Social media has become the levelling factor in so many issues today. Its very destructive and can ruin a persons life in moments. Its reckless and truth be told, I don’t condone people that use it to harm others whether this for the sake of revenge or justice. Useless baby daddys however need a registry where they are exposed to warn other women to be aware of them. Mudenda for me was one of those men who deserved to be on that list. You know how in America they have a list for paedophiles so that people in the area can be warned when one moves into their area, I feel the same towards baby daddies like him. We should name and shame them. We keep on saying as women we are oppressed but are we doing about it. We think our independence lies in us being perfect single mothers but this is only AFTER our hearts have been broken over and over again. Do you not get tired of this vicious cycle? Its time I did what I want and show this man what being vulnerable is all about. Try being a single mom with no options and no job to see why I am so bitter.
“You know we haven’t even gone to court yet for maintenance!”
I found myself telling one of the girls in the office. That’s what frustration was doing to me.
She asked me. I started telling her how long the process and it hit me that no one actually cared for me or my child. Why was I still suffering after so long? Its so hard to believe though and sitting here I realized it was Amo and myself against the world. Now they were trying to take Amo away from me and that hurt. I wanted my son and I would destroy anyone in front of me preventing that. I could point so many fingers at Mudenda but eventually everything lay on me.
Aurelia must have been missing me a lot because she called me again.
“Dude I can’t believe you are you crazy?”
She said and laughed at the same time. I played the innocent role.
“What do you mean?”
” Don’t play coy with I saw what you did, you are crazy you know that right?”
She said to me and we both laughed. She told me all the implications tthat could come with that posts as now even the link was on Twitter and some industrious person hhad seen it fit to debut it on instagram. I had forgotten to put his Twitter handle and hers too so I went and updated the post to include that.
“I am just frustrated Aurelia and I need him to feel what I am going through. He is sitting there with Meladi having a good time but what about me? I have to worry about our child and make sure that he is fed and clothes, safe and at home but he does not care. Its not easy!”
I think the joke was over because she could hear how serious I was about this.
“I am sorry that you going through this buddy! I really am, is there anything I can do to help?”
She asked me without hesitation. You see that’s why I love Aurelia, we might have a different view point on the world but she was the one person who had my back. She was my best friend without a doubt.
“No there is nothing you can do. Its my problem and when I get stuck I will call you and we can do damage together!”
I said managing I think to crack a joke under the circumstances.
“Now see what you have done, I was calling to congratulate you on being evil but now am just as sad as you. How do you manage to do that?”
She asked me.
“Are you crying dude?”
I asked her. She said she was not but I could hear she was. Welcome to the world of pregnancy I suppose. Being emotional for nothing.
“I have to go. Its still going to be a long day for me unfortunately!”
I told her. She told me she had to go to Gateway to fetch some things from someone otherwise she would be home the whole day.
When she hung up my boss came to my desk and called me to his office. He could have called me and I would have come.
“How are you holding up?”
He asked me in a friendly way.
“I am ok sir and you!”
“I am fine. I meant how are things with your baby!”
He asked me. I had missed that part totally.
“Things are so and so. He is coming home for the weekend for the first time tomorrow so for me that’s a much awaited bonus!”
I told him. I think he could see by the emotion on my face that I was excited but too cautious to show it.
“Do you want to go home early so you can prepare for him? There is not a lot of work here and the others will leave early too because they have to leave for Limpopo early in the morning.”
I told him I was fine as I had not finished yesterdays targets but once I was done it was a yes I would want to leave. He did not dispute me with that and I left his office. As luck would have it, the work I had not completed took the better part of the day and by the time I finished it was almost four. My mother and sister were waiting for me outside at this point.
“For someone getting her baby back you don’t have that sense of urgency”
My mother said sounding annoyed but I could hear she was excited.
I had barely sat down when my phone rang. It was a private number. It was Mudenda calling me again.
“I am going to destroy you for what you did you know that right?”
He said calmly. I know he had a good reason to be making such a threat but I had learned from him first hand that only cowards make threats against women and Mudenda was a proper classic at it. He hung up as soon as he said that and I think so that he was not succeeding in making me angry.
