can never fully trust a man. Our grandmothers taught our mothers that, our mothers taught us that and I am certain at some point we will give our children the same advice. Yes, they can come back and say that they can’t trust us either but realistically women are more likely to be loyal than men are. Hearing that girl answer the phone just snapped something in me. He was trying to dump for cheating when he was cheating too? How does his wrong make mine worse than his? I had to go to his place and find out who she was. How could he invite her over knowing I was still in hospital? I had not fully processed this when he called back.

“Hey love what’s up?”

He asked me as soon as I picked up. He was so casual in how he said it he made it seem like it was normal. Well it was not.

“Who is the girl who picked up your phone? Why is she picking up your phone? What gives her that right?”

I hit him with a barrage of questions. I have trouble in containing my anger. My impatience was palpable. I needed answers. It’s not like the answers would make me feel better if he confirmed it bit answers nonetheless.

“Really Palesa, you are joking right now right? Please tell me you are joking?”

He asked me. Why on earth would he think I was joking? I was still his girlfriend that much he confirmed so he can’t be asking me such a dumb question.

“What on earth makes you think I am joking? You have another girl telling me you are in the shower!”

I said angrily.

“Yeah because I was in the shower. Did you want me to lie though and say I was somewhere I was not? I have always been honest so what would change now!”

He responded. I noted that he was not raising his voice and actually maintaining his cool. That’s what a liar sounds like to me. If you know you are wrong you try that much harder not to raise alarm.

“You still have not answered my damn question!”

I snapped at him.

“Justifying this with an answer just makes me look stupid because I did nothing wrong. She is a classmate who you know! I asked her to pick up my calls because I was in the shower and was expecting to hear from you!”

He finally answered the question. He was lying. I had never said anything to that end.

“So now am just supposed to believe you?”

I asked him angrily. Ok it was kind of a dumb question since I had already asked him to tell me but just because someone answers you does not mean they give you the answer you want to hear.

“I don’t know why you are behaving like this because I have never given you a reason not to trust me. How is that fair?”

He asked me.

“Well you have also never had another woman pick up your phone! How would you feel if a guy picked my phone and said I was in the shower?”

I asked him. Look, I know I was wrong but the last thing you want to do if you cheat and get caught is allow the person you cheated on to treat you the very same way you treated them. You draw boundaries very early on that just because you were wrong, him wronging you is not a justification. Call it selfish that’s fine but I call itself preservation.

“Are you still at the hospital?”

He asked me. I think he thought I did not see that he was changing the subject. I let him.

“I am home now. I was calling you to tell you that am back in Pretoria!”

I told him.

“Why didn’t you tell me, I wanted to see you before you left? Can I come over?

He asked me.

“Why would you? Where would you put that girl in your house? You can’t bring her here”

I said to him even though it was rather unnecessary.

“Stop it! I don’t need this drama.”

He said to me and then just like that he hung up. He dropped the phone on me. Had I pushed my boundaries too far? I was about to call him back when another call came through. Why do all my calls come in pairs though? It was Sam.

“Hey Sam!”

I greeted him cheerfully.

“Oh my goodness those shoes were to die for! Thank you so much!”

I told him. I had to sound convincing and even though I meant it I had other things on my mind.

“I am glad you liked them. I was not sure about the design because well I don’t know what you like but I hope I did well!”

He said to me sounding very chuffed with himself. He was very pleased and there was no masking it. He knew he had done well.

“Yes you did! I don’t even have a comment on them. They are absolutely gorgeous and I don’t think I will be able to wear them anywhere!”

I said cracking a joke.

“Why not?”

He asked me surprised,

“Shoes like that are not meant for just anywwhere! There have to be occassions specifically for them where I can dress up! Goodness why can’t I just get invited to a wedding soon! I want to show them off!”

I told him and we both laughed. You know when you have something expensive you don’t just wear it for the fun of it. That’s for rich people. We are not rich; we have possibly only one nice outfit that breaks the bank hence why it’s served for special occassions not even church.

“It’s the first pair of many!”

He said.

“You do realize that Dubai is only a week and a half away! Are you ready?”

He asked me. I had been trying not to think about Dubai that much because I wanted to manage my expectations.

