There is this song, took me a while to remember it because you know its one of those songs us women think is so unnecessary. Its called “Same script different cast” I think its a Whitney Houston song and some other lady I don’t care much to know. I remember once reading its reviews and one female commentator pointing out that no woman wants to be warned about how bad a man is. When you think about it she was saying that no woman wants another woman to look out for her when it comes to a man. Its remarkable really that even rapists who served time in jail when they come out they too get to get married and have kids. If you were to warn that new wife about her pending husband you can even get killed for sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong. How many of you have dated an abusive boyfriend? He beat you up till you turned blue! He cheated, lied and even stole something from you? Have you ever warned other women about him or rather when he left you felt as though he was now someone elses problems so why care? The problem with women is that we think we know best when it comes to men. We can tame a bad boy that’s why we love them, he chose me over you that’s why you are jealous, he is just misunderstood that’s why you could never handle him or the best one yet, you are spiteful, lost him to a better woman (being me) that’s why you are trying to break us up! That’s how much we love each other as women! Its got nothing to do with men, who stick together mind you, but is all on us! We can have as many special holidays to honor us women but unless we honor ourselves and each other the song I should have quoted is “Who is fooling who?” Just for its name.
I warned Zethu about my brother but to her I was standing in front of her happiness. He was my brother mind you not my lover but she didn’t care about that, me being the one to warn her made me that woman I mentioned above.
“Zethu you asking me to go and report my brother to the police?”
I asked her. I was not being part of the problem but would you turn over your own brother? Its next to impossible.
“What am I supposed to do? We can’t let him get away with this!”
She said to me of which she was right.
“Why don’t you dump him? Isn’t that easier?”
I asked her. She looked at me like I was crazy. I swear it was priceless.
She asked me as though I had clearly lost it.
“Yes dump him!”
“Not a chance! I love him!”
She said incredulously even through the tears. Her eye was actually swelling up.
“But he hit you!”
I told her.
“Yes he did but I was wrong and I accept that. I made the mistake of telling him I went on a date with my ex without telling him. I want to go to the police so that he knows he can never do it again as he will know I am willing to take action.”
She explained. I was a bit confused by this. So if a woman does something wrong she can be hit like she is a child…oh wait…by law even children don’t get hit!
“Zethu are you listening to yourself?”
I asked her. What is wrong with us women really? The way we can justify bullshit is beyond measure.
“Are you coming to the police with me or not?”
She asked me. I told her no I was not because clearly she had it all figured out. Him hitting you just once was more than enough and there is no excuse whatsoever when it comes to this.
“Nothabo you are my bestfriend, you are supposed to hold my hand through times like these!”
She said trying to guilt me.
“Yes I am your bestfriend but if I am yours then that means you must listen to me. My brother from day one I told you is bad for you, you refused to listen and even ignored me for a few days. Today you are hear with a black eye and again I am telling you the same thing that he is not the one for you but again you are fighting it.”
I warned her still.
“Nothabo I am pregnant. I have not told him yet because, well I don’t why yet!”
Now she was pregnant. The miracles of this world.
“Eh… Congratulations! Wow didn’t expect that!”
I said. I wanted to hug her even though it was a very awkward time indeed.
“How long have you known this?”
I asked her during the hug. She said it had been a few days but she was certain. Dating an abusive man is one thing but having his child and a reason for him to fight harder for you is definitely quite another.
“Why are you not telling him?”
I asked her. It was a good question because a baby is such a huge thing and you can’t keep such a thing a secret.
“I am not sure why not! I think its because at times I feel as though he is not ready to be a father!”
She said. I heard what she said but I think I got what she meant. She was cared if she told him he would dump her. This is South Africa after all where a woman stops being attractive to her man the moment she carries his child. In fact getting pregnant in South African relationship is probably more dangerous than cheating. Cheating is seen as normal even that’s how deep it is. Brainwashed by love, sies!
