“Women that date broke men think they have better morals!” @LesibanaMakgai
Firstly I am not xenophobic and secondly I am not the only female who fears foreign men because there is always something at the back of our minds that says he is married! Moreover having stereotypes is hardly xenophobia, it’s just a lack of or unwillingness to understand or investigate that culture which is not yours. Just because you won’t date a foreign guy does not mean you are xenophobic. Anastasia had really annoyed me by that comment and I won’t even hide that!
“Why am I xenophobic?”
I asked her.
“Well I heard what you said to that guy and how he responded! Shame on you!”
She said. I was going to argue back but it actually hit me that it was not worth it. I stood up; tail between my legs and decided now was the best time to run away. I had been on my feet since morning and it was getting late now. I know I still had a part to play in the celebrations but I just could not. I mean we were neighbours and the party was on our street. I decided to go home.
“Back so soon?”
My mother asked when I entered.
“Mum I am tired. I just want to lie down and not have us fight!”
I told her. She did not argue with me on that fortunately and I went straight for the spare room. If it was not because I was parked in I probably would have driven straight to my apartment. My mother was annoying. I think I was super exhausted because I passed out immediately. There was not going to be a traditional wedding meaning my duties were done. There will be a lot of cleaning up that’s for sure.
“What happened to you last night? We looked for you!”
She asked me. Honeymoon sounds nice but in all honesty we really can’t afford a proper one. We end up in Durban where you go ten times a year or Cape Town where you are not sure if your blackness is fully welcome. Most people end up saying they will honeymoon at the end of the year but we all know that won’t happen because suddenly when you are married you are money conscious. Don’t think she won’t remind you for the rest of your life that you did not take her to one though.
“I left to go talk to my mum. She was on my case about you know what and somehow I passed out. I am sorry!”
I partially lied but it was true in any case.
“Oh that’s understandable. My mother was the last one on the dancefloor I am told because we also left early. Imagine my husband caught a stomach bug at his own wedding! What a loser?”
She said and we both laughed. I am not sure about this moment though. With your boyfriend you can diss and shame in front of people because well, he is your boyfriend. We can even share details with each other about dick sizes but can you say the same about your husband. You can’t be telling your friends about your husbands embarrassing moment period.
“We didn’t even have sex imagine that’s how bad it was! He couldn’t get it up because he was in pain! Had to take him to the doctor this morning!”
She said and sad as it was we both laughed. She was crazy.
“Imagine if we end up at Mans Clinic and that fat guy who does those adverts is telling him to talk about it!”
I was gone. I laughed so hard I had cramps. It was such a stupid conversation and I was going to miss having such moments with her. She did say her husband didn’t want her hanging out with us single friends.
“Where is he now?”
I asked her.
“He is at home sleeping now! I figured I should come see my mother but she chased me away saying I must go back to my husband and have sex!”
She said and we laughed. It was also time for me to go to my place and prepare for work tomorrow. I have been so busy with the wedding you would think I did not have a life either. So much to do with so little time I guess was my situation. My mother was still not in when I got into the house so I managed to live in peace. It was better this way.
I needed a few things so I decided to go by them by the Spar next to my place. I lived at Tinza, an estate in Lonehill Fourways. My friends often complained that it was impossible to find so they hardly ever came to visit. My apartment was towards the back and fortunately the estate pool was just behind it meaning at night I could just walk it 20 metres and take a dip. Today was a hot night so maybe I would do just that if I was not too tired.
When I got to Leaping Frog shopping Centre some of the shops were closed which made me decide to settle on Nandos. I parked next to a GTi. I bought my meal and as I walked out the owners of the car were entering it. They looked like brothers with one much younger than the other.
“Beautiful car! It must turn a lot of heads when you come out of it!”
He complimented me. I smiled at him tiredly and said thank you as I got in. I am not into fuck boys and anyone who drives that is a fuck boy. They usually have the emotional aptitude of a flea, love themselves beyond and think that they shit chocolate which does not smell!
“Do you think it can take me out robot to robot?”
He asked me. Was he really asking to race me? I am not surprised though, ever since I got this car, whenever I stop at a traffic light and one of these fuckboys park next to you, they want to beat you! Them and guys who drive Citi Golf! They all play loud music and think that they are forever young.
“No sir, I don’t think I can beat you!”
I said annoyed and got into my car. My keys fell and I heard the little brother speak,
“Why didn’t you hit on her?”
He asked her.
“Dude if she is driving that car what is her man driving but she is a hot mami?”
