BLESSED – Chapter Six

Posted on Posted in Blessed are the Blessed

*please note, anything written in ITALICS is meant to be a flashback

*Flashback is when a character remembers in detail a scene or conversation that happened in the past in a manner that they are living the scene in their memory.


He had asked me to wear a skirt on the way down! I am not a skirt person and it’s not because I have skinny legs or something, no, I have good legs. Tswana and Pedi people traditionally have thin legs, not all of them of course but most of them. Zulu line often has those thick drum like legs whist white people have perfectly shaped legs. They all have calves that make them look like athletes. I had a combination of all these in one person meaning I had good legs. I was not going to wear a short skirt so early in the morning even though on campus it was the dress code of man. We are not restricted in what we wear because campus, Melville and Auckland Park are general safe and student infested so we wear what we want. I know what he want, easy access! As he was kind of my man, if it was at night I would not have minded but now it was during the morning when everyone was walking past I definitely minded. I chose to wear a long maxi skirt but it was figure hugging and showed my curves in their full curves, skinny girls, don’t try this at home.

“You can’t keep me waiting this long!”

He said angrily when I got to the car.

“But you don’t even know where I came from! I was far and you wanted me to change so had to look for a skirt on laundry day!”

I lied but he caught me out immediately.

“How can it be laundry day when you just arrived from home yesterday?”

He asked me. These old men are smarter than they look.

“I didn’t wash at home because my mum complains about everything. She would have complained about how much soap I used so I didn’t need that kind of drama!”

I lied yet again. No self-respecting girl is a bad liar! Yeah I said it; any girl worth her salt has to lie at some point to get herself in and out of situations. There is nothing like a saint if you want to survive in this fast paced world and I know some people think they are Deputy Jesus but if you are to survive lying and lying well has to be an essential tool in your kit.

“Ok then. I know mothers can be a problem!”

He acknowledged and looked as though he was at least calming down which is what I wanted in any case.

“What brings you here?”

I asked him.

“I have not seen you since you went home and this week am busy. Over the weekend I am also going to be in Cape Town!”

He explained. Was he about to ask me to go to Cape Town with him? I had never been to Cape Town and that would be exciting except I had to go bury Khanyi’s grandmother.

“I can’t go to Cape Town!”

I immediately said before he could ask.

“What do you mean?”

I explained to him what was going on and he listened even though I don’t think he was being attentive as messages were coming in

“I never said you were going to Cape Town so don’t jump to conclusions!”

He said rudely! Ouch! Ouch! I know he had not said so but did he have to be so rude about it though.

“What are you wearing under the skirt?”

He asked me changing the subject. He never even gave me condolence on behalf of Khanyi.


I said coldly and he snapped!

“Are you going to talk to me like that?”

He asked me very calmly. I knew him well enough to know when he was serious. This reminds me of how he even became my “man” in the first place. I have to go back to when we met for this!

“O my God do you know who that man is?”

Khanyi asked me when I handed her his card to read it. His secretary was still in sight even when she demanded to see it.

“No I don’t know who he is? Humor me!”

I asked her and she rolled her us.

“You really take this whole student clichés to new heights! You know only your books yet you say you want to join the big bad world when you graduate!”

She mocked me. Khanyi was always on my case as to how I knew nothing that was happening outside of school. I was not that much of a reader as in newspapers and magazines, I did not watch that much TV either just movies or series pirated on campus. She was therefore right when she said I was clueless!

“Just say who he is!”

I snapped at her because when she did these little speeches of hers she annoyed me.

“He is super wealthy. When we go to Sandton remind me to show you his offices because I actually know where they are!”

She said looking at the card.

“Have you been stalking him?”

I asked her because how was it possible she knew this random strangers workplace!

“No, the building everyone knows it if you just paid attention. When I take you there you will see exactly what I mean!”

She said now toying with the card as though she was thinking.

“I know that look, what’s going to happen next?”

I asked her.

“I should be asking you, what’s your plan when he calls you because he will call?”

She asked me!

“For heaven’s sake Khanyi I just met the guy, I have obviously not thought that far yet! I will just say hi and remain who I am!”

I told her calmly. She slapped me on the back of my head and it was actually sore!

“Ouch! What the hell Khanyi? Why the fuck did you do that?”

I asked her.

“So that you can wake up and stop acting like this is Soshanguve!”

She said. Why did she always bring Soshanguve when she dissed me? I lived close to it not in it! As we were arguing my phone rang, I answered!

“Did you get my numbers?”

It was him! Fuck he was calling already. Talk about being over eager. Most guys believe there is a cooling off period from when they meet a guy to when he calls you! Guess he was not most guys.

“Yes I got them. I have not stored them yet. My screen is cracked so I have to do that when my phone is in the charger. Remember when I was sitting with you I told I could not get hold of my friend because of my phone!”

I told him. I could not remember whether I had told him in those exact words but I was not lying.

