Y.E.S 38

Posted on Posted in Young Employed and Single

“Who ever invented this thing called love did not love women! They sacrifice so much of themselves so often to only be treated like they are worth so little by the men they love!” Mike Maphoto


Losing a person is hard. You have shared so much time and space with them. You share memories, thoughts, events and so much more. When you lose such a person there is so much to be consoled on because we can all relate to such a loss. Having still born… Now that’s another story! I read somewhere that “the death of a baby is a violation of expectations!” I cannot begin to imagine what it is a mother would feel when she lost her baby. All the dreams, the expectations she must have had and all that time when she spent talking to the womb, I know this because that was Cindy. Cindy would even stories to her unborn baby. I remember once her mother telling her not to do so, it’s bad luck.

“Where are you, I am coming now?”

I said before she even responded. She was at a hospital in the East but she said she did not want to be seen right now. She just wanted to be with her man. She will tell me when she was ready. I understood where she was coming from but Cindy was not just a friend to me. She was like a sister as well. I did not know what to do. I drove straight home. There was definitely no celebrating tonight because I know how badly she had wanted this baby. They had struggled for a long time and had been to every doctor they could find to try and help them. It started to rain. I can’t believe it was raining. It was one of those flash showers so it probably was finishing soon but there was enough of it to make me run into the house. As soon as I entered my phone rang loudly. I need to change my ringtone! It was Rudzani! Of all the people today did it have to be her? I picked up regardless.

“Yes what do you want?”

I asked her.

“I wanted to apologize for what happened!”

She said. She was very calm when she spoke meaning she had been thinking about this for a while.

“It’s fine. Its water under the bridge. You got what you wanted right!’

I said.

“No I did not. Now they are moving me to Cape Town just so they can retain you and from what I heard, the little white girl is going to get my job. It’s like everything you warned me about is happening!”

She said. By little white girl she meant Nicolene. That’s what I called her when I was annoyed. How could she get that job she did not even have the experience?

“I am sorry to hear that! You gave them an opening to toy with us and look; they have separated us and left me with Buhle in the office!”

I said and she kind of chuckled,

“Guess you going to have to learn to speak Afrikaans with her!”

She said. See what I meant about Nobuhle, she was one of those black DA members who think other black people are dumb, carry an unnecessary cheap on their shoulder, are lazy and corrupt. When we first came we used to talk to her because well, she was black but with time we had learned from her that all blacks are Equal but other Blacks are more equal than others. She was the Other Blacks. Needless to say the white people at work loved her.

“Yeah I am going to have to make do with her! Good luck in Cape Town!”

I told her. I don’t know why I said that. I was not being spicy either,

“Eish I dread Cape Town. Yes you get paid but imagine waking in a place where you don’t feel free every day? I am going to start applying to come back immediately!”

The thing with Rudzani was that she did things by the book. She was not worldly enough to roll the dice and risk fighting the system. I am very certain she could have told management that her family is in the North so she could not move to Cape Town. You can’t be forced to move if you don’t want to! Cape Town is like another country altogether and who are we kidding, it’s far! When she hung up I felt a bit better about what had happened. Her flight was tonight as she had to go settle in for another conference that was happening there and they had asked for her to come early.

“I will call you when I can!”

Was the last thing she said? I fell asleep with a heavy heart as I could not get Cindy out of my mind. What she was going through was definitely not easy. I had to see her somehow. Its funny how I was not at work for only a few days yet when I came back I already had lots of work on my desk. I did not go straight to Susanna’s office even though I knew she had left. I went to my old office and looking around it actually felt empty without Rudzani. I am not saying I missed her but she had always been there if you know what I mean. I was used to saying hi to her even when she was moody and would try avoiding conversation.

“Welcome back!”

Mr. Gold said when he popped in. Why was he checking on me? I was not about to be his new friend!

“Thank you sir!”

“Make sure that you try initiate contact with Mr. Tizora so that we can start wheeling and dealing!”

He said and then he left. The one thing I appreciated about this guy was how he got straight to the point. I knew why I was here! I was here to get them that contract. It’s like I was going to be judged on that. I called him.

“Hey Lungile I only have two minutes what’s up?”

He asked me.

“I wanted to talk to you about our deal!”

I said to him.

“I can’t talk right now, don’t forget we in Durban this week for the AIDS conference. Some of your senior bosses are here too!”

He said. I think by senior bosses he meant the Cape Town headquarters.