“Yes I think I am but I need to do my Visa things! Your PA said we will do it in the last two weeks so I guess this is the week!”

I told him.

“So remember I said I might come through with you guys!”

I had forgotten about that.

“Why would you do that though? How will Khanyi react if she knows you want to be there?”

I asked him.

“That’s not my problem though love is it? It’s yours. I have done my part. You need to talk to her!”

He said to me. I was not sure whether he was joking or not but what was he on about.

“I think if this is to work, let this trip happen as just us girls then you can come through on the next one since you keep on saying there will be many. What’s the rush?”

I asked him.

“How was your trip?”

I asked him.

“It was ok I guess. I came back to more student strikes though so I knew I was home. When are you guys ever going to graduate really?”

He asked me. I didn’t want to have this topic with him because he was anti it. He often said he was a parent who could afford fees and there were a lot of parents like him who could afford fees as well so why must they not pay.

“We will graduate eventually I suppose but we are fighting this war no matter what!”

I said seriously.

“When will I be able to see you? I brought you something else which I want to give you in person. ‘

He asked me.

“I don’t know, anytime I guess. Sam, where is my license. You promised to help me get a driver’s license and so far you haven’t even done anything!’

I asked him. When we first met I had told him I did not have the bribe money and he had told me not to worry he had it covered.

“Ah I totally forgot. I will make a plan. By the end of the month you will have it. You must go through a driving school though because I don’t want something happening to you!”

He said to me. Of course I was never going to be stupid enough to just buy it and get into a car and drive away. What I wanted was to have it; I will worry about driving later.

“I have to go. I need to help my mother prefer supper, my father is coming so we going to have a family dinner!”

I told him. He gave me his leave and all was good. I went to the kitchen where my mother was hard at work.

“I invited Khanyi for dinner too and I asked your father to pick her up. She is part of the family too I guess because she is always by your side!”

She told me.

“Thanks mom. Why didn’t you invite Neo?”

I asked her.

“Him too but he declined saying your father has already tried to kill him once today so he won’t be giving him a second chance at it!”

Ah Neo must stop being a wimp. It had all been a misunderstanding.

“Can you watch the pots for me I want to wash of my makeup? I don’t want to have any make up on tonight!”

She said and she walked out of the kitchen giving me a chance to call him.


I said when he picked up.

“I don’t want another fight Palesa and if you calling to fight then am hanging up.”

He said.

“No baby I am not. Sorry about earlier. Please come to dinner at my house. My mom said you already said no for fear of my father but I promise you everything will be fine. I will have a talk with him and so will my mom. I really want you here!”

I begged him.

“I can’t come. I have already punched in my availability so am working tonight.”

He explained. There was no convincing him. I decided to go take a bath and relax a little before everyone got here. The good thing about dinner at home is that you don’t need ten hours in front of your mirror applying makeup. I didn’t even have my makeup bag anyway so was going to be like my mum. An hour later there was knocking at the main door. My dad had arrived.

“Dear God please let there be no fireworks!”

I made a silent prayer. My mom and dad gave each other a very awkward but fast hug. My little sister and I however ran to our father and gave him proper love.

“I am so glad to have you both healthy and alive.”

He said and he pulled away it was then I noticed it, there was a smudge of make up on his white shirt. It was actually very distinct and only one person had make up on.


