“There are two things that waste young people’s time and that’s alcohol and relationships. Alcohol is a vice that will never ever for one day add value to your life unless you are either producing it or selling it. Relationships have the worst success rate in any venture you ever partake in. In fact only 10 percent of all your romantic relationships end up in success and often the other 90% ended up so disastrous you don’t fully trust the 10 % good ones that were a success” Mike Maphoto
We all do something stupid once in a while. We are all stupid in a way if that’s the word to use and do silly things when we least expect it. It’s never something that’s planned hence why it’s a moment. It’s how you handle it afterwards that determines whether it will haunt you for the rest of your life or if it’s something you can laugh about soon after, I could choose to take my bag and run for the hills or choose to match him at his game and show him I can play it better. I had already come on too strong so I had to tone it down without being awkward. Eish, its easier said than done when things have gone the way they had for me with him. I was usually composed and in charge but at this moment I felt more like a giddy school girl who had had just been hit on by the guy she had been crushing on all year. I swear it’s not easy being a girl.
“That was funny for you huh? Me running around like a headless chicken like that?”
I gave him my best bemused look to make him feel guilty about making me feel like this.
He responded clearly unfazed by it at all. He was very confident and corky possibly because he thought he had me on a string or was it his normal personality. He smiled once more and said,
“Your bag is kind of heavy, what on earth do you carry in there?”
He asked me. I think he was hinting that I should never let him carry it again.
“Oh sorry about that and thanks again for being a gentleman!”
I said immediately!
“No need to apologize you did nothing wrong!”
He responded. A woman will complain about grocery shopping bags being heavy after carrying them for ten minutes when she can carry a handbag almost as heavy the whole day. I was one of those. My handbag was my life and I had my whole life in there, literally!
“A woman’s handbag is a treasure trove of secrets!”
I told her trying to maintain a level of sophistication and I response to his question. Don’t think I had missed that.
“Can I ask you a question, and it’s something I have observed not just with you?”
He asked me. What now? He had a lot of stupid questions this one and I had learned already that he took pleasure in tormenting me.
“You might as well!”
I responded not sure what to expect this time not that I minded.
“Why do women always need the bathroom and often by the time they get to it they will be about to burst?”
He asked me. What a dumb question but he was right, with me anyway! I did not have a weak bladder but for some reason I only ended up in the bathroom when it was absolutely necessary.
“I actually have no answer for you and I don’t know if it’s a woman thing either! It’s not like I ask all my girlfriends such questions! It’s like me asking why men pee standing up when it’s much simpler to do it sitting!”
I gave him my best cheeky retort!
“Oh I can answer that! It’s faster, cleaner, and I don’t have to take out my entire ass, which is big mind you…”
He said and the cheeky bastard turned around to show me his ass. He was actually funny and goofy at the same time. Had my luck finally turned? I not only had a good looking man but one with a sense of humour. Trust me when I say this, a lot of men don’t have and those that think they are funny are actually offensive.
“It is big hey. Almost as big as mine!”
I responded and we laughed again.
“This time I am walking you to your car just to make sure that you don’t follow me again!”
He said. This time I did not take offense because I was really enjoying his company. I had clearly been too quick to judge him. There is something about walking with a beautiful man and every other woman is looking at you walk past. There is envy in their eyes, a bit of lust, maybe jealousy too but the power and satisfaction you feel. I know as women we have now evolved to preferring any man as long as he has a job or money but 99% of the time if a hot yummy dude was to hit on you long enough you will be unfaithful. You will see your man’s mkhaba later. Isiddla sakho singasala endlini shem but for now a good hard body is something to savour.
I made sure I walked slowly just so I could prolong our time together. We spoke about anything and everything. Eventually we got to my car and he was saying that he was later already, he had to go.
“I promise I will call you!”
He said to me. I was carrying the plastics from Clicks plus my bag so I opened my car and put my phone on top of it. I placed the bags in the boot. I was being strategic. With my hands free it meant that if what I thought was about to happen happens my hands would be free to touch that body of his. I was craving this.