“It’s ok I understand. Will call you again tonight as I have an emergency meeting. This time my numbers should be saved ok!”

He said very calmly but also very sternly. He had that thing of authority about him.

“Yes sir!”

I said in more of a mocking but funny tone. He was demanding from me when he had just met me like what the fuck! I was one of those independent girls that did not take bullshit from men or so I thought!

“No don’t call me sir, just use my name! It’s on the card!”

He said. I told him I would in future even though it was a bit awkward for me and he just laughed. He asked me what res I was in and I told him.

“What room?”

He asked.

“You do know that they don’t allow male visitors in girls’ residences right?”

I told him. Again he laughed and he responded,

“Who said anything about me visiting you?”

This guy oozed confidence. He was rude half the time but why was I not snapping at him. Pretoria girls are known form being sassy and snappy yet here I was talking disrespect from this guy like he was giving me ice-cream. I told him my room number feeling very humbled by how he had said that.

“I have to go! I will call!”

He said before I could even respond. Like I said, my phone was buggered so it was in between loud speaker and normal mode! This meant that Khanyi had heard everything I had said.

“Dude, next time you are going to go buy food and I meet the rich guys!”

She said and we laughed. We still had other friends to gather up and only three hours later did we get to res! Imagine I had color dust all over and needed a bath. I took as long a shower as res can allow and finally I was clean. This nasty dust was in my hair eish I will have to do my hair.

“Palesa Mothiba, you are wanted at reception!”

The intercom went out! I was still coming out of the shower meaning I had to dress up really quickly and run downstairs. When I got there I got the surprise of my life, it was Grace!


I said awkwardly! I looked around assuming her boss was behind her!

“Did you guys forget something?”

I asked her. This was awkward!

“No, you forgot something!”

She said with a big smile on her face!

“No I didn’t!”

I responded. I am pretty sure I lost nothing when I was there! She handed over a plastic bag to me and said,

“He said he will call you! He doesn’t like excuses!”

She said and just like that she said bye and walked away.

“Oh wow you got an IPhone! I have been dying for that phone but my dad keeps being stingy!”

A voice said from behind me. It was Nangula, our Namibian frenemy!

“What IPhone?”

I asked her. I was not sure what she was talking about.

“That’s an iPhone in there; I would know the box in my sleep that’s how badly I want it!”

She said surprised that I did not know what it was. It was a good thing she walked past me because I was going to tell her to stop being so nosey. Now she had spoiled my surprise but what the fuck wait,

“I fucken got an iPhone!”

A voice screamed inside me as I ran upstairs to tell Khanyi! I didn’t realize that at that moment I had just been bought!


He said to me snapping me out of my thoughts.

“I don’t want much from you today!”

He said looking at me his hand on my thighs! Thank heavens I had chosen the long skirt because I have no doubt where his hand would have been right now.

“Oh ok cool!”

I said trying to mask the relief in my voice.

“Just give me a blowjob that’s all to relieve the stress so I can go!”

He said!


“You want a blowjob right here? Right now?”

I asked him.

“Yes I do unless you would rather have sex!”

He said.

I ignored that.

“But its broad daylight!”

I protested!

“I know it is which makes it more exciting and besides my car has a presidential tint so no one will see us!”

He said very casually.

“I hope you practiced because last time I told you grazed me with your teeth!”

He complained. I was so embarrassed!

What to do now?

*******The End*******

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Hey guys

I’m a 24 year old and I’ve been with a 27 year old guy for 6 years. We met back at tertiary in 2009 and started dating in 2010. We lived in the same residence for 4 years. I wasn’t getting much allowance from home my bf had a bursary that would give him a reasonable allowance and he would cover both our groceries with it. So from there he was supportive on everything now here is the problem. While I was applying for a job in 2013 he bought me a modem so I can apply in the comfort of my place. And after I got employed he was there when I bought my car and was very helpful to try and solve the hiccups I had with the bank and stuff. Now at this new job I had to supply the company with a list of beneficiaries in case anything happens to me (I work in the explosives industry) and I gave my parents contacts. That made my bf very furious and he went on about how he has been there for me and now I don’t put him as my beneficiary .Now every time we argue (which we do 80% of the time) he always reminds me of all the times he’s been there for me and how ungrateful I am and that I got this job because of him but now I think I’m better and what not and frankly I’m tired of it. Oh I forgot to mention he’s a foreign national. The level of jealousy is just beyond measure. I must explain why a man is looking at me in the mall, why do I smile too much when talking to men, why a guy from work is calling( even if its work related) going out for chillas with colleagues is a problem, I must report everywhere I go and when I’m out with friends he’ll keep asking when I’m coming back. I have to clean his place, cook because It’s what women do (mind you I have my place to take care of too), but once I talk marriage he tells me I’m too young to want to rush into that. And he never admits he’s wrong. He wrongs me but he ends up twisting the story and making me look bad and I have to end up apologizing. I live with my little sis and he keeps telling me how I’m scared of her as I never discipline her and she can clean and cook my place as I’m paying most of the bills and then I’ll have no excuse not to clean and cook for him and I don’t think that’s alright. We are both working so I can’t have energy to go to his place everyday to cook for him. And the way he loves doing the dance is scary, everyday we must do it unless I’m on my period. If I don’t I’ll be told I’m sleeping with someone else and I use sex to punish him. I’m so drained guys I think this has just gone on for too long. I can’t say his like this because I’m now independent cause it was like this even back at tertiary. Its either his way( his culture) or I’m told I don’t respect him as a man. I want to leave but I’m so attached to him and I think maybe its unfair because it’ll seem like now because my life is going well I don’t need him. Please advise what I should do next. As I’m writing we are still arguing about something that happened last week Tuesday and I’m so drained. Thank you