********The End***********

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike
I was introduced to your blog last year late and I have read every story, Its very informative and relevant, if I had seen this earlier in my life or say 2014 I would have made better life choices.
Complicated doesn’t begin to describe my situation. It’s going to be long but I need to iron out the details. I’m below 25 and currently doing my final year at university, my man is 30 and working he is my KING, he supports me as I come from a poor family. We started dating back in 2013 when I was still a freshman at varsity. He asked me out for like 2 months and I ignored him because at the time I still had a crush on my ex, I decided one day to pick up his calls and finally meet with him, we went out for a movie and then dinner, we talked a lot about love and what he wanted in a woman, he told me he loves me and even if I say no to dating him he won’t stop loving me, what scared me about him was his calmness and the fact that he had 4 children, I didn’t pay attention to that because I also had a child.
After our date we drove to his house and had take away and talked for hours, no touchy feely happened. He drove me to campus after.
I won’t lie and say that I fell for him on the spot because he was a bit older than me and was very serious even in the way he spoke. But I asked myself (4 different baby mamas who’s the problem here) I liked being around him because I felt safe and secured and then he started giving me money I had never touched before and I basically changed his bachelor life and turned his house into a home. Later on I found out he was cheating on me with an older woman. In December I met a guy and we just clicked like I had known him forever and we became friends let’s call him ” S ” later he became my Saviour. I chatted with this guy nd found out he had a gf and I left him alone, I really liked him though he was your tall dark and flipping handsome type. In Jan 2014 I found out I was pregnant with my mans child I told him about it and he flipped because by that time we had no understanding of each other I always had questions as to what why and when and how?. He ddnt like that and said I undermine him. I explained iv never been in a relationship that required me to obey and follow a man’s rules. I had never been in a relationship where I took care of man before so I had questions and partly felt like I’m being held back . He stressed me out till I miscarried and than he dumped me after a week of losing my baby. ” S ” stepped in and saved me from myself he showed me love and compassion that I needed he loved and paid attention to every detail. He took care of my wants and not my needs , there were times where I’d go hungry at school and he would tell me I should find food somewhere just like that but if I asked for a R700 Joni’s from topshop I would get it. We dated the entire year and I decided to leave him in November. I was seeing other people in between because yes I was accustomed to a life of a man taking care of me I also worked during holidays to help with food and clothes at home. Most of the money I made came from meeting wealthy guys and like Palesa I fell for it too. I would get money and be able to feed my self and my family they didn’t ask where all this money came from but I suspect mom knew because I was hardly home.
In Feb 2015 I called my lover back and I poured my heart out to him and he took me back we had wonderful times and he seemed to love me even more. He educated me about what it takes to build a home and be a good wife . I still however found him cheating on me with several woman and found out he had 2 new babies from different mothers again which means now 6 alive ones 7th with my late . I didn’t know my place in this man is life and honestly I was stressed all the time so I threw myself at anybody and any one who gave me money and attention I selected them well though. I hid this from him and I planned to stop but Every time I did he would do something worse . He really killed my confidence, self-assuredness, my pride with everything he was doing because why couldn’t he love me alone. I was with him all the time every weekend every holiday.
In 2016 14 Feb he found out that I was sleeping around with different guys and things have been hell since than, he almost killed me and I apologized and told him why I did it but akangizwa kahle, it’s hard for him to forget and move on from this he brings it up every day in April he proposed on my birthday and I said yes, bekumele aye ekhaya but everything is on hold. he was heart broken but he carried on showing me love and I showed him appreciation. I picked up the pieces and changed my life and now I’m a sober girl with one man. Now I am a submissive fiance/bitch gf to my man who has plenty other woman on the side maybe I’m the side now . He recently impregnated a girl from campus and said it’s payback when I found out. He punishes me emotionally,verbally,mentally,spiritually. He even took me to inyanga wangicupha to never sleep with another man and promised he would never leave me. NGIHLUKUMEZEKILE but a part of me feels like I deserve this because I betrayed him. My family knows everything but scared to intervene because at the end its my decision to stay with him I was a chubby size 36/38 junk in right places now I’m a size 30/32 iv never worn that before , having distractions before used to put my mind at ease i was happy being a hoe for the right reasons in my head. I feel like I’m losing my mind because no I don’t wana be a hoe again it’s life crippling and I don’t wana die of depression because he abuses me so calmly and he is the Lord Satan himself on other days he loves me life I’m all he has and the next he would kick me off a cliff and let me die. Ngathi his possessed. Sphe on generations has it easy.
I seem to be getting pathetic and desparate and ngizoqala ukuthakatha manje if things don’t become right, angiyaz lendoda ingifuyeleni if ingasangfuni because no the only attention he gives me is when he wants to fuck me. I checked his phone recently and his talking about paying lobola for a virgin girl he met in this very month of September and he will do it just to spite me. I no longer wear his ring and he kicks me down with words for that. I want to stay and fight for him but all he sees in me is a bitch who is rotten from the core and can never change. I beg to differ because I have changed and I am changing. Time is not waiting for me Id like to be happy too with someone i can be innocent to and never betray. He won’t forgive or let this go. I don’t know what to do.
I’m sorry for blabbing but I hope my letter will reach your readers and also be an eye opener to the girls who think being blessed is the business, it’s not. The grass is not greener . I regret missing the hints he gave me because partly I doubted myself. Now I don’t ngiqeqeshiwe and I’m ready for any svunguvungu coming my way. I have hope God won’t forsake me.
Ndicela uncedo Jackzoro and Pillzberry please don’t hammer it any harder.

