Young Employed and Single Chapter One, Two, Three

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Well educated, successful and going places, Lungile Mbatha had it all but the one thing she wanted most, a man! This is the story of so many young women in South Africa and the fate of so many more doing blue chip degrees in university. You are attractive until the moment you mention how much you earn or show what you drive. Lets find you why…

“Men are intimidated by intelligent women. They fear that they will see right through their bullshit and lies hence take that power away which they use to control and manipulate them.” Mike Maphoto


I am just going to go out and say it, whichever girl tells you that they have never dreamt of getting married, having that big white wedding and the perfect husband is downright delusional! Growing up we were conditioned for it, playing house with the naughty boy next door, getting caught by someone and getting beat up for it by our parents. Yeah most of the kids who grew up in the township know this story all too well. Even white kids, those tea sets and dollhouses your parents bought you, what do you think they were training you for without even realizing it. In your teen years you called your boyfriend hubby or whatever even though the bastard more often than not went on to cheat on you. You hated him for it, sometimes forgave him and fought with him but often, and this is true you forgave the son of a devil! What did Maya Angelou say, “We condition girls to prepare for marriage…and to compete against one another for it yet we don’t do the same for boys!” I hope I got that right but the truth is not lost upon me. As a woman you are taught that getting the perfect family and husband is the most relevant thing you can ever achieve. Getting a good job and good friends are just a bonus because husband and family come first. I hope I didn’t stutter when I said that because it’s a truth I can’t take back! I had it all figured out, by 23 I would be graduating with my Honors at the very least, 24 I would be working and 27 I would have a husband and a one year old. You got to admit it’s a beautiful dream. I managed to achieve the first two with remarkable ease as I went to school on a scholarship that also got me a job in the process. Good times I tell you but it was hard work.

My name is Lungile Mbatha and I was on top of the world. I loved my job and it’s perks but I had a huge problem, getting a man firstly and on the few occasions that I did I learned very quickly that they just wanted to fuck me and leave me. I am not ugly at all nor do I have bad breath, bad attitude, pride etc. Nope, I am just like your girl next door without the bofebe tendencies but even as I say that she is getting married next week, white wedding and all. Miriam and I grew up together, we played together as kids but when I started to take books seriously in grade nine, my body took longer to develop than hers. She already had a boyfriend fingering her at the age of 14 and by 16 she had discovered the joys of sex and how truly relaxing opening her legs was because she slept with everyone who drove a GTI or could take her to the next party. I on the other hand preserved myself right through to my first year and only lost my virginity to Bongani who was and still is my best friend. I needed to get rid of it because I succumbed to peer pressure and fear of missing out as the girls who were having it seemed so happy so I arranged to do it with him. It was awkward but fun, painless and not that memorable. We only did it the once and things never got weird between us. In fact, he went on to date my university closest female friend Cindy Shabangu and today they are married with one child. Cindy dropped out of bio chemistry and ended up doing some HR degree. Again, I stayed in school and got my honours which came with a good job offer from one the chemical plants in Johannesburg. Some times that feels like that was the worst decision of my life.

Miriam never passed matric well enough to be relevant and ended up in a Jeppe College before she got call centre jobs. I see “A” Jeppe College because back then they were so many am not sure about now since some of their programs were found questionable! On a salary level I dwarfed hers by probably 600% but one thing never changed, she was my first friend and we remained friends. You know how the naughty ones never seem to get HIV nor do they get unwanted pregnancies, Miriam was a true reflection of that. She would tell me great tales of her sexcapades which I am ashamed to say often left me quite turned on. Here is another embarrassing truth, if you are single and don’t get is as often as you want then your fingers become your best friends to keep you warm at night. Hell, girls like me know as much about dildos and vibrators than prostitute. I called my vibrator Boyboy and ladies, it never disappointed! After her stories, often before I sleep I would play with my rose garden and bring myself to an orgasm. The pleasure was momentary and then reality would sink in when I turned to find an empty pillow next to me. That girl used to traumatise me with her stories shem! Often she would feel sorry for me and invite me to some parties she attended but the thought of parking my car next to Bundu Inn was not my idea of fun, hell no. Once she took me to Mamelodi and for the first time ever my insurance phoned me and said, “You are entering a high risk area, please advise!” just imagine! On that occasion we had been going to bury one of her friends who had been stabbed by her boyfriend so you can imagine how out of my depth I was. We might have grown up neighbours but we were true opposites. With that said, imagine my shock when she came to me one Sunday morning after church and said,

“Lungi, guess what he proposed and I said yes. We are getting married!”

