We all have that one moment before we sleep, unless you are drunk of course then this would not exactly apply to you. This is moment that we get lost in our thoughts be it beautiful or painful ones. Usually we think of our lives, recap the day, plan tomorrow and the last part of course is dream about a better future. I know most of us have dreamt of what we will do when we finally win the lotto and it is at this moment that life seems as though it can be so much better. It’s those last few minutes before the darkness fully captures us and we can never quite remember fully what moment exactly we gave up on staying up. It’s the twilight zone so to speak as we get to have the most time in our thoughts to ourselves. When you are a married woman and my age, those dreams don’t exist anymore. In fact, most of the time you think of how much you could have achieved had you paid a little more attention to what was happening in your life. Regrets are part of life but when you in your middle ages as a woman it’s all that you seem to think of. That feeling of failure and often, your husband is the symbol of that failure. Yet again, that was me today. Sizwe really had a way of being disappointing. How he had treated the girls, me included had really let him down. You cannot treat your child like that no matter what. What Zethu had said about my marriage I had not expected but…
Crap he is calling.
I said answering the phone coldly.
“Why did you leave just like that?”
He asked me. My husband like most men has got this thing of after a fight he almost acts as though it never happened.
“Did you just ask me that?”
I asked him. I really wanted to hang up on him for asking that stupid question.
“Yes. Since when do we run out on each other when we are in disagreement of something Nothabo?”
He asked me.
“Since when you decide to act like an inconsiderate brute? What the hell was that Sizwe?”
I asked him remembering my anger. Yeah, I admit at times I forget I was angry.
“Yes I might have been a bit unreasonable but that gives you no excuse to walk out just like that. What message did you send all the girls?”
He asked me I think trying to make me feel guilty about myself.
“I sent them the message that no man, including their father, can treat them as though they are objects and worth nothing!”
I told him. He paused and I am sure he was thinking of what to say.
“I know where you are and you are going to pay me back that money!”
He said changing the topic. Of course he knew, I was not hiding in the first place. His credit card would have sent a message to inform him that it had been swiped at the Maslow.
“I know you know but I don’t want you to come here! Give these girls a break please.”
I told him. I thought he would protest but he did not. He knew he was in trouble and I was not backing down.
“But how long do you intend to sleep out. Come home so we can all discuss this please!”
I knew I could not stay out forever but for as long as I could, I would.
I said coldly and I hung up. Let him think about that pshhh! I was tempted to go check on the girls yet again but at times we court disappointed that induces anger. If I went to them and found them blowing off some steam we will all end up in a fight and that helped no one.
“O to be old!”
I muttered to myself as I stared at the ceiling. I will give them this one night to have fun. With the mood that Nozipho was in I strongly doubt she will be head of the party. She would most likely sleep leaving the two useless rebels to misbehave. Some kids honestly, we might love them but they are a waste of space!
I don’t know why I decided to do something I had never done or rather I had not done in a long time. I sat down and I opened my daughter’s phone, went to google and typed in “Online Bible”. It was weird, I knew I wanted to read the bible, maybe pray, but I was absolutely blank as to what it is I wanted to read on. I switched off the phone and found myself crying. I was really trying to hold things together but I don’t think I am one of those women who were built tough.
I could not sleep. I got up and decided to go to the bar to have a drink. When last did I drink even?
The bar actually had a steady crowd but these girls with their fake hair, nails and lips were so young. As a mother I was asking myself what was happening really. The men with them were also of a ripe age, if I call them biltong I will be too kind. I know hotels are a business but they are part of the devils I swear. How do you serve drinks to a grandfather rubbing a girl as small as Lintle’s ass? It was disgusting but like typical South African, it was none of my business, I ordered my drink and I sat down. I have never done this whole bar scene but I was not here to meet people. I was quite happy being alone. A man entered and sat across the room from me. He ordered a whisky, I know because of the short glass. He sipped it slowly. It seemed as though he was checking the coast. I was looking at him and imagine my annoyance when he stood up and walked towards me. What the fuck? Did I look that desperate? He was not ugly but I was not going to be picked up like used piece of toilet paper! That’s what I think of women who get picked up in bars and at clubs by strangers.
“How are you?”
The man said to me. I could not help but wonder if because I was here he thought I was a prostitute. A woman drinking alone in a hotel bar reeks of that. No one can ever assume that I am here for a business meeting or something like that.
“Am good and you?”
“I am good. Mind if I join you. The girls in this place are rather premature and it looks very odd!”
He said in what was between a joke and an inappropriate comment. Was he saying I was too old to be in this space? I know I was but some things we are not supposed to say.
“I get you.”
“Do you mind if I sit down?”
He said. I told him he could. At least he was polite about it. Some men sit by force and you are forced to talk to them.
“Question: What would you do if you found your daughter here in this environment?”