27 thoughts on “Blessed 39

  1. People who usually apologize for long letters but write short ones, this lady just wrote a hell of a long letter… i really like things shame, for having read all of it, and re reading the confusing part…

    Anyways, suicidal I normally tell people they need Jesus, but in your case i mean it shame. You need to walk away from all this drama in your life, take some time out to reflect and grow and mature and heal. I cant say how long your break should be but it is necessary. If you allow yourself the time, You will probably come to realize that all this drama that you are surrounding yourself with is not necessary and make better choices in life. Good Luck.

  2. Hay sisi indaba yakho inzima yazi. But mna the only way out is yo leave the guy, go for therapy and continue looking for jobs so that ubenemali for food. Learn to be independent, tell yourself that you can do it. Otherwise uzofa shem umncinci this guy doesn’t deserve you. He will never forgive you, your past and everything else.

  3. The sad part is he will actually never forgive you, go back to that nyanga and undo what he did. If I were you I would actually runaway not even leave coz I don’t think he will let you. Go and find yourself, go to a place where you wont even be bothered. Just make sure you come out with a bit of money

  4. Talk about hectic!!! No one can help you except you dear. You need to walk away from this relationship as it is toxic!! You want to fight for a man who thinks very little of you. The choices you made were not very good ones but he has no right to treat you the way he does. FInd the strength to walk away from the relationship and just stay single. It would have been better if you were still being a hoe and happy than for you to be a good submissive fiance to a man who doesnt love or respect you. Trust me if things dont work out it wont be a bad thing you would have dodged a bullet with this one. All the best hey. God will never forsake you He is patiently waiting for you to find your way back to Him and I hope you do.

  5. suicidal, my sister I no words can explain how sorry I am that things had to turn out this way for you. furthermore with everything you said that has happend and still happening to you I am glad that you said “I have hope that God won’t forsake me” because indeed he would NEVER! so on that note I advice you to pray about what you are telling us, more like you just having a conversation with him also ask him for him to show you which church you could go to for you to get the help that you want. on Sunday take a bath, put on that lovely dress or skirt that makes u feel good, put on some make up/anything u apply on your beautiful face when you go out, fix your hair and put on some perfume. then tell your father in heaven that you are ready, and he should lead the way. whatever church that comes to your mind or that you see go to it.

    when u are at church accept Jesus as your KING, your SAVIOUR and your LIFE! Trust in him with your everything, look at yourself the way your father sees you. you are beautiful, smart, strong, you are forgiven, you are a special…I mean c’mon sisters you are a DAUGHTER OF A KING! yes you made mistakes but u are not your mistakes. God never expect us to be perfect, there is nothing that u could do that would ever be the worst that he cannot forgive you. your are FORGIVEN.

    The moment you see yourself the way God sees you that’s when you’ll see that you do not deserve the treatment that this man is giving you. you deserve better. God loves you my love. he would never give you a significant other That is meant to break your spirit, that is meant to make u feel low of yourself and that is supposed to make u go through all of this. forgive yourself, forgive him and always keep in mind that God has already forgiven you then walk out of this relationship. it’s hard I totally understand but you need to leave b4 u leave in a coffin and guess what my love? that guy will still be alive, will still be having all different type of ladies in his life, still going to have more nd more babies nd will still enjoy his life like u never even existed. is That what u want?

    get yourself together, as long as u are still with this man u are surely getting closer and closer to death. leave him and live. you do not deserve any of this. he’s busy putting your life at risk by sleepimg around when we know Hiv nd sti’s are real. no Girl! No!

    seek counselling, I also advice you to go get tested as well. my sister u will get through this. this is just one of this things that happen in Order for us to be better people and have Better things in life. in order for you to save more lives by your experience. I honestly see good things coming your way so you gotta believe that too. you are such a special lady. God is surely with you just let his will be done In your life. I also urge u to surround yourself with people that love you. your family nd friends. if there are no such people than don’t worry God will provide. in the church that ull find or anywhere. God bless you my love.

