PLEASE NOTE, BECAUSE REALITIES IS FINISHING THIS WEEK, WE DECIDED TO GIVE IT THREE DAYS MONDAY WEDNESDAY AND FRIDAY TO ALLOW THE STORY A PROPER ENDING. Y.E.S WILL THEREFORE ONLY HAVE TWO CHAPTERS THIS WEEK. THANK YOU
There is no right age for this but I am certain of it, I was too young to be a widow. I know a lady who lost her husband when she was 29 and he left her with two kids. Imagine that shock to your system. Being a widow is something that’s heavy. You don’t know when it is that you must move on and what to move on to. Think about it, divorce is hard because you lose someone you have shared space, life and love with for so long now picture death, which is more final. I had wanted to divorce Sizwe when I made this trip but now seeing him in this state, how? When you are about to lose someone this close to you I can assure you, nothing else matters. Our fights at this moment just felt so petty and unnecessary. This was something bigger than me and I have to acknowledge that. We drove to the hospital in total silence yet again.
“I don’t know where to go?”
I said out loud when I was walking in. My brother was looking for parking so I was alone. It hit me that maybe I should not have left my brother waited for him. Did I have the strength for this? I tried to call Zethu but her phone would not go through. Why was it not going through? Fortunately her phone came in at the same time meaning we were calling each other at the same time.
“Where are you?”
She asked me sounding very anxious.
“I am here already I don’t know where to go?”
I told her. I was getting confused with this hospital now. All of a sudden everything seemed complicated and overwhelming as I was slowly but surely losing it because of the stress.
“Just wait at reception I am coming to get you!”
She said. Why was she saying that? Couldn’t she send a nurse? Didn’t she have to be in the operating room saving my husband’s life not following me around? Did this mean he was dead? Since I went home and came back it was about four hours surely that’s a short time for someone to have died. I tried to reason. Now I knew what hospital visitors went through. When nurses are mean to patients visitors it’s because they don’t know what it means to have someone you love be in this situation. They see it from a professional
‘I am just doing my job’
Stance but it’s often cold and seemingly heartless. I waited what seemed like ages for Zethu to come. In reality it was not even five minutes. I saw her walking towards me and the tears just started coming out. She was carrying papers.
“Sorry I took longer than I thought.’
She began when she got to me.
“Why are you crying?”
She asked me. What kind of a dumb question is that? I am crying because my husband died on your operating table! Really!
“Zethu you are not telling me anything. Why am I here?”
I asked her.
“There are forms you need to sign as his next of kin.”
She explained. I swear at that moment I heard nothing. It sounded like she said he had died.
“Nothabo, mfethu, focus!”
Zethu said clicking her fingers in front of my face to make me wake up from whatever dream state this was.
“Sizwe is fine. He is not dead. That surgeon is actually very good. He clamped the bleed within two hours but the injuries are such that we have to cut the Dorsal and Pudendal!”
She explained. It was only when she used those words that it clicked! The doctor in me woke up!
“Hold up! Why are you cutting those again? That would mean he would never get an erection again Zethu?”
I responded. I was getting out of this fog like state of mind. The Dorsal and Pudendal arteries are two of the most important arteries that cause an erection in a man. There are other factors but these two are so important in that they carry the blood that causes it to stiffen and make it hard. Never mind the facts but this would make Sizwe impotent!
“Ah Zethu this is not easy!”
I responded to her. I was not sure whether to celebrate or be angry at her for having scared me like this. I thought, well I thought she was calling to say Sizwe had died! A shining light finally in this very darkest of clouds.
“How is he though? Are there any other complications?”
I asked her.
“He is in a bad state but I would say it’s not as bad as we thought. It’s weird to say this but they seemed to have focused so much on his lower abdomen!”
She explained. Lower abdomen? It did not register what she was saying.
“They kicked him in the balls several times!”
She said when I was trying to figure this out. If you ask a man if he can live without his dick most would say no! Sizwe unfortunately will have to after this.
“This was personal I think. I don’t think it was random!”
She explained. If she was right this was cruel and unusual indeed. As a woman if someone hits your breast, it’s very painful right, they say for a man hitting his balls is ten times more painful than that. If they hit him there consistently that means that he had suffered a lot. If you have ever taken self-defence classes they also teach you that this is the first place you must hit so I know exactly what I was talking about even before the medicine.
“Eish, I get you! Is there no way we can save him…”
I asked her. It was his manhood that we are talking about and I was not even being selfish! He will hate me for the rest of his life for this.
“I wish there was and there is no time to do get second or third opinions. Even the urologist here advised it which is why they need you as next of kin to sign. The hospital does not want to get sued for it!”