My notifications were going crazy and when I got a call from the last person I expected I knew that poem had reached far. It was Zama Mpanza. She was part of the foursome at university.
“Are things that bad with Mudenda you would do that friend?”
She asked me. It had been so long since I last spoke to her. We ended up catching up on many other things before I could even answer that question. Eventually I answered her initial question,
“Its too late now. I can’t take it down because so many people have. Already shared it. Some girl even said that she relates with it word for word and tagged over twenty people!”
I told her. She laughed and said this is why she did not date younger men. They often came with too much drama and only had regrets about life when they messed up. Older men have to be cautious at every turn because its easier to get into meaningful trouble. That’s the reason why younger guys don’t care whom they hurt. There are no consequences as far as they are concerned and social media is it.
“Essien isn’t that much older than you!”
I reminded her of her Nigerian husband. My one friend who had got it all right was married to a Nigerian man yet us who were chasing these South African men were stuck and frustrated. It almost felt like kharma considerring how much we diss and disapprove of Nigerian men. They at least marry us whilst South African men find every excuse in the book before they can even consider us.
“You promised you would visit, what happened?”
She asked me. Eish I had been so caught up with the drama in my life for so long all that was long forgotten. With my mother in the car it was hard to fill her in on all the developments that had taken place in our lives but I promised I would make time. Hanging up sucked but I realized now that my mother would hear all our secrets so maybe it was wise to do so.
When we got there we were a bit late because of traffic.
“I thought you were no longer coming!”
The social worker said.
“Agnes left about an hour ago.”
She explained. I was not here to see neither her nor Agnes so that was irrelevent to me. Where was my baby?
“Come let’s go fetch your baby!”
She said casually. The excitement levels. Even my mother had a skip in her step. The distance felt like it was long but that’s to be expected under the circumstances.
He was lying on his tummy when I approached him. I was obviously in front because that’s the way it had to be but as soon as I got to the cot I turned around and said,
“This is not Amo! This is Rueben!”
She looked at me as though it was a matter of fact and said,
“Yes I know. I don’t understand your point!”
“I was told I was coming to pick up my son and I am here and this is not my son!”
I protested. My mother had her mouth on her hand and my sister was in tears.
“I think you misunderstood me, you are supposed to take your biological child with you home! We would like to monitor how they are coping in that environment. That’s the whole point!”
I looked at this woman for a moment like she was crazy.
“You mean I must take Rueben home and Amo goes with Agnes!”
I asked her. I had her in the first place but I really needed clarity on this ludicrous plan.
“Precisely. You are only delaying the process and we can’t keep the kids for too long without coming up with a plan!”
I was torn. I did not know what to do because taking Rueben would mean I would have accepted our fate.
“Are you taking him home or not?”
She asked me!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thanks for reading my letter
I just turned 28 this year and in a happy relationship with a handsome and very loving 32 year old man. We met in 2013 on facebook and as much as we thought it will never work, we are still strong and even talking marriage now. Now my problem is we desperately want to get pregnant because we are financially and otherwise ready for that move. My problem is as much sex as we have and after trying all tricks in the book, i still cant get preg. i have consulted medical doctors and even went for operations to clean my womb but a year later i still cant get preg, last year my mom (who is a die hard born again pastor) took me to her prophet friend who is also a christian because i was complaning of irregular periods and because i couldnt really tell my mom i want a baby, as she will say its a sin and i cant have kids b4 marriage. The prophet told me i was given a glass of sprite and morogo so that i shouldnt have kids (basically i was bewitched not to conceive), the prophet prayed for me and told me i will be healed but i have to be serious with church and God for me to see my healing and now 6 months down the line im still not pregnant because i never repented and still having sex before marriage which is a sin. But now recently me and my boyfriend have been talking and he is suggesting that i should go see a traditional healer and as much as i dont believe in that im considering it since m desperate for a baby and mengwaga eya tsamaya. Note: I will have to do this without my mother’s knowledge because she will say i have demons for even thinking that. Should i do this and Does anyone know any real healer who can assist me without me selling my soul to the devil.