“When can we discuss this because we need to conclude before you run off?”

I asked him.

“As soon as I get back. I also don’t want to live things lingering for too long!”

He explained. Simba had this firm way of talking that was reassuring. He was a man’s man if that makes sense.

“Ok that’s fine so Monday morning?”

I asked him.

“No Monday is far! Saturday! I want to take you to play a game of golf then we can sign!”

He said laughed and hung up. Cry My Beloved South Africa, did he say golf! I went and gave Mr. Gold feedback and all he said was,

“Saturday it is, do not fuck this up!”

Yup, his words! I was sitting on a razors edge clearly. As I was walking back to my office I saw a beautiful man carrying flowers by reception. It’s a pity he was a messenger because he actually looked decent. You see when you are young, looks matter. You want to date the hottest guy but as you get older, looks don’t pay the bills and in fact even if he had a job, most good looking guys are fuck boy and would cheat on you with an envelope if they could! I laughed at that thought as I entered my office. I think I had sat at my desk for less than two minutes when there was a knock! It was the flower boy and goodness he even looked better close up!

“Good afternoon!”

Said the guy with flowers.

“Goodness they are beautiful, are they for me?”

I said with a big smile but I was actually just teasing. Who would send me flowers? Sfiso was too far, Simba was not my guy and oh well, there was no one else! I live a miserable life that’s for sure!

“They could be, but not today! Besides you look like the roses are cheesy kind of person!”

He said and I laughed. I was. Zulu girls raised right and flowers eish are like most women and soccer. In the right conversations we claim to like it but the reality is a bunch of grown chasing after a ball is plain stupid to me!

“Well roses are cheesy sir but I think it’s the thought that counts!”

I told him.

“I beg to differ actually, if you can find what the right flower is and the right scent, it’s almost like perfume, the right scented flower can do wonders to your senses!”

He said and I could see he was implying something naughty with a straight innocent face.

“My senses are just fine with all these chemicals I work with but humour me, which flower has the best scent! A scent which says to a girl on the first date, I like you, I really do, and am willing to wait!”

I asked him. I can’t believe I was talking flowers now! I hated the things. When I was a child I once got bit by a bee at my cousin’s house after I broke a stem on a bush that had a flower on it. I will never forget that incident.

“Goodness, I don’t know hey. It depends on the person really. When a guy meets a girl you first have to assess what she is like before you can even know what says I like you to her properly!”

He responded like an artful dodger. He had not answered my question though but I did not pursue.

“It seems like you work as a florist yet you seem over dressed to be one!”

I told him. He laughed and he said he actually did not just that he had an appreciation for them. This guy would make good friends with Nobuhle I thought to myself and I laughed out loud. It was actually rather rude.

“What’s funny?”

He asked me.

“Nothing, I just remember a friend who also thought she like flowers and would try teaching me but I could never get it. I just saw her in you and suddenly missed her!”

I said and wow, how is that for thinking on your feet. I was obviously lying.

“So sir what can I do for you?”

I asked him.

“I am actually looking for my girlfriend. Well, I wanted to surprise her but I keep looking around and the surprise is going to be on me!”

He said.

“Who is your girlfriend?”

I asked him but somehow I already knew.

“Her name is Rudzani and you must be Lungile right?”

He said smiling.

I just stared at him like a fool. He did exist, I was wrong, he was here, and she was gone!

“Are you Azwindini?”

I asked him.

“Yes I am!”

Eish, since when do Venda men do flowers! Apartheid must come back!

*********The End**********

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

How are you and greetings to the other readers!

I am 23 and just got my first job. I have been dating the same guy since I was 17 and he is committed to me. He turns 30 this year. I love him and in school he helped me a lot. He also helped in getting a job and for that I will always be grateful. He has never hit me and we hardly ever argue. He is sweet and he is kind. My family met him a few times and they actually like him. My father sometimes asks about him. The problem is he is ready to settle and I am not. He proposed to me and I had to say yes because if a person has been there for you this much it’s hard to say no. I don’t want to get married at 23. I want to enjoy life a bit more. He is my first and the only man I have ever been with. I see my girls taking holidays and the like but I can’t because he says they get up to no good there. It’s like at 17 I found myself my father to replace my biological dad. I have discussed this with before and he says if I want to go on holiday I must go with him and nobody else. I want to find myself and with him I will never be able to do that. I love him but it’s not enough. I am so frustrated.