57 thoughts on “BLESSED – Chapter Six

  1. Is he Nigerian? Hahahahha
    Good luck breaking up with him, and in future don’t let a man walk all over you set rules as soon as the relationship begins “Rules of Engagement ” don’t just say yes yes yes to please a man stand up when he is wrong and fight till the end. Train him and let him know you will not be treated like that.

    Break up with your man if you that tired because you have made up your mind, after that lawyer up and go get a restraining order because darling he will go crazy as hell once you break up. If you stay with him be prepared for it to get worse once you start living together because if you start changing now and voicing out he will forever tell you how he made you. That’s the reality, no matter a guy’s cultural background don’t forget who you are and your feelings as a person, don’t please a man so much that you wake up when it’s too late.

  2. thanks mike for a nice read. Is these how blessers treat their women just because they need money and holidays. Phethelo you don’t owe this guy anything. was he not doing everything out of love ? if so why is he always reminding you. You really need to ask your yourself if you want to be in an unhappy relationship or be single and live happy

  3. abuse abuse abuse! why would you want to marry a pathetic monster? you owe him nothing. So you must suffer because of bread and pilchards from 2010? Dear no! Can you imagine his family to make such a monster?I bet you he is Zimbabwean. Most Zimbabwean guys are traditionalists like that yet they aint shit. Moreso, this of what kind of in-laws you will have! They have a tendency of thinking South African girls arent cultured etc so your whole life would be a nightmare. You need to get a protection order, move houses and tell him with conviction that you are done. You owe him no explanation but protect yourself when you do that because you dont know how he will react. You are being emotionally and sexually abused girlie! Seek help and protection.

    1. So shallow u r. Zimbabwean men don’t not behave like fools thus said he could be from anywhere in th world. Can’t believe how shallow u r

  4. i don’t get this blesser or you infact,the guy does’nt even spend his change on you and yet u sell your soul to him just to be relevant and the guy is what! rude and degrading u

  5. Good Morning all. Thank you Mike for yet another beautifully written Chapter. Mike you forgot to Italic the Flashback part of the Chapter but don’t sweat it was easy to identify it.

    Phethelo you are being abused and you have allowed that cow to abuse you. I think it is time that you stand for yourself and tell him that he can either treat you well like you deserve or he is gonna have to watch you walking away. He is inflicting pain on you because you have allowed him to do it with a smile on your face. What is worse is that he is a foreign national who may feel like you used him when you had nothing and now that you are good you wanna run away with his “investment”. This is going to be very difficult for you but then you also cant stay in an abusive relationship because of fear.

    All the best girl

  6. Thanks Mike

    I wonder where she must practice the bj but teeth down there its not fun lol.

    QnA tell him how u feel n get him a maid or something, if nothing changes well u can move on its that simple. No one forced him to spend for u moss.

  7. Phethelo a the age of 24, you don’t need do much stress…he cant marry you but you must perform wife duties, what nonsense is that…get out of that relationship and get a life

  8. Sit him down and talk to him. Also suggest counseling. Throw in a bit of ignoring too. Guys often times don’t realize how serious we are when we have concrete demands. If you must leave then leave by all means. You are not happy. You’ve suggested marriage he claims you’re too young. He’s 27. If he won’t marry you, he must make that clear. You are 24 you have time to find someone, don’t let this man waste your time despite all he’s done for you.

  9. thanks Mike.

    Why do I get a feeling that this guy is Zimbabwean 😛
    Anywhoo he feels you are young for marriage yet matured enough to do marital duties? If I were you I was gonna leave him!!!

    1. Yes those are Zim tendencies. Spoilt brats whose mothers even washed their underwear and they look down on SA women. He probably wont marry her and if he does it would be hell. She wont be alllowed to go out as she must be respctavke and they spend their money in bars yet expect good food. They cheat and are brash and abusive. Nigerians wouldnt be complaining about groceries and airtime. She got the job because she is capable, modem or not.

