“A man who cannot afford himself more often than not cannot afford you but that does not mean if you can afford him you should not try to invest in him or each other! As long as women believe that a man should earn more than them in a relationship they will always be oppressed mentally and second class to men. His worth should not be his money but what he does for your relationship!” Mike Maphoto
Unless you come from the Zionist Christian Church, Shembe or any one of these black churches that dress women like we were still in 1961 there is nothing fashionable about a doek on your head let alone old stockings. Hell Americans even tried to call it a bandana and even that did not work. Stockings, whether new or old on your head are simply not attractive and married men who live with that every day of their marriages deserve a gold star! Firstly she looks like she has just swallowed a hot egg because whether a doek or stockings it makes your head look round and swollen. Secondly, if he is seeing you for the first time with them on your head he is questioning himself on whether or not you have ever used them as normal stockings before? Mischievous guys like Sfiso would certainly not miss that point. I am certain he was thinking that. It refusing to come off my head was something only a bicycle would do, you can be the best rider of a bicycle but the moment you ride it when they are people around, your friends or if you a guy, hot girls, you will fall!
“Sorry to surprise you like this but I was in the neighbourhood and figured a hello was in order! Nice apartment!”
He said with that cheeky grin of his.
What did this mean now? I know I have been looking for a man but was I ready to date. Dating has politics and these politics are worse off at the beginning of it all when you still don’t know where you both stand. Firstly you have to figure out whether or not he is on that tip. Men are complicated! You can never ever predict what his intentions are after you sleep with them. I knew a girl, Lebogang; she dated this complete dooshbag for about 8 months not giving it up. This guy was nice to her and so loving. When she eventually slept with him, the following day he dumped her and said this was not working. This is a true story and I know that is not the first time I had heard of it. After they broke up we discovered that he was sowing his oats elsewhere all along that’s why he never pushed too hard to sleep with her. When he was still dating her and as girls when he was not pushing for it, it read as though he was such a brilliant man who did not put sex above all else. We all wished we could have a guy who could be so mature and so understanding but the snake, was already cheating on his virgin girlfriend. Yes she was a virgin; I could not even make this up if I tried. Secondly, loyalty is not something that men a famous for. To their friends yes, man can be like that crew in The Hangover will do anything for their mates but when they are just dating you that’s a whole different story altogether.
“I think you surprised me more than I thought. This is my sister Stacy, Stacy this is my…friend… Sfiso!”
I introduced her.
“Oh now we friends mmmm didn’t know that!”
He said and moved in for my sister.
“Forgive me ma’am but can I hug. I see you have been crying and I think you need one. I won’t hug my…friend…over there because she is denying me now!”
He said to her with that charm of his. My sister the treacherous bitch stood up and hugged him,
“Goodness where has she been hiding you?”
She asked him.
“I don’t know. Every time I come here she wears that onesie and that thing on her head. How does she expect a relationship to work like this though?”
He said and they both laughed. They were talking about me when I was right there. Like what the hell really?
“Sfiso, my sister needs a whole new makeover maybe you will be the one to inspire it!”
My sister said. Mara whose side was this girl on really? Shouldn’t she be taking my side?
“Last time I came I asked her to offer me tea and she said men who drink tea are gay. Just imagine. I was so hurt!”
He said with a serious look and tone looking her straight in the eye.
“Wow she did that?”
Stacy asked him,
“Yes imagine! There I was cold and wet because I had waited for her to arrive in the rain and she says that. I don’t know what to do with her like honestly…”
He said making a mock crying sniffling sound.
“Wow really Sfiso!”
I said incredulous to his charm. My sister got the joke and she laughed and punched him playful on the shoulder.
“Oh wow that was brilliant. I fell for it hey and believed you!”
She said. Why would she not believe though? He had this thing about him that put your at ease?
“Stacy can you please give us the room!”
I asked my sister who was clearly not about to give us privacy. She was enjoying his attention too much.
“Must I really go?”
She asked me dreamily as she walked out.
“Nope, you mustn’t leave. We are leaving! We just going to take a drive and I will have her back safe and sound in an hour or so!”