Firstly, I did not not know who HE was as they were many in her life nor did I feel her joy. Reality hit home that the biggest mogwanti in our street was getting married before me. The jealousy that swept through me at that moment was so profound for a good minute I hugged her in congratulations just so she could not see the pain in my face. I even cried but I told her because it was because I was so happy for her. That was both true and a lie. I was jealous and bitter and much as I tried to scold myself for it I could not help it. Was this God’s plan all along to let me be humiliated?

Speaking of God, I think I have tried every man of God possible. We are told that to get a good man go to church and so far to me it has become one big joke. Men have realized that picking up girls is easier at church because we let out guard down and see only good intentions from them. Think about it, if a guy approaches you in a club were often you are dressed like a little prostitute, 99% of the time you say no. You are programmed to say no because you know he is going to make an advance at you. At church where you are dressed like a nun, the probability of saying yes is so high because it’s the last thing you expect. We are easier pickings at church than at club. With that said I have had my fair share with men of God. You date for a few weeks and yes you give it up because everyone gives it up. Unfortunately he breaks up with you and lies that now he is drifting from his path with faith so he needs to focus. You are expected to understand because he is right under the bible as it is sinning. Next thing he is hooking up with that new girl in the choir! Yes if I sound bitter it’s because I am. One of those girls at my church who bricked me like that her name is Vuyelwa but I will get back to her later. The problem with looking for love at church is that you are competing with every single mother that’s there an trust me, they are many. It’s like after they are betrayed by their baby daddies church is an aphrodisiac as they can’t keep away from it. I wonder if they are praying for their baby daddy to be hit by a car or something. As a single girl with no kids even that crowd keeps you at a distance because one on one with a guy and you having no baggage like they do, they expect you to win!

With all these men I have realized the problem comes after my first pay cheque when we are together. I earn a lot not because I slept with someone to do it but because I was smart enough to get a degree that is actually needed in this country. With some exes I would offer to pay the bills if I earned more but for some reason I was insulting their masculinity. With other exes, hurt and thinking I had learned my lesson from the previous, I would be girl and want to be taken off. Eventually the guy would call me selfish for not contributing as much as I could afford which would probably be more than him. At some point I started looking for guys who were CAs, actuaries, doctors etc but these were all interested in cheaper maintenance girls who would praise them for their intellect and allow then to cheat on them. It’s amazing really that the noose around my neck was my own education. Every time I would tell a friend or colleague of mine not in the same situation they would tell me how much I must be proud of myself and it the men with problem so they must fuck off. I would be told how they were intimidated by me so I had nothing to worry about only a strong man could have me. What they did not know is that, alone at night, with my fingers yet again inside me, that was all irrelevant to me because I wanted to man to love me and call me his woman, a man to give me children and protect me. Even if I ended up in divorce court one day at least I would know what it feels like to be married.

It was then my phone rang. It was 1030pm and I was already getting ready for bed.

“Hey how are you?”

I said when I picked up the phone.

“Hi friend what are you doing?”

The voice said on the other side. It was Miriam.

“Nothing am about to sleep actually.”

“I have something to ask you and please don’t be offended because it is last minute. My sister can’t be my Matron Of Honor anymore. She has to go to Polokwane and will only be back late on Saturday night. She can’t prevent it. Will you please step in for me please please!”

Oh, I forgot to mention that my best friend at home had not even put me in her wedding procession. Instead she had chosen her sisters and his sisters to walk her down the aisle. Now I was last minute after thought.