  10. Thanks Mikeesto, awesome start to the week.

    Phethelo, I wrote my comment but waited to see what others would say, and I think it was a good idea as everything that they are saying is exactly what I thought at first. On second consideration of your letter and all the comments so far, I think you are being a total ass. Yes I said it, an ass.

    1, This dude gon’did a lot of ish for you that many people wouldn’t have, in all fairness, this dude is your knight in not so shining armour. 2, The fact that you didn’t even consider putting his name on your beneficiary list clearly shows your lack of appreciation. Yes, you don’t owe him anything, but what would’ve been of you if not for his efforts?! Even a 5% on his name on your list would’ve made this man feel appreciated a little. 3, His nationality is irrelevant to this letter, you mentioning it defeats the purpose of you needing advice on one thing, expecting to get what you have already concluded on by persuading the reader to somewhat empathise with you because of allegiance and not him because of his nationality. I’d say that’s bordering on xenophobic tendencies but hey, you’re sleeping with the man. 4, No female wants to patta patta every day, just those rare cases of abnormality but nje naturally females don’t want that shit, your man knows that too, so why are you allowing yourself to be victimised? You are participating in your own abuse and that you cannot blame on him, you are abusing yourself like Mike’s caption said last week.

    A lot of guys have been victim of this, you do everything for a girl, pay for her varsity fees, feed and clothe her, feed her family even and show your devotion to levels immeasurable…… And the woman still leaves your ass. You wonder why so many people be killing their partners and themselves in the process, zinto ezinje.

    Don’t get me wrong even, I’m not saying his behaviour is right, I’m not saying you should be his slave and clean and cook for him and all that jazz, hell if you are complaining now, how you gonna be when he marries you? Some men take this ‘wifey duties’ thing serious, and wena you aint showing nice signs of being wife material.

    In closing, you stayed with him for 6years and he been like this since day one, what made you stay so long? If ya’ll were screwing every day in varsity and you had no problem with it, do you blame him for suspecting your sudden reservation of your sexual patterns? If all the things you complain about in your letter are all that happens in your relationship then you know exactly what you need to do, but zbuze ba are you a loyal somebody wena, without trapping yourself with mental debt, figure out if the dish you are preparing is fair on this poor guy.


    1. Jackzoorro I ussually look foward to your insightfull commets & advice to those seeking it, but this here today i’m sorry to say is absolute FUCKERY……u have gone & done exactly what this guy does everyday justify his actions & this for what? havig ur groceries covered in varsity. do u even get the ramifications of puttig someone down as a beeficiary?? its the equivalent of putting him as a life cover beneficiary or pension fund!!! an absolute complete stranger, who worst of all wont even wife you so you become atleast a real family???? the way this man in going on & on, I would say he knew from day one what
      he was doing, now he excepts an ROI, he should have put that money in a equity fund ayeke ukujwayeka ingane yabantu roff.

      As for you Pheleto, sisi KHABA LENJA! u do ot need that kind of abusive Shittery @ 24

    2. Haaaaayi enkosi bhuti I thought I was the only person who found her borderline xenophobic …I mean CUMMAN what relevance does his nationality hv to him wanting all those things nd then for all these other humans with their “is he Nigerian or his probably Zim ,their spoilt brats ” comments; I’m just unable to can ..The fact that they’ll put a lol after that shit doesn’t make any less shifty ..otherwise ndiyabathandazela … They are the reason South African girls are considered shifty it’s all nice nd nice nd nice then Nigg dumps ur sorry as nd u think u can write a mzansi bioskop on all things foreign …u find foreign men soo demanding then how’s about u stay away niyekhe usifundekela apha #MakemenumbNelson

      Umy sister lowo… lets even say i dont agree noJack nd u fine not having him as a beneficiary isOlyt i dont see y u should be fighting about benefits after death or injury veske uthi u shall rise like a phoenix mntakaDad… but check yourself cz I agree with uJackzorro ur attitude ngoku is a result of this new found independence… piece of advice talk to your man, a dude will treat u how u let him so if he feels u are his chef nd housekeeper nd ur boity can handle the heat it’s probably cz uve BEEN letting him bust a nut oko kutheni uzodinwa ngoku??? And if u soo sick of it all then y u still expecting marriage hayi man bring yourself towards yourself lala cz u just confucking our minds ngoku

  11. great read as always Mike

    Sad that people are so xenophobic, deal with an individual people SHAME on all your Xenophobic people.

    It’s sad that you find your in this predicament, but be glad that you are seeing this now rather when you in now married and have built a home. My advice is you need to get out of that relationship before things get out of control or worse. Jealous guys never change but with time it becomes more intense, so get yourself out of that situation.

  12. Phethelo take it from someone who has witnessed a different version of your life. my friend almost died twice at the hands of her control freak bf. the 2nd time being the worst as he had to be arrest for attempted murder.
    Control freaks are confusing because they cater to your needs without question. then when their insecurities manifest its starts with dumb accusations. then it’s an accidental slap out of anger and the abuse begins. are u sure he has never laid a hand on u? leave this man or it will be your life on the line in due time.

