“What is it that makes girls believe that if the man they are dating makes them pregnant he will marry them? Do they live under a rock though when you see how many girls are left stranded, their sisters, neighbours and friends included but oh no, it’s fine, don’t use a condom! He is my man I trust him!” Mike Maphoto
People never fully appreciate how difficult it is to hook up someone else. I have been on all sorts of blind dates or hook ups with Miriam to know that for some reason, for me it never ends well. She knows this too which is why I thought she had stopped hooking me up. When someone else has to help you get a man it’s like an old person needing help to cross the road! It’s cool for the person doing the hook up as they feel responsible for you and what happens, humbling and leaves the person getting hooked up grateful but ultimately a tad bit undignified! Are you so ugly you can’t do it yourself? Really? I know some people have that thing of saying ‘I thought your personalities matched so well’ but cut the bullshit ok, what they are trying to say is that you really are that pathetic you can’t do it yourself! That’s exactly the message I was saying to Rudzani because she was pathetic. She spent so much time pining for a man who did not even want to see her! I was doing her a favour with this Mr. Mckay but let’s hope he doesn’t turn out to be a doosh! Maybe I should get myself a white guy, I could totally survive having a braai and rugby every weekend but the thought of no longer watching Skeem Sam, Uzalo, Isibaya you name it always holds me back. 90% Local does not mean 90% South African but 90% vernacular so there will be no English in that house. How will that work then? No thanks. I prefer men who still believed that if you planted a tree in Thohoyandou your dick would grow strong, hard and tall even if you lived as far as Cape Town. That thought just made me horny. I had not been laid in a long time and Sfiso was out of bounds.
“I can’t believe you totally set her up!”
Why do white people always say ‘totally’?
“What do you mean Nicolene? She is a big girl and a professional! His company can give us business so we can work with that!”
I told her.
“Nope, I am not dumb! I know a set up when I see it. Why could you not close the deal yourself since you are more senior?”
The annoying little brat asked me. It’s not that I did not like her but Susanna had introduced her in such a manner which had made me not want her.
“At times you delegate. I have not seen you liaising with other companies as well and you need to learn that unless you want to be stuck in the labs like a mouse for the rest of your career!”
I had confused her. I was actually teaching her. When you work for a good company you are happy to market them and their products where ever you go. This is why we were here! To put our best foot forward and that was another reason why I was not sure why she was here. She did not have the experience.
“That company over there…”
I pointed to a group of people sitting a few tables away from us,
“They were in the middle of the Ebola crisis, they are the ones who did the samples etc. They got paid a lot of money by the UN. Why didn’t we get that contract? That’s something we need to make sure never happens because we do exactly what they do!”
I told her. See, I was still professional even under pressure, teaching her what to do.
“Must we go introduce ourselves?”
She asked me excited. Calm down little grasshopper I said to myself.
“No, everyone else is falling all over them so we need to wait. It’s not like they can give us any of their money. We need to have something they want, that’s when we approach.”
In every industry there is competition and I know bio chemistry might sound boring to many but to us it was a war. We fought for every cent we made. I was not done with her when Rudzani came back. She did not seem pleased at all.
“I do not appreciate what you did back there!”
Rudzani said angrily when we got back.
“I don’t understand what you mean?”
I told her.
“I have a boyfriend I love very much and setting me up like that was not right. You need to respect my boyfriend please!”
She said, almost with tears in her eyes.
“Setting you up? He is a potential client for our lab and I was failing to close the deal meaning I was giving you a chance to try!”
I lied. She looked confused for a second then said,
“Oh, why didn’t you just tell me though?”
She asked me.
“How? In front of the potential client? Let’s see how it would have gone, ‘Rudzani, I am failing to close him, please do you thing and get us his money’. Is that what you wanted?”
I asked her. She gave me her doe eyed stupid look then said,
“Ok I didn’t know. He started asking me for my numbers and if I am married?”
“What did you tell him?”
I asked her. She looked down a bit embarrassed and said,
“I told him I am engaged and don’t date white people!”
I could not help but burst out laughing. It’s something she would have said that’s why I knew he was in for a rude awakening. How do women do it though? Your man lives so far away, doing God knows what but you will pledge your faithfulness to him, come what may! I have always been fascinated by that because I know men cheat! Even if you live together and he goes away for a weekend, if he gets a chance he will do so! With us women, we can wait for him to go work in the mines for six months and he will find our garden pruned and ready for him and only him. I don’t know if God did us a favour in this respect because working in the labs we see so many STI’s samples from these rural women who wait for their husbands to come back for them. They won’t even know what hit them Shem.
“You didn’t go to work today?”
I asked her as I saw she was still in her pajamas!
“No! I was in mourning. I think they should give women special leave days to fix relationships because we are always being cheated on! It’s very difficult to go to work when you are having marital problems and I don’t think these people take it seriously.”