She explained. It’s easy for someone else to say life is more important than your dick but with men usually their dicks think for them meaning that is what’s more important. I took the papers be it reluctantly and I signed. I knew time was of the essence in this so I was just delaying.
“Thank you and I am really sorry.”
She said and hugged me. I watched her walk away to go back. I was stuck here now alone and in my thoughts and I found myself questioning whether I had done the wrong thing or not.
“What’s going on? I struggled to get parking. This place is actually so full!”
My brother said finally getting to me. He was still here! I had even forgotten that he went to look for parking. It felt like so long ago now. I told him everything Zethu had said and he was winces in pain as though it was him who was being hit.
“He has been dealt a bad card but his life is more important!”
My brother finally concluded for me. It was easy for us to say this because it was not us but deep down the thought of what he would wake up to was really touching me. This was not a good thing at all.
“I guess so but would you be able to live without your dick!”
I asked him. I don’t think he was expecting that coming from his sister but he answered,
“I don’t think so! I would rather die eish, I don’t know! Even Zethu would leave me because I am as good as being a woman!”
He said. He was not being insensitive but honest. That’s what it means to men. I doubt Sizwe would ever forgive me for signing but what else could be done at this stage.
“I am going to wait her until he is out. If you want to go home its fine!”
I told him. He said he wanted to stay and besides Zethu was here so there was no reason why to go home.
“Thank you! I really didn’t want to be alone!”
I told him which was true in a way. Waiting by yourself can drive you crazy and give you crazy thoughts.
“I really wonder who did this though. It’s been bugging me all day! Sizwe is a gentle so, does not mess with people and is always at home!”
My brother spoke; I don’t think he was asking me though because it felt more rhetorical than anything else.
“I was thinking of nthate’s people but the more I think about it especially after how you explained this it’s highly unlikely. Those are brutes; they would not have taken a long time with him. These ones even had time to kidnap him? It feels more like they were punishing him for something he did as opposed to being a random act of violence!”
He explained. He was thinking exactly what I was thinking. It had to be Python though because has the one most likely sending a message. It made perfect sense. He had thugs that could do it for him and he had called Lintle to say where she was going. He had also warned me before that he will have his revenge. Eish how do I come out of this? How do you fight a gangster who owns the police? I had so many thoughts in my head now.
“I don’t know Kgosi! Let’s worry about that when he is safe and sound. I need to talk to that police detective again and see what leads they might have. I hope it’s something though because whatever they did to Sizwe they must get it back ten times worse!”
I said angrily.
“Be careful of wanting revenge though because you will create a cycle and what if that cycle then one day reaches Lintle?”
My brother warned. Where was his courage though? Was he saying I should just walk away and be content with living with half a man at home? What’s worse is that if indeed it was Python, Sizwe had paid the price for his daughter and wife. His daughter the drug dealer and his wife who had dared take on a gangster! We were both to blame meaning he was suffering for both our actions Lintle and I?
“I want to call Mthobisi!”
I said out loud to my brother.
“Mthobisi? You mean that gangster guy who came to your house?”
He said trying to act coy when he knew exactly who Mthobisi was!
“Yes him! I know who did this and I want revenge!”
I said coldly. It was the very thing he had warned me about but I was not going to listen. Sizwe needed someone to stand up for him and I would be damned if this crime went unpunished when I had the means to get justice and revenge.
“Leave this to the police Nothabo! Walk away!”
My brother warned!
“Next time they will come for Lintle or me and I will never forgive myself. I am doing what a mother and a wife has to do, protect my family!”
I said and stood up before he could dissuade me! I was never going to allow myself to go cower in a corner and cry it out like what most women would do! This was war!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you Mike for your stories.
Job hunting is the most demotivating activity I’ve come across this year alone.
I’m a 23 year old female studying BA (Politics, Philosophy, Economics). In actual fact, I’ve managed to pass all my modules except one which I will be starting on in July. I’ve been looking for a job since November last year and I haven’t even been called to one interview. I’ll be going back to UJ in July like I mentioned but will be attending once a week. I honestly feel like I’ll be wasting my parents money paying for accommodation for me to sit around waiting for the next lecture since I’m so organised I complete my notes and revision after class.
I was hoping for your readers to assist me in finding a job. Whether it is to babysit or administration in JHB or the surrounding areas. I do not mind sending my CV if you leave your email address as to show my skills and experience (I’m sure Mike will be willing to share my address as well). My degree is very broad thus preparing me to fit various job descriptions as well as building me as a person.
I am desperate for a job as I do have a daughter I’m leaving with my parents and being able to send money back home to show my parents that I am aware and grateful of the support they have given me, financially and emotionally, as well as to show them I learnt from my mistake failing the one module. It will help lessen the burden off them and build my CV for once I have graduated.
Thank you for reading and the help/advice I might receive.