Please help to make a decision that won’t destroy everything.

Thank You


41 thoughts on “Y.E.S 38

  1. Learn a lesson from this blog, the character in this story might seem like she has it all but its a struggle finding a good man out there. You have him, appreciate him before another woman does because believe me women out there will replace you before you even know that you’re gone!

  2. Ay some girls though! hahahah I had to laugh. What is this finding myself business? Because he’s your 1st you want to explore? What is it that you wanna explore though? Different dicks?
    Hay give that man to Roses or Mpondokazi dear because clearly you do not appreciate him tu.
    Kunyanisiwe xa kusithiwa amantombazana awazazi afuna ntoni straight hay I give up now.

  3. I’m 36 met my hubby while I was 17,still content so.as u saying she doesn’t know what she want probably different dicks wat more mare

  4. Lethu you have nice life problems shem. I won’t tell you how blessed you are bcoz you probably know that. Take a break to home or some relative just get your space and your thoughts clear. It might work if you feel his absence. And you might even go to pre marriage counselling.

  5. Thanks Mikeesto, awesome one buddy 🙂

    Lethu, the worst thing you can do in this confused state you’re in is to make decisions which can ruin both your lives. Your Partner is supposed to be the best thing first and everything else follow. In this case you seem to want everything else and your bf follows thereafter and that can’t be good for any of you.

    This is a concern though “I want to enjoy life a bit more. He is my first and the only man I have ever been with.” Does this mean you don’t enjoy life with him much? Or do you mean you don’t want to be married yet so you can enjoy just being in a relationship with your freedom intact? Plus, you don’t mention if by you saying he is the only one you’ve ever been with, you want to experiment with others?

    You seem to be wanting the life your friends are living, that’s all good and well but what do you want? Just because your friends go on holiday don’t mean you want that, it could just be envy. Your friends will probably be the ones who wouldn’t think two shits of cutting that holiday short to go and seduce your man…. Yet here we are, a 23 year old young woman, who has one remarkable guy, WILLING to marry her and your family adores him….. What’s wrong with this picture? This seems like a perfect story for our perfect wedding, nah in fact for top billing…. And you just wanna f that up to go take selfies with whomever.

    No advice ngapha coz awuzazi ufunani but by your letter, you don’t want to get married, I’m just glad you didn’t realise that after saying your vows. You are too young for all this and he better believe him trying to be your dad will only fuel your desire to explore even more….Poor guy shem!!


  6. Bunch of judgmental pricks. No one is perfect, Lethu is YOUNG and not ready for marriage. She didn’t say she that she wants to explore other dicks, she’s just never had time to enjoy time away from this man. What is wrong with you?? She came here for advice, not your verdicts. You’re not vice Jesus, you can’t judge us.

    Lethu, explain to your man that you also want to have fun with your friends, you guys have been together for long and you won’t do anything to sabotage it. You can’t do everything with him, that’s crazy. You’ll have no one to turn to in your time of need if that’s what you do. I wish you all the best and I hope you make this work. He sounds like a good man.

    1. Oh yeah Rheeana, u nailed it right in the head! I couldnt have said it better myself. It’s clear as daylight that Lethu is not ready for marriage, and she came here for advice not being judged and told all this hulabaloo u telling her.

      Lethu, I’d say go with your heart, if u not ready yet for marriage, put it on hold for a while and do what satisfies your heart and happiness. Dont do what is expected of you, otherwise u will be miserable for the rest of your life coz u not living your life according to what you want, u living it to what everybody else expects from u.


  7. Lethu this is what we call nice life problems, other people having been dating for longer than you and they had never had any marriage proposals, what do you want to explore fucking another guy, and your man is even prepared to take you on a holiday what else do you want?

    1. Nice problems… Lethu ppl outchea crying for a good man and wena u want to throw one away #niceproblems#. hun, go rough in the streets, its not all that greener on the other side… im sure your friends might actually want your life. Exploring. for who? for What? you will be used and abused and thrown away nje…

  8. lethu you,re so blessed to meet your life patner so early in life please dont be stupid and leave the guy .rather talk to him tell him how you feel its safer to have a long engagement then ending things only to find idiots who dont know what they want.they will just use you and then leave you heart broken and wishing you made it work with your man but then it will be too late .dont let him control you though.

