Growing Up – Chapter 65

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I think it is really unfair for a man to diminish a woman’s value because she is not a virgin. Whether a woman is a virgin or not has nothing to do with her worth, a woman has a lot of worth whether she has slept with 10 men or 1. You will never find a man being made to feel unworthy because they slept with a lot of women. Actually, a man is encouraged to sleep with a lot if women. This actually starts at an early age because in most cases, especially when young men are still growing up, they are ridiculed for not having had sex with a lot of women. I think there is a lot of hypocrisy in this world, if girls are expected to remain virgins until they get married and boys are expected to have lots and lots of sex. Who do you think these boys are having sex with? Monkeys? No, these boys sleep with girls, the same girls that are expected to be virgins or rather remain ‘pure’ until marriage. This then leads to the girl having a lot of resentment, self-hate and many other negative feelings. If the society wants girls to remain virgins, then the same pressure should be exerted on boys. Actually, should a person decided to remain a virgin, let that be so because they have choose to, not because they are expected to.

I didn’t expect Apostle Bae to embarrass me in front of my friend, I never even expected him to insinuate that I was a woman of no value. In my opinion newly married couples go on honeymoon to celebrate the beginning of their lives together, not this rubbish he was telling me. How dare he even compare me to his ex wife? She was a virgin when they got married but they were now divorced, so whatever they had is not important. He knew very well that I wasn’t a virgin when he proposed, so I don’t understand why it was suddenly bothering him. Shem, I was going to go to this honeymoon whether he likes it or not.

“Yoh talk about overreacting. Did I say something Hlengy?” Sihle asked after a few minutes of silence. I didn’t know what to say, so she continued and said

“No Hlengy if he has such a low opinion of you and talks to you like this then maybe you should reconsider getting married. if he talks to you like this right now, imagine how it is going to be when you are married?”

“No girl he is not normally like this. He received some bad news in the morning, so he is kind of sad and disappointed. I hope you will excuse his behaviour.” I lied, he didn’t receive any bad news. I just lied to protect him and I didn’t want Sihle to think he was a cruel man.

She just looked at me and said “Okay, so besides me who are your other bride’s maids?”

Another question from her that will put my fiancé in a bad light, so I had to come up with yet another lie.

“You are the only one. I decided to have one because the wedding is very soon and it will be unfair to expect the girls to be part of the bridal party. I would be angry if someone expected me to be their bride’s maid and gave me about 3 weeks to get ready.”

She agreed with me, saying that if I wasn’t her best friend she also wasn’t going to agree to be my maid of honour. When we were done having breakfast, she took a bath and went to work. I tried to call Apostle Bae but his phone was off.

So I went to take a bath and spent the whole morning watching TV. During the day I received a call from Miss Vinny

“Hey darling, can we meet tomorrow so that you can see your wedding venue. I also haven’t decided on the kind of cake because I think that should be your decision, so I made an appointment with the best baker I know, so we will be meeting with him tomorrow as well. We also have to see the caterers for the menu. So whatever you had planned for tomorrow, cancel it because our day will be busy. Please go and look for a wedding dress ASAP.”

“I am going to look for a dress today. I was just about to get ready to leave.” I told him. We arranged time to meet the following day. After the phone call I got ready then I made my way to Bridal Boutiques. I wasn’t going to make a decision just yet, so I just went from shop to shop. When I was tired I went to buy food, while I was sitting there alone, an idea came to my mind. I decided to go and visit Bongile, not Philani’s sister, but the ex friend I once mentioned. The ex friend who stole my boyfriend, and are now engaged to get married. I wanted to go and see her, I wanted to show her that I was also getting married and that I was going to have a big white wedding…something she can’t afford to have.

Before I went to her house, I bought 3 boxes of pizza. Not because I was hungry but because I wanted to make her feel small in every possible way. I knew that she couldn’t afford to buy take-aways in the middle of the month, so I just wanted to show off. I also bought her kids some sweets and chocolates.

When I arrived at her house, she looked like a person who had just arrived because she was wearing work uniform and she was exhausted. The door was open, so I just walked in.

“Hey Bongi, you look tired. I’m sorry I didn’t call before I came, I wanted to surprise you.”

“It’s fine Hlengy, you are lucky because I just arrived from work.” She said as she stood up to hug me.

While she went to the kitchen to pour me some cheap juice, her fiancé, my ex, Sipho walked in. without realising that I was there he said “Bongile whose car is this? This is the car I want to buy but I think it’s too small for our family.”

“It’s mine.” I said.

“Oh Hlengy I didn’t realise you were here.” Sipho said. I stood up and hugged him, Bongi walked in while we were hugging and I made sure that the hug is tight. After a while I broke it off, she didn’t seem comfortable to see me with hugging her man. She went outside to look at my car, then came back and asked me where is my other car, the one I normally come with. I almost forgot that the 1st time I came here, I came with Philani’s car, so I had to come up with a lie.

“My sister borrowed that car, and she got her accident in that car. So I’m using this one for now, my fiancé said I will buy a new one after we come back from our honeymoon.”

“Fiancé!!” they both exclaimed.

I showed them my ring, my very expensive ring. My ring could probably buy them groceries for 3 years. Ok I’m exaggerating, it is expensive but not that expensive.

“Yoh looks beautiful and expensive.” Bongile said and I responded “It doesn’t only look expensive but it is extremely expensive.”

After some small talk, Sipho left us and went to sit in their room. Bongile asked me to tell her about my fiancé.

“He was a guest Pastor at my church when we had a youth conference. After church he asked for my number, I gave him and we have been together ever since.” I lied. You guys can judge me all you want, but what other choice did I have? I was not about to tell her the truth. remember this girl stole my man, and she has been my enemy ever since. Now I wanted her to think I have a better life than she could ever imagine, and I was succeeding. I was not going to tell her the truth, because I don’t want her to judge me. When I was done telling her my lie, she said

“You very lucky hey, but you deserve all the happiness in the world. Imagine if I hadn’t betrayed you by taking Sipho, you would probably be the one stuck in this house with him.”

Wait? Is this girl defending her actions? In her mind she did me good by betraying me while I trusted her with my whole heart. But she is right, if it weren’t for her, I would be the one living in this tiny RDP house. Okay it wasn’t tiny, but it was still a RDP house.

“Do you feel stuck with Sipho?” I asked.

She said “No, not like that. Eish girl the thing is ne, I love Sipho with my whole heart but I wish we had a better life. Look at you, you have a car, a big successful business, a rich man who loves you.”

Notice that all that she envied about me did not really belong to me. The car didn’t belong to me, my business was very small and I wasn’t even sure if my man was rich or not, but judging by the cars and house, he is rich. This just shows that we shouldn’t envy other people’s lives because the grass is not always greener on the other side.

She continued to say

“Alot of people our age are successful, like you, and we are just stuck. But at least Sipho is trying and he is a good father and husband. Honestly though, I wish I was with another man, a more successful man.”

“Why then don’t you go and get married to a more successful man.” A voice said.

Crap!! It was Sipho! We didn’t see him standing there!!

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