Y.E.S 17

Posted on Posted in Young Employed and Single

“Love is the only thing that I know which can put you in chains and at the same time make you feel as though you are the freest person to ever exist!” Mike Maphoto


When I entered the house I was fuming! I was angry at him, myself and above all I was angry at Miriam! How could she introduce me to a married man really? Did I look like someone who can be a side dish to her like really now? She needs to respect me! She might be a friend but that most certainly is not the way to show friendship.

“Who is that hot guy Lungi, wow you have been keeping secrets from your big sister?”

My sister asked as soon as I entered the house. I had even forgotten she was here and this was one of those times I really wished I was alone. She was standing by the kitchen counter eating an apple using a knife. She put the knife down on the counter immediately and walked after me as I had gone past her. She was practically waiting for me which made it even more annoying. I couldn’t even breathe the way I was so annoyed right now.

“What a fucken bastard!?”

I screamed. I was in tears. My sister stared at me for a moment, shocked because I never swear. I was actually quite hurt. I know it sounds a bit dramatic considering I had only known this guy for what, three days but it was enough to drive me crazy. Maybe I had potential to be one of those pyscho women men warn each other about.

“Don’t tell me you have been dumped? He was so nice when he was here what did you do to him?”

She asked me. Just imagine she did not even give a second thought to him having been the one at fault. She did not; it was me who was to blame as usual like I had ever done anything to anyone.

“Why do you have to assume that it’s my fault? Why must it be that I am the one who messed up? Why can’t it be him who did?”

I asked her. My sister was the one person who was not intimidated by me. She stared me down like I was being stupid and when I was done with my verbal tirade she calmly asked,

“Are you done?”

You should have seen my heart sink at that moment. She had defeated me with just three words.

“Now talk to me properly like I am your older sister and tell me what happened!”

She asked me.

“No need to be dramatic and to throw around big words like this!”

She said. I had not used a big word but that was my sister’s way of telling me to calm down.

“He told me he had a wife!”

I said and sat down. She had come here as a married woman because her husband was cheating on her. Surely she would see why I was angry and join me in my anger but alas.


She asked me.

“I beg your pardon?”

I asked her.

“So what he has a wife?”

I swear I was confused by this woman right now. I even raised my hands up in defeat.

“Are you not here mourning about the same thing? How can you say so like this is right?”

I asked her. She went and sat down and said,

“Look, if there is something I have learned is that whilst as women we are too busy worrying about our men, truth be told they don’t care. They don’t give two fucks what we do nor who we do it with as long as they don’t find out! You think I haven’t been asked out by many men since I started wearing this ring, of course I have but guess what, and I did nothing. He was probably asked out once and what did he do, he slept with her. Who is the loser now? Me or him?”

So eloquently put. I must say I was taken aback because it is not what I expected. I did not get a chance to reply because there was a knock at the door. I knew who it was.

“It’s him! Go talk to him and stop being a baby?”

My sister said and again left the room. Sfiso, what was I going to do with him. I stood up and went to open the door.

“Can I come in?”

He asked politely as though he had been kicked out before.

“Unless you want to stand there all night then be my guest!”

I responded cheekily. I was not going to fall for his charm again.

“I think in is better than out!”

He stepped in cautiously. He walked in and for some reason he looked on the kitchen counter.

“Is it ok if I put the knife away, I don’t want any …accidents you know?”

He said making fake inverted commas in the air. Wow did he really think I would stab him with that knife the way he had stabbed me in the heart! Idiot!

“Do what’s best for you!”

I told him coldly. He walked into my kitchen confidently, opened the water, washed the knife, dried it, turned and said,

“Where does it go?”

Who the hell was this guy?

“Second drawer on your left!”

I responded. If I was not so angry I would have thought he was the sweetest man ever.

“Why are you angry at me? What exactly did I do wrong?”

He asked me. When I stomped into the house a few moments earlier I knew exactly why I was angry at him. Now that he was standing in front of me the reasoning well, did not sound quite right.