  9. Thank you Bhut Mike…shame poor Rudzani….not!!!v LOL

    Lethu : I have a few questions for you : 1. When you say you want to o on holiday what exactky do you mean?? And why cant you go with him on that holiday?? Is it something he cant afford or is there something you want to do that he will not particularly like?? 2. What do you mean by finding yourself?? What is it that you are looking for that he has not provided you with?? Is there something specific that you are looking for that he cant give you??

    Why do people make marriage like its a prison sentence?? You have been in a commited relationship with this guy for so many years now…marriage just means that your boyfriend ( whom you have been in a committed relationship with) can now officially call you his woman …and sign on that 🙂

    What is it that you want?? Holidays or a good man that wants to spend the rest of his life making you happy?
    You need to STOP looking at what other people are doing or what they have and focus on YOUR life and YOUR man… Vuka emaqandeni sisi …. good men are hard to find….


  10. Mnnnh you have nice life problems Lethu but I get where you’re coming from… 23 is too young to get married especially to a 30 year old who’s now sure what he wants out of life. I say sit him down and talk to him…. if engakuzwa oh well … Holidays with the girls are thee best, this man really is acting like a father.

  11. Lethu dear, you are a young woman and I would like to believe that you are still in a journey of finding yourself. You came to this world for a purpose and yours alone, at times you just have to DO YOU. Believe me after 10 years you will be looking back to this moment and its up to you if you want to look at it with regrets or a smile on your face. There is nothing wrong with having those holidays with your girls provided that you do that responsibly, and people, not all girls are bad friends. Marriage is not an institution where you loose yourself to another person and end up suffocated or loosing who Lethu is but where you form part in a union. Your relationship seems good from what you said on your letter, do you think that you are going to be happy if you get married now while you are not even sure about your readiness to do so? Don’t be pressurized by what society expects of you while most of them are also not happy with their lives, when things go south you are going to be alone and their judgments will still be there.

  12. Lethu you really are blessed to have met someone who is willing to commit to you at such a young age; but lets not sit here and make like marriage is the start all and end all of life. The fact here is clear as day.. YOU ARE NOT READY.. and there is nothing that will suck the joy out of your marriage like 1 partner feeling like they jumped in too soon, your eyes will wander. The wisest thing to do here is communicate this fact to your man.. premarital counselling may also prove necessary so you can figure out what is you’re signing up for and if you’re willing to even sign up for it.
    I will say, however, that you should not allow FOMO to rob you of something amazing; friends will always go through differing tides as they grow, that is why we tend to lose some friends along the way because we can no longer relate. Some men really feel that friends hinder relationships (some women too).. imagine how you would feel if your man was on road trips with the boys ever other month, you will lose weight ke stress shem wondering who he is with and what he is doing. So look at it from his point of view as well.
    Communication is a powerful tool in a relationship; without it, you are doomed. Talk to the man, he sounds like he loves you. Dont be quick to run from that because you are wondering what it will be like to be with someone else. Comparison is the thief of joy shem, water your own grass and stop peeking at your neighbour’s!

  13. Lethu dear, you are a young woman and I would like to believe that you are still on a journey of finding yourself. You came to this works for a purpose and yours alone, sometimes you just have to DO YOU. Believe me after 10 years you will be looking back to this moment and its up to you if you want to look at it with regrets or a smile on your face. There is nothing wrong with taking those holidays with your girls provided you do it responsibly, and people, not all girls are bad friends. Marriage is not an institution where you loose yourself to another person and end up suffocated or loosing who Lethu is but where you form part in a union. Your relationship seems good from what you wrote on your letter, do you think you are going to be happy if you get married now when you are not even sure of your readiness to do so? Don’t be pressurized by society’s expectations of you while most of them are not happy with their lives, when things go south you are going to be alone and their judgments will still be there.

  14. I’m 21 and have a decent job, even though I’m still studying, my man is 29 and has a very good job too, as we speak, lobola negotiations are underway… I am happy and don’t want to explore. My friends aren’t going on holidays but are going clubbing rather, fortunately for me I have never been that person vele … I am just saying that getting married and committed shouldn’t depend on age but rather how you feel … but don’t get into it if you not feeling it, it will get worse …

