Y.E.S – Chapter 31

Posted on Posted in Young Employed and Single

“I get so angry when girls get cheated on and dumped then you find them begging the guy to take them back. Its not even about where is your self pride but about the power you give that guy to go do it to the next girl. You taught him its right to mistreat a woman as through your actions he knows she will come back begging and on her knees like you did!” Mike Maphoto

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This is the reason why I am not a fan of marriage! It’s not even about the cheating, in life whether you like it or not you will learn the only person faithful to you is you! How many parents do you know who have been betrayed by their own kids? It’s not rocket science. We just tell ourselves that we won’t stand for it but reality is, one day we will and we shall experience disloyalty until we decide being alone for life is better than being with a companion for life. When that happens we find something to focus our anger and hurt towards for eternity! It’s simply too much work! Marriage is beautiful but there is no beauty in him being his slave because you have his ring, his child and that you love him! A man has two hands just like you, a brain just like you, breathes and blows his nose just like you so the day he says to you, ‘because you failed to cook tonight then I am sleeping hungry,’ it’s the day you know you are spoiling him too much and if you leave it like this, one day you will regret it! Teach your men that the things you do for them you do them out of love and not out of a realization that it’s a life or death situation! I was angry and disappointed at him at the same time! She had not even been married for that long and already she was being abused! It’s easy to say that she had jumped into the marriage but come on now, you can date a person for a very long time and many years later the cheat or hit you, does that make it any different? No, abuse is abuse! Nah if you hit me I swear to every god that exists, the living and the dead that I will cut off your balls and feed them to you in your sleep! Yes that’s right! If those two stupid things make you feel like a man then be prepared to lose them mxim!

“I am so sorry Miriam! I can’t believe he did that! Come in!”

I told her. When a man is abusive or does something wrong, the first thing you tell the abused can never be ‘I knew it, I knew he was a loser and was going to hit you someday!” No, no matter how much of a thug he is, that is not what you say out loud first. First you listen, you comfort and then you advise! She wants a shoulder to cry on so you give her that! You are a fake friend if you bring out that I knew it nonsense because if you did why did you allow your so called friend to marry her?

“And everything was fine you know! He has been having problems at work I get it! That’s why we didn’t even honeymoon and postpone it. Two people resigned and now that workload is on him. He says he sees why they resign because the work load was ridiculous so it’s stressing him!”

She said and she saw I was staring at her!

“I am not making excuses for him!”

She said but I did not say that in the first place!

“He has no right to hit me! He has no right!”

She said. The thing with being single as long as I have there is nothing about marriage that we have not read. We are probably more knowledgeable about the goddam thing than people who are married and that’s saying a lot.

“He tried to apologize after it happened because it happened so fast but I ran past him and came here! I did not want to go home because my mother would have made a case out of it!”

She said. It’s so true with many women who are abused! It’s so true! They will never run home first for fear of being embarrassed by their parents over what happened. It should never be like that! Family must always be the first and last port of call, that defense and support system that’s unwavering. By shutting them out when you need them its only you that pushes them away not the other way round.

“I am sure he is sorry!”

She said again I think trying to convince her and me!

“Say something! I know your views on marriage, please be honest with me on what you think!”

She pleaded. I had not said anything since she came in just to calm her down. She was right, I had very harsh views of it but I had not experienced it yet.

“An abusive man will never think that he is the one who is wrong even after he apologizes for it afterwards. That’s why he does it again and again. In his eyes, his anger, jealousy, envy, possessiveness is as a result of the fact that you are failing him when the truth is he has more than failed himself and you. Any apology you get is a lie and the moment you get the second beating, shove, threat is the moment you should know that the first time was no mistake! He has only done this once so I don’t know what to call it but I know this, you go to the police station now, on the first beating so that he will never ever do it again. If you don’t go to the station because your argument is it’s only the first time chances are you won’t go the second time either! Mark my words Miriam, if you go now he will know you don’t fuck around!”

I told her! That was a mouthful I know but I strongly believed that! Before she could respond my sister walked in. I had forgotten she had the keys from when she had left with her useless husband.

“Sorry I took so long, it’s amazing how many people don’t cook in their homes. The lines were so long so I had to make a plan in that line! This is why I hate young people, lazy as fuck! No wonder why they complain that food is expensive. It’s because they eat out all the time no wonder why the budget never balances! It’s crazy!”

She said without even looking in to see who was in the house! What if I was not in the house? She would have spoken to herself all those things!

“We are not lazy!”

I said to her just so she knew she was not crazy!

“Really?”

She turned and she saw Miriam for the first time. From the angle she was standing I don’t think she could see her tears.

“Miriam, you came too! I was worried who was going to finish this pizza. I have joined the gym and all those squats will go to waste if I ate all that by myself!”