“You knew you had a wife and still you led me on! How could you be so cruel?”

I asked him angrily.

“I never led you on. I respect you for your intellect and smart conversation. I really enjoyed your company. Had I known you were seeing me as a potential boyfriend I would have told you immediately? I am sorry if you thought otherwise!”

He said. Its one thing to be dumped by yourself but the realization that my sister had probably heard me being dumped made the knife sink even deeper.

“Why do you flirt with women though if you married and where is your wedding ring?”

I asked him! See why I say never trust light skinned men. They are usually good enough to be just fuckboys as they know they are pretty. As husbands they are dogs of the worst kind! I had known this when I went into this and now look what happened! I only had myself to blame.

“I am sorry if that’s what you thought I did and I take it back too if it means I can make you smile one more time!”

He said but gone were the days of smiling. Had this guy just friend zoned me? Could I not sink any lower than this? Saying “we can still be friends” is like saying the dog died but we can still keep it! In this case I was the dog!

“Why would you want to make me smile?”

I asked him. I just had to ask! I was asking for it.

“Because you are my friend!”

It never hurt so much to hear that someone actually wanted to be my friend. Inside me a little voice screamed,

“Eli Eli, lama sabachthani?”

Imagine. I was quoting the bible in the process of being dumped.

“I have enough friends thank you. Go back to your wife.”

I told him coldly. My sister had said it does not matter but for me it mattered. I was not going to be someone else’s scuftin. Do I look like Tupperware to you?


“I am sorry then for the misunderstanding. Keep well!”

He said and turned around and walked out. I wanted to run after him like they do in the movies but with 90% local content nowadays I doubt we will ever see that again. Sigh! What a waste?

“You let him go?”

My sister walked in very annoyed at me and shocked at my actions.

“Maybe I should just become a lesbian!”

I said to her and she rolled her eyes.

“They cheat too so makes no difference. You need to get off your high horse and realise that the world is not what you think it is when it comes to relationships! Look at me as your example. Angry as I am, by the end of the week will probably be home with the same lying cheating husband of mine telling him I love him!”

She said concluding her reality. Could I ever be this weak though? Eish, I don’t think so. Pity the man I marry because if ever he cheats on me I will cut off his balls in his sleep and feed them to him! Tshini! Yho!

“But I don’t understand you honestly. So why were you crying? Why were you sitting outside my door when I got back? I heard what you said that you will go back in a few days, to a cheating man!”

I said to her.

“You would never understand because you have never wanted stability and to settle down. Mum always says it. You don’t want to be a wife because it takes power away from you and puts it in the marriage!”

Here we go again. I decided to end the argument there before it became a full war.

“Speaking of mum, did she call you about the cancer thing?”

I asked her.

“No. With me it’s not cancer, it’s something else! I can’t remember what she called it but I am not going to entertain it!”

She said and we both laughed. My mother was a full bag of tricks that’s why we stopped running whenever she said she was sick.

“I already miss my husband!”

She said as I sat down next to her. Peace had been achieved.

“Really now! Already!”

I asked.

“Yes, his warm body on mine, him touching me and the sex! I miss sex!”

She said and I gave my disgusted look.

“The way he touches me and penetrates …”

She continued,

“Euuuw I am going to bed!”

I told her. She was sleeping in the bedroom next to mine so she knew her place. She laughed as I stood up to leave.

“You could have been having sex right now and you know it!”

She shouted after me playfully as I walked away. Is that all that women are good for though? To be used for sex regardless of what else the man does on the side?

“No thank you! He must go back to England and get it from his wife!”

I retorted. I closed my door behind me and I actually started crying. I know I had put on a tough act but I had let him get under my skin and now it hurt. This is why I don’t like falling for men; they are often full of shit.

My phone rang and it was Miriam! The nerve of this girl like seriously!

“Hey, I just spoke to Sfiso and he said you guys had a fight!”