“Yes maim we are but pray the police don’t stop us with you dressed like that. They probably will have us arrested thinking we are from Bloubasrand!”
He said and this time even I laughed. He had embarrassed me thoroughly yet he had put so at ease it felt like it actually never happened.
“Can I leave my phone to charge in the meantime?”
He asked me. Mine was also charging but the man was like a boy scout and he came prepared with his own charger and all.
“Sure why not but I was never going to change for you and Stacy don’t listen to this fool, he is stalking me!”
I said as my come back but it was rather weak and I recognised that in its entirety. I could not match his wit even if I tried.
“I am also living my phone, it’s a long story eish will explain!”
I told him as we walked out. I was so at ease with this guy he made so comfortable. If you have lived in the Lonehill area you will learn that the roads are not that long but are built like a maze. It’s actually a bit of a nightmare as these are estates making it a concrete maze.
“Where can we go where we can talk privately?”
‘What are your intentions with me?”
I asked him trying to match his playful nature.
“Lol shem! Did I just say shem?”
He asked out loud,
“Good, shem, after having seen those stockings on your head do you think I still have ambitions?”
He said laughing. It was not funny but annoying but you know what, he knew how to time his jokes so I ended laughing at myself too. At night most girls with a brain dress for comfort. We don’t do this whole show off business where we wear skimpy pyjamas that barely cover our asses. I am sorry but for me so called sexy nighties are demeaning to women and should be a crime against humanity. I hope mosquitos bite your exposed buttocks,
“That’s good! You have seen me at my worst and still asked me to come out so am cool with that!”
I responded. How is that for banter?
“Ok you win.”
When he tried to start the car it gave a false start and he had to do it two or three times before it started. I was even about to say let’s take my car when it started.
“This battery has been giving problems all day. Next time I get a rental I must ask them to drive the car around first because this is ridiculous!”
He complained. I got what he meant. Rental companies will only make you look at whether or not the car has chips and fuel otherwise engine things they don’t. You drive away with a dud thinking you have a good car. We drove out and he asked me where we should go.
“I know a place where we can park. It’s safe and not too far off.”
I told him. It was still within the maze of estates, behind them. It was not a park per se but could have been with beautiful flowers. The neighbourhood watch in this area is intense and carries guns meaning it was relatively safe.
He said. When we got to the place he was playing Metro FM and “Hello” from Adele was playing and I just love it.
“Please don’t switch off this is my song!”
I said. Every girl has a thousand songs which she says are her song. We are all like that so it’s not like I was going out of my way to find a song.
“Girls will be girls!”
He said and he let the song play but switched off the car. It was a mix so three songs played in tandem all of which were my song. Imagine, being spoilt to such good music so early in the morning. My God is good.
“I think we should move from here and rather go talk in your parking lot. I am not really comfortable here!”
“You such a coward!”
I said laughing at him. He shrugged it off and tried to start the car and guess what?
The car was not starting.
What the hell?
He tried two or three times and the engine was totally dead. The radio must have lowered the battery power which was already weak when we left.
“We need to push it then jump it?”
“I will push and you jump it ok. I will tell you when to start the engine when I push!”
He said. I have tried this before in the villages and I failed. I know I will not be able to do this.
I told him. Goodness this was so embarrassing?
I was about to push a car! On the bloody first date!
“O Lord why have you forsaken me!”
I said out loud.
I am not being dramatic but if on the first date, the guy who’s taking you out’s car needs a push but only you are there to do it, would you do it? Let alone in a onesie.
*onesie – a full body suit pyjamas worn by females especially in winter.
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Hi Mike and the readers first of all thanks for the great work you and your team put together.
I’m a 24 year old lady from Pretoria who holds a linguistics degree I’m looking for work even though it’s not within that field. I’ve been applying for jobs and internships with no luck. I really am not choosy even an admin job will do just so I can get experience. Not that I’m impatient or anything but also sitting at home doing nothing is frustrating I’ve been there before. What hurts more is the fact that no one in my family is working and it gets to me that I should be the one helping.
Please readers can you help if anyone knows something about
any language practice job related let me know or any other job.
Mike has my email Thank you