He asked me. Somehow we both laughed because we were thinking the same things. He was the CEO of a big company based in Cape Town and was here for a conference at the convention centre. His company had booked him here but he was certain that the following day they had to move him.
“I can’t stay in this brothel, it’s embarrassing! I am even ashamed!”
He said. The drinks started flowing. It’s amazing how talking to someone with actual intellect is really stimulating. I was so glad that I could just let go. He told me all about his family and his business. I don’t know if he was just chatty or if it was the drinks that were making him talk but he was really pleasant company. Not once did Nelisa or the other girls appear and I won’t lie, I was actually looking out for them. I did not have a business card but he gave me his. His name now that I had his card in hand was actually very familiar.
“I have to go to bed now. I suggest so should you as well seeing the time!”
He said standing up. I really did not want him to leave but he was right. We had out drunk ourselves for one night. I gave him my number and thank heavens I came with my purse so it was a business card I handed over.
He said. He was not intimidated by it at all and smiled. We hugged goodnight and he left. I followed ten minutes later and went to my room. I drank two Panado tablets, lay on my bed and just passed out. That was the right thing to do.
I was woken up by a loud knock on the door. It was Nelisa.
“What is the commotion about?”
I asked her very annoyed. I did not have a headache so I was clear minded.
“We have a big problem…”
She said practically crying, no am wrong, she was crying, she was in tears.
“What has happened to Lintle?”
I asked immediately. It was the first thing that came to that.
“Tell me what has happened to her?”
I asked her!
“It was not Lintle. Lintle is fine. It’s Nozipho! Come to our room please!’
She said already running out. I was in my pyjamas but I ran out with her.
“What has happened?”
I asked her as I ran after her.
When we got to the room I found Lintle covered in blood standing in the bathroom.
Nozipho was lying in the tub and there was blood everywhere. It’s like I had never seen so much blood.
‘What have you done?”
I said running to her lifeless body. She had slit her wrists.
I checked her pulse.
I cant believe I am saying this,
She was dead!
*****The End *****
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Welcome back. We hope you had a wonderful and safe Easter break. Thank you for re-joining us.
Before the break there was a bit of confusion from all sides I suppose. We have always posted a chapter on either blog once every two days. It’s been a system that works as it gives us time to freshen up ideas. Yes Rumblings finished but that did not mean Realities would be an everyday thing as indeed a new blog was announced the same day Rumblings finished to replace it. I hope it was just a misunderstanding for we were not inconsistent with the posting. We apologise regardless for the inconvenience.
Growing Up had a few glitches in posting which is why over the weekend we tried to make it up to you. It was our fault and we accept the blame on it.
Missteps is a high intensity thriller which I am afraid to say at times we hit a blank as writers. It is such a wonderful story and we intend to give a bonus chapter every weekend but at times it just happens that it does not quite come out. We will not present you a shoddy storyline because at the end of the day a lot of people love that blog.
Again, hope we find you well and you had a blessed Easter.
Thank you for posting and reading this long story of mine in advance
I am a 26 years old lady; I have been through a horrible childhood. I was raised by a single mother, she would beat me for no reason and what so ever mistake I did would be a big deal to her, as if she was bitter for my “sperm donor” leaving her. Well that is just a small relevant background. In 2010 I meet this other guy, he had a car and all in his life and I was doing my first year. We went out for a few days but I ended things with him after I meet this other student (2nd year) because I didn’t believe in dating a guy who has it all, rather prefer I guy who we would build an empire together. He didn’t take it well and he kept calling me and texting me. However I ignored him since I was in love. After 2 year 6 months of dating the guy in varsity he broke up with me giving some religious excuses. then that very same December in 2012 the guy from 2010 started texting me and calling me, so we meet this other day, went to the mall drove around town and we decided to be naughty in the car and all, when he was about to drop me he told me to get morning after pills. I did buy them the following day, but turned out the creation from that 30 seconds could beat the morning after away. So I discovered that I am pregnant, I told him and he said it was not his, and me being in fear of being a single parent I went on google searching for my options and I felt that abortion was the solution, I went on and searched for the best clinic found it and I killed my innocent soul. He then called after a while and asked about his babies, (oh jah, on the scan the doctors said chances are it twins) told him that as well and also told him that I am having an aborting hoping he would react but he wouldn’t care less. So the day he called I told him that I had the pregnancy terminated that is when he said he will never talk to me again. It broke me down so much but I kind of understood him coz I hated myself for what I did. But every time he would drunk dial me talking about how I killed his babies and all, have tried asking for forgiveness from him but he said the only way is if I come sleep with him and give him a baby. Sometimes he just calls and cries talking about how old his kids would have been. I really want him to forgive me but really don’t know how. Tried avoiding him by changing my numbers but I keep thinking of him and the pain I might have put him through.
Really need closure and forget this past but I am failing.