She told me.

“Of course we had a fight thanks to you. Why do you send me to a married man really?”

I asked her angrily.

“What else were you expecting Lungi? You are getting older now and all the older men out there are either married or engaged! You are reaching that point where to get a man you have to take him from someone else!”

She said so confidently but I was so offended.

“Did you just say that to me?”

I asked her.

“Say what?”

She asked back!

“That I am only good for the married ones!”

“No, I said that at some point only married, engaged and men with many kids from different mothers are left as you get older, unless you want a ben 10!”

She said defiantly. I can’t believe she actually had the nerve to repeat that!

I dropped the phone on her!

******The End *******

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Mike

Thank you for reading my letter and greetings to the other readers.

I have been married for 17 years and I am a teacher in Ulundi. In that time my husband has cheated on me, beaten me up and taken two other wives even when I was against it. I am Zulu by the way and would say am educated but I realized that as long as society says that its right for a man to have this much power the abuse would never stop. I decided to leave my husband and start afresh but now everyone has turned against me, including my own family. They believe that I should be happy that I am the first wife because it means my position has not changed. I must take my salary to take care of two grown up unemployed women? I cannot do that. My children are 16 and 14 respectively but because they are boys they want to stay with their father and not me. The young one even told me that it’s my fault that the family is falling apart. I never signed up for polygamy; I fought him when he did it and when the third wife came at a ripe old age of 19 I was done with him. How do I win back family though as in my sons who are unhappy with me as well as my parents who think I should follow Zulu culture? For me polygamy really offends my human dignity as a woman and I can’t go back there.

Thank You


26 thoughts on “Y.E.S 17

  1. Here’s my two cents….

    Times have changed now, its not like decades ago when women had to take, accept and go on with the rubbish that men propose or do in the family unit! I strongly support your decision and to be precise, wrong will always be wrong even if a 1000 people are in support of it, likewise right will always be right even if people are against it.

    You did well by leaving that man, you can’t settle for less no matter how low societys standards may be… Women are empowered now n they dnt stand for rubbish and because of that they are accused of “not submitting to their husbands because of their work positions or societal standards”

    Madam! Dont lose your worth, marragie is not a prize or an achievement!!

  2. Thanks Mikeesto, that last part from Miriam is so true hey, fellows getting hitched, engaged or spreading choice assorted kids all around.. It’s going to get very difficult to get a single and childless dude who also happens to be playing for the right team. Great insert my guy.

    Sis Thembi, Bravo to you for standing up for your rights, for your beliefs and defying the backwards mentality which continues to enslave women and make them seem insignificant compared to their male counterparts. We will respect tradition but not if it infringes on a human’s right. These things will end someday and I will be there advocating for the demise of Polygamy, Lobola and all other mafia transactions which old thugs from old generations decided on making part of tradition for selfish gains.

    Those who defend such, no offence. True emancipation of the African people in our lifetime will sure constitute a massive mental upgrade, coz if people still believe in polygamy, surely oodarkie are plainly stupid…. These are my views by the way.

    I hope your children will take the educated root and not follow on the footsteps of their father, thinking this demeaning situation you were placed in is right. Whether the bible says head of house and wife submissive or not….. times of changed and we have proven the bible to have many flaws. So people need to get with the program, its 2016 for pits sake.

    Sorry for ranting, Happy Chooseday fam


  3. “No, I said that at some point only married, engaged and men with many kids from different mothers are left as you get older, unless you want a ben 10!”
    Yayiva??? ha ha ha Mike I never commented before, but today I just can’t keep quiet, you really know your story. I am also in a relationship with the most loving and sweetest guy ever, let me say it now….I am happy, you know that kind of happiness you wana tell everyone about? But guess what he has 3 kids from different mothers and I have zero, but ndisonwabile mntasekhaya, so Lungi….. kuLate sisi ngoku

