When your life is on a downward slope it seems as though there is nothing you can do to stop the momentum of falling apart. That was where I was right now. Every time I had an answer to one of my many problems something new would come out. I was not always like this. This much amount of bad luck was not healthy for anyone and I was living it. I had been laid, properly so, for the first time in a long time by the man that I loved. I know a lot of people believe that once your man screws up there is no coming back from that as you can never trust him. I had cheated too. The reason why I had not confessed to him already is because everybody knows that men don’t forgive being cheated on. Their egos are too fragile for such. It has to be a wonder how therefore that women are this strong. It is not weakness therefore that I ended up in bed with him again after all that had happened. It was love. I loved him and I loved my family. Its true now that I know that in marriage we fuck up, but for better or worse actually means something for some of us. I wonder however what would happen if both of us were unemployed. An unemplyed doctor is a real thing in this country we call South Africa no matter how many times they tell you that there is a shortage of doctors.
So many things we take for granted in life. Those who work especially take their jobs for granted. I love my job. I went to school and built a career around it. I am not one of those people who went to study for a degree only to find themselves in a job they did not study for. I did not want to lose my job.
“Are you sure they are testing everyone?”
I asked her again so that she could explain what I had already heard.
“I am serious. Tomorrow I can’t cover for you.”
She said. The problem with these drug tests which in all honesty were never random was that we were not allowed to take a day off on that day. Doing so was not only suspicious but bad for the hospitals. We work with medicines meaning that we have to be checked so that nothing gets stolen. Its worse now with these nyaope boys running around.
“Ok I will be there!”
I told her. I could hear her swallow spit because I think she knew that I was screwed.
“They did all the nurses today. Their results come out tomorrow meaning by the time they take us those results will be out!”
She went to further explain not that it was making my life any less stressful. This was a thorough sweep then if it was everyone like this. They don’t usually go this far.
My husband asked me. I told him what had been said on the phone. He did not seem to take this seriously.
“I am sure you will come out of it. It was a genuine accident and you did tell me yourself that ecstasy is a drug for young people so you have an excuse!”
He said. I just smiled because I did not want to insult his lack of intelligence. Drugs are drugs and it does not matter what age group they are meant for if its illegal.
“I am just going to go in to work and see what happens. I have earned the punishment and this is a wake up call!”
I said to him. He was a bit surprised that I was giving up just like that because I had fought for everything else lately. The truth was, I was tired. When everything is a war then you are constantly having to search within yourself for the energy and will to go on.
“I am sure something will come up though because you always seem to have answers.”
He said encouragingly. It was not exactly what I wanted to hear at this moment but I guess he was trying. We went to bed. I think because I had accepted my fate, I slept like a baby. No worry in the world. What other choice did I have?
In the morning my husband was up early too. He wore a suit and was going with Lintle to school. Its amazing that with all the many ways I am tough on my husband he is actually a househusband but because he does tenders its something that had gone unnoticed. I know people think I am tough and harsh on him but how many women here would take care of a man? I doubt many will yet I am judged.
“We are going to school to get her academic transcript. She then has to start studying for an entrance test but I am confident!”
He was telling me as Lintle dragged herself downstairs.
“You underestimate her ability to disrupt even the best intentions!”
“I will not mess this up mum! Why do you never have faith on me?”
She asked me annoyed. I was annoyed too so I responded,
“Because today at work there is a drug test and guess what they are going to find inside me? I will get suspended if not fired or better yet arrested!”
I told her.
I don’t think she believed me and actually thought I was making it up to try and make her feel guilty because she just stared back at me. I don’t know where it is written that teenage daughters must hate their mothers but its there somewhere. To her I was the reason why she was having problems in life.
“Are you not going to say sorry to your mother?”
Sizwe asked but she ignored him. She just looked at him. This was the girl who had been completely terrified of her father just yesterday but now she was back to her old self. We did not have time for this though. I left.
When I got to work it was tense! It was like back in high school when you knew you had not done your homework and you had that strict teacher.
“I thought you would make up some plan not to come!”
Zethu said when she saw me. I get her point but oh well.
“I have many patients to see, what time is this happening?”
I asked her.
“I think its a bad idea. We could have made some plan!”
“What plan? I have already done my research. It will be in my system for about 3weeks so there is nothing I can do.”
She looked at me a bit stumped. One of the other doctors in our unit came in and spoke to us. Dr Bengu was much older and was like those dusty old people in the office.
“This is ridiculous. To be subjected to such an embarrassing thing is crazy!”