“It’s ok my dear I would love too!”

I told her. I was lying of course. That jealous animal in me just rose to the surface again. She might be my friend but I was walking a mogwanti down the aisle, in her white dress, when I could not even get a man myself.

I was truly young, educated, and single and by the way things looked, I doubt I was coming out of it soon.

******The End************************************************************

“Don’t fool yourself, they all want to love and be loved, the problem is for women more often than not they settle for men who are not worthy and beneath them just so they can shout out to all the world and say, “I have a man!”” Mike Maphoto


I think I drank three more Savannahs before I slept that night. I was embarrassed by myself really but it’s ok, God will provide right. In the morning I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and actually enjoy the occasion. It’s not like I had never been a bride maid before. With all my friends getting married around me I was always on their list of bride maids. I knew every wedding step in the book so I was a safe bet. They had me on speed dial. Eish, I got so good at it I often taught the other bride maids too. This just goes to show that I was not frigid; in fact I was fun loving and loud enough to be noticed but not embarrassing. Why then did I feel like this for my own true friend’s wedding? I did not want to have these feelings because I truly loved her.

“Mum, Miriam wants me to be her Matron of Honor at her wedding!”

I told my mum. She had to be the first to know because she had questioned why Miriam had not involved me in her plans. See why I say it was awkward. She was happy for that but she then said,

“Eish will I ever have grandchildren? I am growing old and you obviously don’t want me to see and hold my grandchildren!”

Eish the pressure, every second conversation with my mother ended up with this discussion. It was as though I was the one who was supposed to marry myself the way she made it sound. Of course I wanted to get married to get her off my back but a man had to want to marry me first or so I thought!

“Mum I am going now! You just know how to spoil my mood!”

I said very annoyed and then I hung up. I can’t believe she had said that yet again but what did I expect. I hung up.

That evening I went to Miriam’s house to hear what the program and schedule was as I was obviously behind schedule in their planning. She was waiting for me even and her mother was there. Education or lack thereof it makes you do funny things indeed but at the moment it was not funny when she handed me the dress I had to wear at the wedding. The bride maids’ dresses were beyond hideous. It’s like we were being punished for not being married ourselves. I was too scared to ask her if she had never gone to a wedding where she saw bride maids dressed in dresses that they could actually be proud of but then this was Miriam right. The few weddings we had attended together she had been drunk out of her skull and I had to be the responsible one between the two of us. Don’t think I had much of a choice in the matter. I reached a point where I did not take her anywhere because it was embarrassing. Her sister and I were roughly the same size meaning that dress did not have to be adjusted at all and still it looked and felt borrowed. Zanele, her sister was two years older than us. We both did not like her because she was very bossy and judgmental. Even as kids we used to fear her meaning we used to do whatever she asked us to do. I actually think Miriam had chosen her as her Matron of Honor because her mother had forced it on her. Mam’Dolly, her mother was a piece of work. She reminded me of that song by Brenda Fassie, Vulindlela. The neighbourhood gossip in everyone’s business and that gave her power. People were scared of her and of all the houses in the neighbourhood she just had to be my neighbour. The one thing you could not fault her on however was that no matter how many scandals Miriam had, she did not give a fuck. Miriam was her pride and joy, her little angel and when she was getting married, the whole world knew about it and contributed. You did not want to be on her bad side because she manufactured gossip more than twitter produces hashtags. Point is everyone was going to see me in this dress.

“That dress suits you. It was made for you I swear!”

Mam’Dolly said to me the first time I had fitted it. I have always felt she thought I was competing with a daughter. I can’t place it but it almost felt as though she kept comparing us and making sure her daughter came ahead of me. It was kind of hard though because Miriam was not a horse you backed for success. On this one though, the big one, she had beaten me ten nil.

“You know I always thought you would get married first with your fancy education and big car but nope, Miriam beat you to it!”

She was saying to me as she was looking outside the window. Miriam rolled her eyes and made a finger gesture to show her mother was looney. I was not offended funny enough because this is what she always did. When I graduated she said that it was good thing but I will probably never get a job and when I got the job she said I probably slept with someone to do it. Miriam and she had a huge fight about it and she came and apologised to my mother. She even admitted it was jealousy that made her say it.