    Sis Thembi…Eeeissh sisWam , I can only imagine how you feel, I really don’t know what to say

    1. Lol Mandla mina nawe siyafana and I love him so much. But as soon as any person hears about his 3 kids and the 3 crazy baby mamas I am told that I’m stupid for being with him. But who should I be with? Ungiphatha with so much respect and kindness. The 3 kids are just the 20% he is the full 80% and so much more. Sometimes we women have to compromise. Im a childless stepmom to a 15, 10 and 2 year old. Its tough but is the sacrifice I make because he makes me so happy. Kunzima kwiRelationship world

  4. Harsh reality. I’m 34 no man! Smart, beautiful but Man. Dololo! All of them are either married or have babies with different women. I decided to stop dating 5 years ago to finish my masters in engineering. I’m. Done, getting a good cheque every month. But no man. Has ever asked me out since then. Is there something wrong with me? I really need a man to be honest but too shy to show it. Please advise on what I can start doing. A dating website maybe? Or singles forum?

    1. Swallow ur Pride and go Ben 10 maybe someone late 20s or early 30…. Its not easy but its better than getting someone’s seconds.

  5. Jackzorro

    I agree with your point however I’d rather beg to differ…

    The bible doesn’t have many flaws, HOWEVER it does constitute of characters and people who had countless flaws. The bible in itself is complete.

    Yes the bible says wives must be submissive to their husbands however the latter will always say “in the Lord or in Christ” simply meaning your submission must be in jurisdiction of Godliness or a Godly nature, this also applies to children submitting to their parents, however when a father wud say I want to sleep with u as my child u dnt submit to such coz it is unGodly! Thus also relating to submission in marriage!

    I mean no harm nor disrespect…

  6. Thembi I’m so proud of you for walking out of a situation that no longer serves you. Your happiness is as important as his and right now society allows him to be selfish. Your kids will understand one day, they are hurting now but be strong it doesn’t mean you don’t love them when you choose you. All the best to you

  7. Thank you bhut Mike….eish your quotes though…..

    Thembi:Firstly, koodos to you for walking away from that sham of a marriage, not only were you abused bu you were forced into polygamy as well hay yhiini…kanti sifelani!!!
    Be proud of yourself for standing up for something that you believed in – well in this case something you didnt believe in.

    Mama, those kids will ALWAYS be your kids….yes they are mad at you for now but they will come around, give them time and just do you……Remember those boys look up to their father and to them he is a hero…so dont beat yourself up about this too much because you didnt do anything wrong….

    You need to remove yourself from people that are not for you…YOUR happiness is what is most important and if your family are against that then so be it…let them be…Dont feel bad about wanting to be happy wena. I live in Cape town and I have my aunt and her two children whom I grew up with but now we dont even talk to each other and they are the only family I have in Cape Town but I made peace with it now because I will NOT suffer because of other people…I beg your pardon your honor I REFUSE to….

    Your sons will come around…dont worry.

    All the best nhe….


  8. Am so proud of you sis Thembi for standing what you believe in, concentrate on you for now and then deal with your family later, let those boys be they will come around.

  9. Hi Sis’Thembi

    So sorry dear to hear that you had to endure oppression in the form of your marriage as if apartheid wasn’t bad enough.
    Big ups to you for standing up for yourself, NO ONE has a right to abuse another whether you are married to them or not. As for your family disowning you, unfortunately society dictates that leaving your marriage because of ‘socially acceptable’ traditional customs is a burden that must be put on you as a woman, so it will take them time to come to terms with your decision, give them time, kill them with kindness but on the same token don’t let them bully you. You’d rather be happy and alone than to have a family that does not put your feelings and happiness first. As for your kids, I suggest you write them letters explaining to the them your reasons why you had to make such decisions, tell them you respect their decision to remain with their father and that you are their mother, you love them and will always support them, sometimes putting things on paper can work in getting the message across especially when imimoya iphezulu. Don’t ever stop communicating with them, try and be there for them even when they reject you, but eventually they will see their father for who he is and will understand why you had to leave, for now all they see in you is a person who broke up the family, they are still young to understand the dynamics and any form of change is never easy even kuthina sibadala, so how much more ke kubona bebancane.

