The world we live in was never created equal. There is a set rule for women and a set rule for men. More often than
not the rule for women is governed, administered and enforced by other women. We do not know what it means to be truly free because more often than not we seek permission from other women in order to do things. The way we fear being judged by other women is almost as though they are God Himself. We live to please people we don’t like, emulate in fashion or lifestyle women we don’t know as well as judge and vilify anyone who has a hint of being better than us be it in beauty, dress code, career etc. Look at Boity, she bought a piece of property and the people who showed her so much hatred were first and foremost women. When misguided men joined in making jokes about her achievement it was women who retweeted and laughed with her. We just can’t congratulate another woman, hell no! What for? She is not my mother daughter hence she must be a witch, seductress, immoral and any evil think we can conjure up.
I had a male friend, who always used to say,
“Take what you can, and give nothing back!”
We used to laugh at him and tell him that he was selfish. He would tell us that as a man, if a woman comes his way he should never even think twice, he should have her. We used to laugh it off because much as he was a whore, because he was a guy it didn’t sound that bad. I watched that friend of mine sleep with so many girls all the while when he had a sweet loving girlfriend and not once did I reprimand him because he was my friend and in my eyes he had game! The way we are so brainwashed though!
The long weekend was over now and the reason why Khanyi had chosen to sleep at my house was because her father had said that she can only come home if she got rid of her “Satan’s clothes and get rid of that Devils Tattoo” at the back of her neck. I think you get the drift; everything for him he did not like was likened to the devil. Now tell me, how do you get rid of a tattoo though if one was to be realistic? This man was impossible.
“He is here already!”
That was so fast. I was not even done. How fast was he driving! I went to open the door for him. My mother knew Neo because he was around that often.
“I am sorry I am a bit late. There was a road block next to PPC and was stuck there for a good thirty minutes!”
Neo said as soon as he walked in.
“Are you sure? I am not even done yet. How fast were you?”
I could see a hint of disappointment in him that I was not done but true to form he smiled and said,
“Its ok baby I will wait. Where is your sister?”
He asked me and as he was talking she walked in. This was either good or bad for me considering what she had overhead.
“Hey brother in law?”
She said as she bounced in with a big smile on her face. They got along because they both spoke geek.
“I have something I want to show you!”
She said running to her room to get something geek I am sure.
“You are in good hands!”
I told him as I went to finish up packing. Only forty five minutes later did I join them to say I was done. My mother was not back yet meaning I would leave with no pocket money…again!
“See you next time loser!”
I said to her teasing her. She came to hug me and whispered,
“Please don’t be dumb, don’t do this!”
She begged me and stepped back with a smile. Eish, I felt guilty even more looking Neo. He was such a good guy and one day I will marry him but for now I was still young.
We drove out with me sitting in the passenger sit and Khanyi at the back. She wanted to take selfies so with her selfie stick we taking pics the whole way to Jhb. Neo was often quiet when my friends were around which is why they liked him I think. He did not say much all the way to campus.
Khanyi said when we got to res. She got out of the car and walked in. I was left with Neo and we started chatting. I had missed him. Unfortunately his mother wanted him to come take her to the hospital to go see her sister who had just given birth. We kissed and said our goodbye.
When I walked in I found Khanyi still at reception talking to one of the house committee girls who was her friend. It was that thing of bumping into each other as she was on her way out. I stood with them for two minutes before she said she had to go. As we waited for the elevator I heard,
A girl called Nangula called out when we entered the third floor corridor of our res. She was not calling me but Khanyi and it was the nickname she had given her. Nangula Shikongo was a Namibian student who we knew didn’t like us much but smiled out of politeness. In first year we were a bit close but like all things first year, that didn’t last long. She had nicknamed Khanyi, Kandeshi and because it kinds of sounds like Kardashian we had never bothered to find out what it means back in Namibia. She told us it meant princess and we all know, every woman whether she is sleeps under a tree or in a mansion wants to be called princess.
“Hey Nan, what’s up?”
Khanyi greeted her with a fake smile. She really didn’t like her.
“Your father was here yesterday looking for you! He said that you changed numbers and they had no way of getting hold of you!”
“Did you give him my numbers?”
Khanyi responded with a tone of aggressiveness in her voice.
“No I did not. It’s neither any of my business that a father does not have his own daughter’s number nor that his daughter does not see it fit that her family should have her number!”