This was a lot to swallow for one day but after I refused to take her to the police she calmed down. Mapula made us tea and we spoke.
“Why did he hit you?”
I asked her.
“My ex was in town and he asked to have lunch with him. I was not expecting him and I agreed. After I went I felt guilty and did not tell Kgosi. Somehow he found out and that was the reaction!”
She explained to me. She went out with her ex and possibly nothing hapened. Even if it had, he had no right to beat her up.
“I am sorry to hear that!”
I told her as her phone rang.
She said showing me the caller I.D. It was so funny because its not like I had doubted her in the first place when she said it was him.
“What do you want?”
She asked when she picked up the phone. Her phone was loud enough for me to hear what was being said,
“I am outside!”
“Outside where? I am not at home!”
She said immediately.
“No, am outside my sisters house!”
“Fuck! You followed me! That is creepy! I need space and you follow me!”
She protested. She stood up and went to lock the door, of my house! Priceless!
She shouted from inside. Were they really going to do this here! The disrespect of these people.
“Aowa Zethu you can’t fight over here!”
I said to her.
“This is my husbands house and for you guys to do this here disrespects us!”
I told her sternly.
“I am sorry! I was not thinking. Its just that your brother frustrates me so much!”
She said as she unlocked the door. I was expecting my brother to come budging in but there he was instead holding a bunch of flowers!
“Awwww that is so sweet!”
She said immediately forgetting her anger. It was so surreal.
“I am sorry baby I got so jealous and so angry!”
He said as he handed the flowers over to her.
“I don’t know what I was thinking and I swear I will never do that again!”
“You hit me Kgosi! Where did you get it that you can hit a woman? You should know better!”
She said angrily but at this stage the tone of her voice was not as harsh as it had been earlier. I knew already that she would forgive him.
“I know. I am sorry!”
He said and came towards her as if to hug her. That’s when I stepped in and went in front of him. He is my brother and he is an idiot. I pulled him by the ear.
“Ah Nothabo what are you doing?”
He said wincing in pain,
“How dare you hit a woman? Sies Kgosi you want to be like your father!”
I said angrily. He hated being compared to our father because he hated his ways so I knew that would hit home.
“From today onwards you apologize everyday to this woman over what you did.”
I warned him.
“I won’t do it again, I promise!”
He said jumping up and down in pain as I tightened my grip. Zethu was smiling saying that he deserved it. I was not sure if this is what he needed. This relationship was a disaster waiting to happen.
“Can I come in so we can talk?”
He said after I let go of him.
“Ok but you must listen to what your sister says. That’s the agreement!”
Zethu said inviting him into my house. She was too comfortable this one. He walked in like a thief in the night, a bit embarrassed by how I had manhandled him.
“Kgosi there is something I want to tell you…”
Zethu said as soon as he sat down.
“I have already apologized love please don’t dump me!”
He said which made me laugh.
“I am not going to dump you silly!”
She said. All the fighting was forgotten even though the black eye was swelling right in front of them.
“I am pregnant!”
She said in what felt as though it was sudden.
He said bemused,
“I am pregnant baby!”
She said again this time putting her hand on her tummy as though to show emphasis!
“Its not my baby. We have never not used a condom because of you!”
He said and he stood up and walked out just like that!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Once upon a time I wrote to you asking for advice. It was posted in Confessions in 2014. I asked for help to get a job and I am ashamed to say that through help from the blog I got a job but never thanked you. After you posted my letter I had an interview within three weeks. One lady asked me to send her CV and last week I got a promotion. I called you wanting to thank you by giving you some money and you refused it. I am amazed by what you are doing for people and I hope God blesses you and your readers like you have blessed me. As people we often take for granted the advice you give in almost every chapter and if I go back to all your blogs, there is a lesson you teach. You are not a random writer who writes for the sake of just entertaining as more often than not every chapter has a lesson in it. I apologize for taking so long to say thank you and again thank you for what you have done for me a total stranger.