“Mum I did not beat her to it. I was just in the right place at the right time. He is the right man for me. He just gets me!”

She said changing the topic.

“Tell me again how you met? I love that story so much!”

Her mother asked her. I actually didn’t know how they met.

“Mum I have told you a million times. I was at the garage and we were doing that car wash for charity thing. I washed his car imagine and instead of eating the shisanyama that was there he bought me KFC and said it was because I was too skinny!”

Her mother laughed as though that was funny. It’s weird really, in my world had a guy said that I have no reservations in saying he would have been destroyed for saying such. It’s disrespectful to talk about a woman’s weight. KFC had gotten her a ring; I would have wanted a formal date with the works. Maybe my standards were too high.

“Isn’t that a beautiful story Lungi? Most of you girls want to be taken to Dubai for a man to prove his worth forgetting that it’s the simple meetings that create the perfect endings!”

This woman can be so annoying at times. So what I had standards.

“Mum leave her alone! Her Prince Charming is going to arrive just wait and see. He will be in a Rolls Royce or a Bentley.”

She said with a smile. I don’t think she meant it in a bad way at all, it’s the first thing that came to her mind but, and it’s a big but, she had just made me look stupid. I was looking for the corporate type to match my intellect but truth be told so is everyone else.

“It’s ok. Mam’Dolly you must find me this man! I have been struggling as you know…”

I said laughing tried to lighten the mood.

“Where we were young, men use to line up at my street corner to try and shela me! Back then I had big buttocks and big breasts before life happened!”

She said about to reminisce,

“I don’t think you have ever told us how you met Malume Rex?”

I asked her. That was her husband and Miriam’s father. They were still together after all these years but everyone in the neighbourhood who was impolite to whisper it knew it was because of fear and not love. He was terrified of his wife and trotted behind her whenever she wanted.

“Ah Rex. He used to be a teacher at the time. He was new in the area and all the girls wanted him. Guess who won pshhhh…. they never stood a chance!”

She said proudly which made Miriam and I laugh. Her mother when she was not gossiping was the funniest woman ever.

“I went to him one day when I saw him standing at the corner with his friends too scared to come to me for fear of rejection. Imagine, all the man chasing me and I went to pick him up myself. People thought I was crazy but today 29 years later he is still my husband.”

She said. Tjo, in this day and age women can’t still approach men that would never work for me. What will people say?

“Ah mama you never told me this story before. That was so romantic. How long did it take him to propose marriage?”

She laughed this time, her mum that is and I was not sure I got the joke,

“How long did it take him to propose you ask ngwanaka? In three months he had paid lobola. I was not going vat en sat! We didn’t even have sex before the wedding come to think of it but that night he was a bull…”

She said with a mischievous glint in her eye! This woman though, boundaries!


Her daughter screamed,

“Euuuuw, that is over share!”

She said disapprovingly but her mum was on a roll,

“O come on Miriam, I know you have seen a man working on you! Kids today can’t open their legs fast enough yet want to act all conservative and churchy when it’s spoken about!”

She said of which I laughed. She had just described her daughter in one breath but the moment was short lived as her husband walked in and called her outside to talk to the catering lady.

“My mum needs to learn that some things are best not said out loud, sies!”

Miriam said still angry. I just laughed it off. This was me making lemonade with situation.

“Never settle for a man that does not deserve you ok. You will get your own I promise!”

She said. If I could get a penny for every time I had someone say that to me I think I would be a millionaire!


I was depressed.