She said snidely and walked away. See why we did not like her. Wa re judga and she does not even hide that fact mxim! One day I will catch her in a dark corner and ke tlo m’trappa, o tla bona!
“Are you going to call them back it could be an emergency?”
I asked her when we got to my room.
“I know what it’s about. Yesterday was the church anniversary and he likes to parade us around, his perfect daughters.”
“Regardless, call him and find out! He must have your number as well no matter what you might think! Come Kandeshi, listen to me I am your sister!”
I said trying to lull her into believing I guess. I had to stroke her ego and I never called her Kandeshi unless I wanted something from her.
“Ok fine, will call him later!”
“No, let’s call him now! I know what will happen later so we doing it now!”
I told her as we put our bags down. She took out her iPhone and we set on the edge of the bed. She dialled his number and I was not surprised when she put the phone on speaker. That was her thong when it was just the two of us. I knew almost everything about her.
“Papa it’s me, I heard you came to look for me at residence is everything ok?”
She asked him.
“Khanyisile you don’t even know how to greet your father properly? Is this how we raised you?”
He asked her and I could understand his annoyance with her. Even I was annoyed ah.
She said with that voice that said I am only doing it because you made me do it.
“How was the anniversary?”
She asked him. He told her that it was fine but that was not the reason that he had come to see her.
“Your grandmother left us yesterday in the afternoon in Mtubatuba!”
He said and he kept quiet. I just saw tears roll down her cheeks immediately.
“But she was not sick moes how does she just die?”
She asked him.
“She was sick for about a week and no one could get hold of you! I had to come and look for you Khanyi like you are those girls that ran away from home! Really Khanyi is this what we have become?”
He asked. This was getting awkward now; maybe it was time to leave. I made as though to stand up but Khanyi pulled me back onto the bed and held my hand in a vice grip that would have made a Chinese businessman proud.
“I am sorry papa. What are the funeral arrangements?”
He mentioned a few things but most importantly those they were burying on Saturday morning.
“I will be coming to the funeral and I am coming with my friend Palesa!”
She told him. I think her father was just relieved that she was coming because he agreed and told her that no matter what their differences were family comes first. I don’t know if that was intended for me as a backhand gesture for me coming with but it sounded directed.
“Ok then. Bye dad!”
She said and before he could say anything, she dropped the phone. That was rude though but oh well, to each his own.
“If it was anyone else I would not have gone but my grandmother loved me above all her other grandchildren. When I was a child I lived with her for a bit and I am so hurt!”
She said as she cried into my arms. I wish I had some words of comfort but I am not good at these things. This was certainly not a nice way to start the week. It was already dark and the club people were getting ready to go. Sunday clubs are actually pretty popular because the guys that go there are usually ones that have money. Friday its students mostly, Saturday its Nigerian guys in Rosebank but Sundays are considered classier and less intrusive by most. At res we see the so called IT girls start to go out. I was not a big fan of Sunday clubbing because it messed up with my school schedule.
“I am going to go out to have a drink so that I can honor my grandmother!”
Khanyi said to me.
“You want to honor her by drinking?”
I asked her.
“Yes. I need something to take my mind of things and I can’t do this alone. Please let’s go together!”
She begged me.
“Besides, we agreed that we were leaving your house early to allow us time to go out. This is a reason to go out!”
She said trying to encourage me. I was not going on this one even if I wanted to be there for her.
“Sorry friend, I have to study and you know I am already struggling so no thanks!”
I responded. She was not my roommate. She stayed with one of the cheerleaders on the first floor who was just as outgoing as her.
“Please, we will only be out for an hour or two! Just a few drinks!”
She begged me. She really needed me so maybe the hour would be harmless!
You Only Live Once right?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you for reading my letter. Hope everyone is well. The authors of these blogs I must say are pretty amazing. Thank you for everything.
I am not a saint. I have been sleeping with my sister’s husband since I was 17. He is 33 now and I am 21. It’s been four years now and we still doing it. I have tried dating other guys and I keep on gravitating towards him. My sister and him are both lawyers and I attend at Tuks. Our parents died last year and now I have to move in with my sister. It’s bad enough as is and so often we have tried to break up its just does not happen. It’s real now. My sister and I have never been close because of our age gap and she always had that thing that she is better than all of us, never came home to see the parents etc. yet we lived in the same town. Her husband and I met at a relatives wedding which she could not attend for yet another excuse but she sent her husband. I don’t know how it happened but it did and now we are here.
What do I do? I am not even sure if I love him but I can’t let him go.