He said. I know it was nice but please don’t be intimidated by it I prayed to myself because I had been here before!
“Kills me on fuel though, I think I should get a bicycle!”
I said and we smiled. The moment was perfect. The only thing missing was the fireworks or drumroll. We stood there looking at each other and I closed my eyes. Don’t ask me why but it’s what white people do in the movies right and besides he was practically British. Oh my lord he was going to kiss me. Those lips are going to touch mine. My heart was beating so fast I swear I thought he could hear it!
‘Shit I should have put a little more lip-gloss, what if my lips are dry? What if he thinks my lips are chirpy? What about my breath?”
These questions suddenly went through me at that moment my eyes closed.
“Uhm, why are your eyes closed?”
He asked me! What the fuck? Dude! He was not joking either.
“I close my eyes when I hug someone!”
I lied! Well not really, if I like you I close my eyes when I hug you especially if there is someone behind you. It’s kind of weird to have your eyes fully open, what will you be staring at.
“Oh ok cool. I would have read that wrong and didn’t want to get my teeth punched in for kissing you! Wow dodged a bullet there hey because I was about to!”
He said. He immediately hugged me before I could respond. I felt so stupid. The hug was not even that long. He turned and walked away leaving me speechless. What had just happened here! Had my cowardice to say I thought he was about to kiss me cost me the very kiss I wanted?
I said whispering to myself as he walked away. I got into the car.
“Lungile you idiot!”
I cursed myself but it’s that thing I was saying that somewhere it is written that as a woman you can’t make the first move. I think he liked me though! Did he? How can I describe the sensations that swamped me as I drove out of Melrose at that time? I was excitedly and my body was tingling in all the right places. Tonight I might take out Boy-Boy and give him a run. I blushed at my own thoughts as I drove. When I got home I had so much work to do! I poured myself a glass of red wine. I was not hungry at all so tonight I was most likely not going to eat. Besides this guy was based in England, they have skinny women there so maybe a diet was calling me. I am good at those shem, any diet that has been released, trust me I have used it but with no results. Maybe I should join a Born Again church because those people FAST for fun and all the time. Why was he not calling? Maybe I should call him. Cindy had asked me to take the bull by the horns right. I went to look for my phone. Where the bloody hell was it? I couldn’t find it! Shit!
“I left it on the top of the car!”
I ran outside in the vein hope that it was still there but alas, it was gone! I really wanted to cry. I had just got the new Samsung S7 but thank heavens I had had the foresight to insure it!
“You are so stupid!”
I told myself and it served me right too! I had behaved like a teenager meeting a guy for the first time. All my wedding pictures were in there, even the ones from the bachelorette party of the naked stripper dancing on Miriam. I had cause to worry. I slept really late. I was tired and I was waking up early in the morning. Fortunately I did not stay too far from work. In the morning I just woke up unhappy. Why would I be happy? I will never know if he called.
As I walked into the office I was feeling gloomy. I was not happy at all and I was worried about those pictures. I was early actually, funny enough. I had an email from H.R to come see them as soon as I got in.
“Good morning Lisa?”
I said to the lady in H.R when I walked.
“I got a message that you needed to see me! What’s up?”
I said faking a smile because I actually did not like her that much. One of those pretentious people in your life you have to deal with because you have no choice.
“Morning. No unfortunately not!”
She said which worried me a little.
“Your boss asked us to deliver you a written warning for insubordination but because you have never received a warning before we downgraded it to verbal.”
She said. I think she thought I would say thank you but at this stage I was just confused.
“Maybe I should get my lawyer to ask why I am being given a warning!”
I said and I stood up and left.
What the hell?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I am first year student at UJ studying chemical engineering. Now the problem is that I got really great matric results, B’s only and here they only offer national diplomas. I think this is unfair as people who obtained the same results as mine are studying towards their degrees. But my parents really don’t understand the difference between a degree and a diploma so they don’t want me dropping out
.I am confused as to what I must do now. I am considering dropping out this semester and then start applying to varsities that offer a degree in this course. But I am really scared of messing up and regretting this decision for the rest of my life.