She said and I laughed.
“What will they call that day?”
“I am serious though Lungi! Imagine I am a female police officer and I carry a gun. My husband is cheating and I find out, how rational do you think I will be on the job worse, carrying a weapon?”
Ok she was serious and she had a point. There are those that say that a woman’s greatest strength are her emotions as it gives her a tremendous capacity to love and well, I am not too sure now after what my sister had just said.
“But imagine them giving anyone going through heartbreak though, there will be no women left in the offices!”
We both laughed but truth is it was not funny. Here I was seeking for a husband knowing truly well that the consequences of getting and having one usually involve a lot of crying and betrayal. South African men though, I clap once…no twice!
“Did your husband call?”
I asked her.
“Yes he did. He apologized and said it won’t happen again. He bought me jewellery even!”
She said. It’s funny how media influences us. I am a girl and I don’t understand what jewellery means and should do to me. Shoes I understand, hair, clothes even I understand but an expensive neck piece won’t get me excited because most of the other black women who see you in it will assume its fake anyway or you bought it from Forever New!
“And you forgave him after that?”
I asked her!
“Hell no! He needs to learn that I am not that easy and I told him that I am going cheat to so we can be even. I have never told him that before!”
She said satisfied with herself. Uhm ok,
“And he said!”
“He went ballistic! He told me I had no respect for him if I can tell him that to his face and what not!”
I asked very curious to see where this went!
“Did you think I was going to allow him to cheat on me then still tell me what to do? Nope! I hung up the phone and switched it off!”
She said changing the channel.
“Oh shit I almost missed this!”
She said as her show started. I looked to see what it was she was watching and surprise, surprise, she was watching, ‘How to get away with murder!’
“Don’t get any funny ideas?”
I told her sarcastically but she got it immediately.
“If I wanted to kill him considering I cook every day for his ungrateful ass I would have done it a long time ago!”
She said and we laughed. Men simply don’t get how vulnerable they are do they?
“Anyway enough about me! What are your plans for tonight?”
She asked me! I knew she was going to laugh at me if I mentioned Sfiso so I lied.
“We had a conference today so am going out with colleagues with a company we are trying to get business from!”
I told her. She bought it. I didn’t want her questioning why I was yoyo-ing on Sfiso. I was rather embarrassed of myself to be honest. Maybe I should just stand the idiot up! Yeah that would be awesome!
Who am I kidding?
Two hours later I was arriving at Protea Wanderers, in my cherry red dress, and yes, my sexiest lingerie underneath! It was a wrap around, with a silk overlay meaning that when I walk it shimmered with the lighting as well rippled over every contour on my body!
I was dressed to destroy and even my sister said before I left,
“Is this still just dinner?”
He was waiting at reception but so were air hostesses and I think pilots!
So this is where they stayed…mmm!
Someone whistled as I walked past and I know it’s often considered rude but you know what, when you look and feel good, who gives a fuck!
All eyes were on me but most importantly, I knew he had to be drooling!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
We are going to be hosting an every week day blog named “Birds of the Feather” which will post every day at 3pm in the afternoon. It will be a five week blog. It’s written by Keletso Mopai and her biography will appear on it.
Realities has ended so what’s next. This week 23rd May to 27 May I will only be posting YES which will be Mon Wed and Friday on my side (Mike). However next week Monday I will introduce my new blog BLESSED ARE THE BLESSED will replace Realities. The only religion to be discussed in this blog will be the love of money, what it can buy you and how it can destroy you. I hope this is clear but feel free to ask any questions.
Firstly i would like to thank you Mike for this opportunity.
I’m a born again Christian, 25 and no child. I love Jesus with all my heart. I don’t usually date, I can go a year without anyone in my life and I’m content with that. However when I do meet someone they will have ALL the qualities I need for my Boaz/Adam but will be far away from being an Ephesians5 or Job31 men.
For instance I met this great guy last year April… We are dating now, I believe he loves me but I’m worried about the sex part. We’ve done it once but we almost broke up because it left me feeling so dirty and guilty. I’m afraid I’m gonna lose him because no matter how much he says he doesn’t want me to commit sin yet when we are together things do get heated up…
I’m scared I’m gonna lose him and be the odd duckling again among my friends. This question is mostly for my favs Child of God especially… And Redeemed. (I’m sorry Jackzozo… Lol you my fav too but your comment will definitely ruin me. Lol “Bad company corrupts good character.”)
How is it that some of my friends can do all things with their bf’s yet we all claim to be born again… Washed by the precious blood of Christ. Don’t they feel guilty or dirty? I once asked one of my friend, she said i should just read Romans 8:1 and pray over it. “There is no condemnation for those that are in Christ.” Should I continue dating this guy and sin in the process? Or should I just end it and be content with what God calls me to do?