  6. Yhoooooo goodness me 🙁 what a hectic letter on a Monday nogal…..

    Anywhoooo….you will need to gather some strenght to actually walk awayy form this because the both of you I doubt will ever forgive each other…Your no good fiance wont forget your betrayal and you probably wont forgive the inner scars he has given you… I usually say emotional abuse is far worse than the physical because words can break you down in ways that no one can ever repair….

    I am actually lost for words yazi….Like leave my sister…Leave now and never look back….You are right in saying God will never forsake you …..but you need to leave and trust in him to carry you through….


  7. Cc God never leaves you no forsake us no matter what we have done in life His love is not conditional He loves us despite of whatever, Jesus died for all sins so that we can come to Him whenever we feel that our burden is heavy and we cannot carry it ourselves He is ready and willing to carry it for us, please remember no mistake or sin is too heavy or too big for Him for He is a loving father, God knows you by name and still has good plans for you to comfort and prosper you please find comfort in Him He always listens to our prayers. Please don’t condemn yourself you still have it in you to overcome even this hurdle it is not the end of the road but a detour, you are still a woman of substance don’t allow this situation to define who you are you are a mother, a daughter and soon to be a graduate, you are a good woman to someone who does not appreciate your worth and does not value you and believe me a good man is waiting for you to shower you with love and treat you like a princess that you are….don’t give up gather your strength and move out of the present situation

  8. Some letters are just so hard to read and reply to.. today’s one just took me back to a terrible relationship I was in.. narcissistic bastard.. all I’m gonna say is girl, get the hell out of that relationship. Its destroying you.

  9. On the part where u lost yo baby I was oh what a blessing in disguise now it’s your time to pick and go buy I was wrong u stayed.6 babies dfrent mamas,what so special that u think u possess to make him yoz and you alone wake up maaan smell the coffee, I now understand why he is so calm he is a psychopath.hope u will work and be rich so yo kids won’t use the same excuse I am tired of people using poverty as an excuse for their poor judgement,being blessees,whoring etc

  10. Thanks Mikeesto, Khanyi is going for the kill lol.

    Suicidal, cela u Mike akuphe i email address yami, le indaba yakho needs to be taken offline.

    I hope the strength you showed by writing this and accepting who or what you are is enough for you not to take your own life, Lord knows that baby making cunt of a man you have is not worth it.

  11. Mhm hectic letter indeed,
    Suicidal kzn I agree with wethu you seriously need to take some time off and heal, it’s not gonna be an easy road but ey you ought to try,

    Suicide was never a solution to any of the problems, it’s like you giving up on yourself and you’ll be killing yourself for that same guy who breaks your heart into pieces everyday of your life,giving him more freedom to hurt others, girl seriously life could be more fun and bearable without that Dog you call a man.i know love can tore you into pieces but trust me you have it in you to get up and fix your life.

    One thing though you should’ve asked for the same thing they did to you to be done to him too.

  12. Go to your inyanga and loya him back, bloody bastard, uzokulethela izifo lomfo lona, you need to get out booboo whilst you still can, i know words spoken can work through your mind and kill your confidence, but just know you arre better than that, and you are worth it and you deserve better #HUGS

  13. Dear Suicidal. Please email me on

    Like Jackzarro said your letter needs an offline response. I am originally from Umlazi KZN and now based in Australia, however I feel like I can offer some assistance.


  14. Hi mike I been readin ur blog for Many years now. You have no idea just how many people u help with ur blog. I am glad to say u have helped me make great decisions in regards to my life thank u. May God keep blessin u on this journey called life u truelly talented!!! I been a silent reader of dis blog for so long kodwa TODAYS LETTER HAS me in tears. Suicidal you cant make a man love u no matter what u do to him it will never be good enough. No1 is perfect we all have made mistakes. The joy of mistakes is LEARNING from them. U have to believe that u are worthy to be loved u are ur own enemy for as long as u stay with him the more u love him the more he tears every lil good u still have left in u dont allow him walk away sis wami pick up the pieces and see just how much God wil lwork his magic in ur life.

