“If you have that one friend that is always moaning about how men have done her wrong, slap her awake and ask her if she thinks those men are sitting somewhere moaning about what a good or bad girlfriend she was! She must not waste time and tears on people that don’t value her!” Mike Maphoto
I know I said that weddings are the perfect place to find guys but I guess I left out many other things in that statement. The number of single women at weddings must be investigated. Are women that desperate for marriage or is the spectacle of the events that grabs their attention. I am willing to bet a good amount of money that most of these girls are some one else’s side chick hoping to get something better someday. I promise you, you are competing with so many people without even realizing it. The problem is some of these girls who will be there will already be drinking which makes men go for them as they know they are an easy lay. I was once that girl and I will say it now that I let myself down as a woman. That has to be the lowest moment of a girl’s life to be picked up at an event, chowed, and discarded. Simba had given me something to smile about without being obvious. Other than that there was nothing major happening.
I did not want to look at table 16 for fear that he will be looking at me. I had blown off many men in my day but the way he had spoken to me was quite refreshing. He was aware of himself and he seemed to be very confident! Every girl will tell you, chubby guys are funny and brave. They feel like they have nothing to lose. They have more game than most of these guys who you see at the gym looking at themselves in the mirror whilst they lift weights that weigh more than you. Those guys are just nasty, looking like Johnny Bravo on steroids! They cheat too and are often broke no wonder why they spend so much time at the gym prying on lonely housewives.
A voice said to me from behind me.
It was my mother!
“You keep looking there, what are you looking for?”
I had no seen her creep up on me.
“Nothing. Please don’t embarrass me!”
I said to her already my mood dipping.
“Why would I do that? You are the one embarrassing by not getting a husband yet you blame me!”
She said and sat down. I ignored.
“Mum I am busy what do you want?”
I asked her trying very hard not to be rude!
“I want to tell you that I have breast cancer! I asked you to come to the house the other day so I could tell you but you are avoiding me so will tell you here!”
She said and then she stood up for dramatic effect and walked away. It doesn’t rain but it pours. I sat there stunned not knowing what to do. She walked towards her car.
“Lungile Mbatha where are you? It’s your turn…”
The MC announced. I stood up shakily.
It had been decided that family would give their blessings in the white wedding part and friends in the traditional section of the wedding. When my turn came to speak I was ready.
“I think I must start by saying marriage is hard and a lot of people especially young ones need to know this before they rush into it. The reason why we are divorcing so much is partly because black people do not understand the need for counselling and to service their relationships. We believe that only when the fighting gets really bad we can either go talk to our uncles and aunts or if we are church goers our pastors. We do not believe in spending money with a marriage counsellor because well, it’s a waste of money. That’s how little we value our marriage and vows. We do not see a need to fight to stay together but rather to cut your losses and run. That’s what happens when you marry young, you tell yourself that you are still beautiful so there is no need to worry as someone else will want you. That’s the doom that most marriages find themselves in and a fate that is fast becoming inevitable. My friend, I love you, your husband must honor you just as much as you honor him! It’s a two way thing. Don’t be scared to service your relationship even when things are fine. Constantly look for ways to make it better because if you do that, you will both be ready when bad things come to fight them off together. Congratulations yet again and stay blessed!”
I went and hugged Miriam who was crying at the words I had said. People clapped and cheered. Mmmm maybe I should take up public speaking. I could not see my mum. She was gone. I could not chase after her now though. I found myself sitting on a random table because I needed to think.
“Who would have thought she would get married before us?”
Someone said and I turned to look who it was.
I said in complete and utter shock and she saw it too. Was she gate crashing? I had spoken about her just last night with Miriam and here she was in the flesh.
“Hello! Wow long time and the irony of this moment is not lost on me!”
She said with a smile on her face. You know when you haven’t seen someone in a long time and you completely have no idea what to say to them. That was this moment. That’s why weddings are usually like reunions.
“I know hey. What brings you here?”
I had to ask! It was just too unreal as we had spoken about her just last night.
“The groom is my first cousin. He told me he had found an angel and we were only going to meet her at the wedding…”
She said then she whistled. I could hear the sarcasm dripping in her words.
“If only he knew the truth!”
“Ana, they are happy! Drop it!”
I said to her.
“They are married already!”
I told her. She just smiled.
“Miriam is not my enemy, has never been even though she wanted every man I ever wanted or rather every man any one ever wanted! He is my cousin, my brother, if it was you what would you do?”
A lot of people don’t get this, as a woman what you do growing up often comes back to haunt you. No matter how many times you repent at church people will always remain the shit that you did.
“She has changed!”
I protested protecting my friend.
“Maybe she has but I can’t let this go on without telling him. I know too many guys who have been there and that white dress really should be black!”
What do I do now? Do I throw her out of the wedding and cause a scene or keep quiet and have her cause the scene.
“Please don’t do this!”
I asked her.
“I won’t don’t worry but this is not right. Girls like this should not get to end up there whilst girls like us are here as cheerleaders!”