******The End******************************************************************

“The paradox of women is that they are all looking for a good man when there is nothing like that. Are you perfect yourself? If you were why do you put on make-up, buy fancy clothes to make yourself feel and look better as well as constantly wish you were younger because once upon a time you looked so much better? A man comes flawed just like you and it is up to the two of you how you will mold each other into what will make the relationship work.” Mike Maphoto


Only happily dating or married women tell you that wait and have faith in the Lord that your Mr Right is on his way and there ain’t plenty of those ‘happy ones’ trust me on that. It’s like they are programmed to say that. This is in no way meant to disrespect anyone but how long does the Lord want me to wait honestly? Have I not suffered enough. The wedding was going to be on a Sunday, the bride thought it was a unique day but with the holiday on Monday there were many other weddings that day. They were not going to have a traditional wedding nor were they going to do two weddings (one at her house and the other at his). Instead they had both agreed that one big wedding was sufficient enough to cater for everyone and it would save on money. I supported that idea a lot because I have never understood why you insist on two ceremonies knowing just how much money it will cost you. It’s not like God will come down and bless you twice having forgotten he blessed you yesterday. I know people say one wedding at the grooms place and another at the brides place but if truth be told, if people really wanted to attend they would come to one designated venue. That’s not all, traditional wedding worked in a time when we still worshipped ancestors. Today they are just a novelty meant to make you pay more money!

I took off for Friday because I figured with only Saturday left I needed to beautify myself. That’s what happens when you are roped in on the last minute. Weddings are one such occasion were you get a high concentration of men so again here I was needing to put myself out there. That’s the game we play as single women wanting to get some. We are like undertakers at funerals because we are always there, pastors ko kereke because we volunteer for everything so we can be seen standing in front hoping someone who probably does not deserve us will notice us and like me now, at every wedding hoping for the grooms friends. I was trying too hard I guess but when you are approaching the big 30 it feels as though time is not on your side. She was my childhood bestfriend so I was not going to let her down. I was just going to have fun. Cindy had called me saying that she was off today as well. Her pregnancy was making her tired. She was the daughter of a teacher and as a last born her father had spoilt her. She could not do a lot of things that involved manual labor when not pregnant meaning now that she had to carry that baby bump around must have been hard work. We agreed to go to the salon together so that we could catch up in person and keep each other company.

“I think I made you angry yesterday with my comment…”

My mother said when I picked up. She was such an insensitive person I doubt that it even made sense to her. She used to be sweet and understanding but what started off as teasing had now become a full on attack mission on me. I was not her favourite daughter or child for that matter. The honor went to my younger sister whom I won’t talk about now and my brother I won’t talk about now. Imagine I was the first born yet I had middle child syndrome. My younger sister already had a husband and was expecting whilst my little brother being the only boy meant I could not compete.

“Mum it’s ok really I am fine!”

I said but she wanted to say something.

“When are you coming so we can talk about some things?”

She asked me. I almost laughed when she asked that. If I had been expecting her to apologise then clearly I did not know my own mother. Hell will rather freeze over before she did something like. Jesus will come back same day even.

“I will be there tomorrow afternoon and we will talk!”

I said trying to get rid of her on the phone. I was not in the mood for her.

“Ok then. Your sister is coming too with Kamo so it will be nice.”

She said. I ignored her as I hung up and besides I needed to park. Cindy arrived at the same moment as me.

“Hey my sexy friend!”

She said teasing herself as now she looked like she had swallowed a Collin Maine!

“No you are the sexy one. Your body will go back to normal shape and size easier than mine when I start!”

I said laughing and hugging my friend. I was right though; it’s easier to regain your shape when you give birth young as compared to when you are older.

“It’s not fun I tell you. Today I woke up craving Doritos of all things! You know how much I hate those things!”

She said complaining already. I was actually a few minutes late for my appointment meaning as soon as I entered Beauty, my Zimbabwean stylist and the only person I allowed near my hair was already waiting for me. This meant that for the next two hours Cindy and I spoke as she was working on my hair. Eventually two hours later I looked as though I belonged in a wedding catalogue. I am my hair shem because I know I looked fabulous and the confidence it gives me. I am not really a shopper when I need a pick me up but my hair has to be on point.

I had to rush to Miriam’s place now as I was already late for our plans. Cindy was grumpy and difficult like most pregnant women are but I had to go. We parted ways with a hug as I rushed to Miriam’s! I walked into her house as she was on the phone. She was looking straight at me and waved at me to come closer.