  13. QnA so everyone’s solution to your problem is that you must dump him? How is that a solution? If you don’t love him anymore then yes walk away but the way I read that is that you love him but the fool won’t change his “evil” ways. From the onset him loving sex a lot with YOU and no one else is not a sin at all so it does not belong in this complaint. Come on friend you can’t be angry because your man wants to dance with you a lot. Now to his evil ways… setting boundaries was never done in your relationship because you literally grew up together. That’s why he has not changed from tertiary as it was just a progression of things. It’s not easy to change rules of the game this many years in but it’s not impossible. You have so many options as at this stage am sure you have many mutual friends. There has to be someone you both respect who you can sit down with and ask for their opinion as you aire your grievances. This person will then act as a conduit to you two on these problems. At times I know with myself as a man I don’t hear my girlfriend clearly and she will tell my brother how she feels for a second opinion. Unfortunately I am always wrong but I listen because whatever reason made me not see her point other people seeing it too makes me see my stubbornness was ill advised. The ring is definitely an issue but I don’t feel you have wasted your time with this guy. Why must people always be so quick to tell you to dump someone whom you have both put so much effort in each other. Sorry not to agree with others

  14. Thanks Mike…….as for those saying that guy is Zimbabwean please get a life. If u’ve had problems with one Zimbabwean guy stop saying they are all like that. Don’t act like south Africans are perfect…..xenophobic freaks

    1. There is a mindet that Zim men have when they come here so they are actually xenophobic. they purposefully treat local girls badly because they think we dont deserve to be treated like ladies. How do I know? I saw with my own 2 eyes how they treated local girls and Zim girls. I had Zim girls as friends in university and they taught me some phrases as well. There is not a Zim guy who is not programmed to look at long term commitment and marriage after he has found the one he wants to settle down with.

  15. Phethelo mina ngithi hamba ngempela and dont look back,Its not like he was forced to do all of those things for you so why must you suffer for the choices he made ? Isemhlabeni la and this is life somethings have to end its only right. Haaa dade sifelani ngempela?

  16. @Jackzorro Fuck all the way out of here with those misogynistic opinions. One example, “You ain’t showing nice signs of being wife material”. You have a degree in knowing what a woman who is “wife material” is like?

    1. While you are saying that, woman like Lungi of Y.E.S are still trying to find a man to marry them, sleeping with other people’s husbands in the process. Because women don’t do wife material things because they are too busy thinking their shit don’t stink and that they are equals to men, funny enough none of them are dropping on a single knee and asking dudes to marry them. But what do I know, I’m just a regular fellow giving advice on life things that I didn’t go get a document to qualify me for. So no degree over here sisi, and I wouldn’t even begin to lie to myself by thinking I would know wife material women when women themselves have no freaking clue what they even want or what they are. What I do know though, without needing a degree that is, is that most females who don’t humble themselves will never make it to the alter. No rocket scientist needed to determine that fact.

      Calling me misogynistic is an exaggeration but then again, you are entitled to your opinion, however flawed it may be ….. And stop taking things so damn seriously, there is a massive cold front coming, get your somebody and get laid 

  17. Thanks Mike 🙂

    This relationship is toxic, it has always been. Men like ur bf have this tendency to ‘buy’ their gfs, provide u with any kind of support you may need and not because he cares or loves u too much, but for his own selfish reasons, so that you can be his possession at a later stage.

    His behaviour is definitely heading towards to physical abuse, Slyza

  18. mike thanks for the episode i love it….phetolo dis guy is a control freak seems like u dont have a voice wen it comes to him nd u lost it de minute u allowed him to treat u bad.its about time u take control of de situation either u continue to stay with him let him abuse u emotionally or move on or both of you should talk to a relationship coach maybe it might help ……… just drop her an e-mail incase u decide to get help from her

  19. Thanx Mike for an afternoon dose…cant wait for the next chapter inzima le yama blesser awhlukile nomahosha la…you dont have a say…you just take orders..

  20. If he was like that back in tertiary why didn’t you leave him back then or the time you completed tertiary or the time you were not working? is it because you were benefiting something from him or what? I mean u must have been enjoying to even wanna talk about marriage …. just admit it nana you were just using him and now that you can stand on your own he’s starting to be a problem but don’t worry you both benefited from this ( him getting home cooked meals and sex every day and you being taken care of while you were in need back then)

  21. Show him this post. See how he reacts. If you don’t have good communication in a relationship, what do you have?

  22. I don’t understand what jackzorro means by “not showing signs of wife material” isn’t the fact that she has been with him for 6 years make her someone worth marrying or that she takes time out to cook and clean his place??
    Buying her groceries and a modem does not equal this much disrespect from him. he was helping her out
    he doesn’t need to be on the beneficiary list. She wants to make sure that if anything happens to her her parents and little sister are taken care of. He must have a job and can look after himself why does he want that money so bad? Does he think he deserves compensation for helping her out mXm
    5% for what?? If he marries her, her money will be his and vice versa

    1. NO… You get married out out off community of property and get a freaken WILL trust me i have already thought about it as he has recently preached marriage. They are too sellfish, for them whats theirs is theirs but whats yours is thiers too.