  15. Mhhhh I’m speech less…some men though….I hope sis 1 day you will have a courage to get out of that situation alive coz that no good fiance of yours is heart less…

  16. Dear Suicidal, yhoo sisi thank you for trusting us with your troubles firstly. As you can see from those that have responded me included our hearts are with you. One thing that I will say is by reaching out for help it means you are ready to receive help and support. I pray to God that you are receptive to all the support. Please take the lifeline you have just been given by 2 fellow readers and get all the support and receive the love they offer in addition to your significant others who are supportive right now. I am saying this because addressing your situation will not be easy on your own and fortunately you realised that. When you have enough strength and courage make a decision. Remember you can be happy again dear!! Keep on walking if you can no longer run even if you are limping it is okay because you will heal!!!! All the love, Beau

  17. Yhu! Akasemncane umntwana wabantu udlal usathane nje kuphela! One of the saddest things I’ve come to realise with relationships is that no matter how many people tell you to leave you usually only ever leave when you decide that ya now I’m leaving even though you know full well that you shouldn’t be in it.

    May you find strength to above all leave and never make contact with that evil him an being and start putting together and rebuilding the pieces of your life by taking time out from relationships. You are still young and have yet another chance at life

  18. Deep stuff there. This is a story for a book. Hold on to the hands offering help & once UR out of the doldrums, pls have courage to put pen on paper for others to learn from yo experiences.
    The fact that U’ve decided to open up to us strangers means UR ready to stand up & move on. This is where U say, Enough is enough. Don’t wait another day. UR stronger than U think. From Zero2Heroine!

  19. You are 25 years YOUNG. Leave that man & get tested. You have a child of your own who needs your love. This man has his own journey to make & u are just a stepping stone in his life. This story reminds me of a book called *stepping stones* written by Maureen Lee. Its not gonna give you the answers you want (its a novel not a religous book) , but it will enlighten you regarding our struggles as women in this world.

  20. Thanks Abuti Mike for the daily dose, I am also one of the readers who benefit greatly thru this blog and thru letters like todays one. Thru your blog Mike I came to understand many things about life and about people, and I think I kind of became assertive on how I see things and deal with daily life problems. Thank u so much for this blog, am sure u dont have any idea how many lives u are touching on a daily basis and making a huge dufference.

    QnA: I am not going to add anything different, a lot of valuable advise has been said already. One word, GET OUT of that HELL of a relationship. That man doesnt love u one bit and he is sick he also needs professional help, but that is not your part or duty. GET OUT whilst u still can write a letter like this and cry out for help, coz u dont know what next that man is capable of! And for your information men can be very cruel my dear, and they do their ill treatment towards women all in the name of love. And it takes us women sometime to realise that this is not love at all, after enduring so much abuse in the hands of men. GET OUT my dear whilst u still can and keep walking don’t u dare ever look back no matter which story he will spin u about him loving u. Don’t let him brainwash u ever again!

  21. You need to live your best life my love, and you can’t do that with this man by your side. Imagine a future with him and you will see that it doesn’t have happiness or peace. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and dive into a better future. WITHOUT HIM. Good bless you, and thank you for sharing.

  22. Suicidial
    You’re under 25 as you say. Girl you’re so young to be putting yourself through this man’s bullshit . Life is waiting for you out there. You’re young nana, leave that dog and start living your life. He doesn’t deserve you, his abuse turned you into a hoe, now you want it to kill you? No!

  23. Thanks Mikey for such an incredible insert. it’s my first time commenting by the way.

    Baby girl as much as you love this guy uyabona nawe that there’s no future kulento yenu. I’ve also come out of a hectic rship with my baby daddy, someone I thought I’d never leave. We ended up almost killing each other, I beat his sister to a pulp but soon after that realised that I’m deserve way better than what I was getting.

    Minake I actually resigned from work coz I knew that staying in the same city as him wasn’t doing me any good. I left last year February, went home and gave myself time to heal.

    Till today usangincenga but told myself that I will NEVER let another man treat me like trash. I became something I wasn’t. He brought out the worst in me.

    Naweke my love, live for YOU…. There was life before him, there’ll be life after him.

    Uzobaryt believe me…

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