She said going through the cabinet to look for plates.
Miriam did not reply and I don’t think my sister even cared the way she was talking. This was my sister the one I knew and loved. She was a happy person who put everyone else first before her! That’s why I had hit her husband! He was a moron! She walked up to us and for the first time she looked at Miriam!

“He banna! What happened to you?”

She asked her putting the food down. She went over and sat next to her and hugged her. Miriam and I had grown up together which made her very much my sisters little sister. They were not that much apart in age but I can’t say they had played together as kids. It was not like that.

“He hit me!”

Miriam responded.

“Did you hit him back?’

She asked immediately! I almost burst out laughing because I was expecting a sorry or some sympathy first nyana but nope, my sister wanted to know what had happened after the hitting happened!

“No! I didn’t!’

She said!

“Next time you keep a baseball bat under the bed, he hits you, you go take the bat and moer the baboon like those kids in Sarafina!”

She said! Clearly we were in June! Miriam and I both laughed because it was unexpected for her to be cracking jokes!

“I will do so!”

“Did you go to the police station?”

She asked her!

“No I did not!”

She responded!

“Well then, now you are! No excuses! Didn’t my sister tell you that the very first beating is the police station! It’s not an opening act to a play which you must build up! It’s a statement which you must shut down immediately!”

She said and stood up immediately! She had so much energy!

“Where are you going?”

I asked her!

“We are going to the police station right now!”

She said. Miriam tried to talk her out of it but she would not listen. Twenty minutes later we were at the police station 5 minutes from Miriam’s house. Inside was a female officer drinking tea.

“How can I help you?”

She asked.

“We have come to report a case of domestic abuse or assault?”

I told her.

“Can she talk for herself please?”

She told me implying I should not speak for Miriam. That was fine. Miriam recounted the story.

“Wait, there is a man called Jeff who turned himself in. We thought he was drunk or crazy but he was not! He said he beat up his wife and wanted us to arrest him! Obviously we thought he was crazy, no one turns themselves in, especially men who beat up their women! And besides, we have better things to do! Domestic abuse cases”

The lady officer said! I saw red!

“So you won’t arrest a man unless his bloodied wife is standing next to him? Is this when the better things to do come in?”

I asked her furiously.

“Maam watch your tone because I could arrest you right now!”

I turned to my sister and took out my phone.

“Videotape me and don’t tape her!”

I told her.

“What are you doing? You can’t take a video in here!”

She said angrily.

“Actually I can, it’s a public building for public protection, which you are refusing to give us!”

I told her. I was not even sure I was right!

“And you should know officer that there was a court case on TV that said we had the right to tape so you touch my phone and I swear you will be a security guard next!”

I told her. She was fuming but she did not move!

“My friend was beaten up and you can see it! Her husband turned himself in and you refused him. Now can you please go arrest the bastard…?”

I told her.

“I am arresting you for taking the video!”

She said and I immediately turned to my sister!

“Send the video now to Nthabiseng. I called her this afternoon she is on the call list! Nthabiseng is my lawyer by the way!”

I told her. My sister did what she was told and sent.

“Arrest me, I dare you! What kind of a woman are you whom when another woman is asking for help and you turn her away?”

I asked her angrily. She walked from behind the counter I think to arrest me when Jeff walked in!

Was he trying to get himself arrested twice?

Shit!

I was getting arrested!

********The End*********

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Mike@diaryofazulugirl.co.za

Dear Mike

I am a 20 year old girl and attending university. I have fallen in love with one of the lecturers on campus. He is 27 so he is not old. The problem is that he wants to get married and keeps insisting that he does not want to date just for the fun of it. He took me to check ring sizes two weekends ago and has started introducing me to his family. What’s worse I am short and petite meaning I pass off for a 16 year old. I look like a child. I love him but the thought of marriage scares me. I am too young and I know I will disappoint my parents especially my mother who often says how marriage was tough for her. She is cynical towards it and does not hide her feelings about it. Being her first born means she tells me all the bad things my father does to her and I know I am not supposed to take sides. He cheats, hides money and once gave her and STI. I look at my boyfriend and I can’t help seeing this becoming my fate. I want to grow with him but not like this.

Please advise me on what to do to slow him down without losing him.

Thank You

DUT

21 thoughts on “Y.E.S – Chapter 31

  1. This thing called marriage is complicated, the only time you understand no sympathise is when you’re in it. Singles think you crazy but truth is you’ve already invested so much of yourself in it… two has become one. Thanks Mike for insight on domestic abuse… Is this the same Jeff married to Lesedi’s sister?

    A2Q
    The only thing you can do is be honest about how you feel to the guy and tell him you need time at least 5 years. Your Mom is right by the way, No man is a saint and the things Men do once they marry you you’ll need all the dating experience you can get and all the fun memories to look back on at 20 you haven’t started living.