  23. jackzorro u said t women wr allow men to abuse us.i wz once thr. I dumped hz sorry ass after I realised my life belongs only to me . Anyway hz nationality hz nothing to do w yo prob its irrelevant. stop being xenophobic.zimbabweans n nigerias are also Africans. its all abt a person inside regardless of nationality.

  24. Such fuckery though? Lol guys I don’t understand why you’ll are calling jackrozzo names nigga is entitled to his opinions n two cents just like all of us. Can we please not throw our toys out our cots and try and be civilised as I believe were all adults here.

  25. Such fuckery though I’m crusly failing to understand why were down to name calling. Jackrozzo is entitled to his own opinion n two cents like all of us in here, so there’s no need for us to be throwing our toys out our cots! Lol that part about somebody getting laid was classic jack it appealed to my sense of humour lol. Jokes aside all of you are correct and yes even jack

  26. I don’t see why you should put your boyfriend on as a beneficiary , maybe if he decided to change your relationship status then he can be on the list , n sisters the guy is abusing you run for your life.

  27. Sesi,stay away from this gold digger of a man. You did well putting ur parents as beneficiary. Who is he ro u? He is just a boyfriend, nothing else. Don’t be a victim sesi, stay away now.

  28. Kkk ain’t nothing more embarrassing than your man complaining ba your blow job comes along with a lot of scratches in between lool🙈

    Jackzorro just reminded me of the preachers who’ll preach for two hours then finally say “seng’gcina” lapho uth usadonsa umoya acale phansi and preach for an extra 30minutes 😂😂

  29. Ladies
    I understand you claim Phethelo doesn’t owe him anything as he did that out of free will. Now you can tell me what would have been your opinion had he said that he does not want to support her because of what he will expect if he gives her support?

    On the issue of death benefits, I understand his reason for anger as someone who claims to be with her through thick and thin. Unfortunately, someone once told me that all women (even married ones) will never put their spouse as a beneficial in their policies and pensions while most guys will put their wives or people they intend to have a future with. So that told him that she does not see any worth or future with him!

  30. I believe with all this women’s rights our generation has somehow lost the plot along the way. Legally and all we are equal but when you come into your home, your man isn’t your equal, he is the head and you are the neck. I was taught a woman is seen and not heard, as a woman you don’t tell your man what to do but you plant the ideas into his head and let him come to that realisation on his own hence the saying behind a sucessful man is a woman. He shouldn’t have to tell you to clean and cook for him, you have to know that on your own and if you can’t manage get him a maid to come in once or twice a week. I have a MSc current studying towards my PhD and working at the same time but I take care of my man and in turn he shows me sooo much love and respect. He is the most romantic guy who will move heaven and earth just to make me happy. He cooks breakfast and dinner for me. He planned the most romantic proposal in front of our friends and family and we are now planning out wedding. TAKE NOTE: he is a Zimbabwean man. What you put in is what you get out but if you see you are being short changed then leave and if he feels he is being short changed then he will leave.

  31. Thank you everyone for the advise but I’d love to point out a few things, when we were still at varsity , I would help this guy with doing his laundry and cooking and the likes, when he was doing his Btech I was on in-service training and I took over most responsibilities like groceries and entertainment and I even went on to open a clothing account so my man would look good at his graduation since no one else was there to help him get clothes, now that I’m working I do stuff for him too, like if I see something nice like a shirt or shoes I don’t think twice to get it for him, I pay for entertainment, dinners and stuff when I can. With all that being said I never mention any of these should an argument arise because I do them out of love. About the dance everday, it was a problem back then but now that my life is busy and there’s so much to do , I don’t have the energy and this everyday business takes the fun out of it and I’m just losing interest. About mentioning his nationality it really has nothing to do with being xenophobic because i wouldn’t be shagging him if i was now would I? and yes he is Zimbabwean. We do have mutual friends and we have sat down with the one we trust most and she agrees with me on some things but now my bf won’t talk to her because she’s taking my side. I have sat down with his aunt and all she could tell me was that she will teach me how to be Zimbabwean and be submissive to my bf, like really? And oh I stayed because I love him, but all that’s happening is shadowing that and like they say ” love is not everything”.