He was saying. Older doctors don’t like following rules because they believe they own the system.
“Its happening and we have no choice. Maybe you should have called the unions!”
Zethu joked with him. He hated anything union. In fact this man hated everything. He kept on moaning about retirement yet he never did. He trudged off from where ever he came from. Zethu always found him hilarious but he annoyed me.
“What am I going to do though? This ecstasy is still in my blood?”
I asked her. As I was talking in entered George! He stopped! Had he heard what I just said.
I said and pointed Zethu to his presence. She looked just as shocked.
“Why are eavesdropping on our conversation?”
She asked him. She was not rude but she was clearly saying that he was not welcome. I held her hand immediately to caution her because I did not want her to say too much before we knew.
“Doctors you are needed. We are going to do the tests!”
He said without looking us in the eye. Of all the people in this hospital he had to be one of them.
“Did you hear what I said to Zethu?”
I asked him but he did not respond to me. He just walked away without saying a thing.
“He heard you!”
She cursed. Now there was no coming out of it. The shit part of all this was that I was the first person to be tested. There 13 doctors in my unit and those closely associated to paeds so it was not a long process.
“I think I need to start applying for a new job!”
I said to Zethu. She said I was being dramatic but that was being honest.
“Maybe you should go talk to Dr. Mahlangu and give her an idea of what happened with Lintle!”
She said. I know that was a last resort suggestion because Dr. Mahlangu was one of those women who hate other women. She was the boss in our unit but she had this thing of saying women wanted to be cuddled so they must be dealt with via a strict hand. If you invited her to any function she would decline saying that as the boss she can’t be seen to fraternise as it creates favoritism.
“Is that a good idea though?”
I asked her.
“Yes. Call it a pre-emptive strike so she knows what to expect. I think you must go ask for a few days off. This way its like it happened yesterday and you are in no state to work!”
She explained. I liked her plan but only to a certain extent. I did not want her asking many questions.
“I will go with you because I am the one who administered to you!”
She offered. I was convinced. It was better than sitting back and doing nothing. I told her I needed to this by myself. If she needed proof then will call her. I went to her office. She always there writing notes on one thing or the other.
“What can I do for you Dr. Makgofa?”
She asked me with a fake smile.
“I need to talk to you about something private!”
I told her. She told me to come in and sit down. I was so nervous.
“What’s on your mind?”
I told her everything that had happened including the visit to the police station. She looked at me more in disbelief than in solidarity but this made me realize that maybe I had made a bad mistake. To her it came across as though I was asking for a favor something she was very against.
“That happened in your home. Its got nothing to do with me. The problem with you Dr. Makgofa is that in the last few months your work has detiorated and they were incidents you were implicated in if you recall!”
She said. I am sure she was talking about the George thing eish.
“Believing you is therefore hard and I think you should take a few days off to reconsider if you really want to work here.”
She said crossing her hands across her chest.
“But I just explained what happened?”
I asked her incredulously!
“And I heard you! Good day Dr. Makgofa!”
She said which was her way of chasing me out. I stood up and walked up a bit confused.
I had not even reached my office when George came towards my way. Where they done already? He took out a little vile that had my blood in it and said,
“I heard what you said earlier so I replaced your blood with mine. Don’t worry about the ecstacy!”
And walked away!
I felt stupid
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I have been reading Realities with much interest because like Nothabo I have a 15 year old daughter and I am on my knees with her. I am tired. She is a nightmare of the worst kind. I did not raise my daughter like Nothabo, I was strict and also beat her when she was out of order. Last year is when she discover the slut in her. I came back from work early and found her with two boys in the house. One was having sex with her whilst the other was watching TV. We live in a township and the boys are from her school. I got angry and hit one with a broom but the other one escaped. I then heard from neighbors that my daughter is very naughty and sleeping with many boys. I took her to her grandmother in Mpumalanga and she ran away. She came back a month later after we had gone to the police. She was staying with her boyfriend who was a policeman imagine the irony. I got him arrested for statutory rape. She got angry about that and tried to commit suicide. She survived it and came home. I was now too scared to send her back to Mpumalanga so the father took her. He is remarried and lives in Delmas. Now he is saying that she is causing problems for him and his wife. The wife called me and said my daughter has a tendency of walking in the house in underwear and when tried to reprimand her they had a physical fight.
When I read this blog I swear its like you are writing my daughters life because now I am trying to get her into one of these homes for troubled kids.
If anyone has advice for me please tell me as I am very stuck right now.