    All the best sisi going forward, and do seek some form of counselling for YOU just to be able to heal nawe and deal with all that has happened, ukukhuluma kuwenza lula umthwalo ezimeni ezinje.

  10. Thanks mike. Awesome read, as always.

    Thembi Big ups to you. you did what is best for you and I applaud you.

    sit you family down and tell them what pushed you to do this and your kids. if they are still angry with you, CC live your life please. I know family is important especially your kids, but you cant force them to agree with you. we can only hope that with time they will get your point.

    the very best to you.

  11. I do not understand this thing of women being used for sex, sex is so nice, best thing ever, how is it being used if you enjoyed it. It seems people believe only men enjoy sex, I just don’t get it.

  12. How come you have to maintain the wives? After all you did not marry them moss?
    There is no getting the family back but as all have written there is adjusting, your boys will come around, just hope the 19 year old wife don’t have an affair with one of your sons.
    Now that would be the best wake up call to your huby.
    Pity about in community of property though as you will have to give him half of your earnings (I assume that was your marriage contract?)

    Your stunning and deserve the best
    And if your sons failed to say happy mother’s day this year, well sister happy mother’s month.

  13. Have you let your children see the pain that you experienced? I don’t mean that you should bad mouth the father but talk to them about your experiences and why you couldn’t stay. No child can bare their mother’s pain. kudos to you for leaving that idiot?
    marriage is beautiful and I do think it’s an achievement, because you put in a lot of time ans effort before the marriage just like you put time and effort before getting a degree or something. But if that marriage makes you miserable, you HAVE to leave. How dare he treats you like that mXm there is nothing I hate more than self-righteous men

  14. Dear Mike

    I’m a 23 year old lady, from Cape Town, I am desperately seeking help from the readers please.
    At the age of 3 my father passed away and ever since my grandparents and my mother raised me. My grandfather was the only one working and had paid my School fees until Matric. When I matriculated I couldn’t go study due to finances and my grandfather had retired but someone stole in his money in the bank and nothing happened about the case.
    I searched for courses to do, and managed to do a few courses and completed it. A lady came to the Academy I was doing my course and offered me an Internship opportunity as a Journalist however after a year my contracted and I was home searching for jobs so I could study at a University.
    My grandmother and I decided to register a business and apply for Tenders so I could study. This was in 2015 and in that year my mother got really sick and was unsure what was wrong which we later found out it was blood cloths and my gran and I were unable to pay for the fees at University because she had to take care of my mother and I had to focus on my school work.
    The Pension and grant, my grandparents and mother receive is for food etc. The University suspended me because of my outstanding fees and there was a job available in the December holidays which I applied for and got it…however the guy who works in finance didn’t want me working at the Varsity and they told only if I pay the full amount will I be able to work at Campus. I approached H.R lady who gave me job explaining that this job was to help pay my fees which she said was against the policy and the finance guy had made his decision.
    In January, my gran and I went to Eduloan for assistance to pay my fees, because I got a part time where they paying me R1000 a month but because of my grans age the loan wasn’t approached.
    On the 2 May 2016 my grandfather passed away, and now I’m desperately seeking for a job to help my gran and mother because my grandfather pension helped us. Regarding the R1000 part time job I couldn’t manage it due to transport, the company was far and the money was spent on transport only.
    I am asking if anyone has a or knows of a job opening to please help me,I sometimes feel I don’t get called because my CV isn’t probably the right design or I don’t have work experience that companies are not interested.

    Please help me
    Cape Town girl

  15. Sis Niya dear sex is not only physical it is spiritual so every time you have sex with someone you leave a piece of you to them and also take a piece of them with you. That is why you feel used my dear

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