    1. Sweetheart, a Zim girl here. Nothing you have mentioned to me seems out of place for a relationship or is a justified complaint in my view. I am a lawyer living and working in the States and went to university in South Africa for my first year. I also own my own business, and have a husband (Zimbabwean) and young twins and am pregnant with my third. I do all those things for my man and did when I was in university, and working part-time. My husband and I share the same culture so there was never a question of my place and his expectations. I grew up being taught what my place was as a woman and I do not feel abused or taken advantage of. I am happy to cater to my man and him in turn to me. I don’t have to work I choose to, but should work ever compromise my household responsibilities I would quit in a heartbeat to make sure my children and my man are always taken care of (yes that includes sex daily, not a question of today but how many times today). I thought this was unique to my culture or African culture (broadly speaking) but my Swedish sister-in-law quit her job as CFO for a well-known international FMCG company to ensure her family and husband were well taken care of, after her 3rd baby was born. I confessed to her that I was suprised how much a perfect muroora (daughter-in-law) she was (no nannies or maids, she does all this and keeps an immaculate household and worked such a high level job and was still so submissive in her marriage) and she explained to me that in her culture her job a wife was to handle the little things so her husband could take care of the family. My long spiel comes down to two things:
      1. You are incompatible with this guy, he never hid who he was or what his expectations of his woman were, find someone who is on your level and happy to be with someone like you. This guy has told you upfront for 6 years what he expects from a relationship, there is absolutely nothing with what he wants or what you want both are perfectly acceptable, just you are incompatible. You will be miserable pretending to be someone you are not, if you want a 50/50 partnership in terms of household duties and are not prepared to give up the goods every night if you bother marrying this man he will cheat on you and I wouldn’t blame him because by continuing to be with him you are letting on that you are someone you are not. You may say I want him to help me more and relax on this and everything will be fine – no it won’t he ware forcing a square plug into a round hole. There are men who are liberal, with lower libidos who are happy to help with chores and when you get that you will feel loved and heard being with someone like that because you want the same things. You feel taken advantage of and abused because you expect your man to ease up, which is perfectly fine and true because that is how you feel. I on the other hand feel offended when my husband tries to help me with things I consider to be my job, it’s a complete turn off for me to see a man doing the dishes. You feel unloved and frustrated right now because you and your man are fundamentally different people with a different outlooks on life. Women should stop pretending to be something there are not to stay in a relationship or get a ring. It is not fair to bait and switch men.
      2. There is nothing wrong with this guy. This is not unique to Zimbabweans, Nigerians or whatever. Men all over the world, regardless of race, nationality, class or culture think the same and want the same things, and they are plenty of women who would happily oblige regardless of race, culture, nationality, social-economic status, class or education level. So please stop using this an excuse to paint all Zimbabweans as Neanderthals (i.e. Nana), abusive or backwards. This is not a story about a big scary monster with money who takes advantage of a naïve girl who cannot speak up for herself because she does not have money and is so blindly in love she does his bidding, and finally gets a voice because she gets a little money.

  32. Weell on my part this sounds like my partner and did get physical at one point so you are heading there. Yes we love them but because of the 20% selfishness, the 80% of love begins to fade… and trust me its fading on my part .. slowy im sitting on the 40% because honestly because of his selfishness i would and will never put him as a beneficiary even if for some reason the 80% is fueled up again – because of this 20% i tolerated for 5 years i am now standing exaclty where you are. We survived because we lied to ourselves and believed it would get better but who were we fooling. Now whats worse in my situation i have 2 lil boys to think off… but i am at a point where the 80% has decrease to a 40% and i am just at a dont give a “FUCK” point right now. The “Wifey dutites” part i strictly told him from the beginning no ring no wife benefits but he forced it and occasionally i would but because then i was a naive teenage girl i was submissive because he was the breadwinner as i kept telling myself. but i was i grew up i realised the emotional abuse was always there – he did not appreciate the that i got out of my comfort zone in order the appease him when he wouldnt even do the same- he wouldnt even give a congradulations when i got an award of whatever, even when i had tests/exams i had to put him first, he doesnt and never appriciated me, belittled me but yet demands respect from me all in the name “he is a man and older then me”. therefor knows far more then me. yet. i put myself through school with a kid (yes, he took care of the kid with hickups along the way) and job hunted and went for interviews now i have a good job and recently bought a car , since i got the job he literally stopped doing much and i do 96% as occasionally he would 4% buy baby grocery after weeks. I never even got a congradulations for the car but a ” now that i work i think i know better then him” at times i took it because he felt that now he will not control me as he did because i work and have growen but honestly he just wants a submissive and because we had the physical fight because i was tired. since then honestly even he knows i practically dont give a ” FUCK” but because of the kids Family is another story ” we should try to work it out” . Honestly i dont want to work it out because it was doomed from the word go. I am not a submissive and my mother did not raise a submissive. yes i did occasionally buy him that and that. i tried but i am tired of trying. As long as he is selfish this relationship will not survive as what ever he does he has a motive for it at the end. he will never love unconditionally. My mom and sister are my benefitionarys and i dont regret that decision 1 bit. because of him i will never get out of comfort zone for a man ever again. I dont like something take it or leave me. If i can tolerate your 20% im sure as hell you can tolerate mine. I know how you feel, i love him dearly but his selfishness and jealousy is killing what we have built for so long. RESPECT IS EARNED AND NOT DEMANDED. Im 22, with a good job, and 2 sons who need me dearly, yes he took advantage of my youngness and i feel for it because i believed in the word LOVE but did not understand it. I am too young for the drama and Bull shit. because my bed is warm at night doesnt mean i will smile all day. Saying I LOVE YOU is not enough.. he needs to live it through his actions. ” LOVE IS NOT EVERYTHING” – Hope this helps, oh to show him that i will not tolerate being treated like 2c and i am not a barbie doll as beautifull as i am i got a restraining order at one point. its been about a year now. IF I am not happy i will not pretend. I let him walk all over me once. Twice is an understatement.

