I think I can sink no lower than this but I really needed to keep Neo in my life. A sugar daddy is for money and fun
but when you love someone it stays in the heart. A lot of people are of the belief that you can love only one person and if you cheat you stop loving that person. That’s not true. Cheating is a moment of weakness, cheating is weakness but that does not mean you don’t love the person you are cheating on. You can love somebody with everything that you have but if you feel as though they don’t give you all that you need you look for it elsewhere. If love was real then why is monogamy the most impossible thing to maintain? As women we rush to say men are the ones who can’t stay monogamous but why do we lie to ourselves and to the world. Let’s just all admit the truth of what we are.
“Baby o my God, O my God, are you ok!”
He said. I was no longer on the floor where I fell. I was on the couch and he had a towel on my head where I had hit the table.
“What… What happened?”
I asked him but I knew exactly what had happened. You have to milk it to make him feel even guiltier.
“I am so sorry baby. I was so angry I pushed you and you hit the corner of the table. I can’t believe I did that. I was angrier than I thought!”
He pleaded and apologized.
“It’s ok. I caused all this. We are here because of me. I tried to hustle someone and I lost!”
I said now telling him the story I had conjured up all by myself.
“What are you talking about? Don’t talk, rest!”
“That’s only in the movies where if someone even has a headache they are told not to talk as though talking can exhaust you!”
I told him and he laughed. He liked making comparisons with what he saw on TV to our lives so I just threw it back at him and it made him smile!
“White people things!”
He added and we laughed. Ok it was actually hurting my head this laughing. Maybe I should go to a doctor after all.
“I want to tell you the truth about Durban.”
I told him. He suddenly tensed up and froze. The word Durban had struck a nerve. He had his hand on me at that time and he moved it away. It was almost as though he recoiled in disgust.
“Nothing happened! That’s the truth. I went with Khanyi and this guy who has been hitting me up in the DM called. I told him I was in Richards Bay and he said it’s a 100km out I must come and he will give me money!”
I told him. A lot of guys might not have heard this story before live like this but many of their girlfriends have men who flirt with them, sometimes send them money and yes often they end up in those men’s beds. That’s a truth they just don’t want to hear.
“No please I don’t want to hear this!”
He said again.
“No you need to hear it because if you don’t you will always suspect me of something I didn’t do!”
I told him and when he kept quiet I knew he was ready to listen.
“I went to Durban, eish what a bad mistake. He gave me money thinking I would sleep with him. I had figured I would play him into not doing anything and him giving me money. When he tried to touch me I freaked out and I ran. He told me not to come back to his hotel room and vele I didn’t!”
I told him. I kept quiet to see if he bought it but I don’t think he did,
“So when did you go shopping because your new friend Valerie mentioned it!”
He asked. Fuck I forgot that part.
“Was this before or after you refused to sleep with him?”
He asked and I know when he is being sarcastic and this was one of those moments.
“I thought because you saw it on Instagram you knew already that part. No he gave me the money to go shopping thinking by the time I got back I will be ready to sleep with him seeing I was excited for the clothes. Well he was wrong. I now didn’t have a place to sleep so what could I have done. I booked myself into this dingy 375 hotel and that was that. I went back to the funeral and drove back with Yolanda after they kicked her out!”
I said. He looked at me and I am sure he was thinking whether or not to believe me. He stood up and went to his room and closed the door behind him. Ok, I was not sure what to think. He did not come back. I ended up sleeping there. In the morning when I woke up he still had not come out. I got worried. I went and knocked on his door. There was no answer! I opened it myself and found him lying on his bed face down. I won’t lie I panicked thinking he was dead.
I said shaking his body. He turned around slowly and said,
“What is it?”
My heart had almost stopped!
“Don’t fucken do that? Don’t fucken do that! You scared me!”
I told him hitting him.
“What did I do, I was sleeping?”
He said very startled by my panic.
“I thought … I thought I had lost you!”
I told him. He seemed dazed and confused for a moment there.
“No I am fine. Go lie down, I will come out and make breakfast. Your head is still a bit swollen by the looks of it!”
I had forgotten about that. I touched my head and indeed it was swollen but it was not sore.
“Today I think we should just stay indoors the whole day and talk and stuff! Do you have to be on campus?”
He asked me.
“Why must we stay indoors?”
I asked him. I think I know why he wanted that and no I am not calling him abusive. Men who abuse you don’t want the whole world to see that they are doing so. They hide you behind closed doors. This way by the time you step out the bruises are gone or healing. They are not a badge of honour but of shame.
“I fell Neo; you don’t have to be embarrassed or scared about this!”
I told him but he would hear none of it.
“I would much rather you stay indoors please. Come on you think I want people asking you what happened when I know what I did.”
He asked me. I was not going to make him beg for it.
“Its ok love, I will do anything you want. It’s my fault anyway that we are in this so I guess you have a point!”