“My husband says when we are married he is not comfortable with me hanging out with my single friends just imagine! What kind of nonsense is that?”

I heard her say on the phone. I don’t know who she was talking to but I have heard this before. When you are single and looking it means that you always put yourself in situations with men around. When the men hit on you however, they will hit on whoever you are with and this includes your married friend sitting next to you.


I said out loud and she turned. She waved me closer and held my hand. I don’t think it meant anything to her that the person she was asking to most likely be gotten rid of was me. Tough times I tell you. She showed me that she was talking to her sister then forced me to say hi to her. The sister asked me if their mom had not driven me up the wall already and we both laughed. We hung up.

“Did I tell you what this fool said; he wants me to get rid of my friends! These are the same people he met me with and still fell for me. Imagine I haven’t walked down that aisle and he is already telling me what to do! Nah fam, I am not about that life!”

She said. In my head I was saying

“Dear God, why do you waste marriage proposals on such people?”

But I responded saying,

“He kind of has a point. Now that you are married it means you have to change aspects of your lifestyle!”

I advised her but she look at me like I had grown horns on my forehead.

“Aspects like what?”

Err awkward moments. How do you tell that she is a mogwanti without losing that friendship?

“I am just saying I believe in marriage at some point you have to meet each other in the middle and do things to please each other. You meet each other halfway. It stops being all about you!”

I am laughing at myself right now because it’s the not married ones who believe that they know what marriage is but us who are looking from the outside.

“I am not going to conform to anyone. I want to still be me at the end of all this!”

She said defiantly and I immediately stopped talking about it. She was annoyed I could tell.

“So tonight is the bachelor party so we must have our own party!”

She said with a naughty glint in her eye. This girl really had no idea what she was doing.

“We are going to go to a club and get drunk. I can’t be at home knowing that he is having funny and I am not. A man should always know, whatever he can do I can do better.”

She loved that saying. She often said to tame a player meant being like him. He will fear you and conform just to keep you in the house. I never tried that. I was the type to get mousy whenever I dated. I always told myself that I am a woman and he is a man so we handle things differently.

“Do we have the budget for this?”

I asked her because I have been out with her before when all she carried was her purse and R20 to come home yet she will be the one at the end of the night crawling home because she was so drunk.

“Stop being so conservative bathong! Let’s just go have fun. Remember Jerry?”

She asked me? Yeah I remembered Jerry, by name only though, he was the guy she fucked every time she broke up with someone.

“Yes I do!”

“He booked the club for us so we won’t be spending any money. Don’t worry I have this all figured out!”

This ladies and gentleman was the woman getting married and I was sitting by the gate waiting for Mr. Right to come pick me up. I swear as women we don’t pray to the same God because some women’s God is full of grace and blesses them. Mine is forever testing me… sigh!

“Maybe you will finally get laid and remove the cobwebs from down there!”

She said in was her way of joking. She was always vulgar but she was right, I am sure by now I had spider webs shem!