  33. @Phethelo, How “far” are you willing to go? if you don’t mind me asking.
    @mamaTT Kudos to you young lady, physical and emotional abuse should NEVER be taken lightly.

  34. Phetelo. walk away from this abusive man please. have you read Kanyis book. abuse is not always physical its emotional too.. sex everyday? mem. who can even put up with that. the fact that he helped you does not mean you owe him. please pack your bags and live. you deserve better. at only 24 you cn find love again, i am 23 and i cannot even begin to imagine that. all the best.

  35. I was in a relationship with a Zimbabwean for 3 years, and i was 26 thenand him 35.I am not xenophobic also because when i fell for him he lied to me and said he is Zulu, but got to find out 2 months later but I still continued the relationship coz I loved him as a person. I just want to clarify that people are different but some use their Nationality and Cultures to put their selfish ways across. Later on at about a year into the relationship when he knew he had me where he wanted me. Things about him started popping up, he has 4 children he hid from me, been married 2x. But I still stayed in the relationship. But what drove me away was his Emotional Abuse, Controlling ways and all the selfishness. And whats worse he always used his Nationality to put his abuse across, “saying in Zimbabwe this is how women must behave, I will TRAIN you to be a wife, your Xhosa people did NOT train you properly. In Zimbabwe women dont wear pants, have girls nights outto go entice men in resturants. women dont answer back or have opinions, they get told what to do. In Zim this in Zim that,HE IS THE ONE WHO USED HIS NATIONALITY AND CULTURE to oppress me. I’m NOT saying they are all like that, but he was like that to me. Funny enough I knew Phethello was talking about a Zimbabwean before she even confirmed it, I guess some traits will always be similar…

  36. Reading all these comments makes me think of how much I’m not ready for thr real world, can I just get my degree then skip to the part where I’m married without any man drama lol

  37. At Nandie thats exactly what he does hence I mentioned it in the letter cause he’s the one who makes me think that’s how it is with all Zimbabweans. Charlie see the difference is how we grew up, you were taught how to be submissive and how a good wife should be like. My upbringing was different, I grew up where my dad helped with everything in the house and not once did I feel like my mum is over working because he was always there to gladly assist , and at 72 years he still helps her not because my mum pulls him by the nose or anything. So I guess that’s what I also want.

    1. Which is exactly why your relationship will not work. You are completely incompatible. He is not wrong to want what he wants, it’s unfair to want to change him and he deserves that as much as you deserve someone like your father. But if you continue this relationship, neither one of you will get that. It’s wrong to paint him as a bad person for that. Just like it would be wrong to assume you are a conniving golddigger who is ready to up and leave the minute she has outgrown the benefits of the relationship because she is comfortable now – completely wrong view of you isn’t. But if I heard his side of the story I would conclude you pulled a bait on switch on him. His preference is not unique to nationality. In retrospect perhaps that is what you should have emphasised in your letter the difference in your upbringing not so much that he is a foreigner (which became an excuse here for people to spout their stereotypes and diverted from the key issue). At the end of the day, you should end the relationship so you can both find the partners who will give what you both want. It’s quite unfair of you to want to change the status quo this far into the relationship. My advice for you is to take a cue from him and make sure next time you make your expectations known so you give the guy an opportunity to bow out if he knows he isn’t the right man for you, and make sure you understand what the guy wants from you and don’t go in thinking it will change, he will change. No, it won’t marriage is hard enough when you have the basics right. (And what he actually means when he says you are too young for marriage is that, he sees you struggling with the basics of what he expects from his wife so you need to get it right first before he commits -men from my culture tend to commit fast in under a year when a woman has all the qualities he wants in a wife – here young is not a reference to your age but your ability to perform as a wife, that;s his riddled way of telling you to get your game tight).

  38. if you are too young to want to rush into marriage; then why does he want the benefits that married man have.

    i know he helped you out when you needed help most; however, you are still you & can not make him the beneficiary if not married.

    wake up & dump him, you were giving equaly in to the relationship as well, so he can not come & say he did thid & that for you.
    if he insists, tell him to draw up the amount owed, say it & get rid of his trashy vebal abuse.

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