She had issues this one. I told her it was nice seeing her again and tried to change the topic.
“Where are you based now?”
“I am in government so I am sure you know how boring that is.”
She said and we both laughed. I have never heard anyone who works for government that has ever praised the experience.
“At least you go there to sit all day and get paid for it!”
I responded. She was warming up to me which was good.
“That’s what people think but in Gauteng we work for our money. We are more scrutinised as its national so our bosses demand results!”
She said defending the indefensible. We started talking about work. Before long there two or three more people sharing in the conversation. The party had loosened up now and people were dancing and eating. It was more like an after party something which is critical to a wedding. With the road closed on either ends it meant that everyone from the street, invited and not invited was there now. The booze was out but being rationed as some of these nyaope boys tend to help themselves to more than they should.
“I tried this government thing and it didn’t work for me. There is no growth and you have to sleep with people to get promoted!”
One girl said.
“Ah come on, surely you can report such a person who demands that to the authorities!”
“You clearly have never been in government neh!”
One of the guys said, Thapelo was his name. He was one of those fast talking guys and you could see that he will bullshit you if you get close to him.
“Who are you going to report to because if it comes out that you have done that you will never enjoy working there again and what’s worse no one will ever promote you. That much is fact!”
He explained. He was almost boastful about the way he spoke meaning he was definitely not my time. These are those boys disguised as men. You date him and you find yourself raising and constantly chasing after them.
“And it’s the married ones that demand sex most of the time. The way they sleep with these interns, it’s like no one sees. You see an intern get promoted to a post higher than yours simply because you didn’t play game! These men own the departments and are unstoppable. I really need a job outside of government!”
The girl said. Her name was Bathabile. The conversation was drawing people.
“What do you do?”
Thapelo asked me.
“I am a Biochemist but now I am doing my MBA so it’s a bit hectic!”
I only realized I had said it when the words had left my mouth and I could not help but kick myself. I had resolved to always say I am a personal assistant so that people will not draw conclusions on me.
“At least you earn a lot of money! I know nothing about Bio Chemistry except that you guys are highly paid.”
Thapelo said immediately. That swagger had gone away now and he was even trying to sound clever now. Funny enough, I wanted a salary increase because I thought I was not being paid enough. Doctors earn over r35000 yet they still think they are grossly underpaid. Deep stuff!
“Must be nice!”
Bathabile added and I knew that already I was being judged. She clearly had no more interest in me and girls are very good at that.
“No wonder why you don’t know real people struggle. Never come to government.”
She said and that was the last time they actually spoke to me. They started talking amongst themselves. I was about to leave when Simba arrived to my rescue,
“I take it you have been avoiding me since lunch!”
He said as he sat beside me.
“I was not avoiding you. I was just busy that’s all!”
I lied. I didn’t want to be the one with the Zimbabwean guy and worse he had an accent to show that he was.
“That’s awesome, was worried that everyone had seen me being rejected!”
He said but in a funny way which made me laugh immediately.
“So are you married back home?”
I asked him.
“Wow that’s a stereotype right there but no am not married. In my country marriage is illegal!”
“You can’t be serious!”
I asked him totally shocked.
“Yes there is not enough money so the government feels it’s a waste of money for people to have big weddings, which they will if you let them so they just banned the whole shit!”
He said. I have heard so much about Zimbabwe, mostly negative so I believed him.
“Amazing. At least now you live in South Africa!”
I said to him genuinely concerned.
“Yes, I had to jump the border imagine, survived crocodiles in the Limpopo just to get here!”
He said. He was so serious.
“I am sorry to hear that!”
He stood up in a sudden manner that it startled me.
I asked him.
He walked away and then he came back,
“You are so close minded. I am none of the above. I am Zimbabwean yes, went to high school and university in South Africa. I have a Masters in Physics and is working on the Nuclear Energy project. Typical South African to believe that I was needy and beneath you! Good evening!”
He said and he walked away.
“Tjo you are so xenophobic!”
She said and the rest of the people on the table just looked at me with disgust!
Stereotypes! I had miscalculated.
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I’m 34 years old and my husband is 38 and we have 2 Kids, please tell me if I’m over reacting.
Every time we face difficult times his family never support us and I don’t mean financially cos we are fine there
For example I’m a cancer survivor and was in and out of hospital last year with chemo and was pregnant at the same time, not even on one day did his family come to visit me in hospital or at home, he has got 3 sisters and his parents.
My family will travel 500km to come see me and his family stays 50 km from us and they will say you guys you stay too far
I have birth to our second born and still sick not even 1 person came to see me or the baby when we asked for my mom in law for help she said she won’t be able to come and she only called me when the baby was 2 weeks to check up on us
Now my husband was arrested, was framed at work and stayed in jail for 5 days
I was running around with my 2 small kids and his family didn’t even come to visit or his mom to just call to check how things are
My husband is hurt by their behaviour
There are just so many cases that I can mention
1. Can I approach them about their behaviour?
2. Must I just keep quiet and accept that we are on our own