********The End********

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike
I would like to thank you in advance for posting my letter, It will be quiet long but I just need to vent and release what I’m feeling I have read fulfilling and inspiring advices from your readers hence I write and believe that I might benefit from them.
I am a 39 years old woman, I have 2 kids a son from my previous relationship and a daughter with my husband. He has 2 daughters from his previous relationships with separate women. I have known now my husband for 8 years, dated for 5 years, married now for 3 years and we stayed together after 2 years of dating. Things were more than okay between us for at least the 1st for 4 years, I loved him dearly and I know he loved me. There were issues at school with his elder daughter they even wanted to expel her because she would go to school untidy and didn’t do her homework’s and at that time she was staying with her mother. This didn’t sit well with my husband, he asked if she can stay with us for that current year and take her to boarding school the following year and I agreed because I felt I had to help him out knowing he would have done the same for me but the boarding school thing never materialized I guess my husband was comfortable with me taking care of his daughter and it didn’t bother me, I was okay with the whole arrangement as much as he never told me about his decision for allowing the child to stay with us permanently , we had a talk with the principal and assured him that everything will change since the child will be staying with us. My husband loves his kids dearly I guess that was one of the other reason I loved him and the other daughter visits us always, taking into consideration that my baby daddy disappeared when he was 4 years old so my husband has been the only father he has ever known and honestly he is a loving father to him. I had to give my background before I could tell my story.
After 4 years of dating he paid lobola, on the 5th year I was preggies, during my pregnancy I discovered that he has been cheating with multiple women, I was heartbroken to a point where I wanted to terminate and get out of his life but thank God I came to my senses. We sorted our issues and got married but I’m disappointed to say he never stopped with his cheating, he became physically and emotionally abusive, he would say things like I’m not worthy of being a mother to his kids, he would threaten to leave and divorce me, I would end up apologizing for his mistakes I allowed the abuse to continue to a point where I felt it was ok for him to say all those things the only solace I would find was to cry my lungs out, I got tired of complaining to my in laws as much as they supported me I just had to stop. Then suddenly everything changed last year, he became this loving person I have fallen in love with, but now I no longer know how to give back the love I am now bitter, I avoid being intimate with him but I know in my heart I still love him but I can’t stand the side of him. Last year (2015) his daughter the one I’ve been staying and taking care of for now 6 years told her mother, aunt, neighbour’s, my sister in laws and I don’t know who else that I’m ill-treating her, I was so heartbroken fortunately my husband was on my side because he knew that it was all lies I told him I no longer want to live with her, but he doesn’t want her to go to her mother because she is irresponsible and what not(so he says), now I’m angry at him for putting me through this, I had to put up with his nonsense, now his child? I can’t stand her, I actually avoid talking to her or be in the same room with her, I really don’t know how to deal with this situation and mostly I don’t like this person I’ve became….Please help a sister with advice. I apologise for the long essay.
Heart broken

19 thoughts on “Young Employed and Single Chapter One, Two, Three

  1. It doesn’t matter what we say to you ……the answer to your challenges lies within you. Never ever allow a man to abuse you and get away with it he will Neva stop until you are a corpse! Women are very strong there are single mothers out there doing well for themselves that cow doesn’t deserve you leave him and start a new life with your kids.

    1. I second that Lapson. She has stayed and did nothing, this man deserve jail for abusing her physically and she should have reported her to social workers so that he go counseling. You did not leave your mother’s home to be abused. Aowa sisi, you deserve happiness.

  2. Ohhh bhut Mike, making up for the April fool’s huh?? I see you. Enkosi wethu. What a way to start a day…

    Heart Broken: Laposh is right. Your answer to your problems lies within you. Marriage is hard hey and I gotta respect you for trying to make things work. But at the end of it all, you dont deserve this…no one does.

    I feel your husband owes you an explanation as to why he treated you the way he did, firstly…and why all of a udden it stopped… Because now he is basically making all the rules of your marriage and you just have to play along with whatever mood or how however he feels…and that is not right.

    You have allowed this man to abuse you…from the time he cheated on you and you kept forgiving him , to a point where he though its “right” to treat you however he feels because you will not leave him.

    I suggest you go to couples therapy if you still want to continue with the relationship.

    I know this is an extremely difficult situatio and it has emotionally drained you but try your hardest to talk to him… Let him know exactly how you feel…. Even if you write him a letter and tell him how you feel…just like you did now.

    Because there are kids involved, I would prefer that you work on your relationship evgen if you call it quits..try and be civil with each other.

    I am truly sorry for your pain hey. I could sense the anger and hurt in your letter. Be strong mama.

    All the best.


  3. Dear Heartbroken

    It seems as if in addition to your heart, your spirit was broken too. You need to rise up as the mighty warrior that you are as a South African women!

    Firstly, your husband hurt you and you’re finding it hard to return to the couple you guys used to be but you’re not leaving him. And you don’t have to leave him, you just need to work on your marriage. Go on weekends alone, go for counseling and tell him the next time he cheats on you, he’ll find his ass on the streets. You need to be more in control of your marriage, be the boss so you may regain the confidence he broke.