  2. Thanks Mikeesto, entertainment at its best 🙂

    DUT, tell your guy #TooSoon Why is he coming with these tendencies knowing fully that you are yet to experience proly half the stuff he has…. And this marriage thing is not guaranteed to work out hey, plus there isn’t any concrete evidence that you will be happy. Forever is a long time nana and at 20, do you really think you can offer much in a role of wife and mom…… This dude needs to chill and let you be, love is weak, you can love him like Bo and Hope now, but next year jiki jiki a Billy comes along and steals your heart and then what?

    We live in a world where we think things are what we think they are, not what they truly are. We see things that don’t exist and make believe that they do. I have reason to worry about why this dude wants to marry you, what are his intentions truly? Yes he loves you, but he did love his ex-too didn’t he? So you may have the perfect qualities to fit his wife material ideal, is that good enough? Will that strengthen your household through thick and thin?

    From where I’m sitting, marriage is pretty shitty. I’m yet to encounter a letter on this blog where one declares their undying love for their spouse, just as a motivator for others that have fears of this commitment. Mike never said we must only send letters with problems, kanti where are our good stories to tell? We only hear horror stories and heart-breaking stuff that can make any tough man shed a tear. Live with no regrets sani, at 20, rings should be the last thing on your young mind.

    Positive Outcomes.

    Jackzorro

    1. am not married but I feel 20 n marriage is a no no. its nice to have a back up plan study get that degree travel a lil give back to ya parents whatever way u pls then settle down. being 100% dependent not ayoba put a strain on the marriage. that is just my opinion

  3. From the way you describe everything “im 20 and he is 27 so he is not that old”….”im short and petite so I look 16”, says to me youre not ready 4 marriage. You still have an appearance issue to deal with and still insecure about your age…nevermind the experiences your mom shared with you. I say sit him down and tell him to wait a bit for you, you still have issues to resolve. Thereafter, take some self awareness quizzes, know and learn to appreciate yourself.

  4. @Dut I think you should answer this question for your self.
    1Have you dated significant old guy than you before?

    2 Had anyone hassled you for this age difference?

    3 What are the benefits of dating a person who settled into their lives?

    4have your gap age created any problems beside marriage situation. 4 example, has he ever asked you for an opinion in a situation or even considered your views. than if not he thinks you not mentally mature enough for his problems to involved you. that’s means there are possibility he can be controlling to her.

    And I see there’s fear of communication at this stage. you scared to rise your opinion. that’s worrisome don’t waste your precious time that you can never recoup and from what I see you’re insecure, low self esteem &lack same confidence. your man should not make you feel small but to built you confidence not to kill it. but try girl to work on your self esteem issues before you Marry that hopeless guy.😥😥😥

  5. Dear DUT

    I met my husband when I was 20 years old , he was 28 that time and he told me his intentions were not to date for long because he’ll like to settle down with me, then I asked him to give me at least a year so I can get to know him first before I commit myself because I also believed I was still young for marriage , we then dated for 18 months flat in that period I got to see his family , friends and his moody side and his habits then I concluded that he can send his uncles because I can live with this Dude and I Love him , till today I still Love my superman and he never stopped to treat me like a Queen I am 29 now and I am Happily married , so I suggest you ask your man to wait for you until you graduate then you can get married

  6. Dut baby @ your age, especially being in varsity you need to focus on finishing varsity in due time. nothing wrong with the guy wanting to marry you but, it,s wrong in every way imaginable if he’s not realising that you are not ready for it. whe I mean when you love someone sincerely you notice when they are not jolling with the vibe (yours being mariage). the mere fact that you wrote this letter speaks volumes about where you stand. you aren’t ready for this Nana. talk to him. Good luck.

  7. Thanks Mike

    Dut I stay around TUT n believe me at 20 most off u need that time to explore life cause the questions i get from this students. Please wait for the next three years if he loves u there won’t be a problem dear,u need to grow nje n get a job first.
    Good 🍀luck

  8. DUT I won’t say at 20 you are still young,but it seems to me that you have issues that you still need to deal with,like your looks,and for the record marriage life is good honey.

  9. DUT, tell you guy that you should complete your studies and find job to avoid being his dependent. then the marriage story will happen

  10. Dankie bhuti Mike.
    DUT, sit him down & don’t make the fear of losing him compromise yo feelings. Ask him that U wud feel more comfortable if U dated for the 3 or 4yrs while U finish yo course.
    If he is not willing to meet U halfway then it wasn’t meant to be.
    That compromising issue should start now bcz U won’t change him later if U fail to put yo views now for him to also consider. It has to be double compromise efforts from both sides. Lucky lucky Nana.

  11. you love him he loves you; just tell him what you want & expect from him.

    & just get married; however if you want to wait, do tell him, if he loves you that much & is serious about this, he will honor your desires.

    talk to him about your fears regarding marriage!

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