  15. Lethu dear you say your boyfriend loves you and you love him too. Which is a very good start. I will share a bit of my story which I hope will assist you somehow. I met my boyfriend (then) when I was 19 and I was still at tertiary doing my first year. He was 25 at the time and he was employed. At the age of 21 just as i finished my diploma starting my Btech he proposed. I told him that I love him a lot and would really love to marry him some day but at that stage I was really NOT READY to get married. he waited 2 year and when i was 23(same age as you currently) he persisted. It was year one for me as well being an employee and yes i had fears of “I might still not be ready” but then I asked myself whet is going to be so different about us 4 years later that is not existent in our lives then. to cut the long story short we got married when I was 23 and he was 29. Today I am 33 and he is 39 and have been blessed with a handsome son and beautiful daughter. we go to holidays as a fam and we still love each other like we used to then. My friends who were more out going than myself are still single and because they are not 20something anymore… they do not have a queue of admirers asking them out. When I decided that I was accepting his marriage proposal…. majority of mu friends told me about “exploring and being adventurous” and that marriage was gonna tie me down and I would be like a typical rural wife in doeks and long dresses.

    What I am trying to say by all of this is that people have so many different perspectives about marriage but it is only you and your partner to have the key to mold your marriage to be what you want it to be. Again if you love him and he also loves you then my advice would be… why not seal it and make it official by signing on the lines and live a happy life that many envy!! by the way I am not the typical makoti wasezilalini… amajerumane ndiwanxiba xa ndisemzini but when we are at our place I wear my jeans and short skirts and we go together to the gym. I am a size 32 and he is a size 34 and we still look into each other eyes and laugh for no reason like we used to when we were girlfriend and boyfriend.

  16. HaaaaayI haaay haaayiiiii …I can not ..Lethu but y unje girl? So u can stay committed to the guy for 5million years and then now the guy wants to make an honest woman out of u nd wenaaa u want a holiday with the girls … Please sisi save yourself from this ugly life out here cz at 23 u all there hot stuff irresistible young and perky wanting to see the world thinking there could be better out there nd then BAM next thing u 26 single lonely AF hving gone through a whore phase,surrounded by committed 23yr old nd your only prospects are either being a side chick or a step mom to some little kid that eats more than a construction worker shuuuuuuuuuuuuu NKOSI YAM WHY MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! ( sorry man I got carried away with my life problems ) but all in all don’t let your youth fool u; if u love him then lady ull find urself with him there ;a husband won’t stop u from growing as an individual .

    It’s actually sad how society has now programmed us into thinking marrying young is a bad thing

  17. Lethu are you lost? What is it that you must still find out about?
    Two ways about this…1) have a talk with your man about how you feel, involve a marriage counselor etc. that’s if you really want it to work out

    2) Go be with the girls. Go find yourself. Just hope that in that journey you don’t lose your man.

    Who knows, you might end up with him or lose him and eventually get your soulmate…

    But remember the story about the fish that got away…!!!!


  18. lethu dear i understand your concerns.. if uve dated the guy since u were 17 then he is probably your 1st in evrything.. i smhow feel your man is not that great as u put him on us.. how can he want u to go to holodays with just him?? i sense a bit of possesiveness. if he got healthy love for u then he shud b able to trust u to make ryt choices.. i know how it feels to feel like your man has replaced your father and the 7yrs age gap will forever lv u hurt cos ull forever take oders from him cos he smhow put your life on da ryt lane smhow. girl if its new dcks u want, let it be, if u wana party so b it.. if u dnt now ull hv a problem wen ur older.. nice life problems?? so they say!! mina i think its bull, if ur not sure how r u going to be a happy bride. nje for even agreeing to merry him bcos he has done smthings for u. i think ur in this bcos u feel u owe him.. u not really happy.. m not saying lv da guy bt rada tell him u need time nd if he loves u he will wait n understand

  19. If Lethu is NOT ready,she’s NOT READY!!!
    Stop saying she has nice life problems that’s an oxymoron.Lethu,Men mistake submission for stupidity and that’s a very big problem,girl you love him,he loves you but there’s no point in marrying him if you have reservations about it,cos it will never work out….

  20. Lol Mike, and I thought i was the only one who thought soccer was ridiculous. Grown ass men chasing after one ball is plain silly. mcm good one right there

  21. Hi Lethu

    At 23 I never dreamnt of being some ones wife. I got my first job exactly on my 23rd birthday. All I was thinking about was building my career and thought about settling at 28 if I got blessed with the right person. Majority of our friends who married that young were divor cedar by 30. So if you are not ready don’t force yourself. Marriage is a beautiful thing and u should only get married once u are ready to be best friends with hubby and do everything with her. Right now u are way too young to look after another mother’s child

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