He responded. Oh, they also speak like they swallowed Emtee singing Pearl Thusi with that bad accent of his! I shut the door and I drove off.
By the way, I drive a BMW 4 series. I have upgraded from the rich cousin of VW, Audi A4. Everyone seems to have an A4. I like beauty and comfort and in BMW I had found that. I loved my car. It was red and had a panoramic sun roof plus many of the gadgets guys like. I am sorry I don’t understand the fascination with a sun roof but the person who had helped me choose it had absolutely insisted that the car would not be the same without it. I had gone with my colleague who was a car enthusiast to buy it.
When I got home my phone was ringing and my prayers were answered when it was not my mother calling.
“Hey girl sorry I didn’t talk to you yesterday but I figured you were quite busy with the wedding. How was it?”
She asked me. I told her all about the Simba incident and she laughed at me.
“I have told you many times that you need to listen to people first before jumping to conclusions!”
She told me. Yes she has but I don’t think I was far off. He had tricked me into believing all the things he had said and when I did he had overreacted and called me names.
“Oh well he was possibly the only nice person there! I just wanted to go home at the end of the day!”
“So what are you going to do about it?”
“Do about what?”
“I have never heard you come back and mention a guy the way you did Simba so clearly you like him! My question is what are you going to do about it?”
She asked again.
“I don’t think I understand you!”
“I think you should look for him, apologize and maybe finally get yourself a decent guy!”
She said and I laughed at her as though she had something remarkably stupid.
“You want me to go after a man? Are you mad?”
I asked her. She did not take offence at this but instead continued,
“Yes I think you should! What do you have to lose? Your pride? Your pride doesn’t keep you warm at night nor will it fill that void in you. It won’t protect you from your mother when she embarrasses you in public yet again!”
She said thoughtfully.
“I can see your point but no thank you. No matter how educated you are women don’t chase after man!”
“Who said anything about your education? I am talking about you the person. I often hear you speak about how these men don’t respect you what what but do you respect yourself! Why can’t you go for whom you want? The only one oppressed is you by yourself!”
She said and laughed. I laughed too but probably because I was now uncomfortable with this conversation. There is a written law somewhere, don’t ask me where, that a woman should behave like a little princess so that prince charming will come and find her not the other way around. Women are supposed to be pursued and that’s that!
“The reason why you always get hurt in relationships is because the guy pursues and cheats on you then you ask yourself why he bothered coming after you if these were his intentions! I am just saying that you can do better and right by yourself. Stop this thing of waiting at the bus hoping someone will notice you have eyes and a brain to notice them for yourself.”
I did not get that bus thing but she had made my night and had to get rid of her now.
“Good night Cindy!”
“Good night loser!”
She said and again we laughed. Cindy had always been a frank speaker. She did not beat around the bush and would tell you exactly what came to her mind. She was therefore not kidding about me pursuing Simba but nope, I was not interested.
“Hey beautiful, I got your number from a friend at the wedding and wanted to say you looked beautiful. Would you like to go on a date? Please reply on WhatsApp I don’t have airtime!”
Firstly I had no idea who this was and secondly, had he really asked me to go WhatsApp? If I logged in now I knew he would be waiting as I would have added him. Hell no!
“Lord if I have done anything to offend you please forgive me!”
Switched off my phone but won’t lie, the curiosity was killing me!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Hi Mike and the team
Thank you so much for the effort you put in everyday to writing the blog. All the issues you write about ate real life and so relatable. I look forward to my daily dose.
I got married to my husband 3 years ago, we’ve been together for 8. We stayed in the same city, I was doing my second year at varsity, and he was already working. After we started dating I got pregnant and went back to kzn to give birth and completed my studies that side. A year later I found a job in kzn while he was still in jhb and we were still very much together. 3 years ago we got married my problem started 6 months into the marriage. I found an sms on his phone (accidentally) from a girl saying “you have to start paying for your son, he needs to know his father. He is no longer a baby, he is 3.” After reading the sms I asked him about it and he came clean. He says the girl was a one night stand that happened while I was working in kzn, they had met on social media and decided to hook up. They never spoke again after that, a few months down the line lady tells him shes pregnant and he didn’t think it was his because they had condomised. Now 3 years later the lady is back. And now my husband thinks it his baby because he saw the pic and the child looks like him but he’s not ready to take responsibility yet. I get angry at his attitude because not only did he also have an absent father but I don’t want this boy to grow up hating me for taking his father away. 3 years later everytime I talk about his son he says he’ll take care of it and he never does anything. How do I push this man to take responsibility? He is a good father to my son (the best father honestly) and a great husband to me.
Please advise me