    Secondly, about his daughter. She lives in YOUR house, so show her how it’s done. Sit her down and tell her if she doesn’t apologise to you for the rumors that she spread and treat you with respect the she must move out. Give her chores and responsibilities around the house so she can appreciate living there.

    Thirdly, about you. He’s taken your son as his own and loves him, but have you taken his daughters as your own in terms of loving them? Does he ask your son to go to boarding school? Does he have an issue with your son living with him? No? Then why is it a problem if his daughter lives with you? What’s good for the geese is good for the gander.

    Decide on what life you want and go for it. Don’t sit there feeling sorry for yourself. You cannot control the situation you are in sometimes, but you can control how you react to it.

    Good luck,

  4. Dear you are the captain of your ship
    Sometimes you need to be selfish love yourself enough not to let anyone hurt you.
    I recently broke up with my man and this is what I did..
    I took a paper divided it into two
    On the other side I wrote all that I love about him
    On the other I wrote all that I don’t like about him.
    I took another one I wrote all that I want in a man.
    What I hated about him was just too much and when I checked what I want in a man and see how he was treating me that’s when I decided to leave him. I can never tell you what to do but know your worth dear.

  5. Yes Chapter One and Two have been posted before. As we are officially launching the BLOG today we had to post from One to allow for new readers to catch up. Chapter three is the brand new one

  6. Thanks Mikeesto… now I’m really going to love this story, the commentary at the end of each post is so proper, hope Women actually learn from this blog. Good work Mike, your work is amazing dude.

    Today’s letter is next level, I think Ra hit the nail and I can’t really add much. Heartbroken my sister, though it seems all is going to hell, your husband changing his bad ways may be the start of good things. We should constantly try and see the best in our partners, see past their flaws. I think the fact that he stood up for u when his daughter lied actually says a lot about the new him. All that is needed now is for you to try and recover psychologically in order for you to work on your marriage. I don’t think divorcing will help anyone involved.

    All the best
    Jackzorro .

  7. Nice one I tell you. This relates to me shame I am going employed single and born again. Trust me when I say it’s not easy especially becuase of the last part hope to learn a lot from this

  8. I agree with you Jack. We should always see the best in our partners butt it’s not easy to forget the hurt and harm the other person did to you. Even if the person changes to what you have always prayed or hoped for but in the back of your mind you are always waiting for him to hurt you again as you are not sure hore why the sudden change.

  9. I don’t have a degree however I can relate to some aspects of the story its true it is as if we women do not pray to the same God, megwanti keyona etholang manyalo if you a good girl shame forget talking from experience!

  10. Thanks Mikesto, this book is gonna be a storm I tell you.

    QnA my sister, print this letter and put it in a place that your husband will find it. Wait for him to make a move and you will het to talk about everything. But try getting help foe yoirself too as you emotionally need it. Goodluck.

  11. Honestly this last chapter was a total bore, I enjoyed the 1st and second chapters but this one was just all over the place and not fascinating at all!!!

  12. Same struggles for a single girl in Kenya. The only difference is that I never really seem to care. My only problem is that those who seemed to live it up in school have the jobs while I am stuck in the jobless corner. Nice read.

  13. Thnx BraMike & explaining the repetition to some of us “slow coaches” Haha!
    Heart broken, IC yo main challenge B4 U decide whether to go 4the Big/scarry “D-word” is: Reason for Sudden Change!
    For the WHO & WHY & WHERE???
    HOW??? I Also WHANDA Dear? I feel U.
    From a man’s point of view it cud be that he has grown past his “mid-life crisis” & has come to realise the importance of FAMILY.
    But I can only suspect from a woman’s point of view, myb one of the women he has been cheating U with baptized him with the mighty 3letters. They also have the power to change a man.
    So I strongly suggest U ALL go for family counselling & more important. Both of U MUST go for HIV tests, just to settle yo doubt sistaz. Then U can make an informed decision after that. – PapaG

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