I was where I wanted when I wanted. Had he abused me? Probably not but the law says any man who puts his hands on you that counts as abuse. I didn’t write that law but I totally support you. I guess this means that as a woman I can come back home and beat up my husband knowing that he will never allow his ego to report me to this police station. I doubt he will even have the guts to tell his friends what happened because they will laugh at him. If I cheat on him even with his best friend or brother he can’t hit me, he much slinker away and dump me otherwise he must live with me doing because aint a damn thing he can do about it. Too long have these men hit us and we had nothing on them, now we do, it’s called the law.
“So am making breakfast, what do you want to eat?”
He asked me as he walked out of bed.
“What do you have?”
I said quickly taking out my phone. I sent a sms to Sams’s driver and asked him to call me in five minutes because I was with my boyfriend. I told him to apologize for kicking me out and that he wanted to make it up to me. He responded with an Ok then I deleted the thread. His number was saved as Durban guy.
“I am not too hungry though you know I do not eat this early in the morning!”
I reminded him. I then took my phone and followed Neo to the kitchen and put my phone on the charger next to the TV. Neo was looking at me do this. I put my phone on loud as well. Sam was not going to call me now because of the time difference so I knew I was safe. When five minutes passed and the driver had not called I panicked slightly. Thank heavens though he was true to his word for ten minutes later he called. I was in Neo’s room.
“Baby please get that for me,”
I shouted from the other side. I knew he would look to see who was calling; we all do that even if we are just passing a phone from one person to the other.
I heard him pick up the phone. I don’t know what the driver said but I could see that Neo was agitated when he walked into the room.
“Baby who is it?”
I asked him cheerfully! He thrust my phone towards me! I looked at the caller to see who it was even though I already knew. Neo was not going to go nowhere but its fine, it’s what I wanted. I put him on speaker.
“What do you want?”
I asked angrily!
“I told you never to call me again. I am going to report you to the police if you call me again!”
I told him.
“I wanted to apologize for the other night and for tricking you into coming to Durban. You should have said you only want friendship and mentorship from me and not sex. I misread the whole situation!”
He said in a very strong manly voice!
“I told you I didn’t want sex even when we chatted. You said you will arrange some interviews for me at your airline but no, you something else on your mind!”
“I lied about the airline, I don’t own one. You were stupid enough not to Google me so that’s not my fault. I called to apologize and I won’t bother you again!”
He said and hung up! No no no, I was supposed to hang up not him. I was supposed to be the angry one. I did not look up at Neo because he would look me in eye and see I was lying and had made this up. He came to me and too my phone blocked the number and deleted it.
“I never thought I would see you sink so low but today I have learned my lesson!”
He said and walked out with my phone.
I think I had sold it!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
All my life, I have never had a working relationship. My longest one was 2 and half years. this was my first one in varsity, it was bad, abusive, forcing himself on me sexually, forcing me to his laundry and so on. I was scared of dumping him until we graduated; I guess I had a lot of low self esteem. From there I have never stayed in a relationship for more than three months and I have always wanted the long distance relationships.
Now I am 28 and nothing has changed , I still feel like relationships are not made for me, it is like I don’t know what to do when am in one. About five people that I have dated mentioned marriage within three months of the relationships and that’s when I left them , others went to the extent of sending letters to my family. I have always felt like they do not love me, it is because of my profession that they would want to marry me , they hardly know me and already they are marrying me.
Most of the time I am single, So now I am dating this guy and he has a six year old son at home and I am miles away, he also stay at home; I have never been with a someone who has child before and I feel like he will go back to the baby mama as he he spends like 1,500 to come and see me. He is 30 and will need to have a constant sexual partner and I feel like I can not give him my heart , just in case he walks away. One thing is he told me how promiscuous he was and all that; he was so proud. H e even told me how other men have been hitting on him for a long time and doesn’t seem to be bothered by that, he looks good.
My issues with him is that he does not seduce me and he just penetrate with force and it is painful, it is like he does not know what he is doing and has to do or even how a women’s body operate. I thought as he used to be played he would know what to do. When he sees me I tell him slow down, go slow and and try to lead sometimes but its like he is not learning anything , next time he hurts me again. It is like he does not care for my happiness is all about him ejaculating.
One of the things is being a little romantic or a little thoughtful. when he is here I cook for him, make breakfast for him, buys food , pay for transport he does not spend a cent but he could at least pay for the transport. he will wake up around 8 and I will go to work and come back at three pm to found him there , having not eaten and waiting for me to make him food. When I am at work , he will send me sms telling me how hungry he is.
H e also told me how he wants marry me this year and how we should have a baby and I feel like we are not even close to a point of even thinking about such things in our relationship. He is the only boy in his family , he is surrounded by girls and get treated like a king at home. They even do his bed and he likes it. I did tell him that in a relationship , it suppose to be a two way street but he does not see it that way. he just sit there and tell me what to do.
I did ask him that, I do need him to make me feel like his girl friend and all that he told me that I was acting like a teenager who still wants to be swept off their feet and how of a man I was.
Am I being childish ? am I asking for too much ? do long distance relationships ever work?