Growing Up Relevant

Growing Up – Chapter 38

Sometimes we want thing to happen so desperately, sometimes those things take time to happen but some things happen sooner than we expect it. Sometimes we want something so badly and when it happens we realise that we were not ready for that particular thing. An example would if you want to be independent so badly that after high-school you choose to find a job and move out at home, then after a couple of months or a year you regret your decision because you realise that you weren’t ready for independence. I’m saying this because Philani being on one knee seemed so surreal and I didn’t expect it to happen so soon, but I was really excited..I was glad that he was coming back to his senses. Before he finished his proposal sentence, I excitedly said “Yes Philani, Yes, yes and yes. I would love to be your wife, now stand up and put that ring on my finger.”
I noticed the confusion on his face but because of my excitement, I didn’t pay much attention to it. He stood up and looked at me, I took the small box from his hand, and I hoped he bought me a diamond ring. When I opened the box, I was utterly disappointed and I wanted to cry. Inside the box was not a ring, but a KEY.
Who places a key inside a ring box? That is damn foolishness, and it is playing with our emotions as women. I wanted to throw the box at him, but I controlled myself.
“What is this Philani? What must I do with this damn key?” I asked furiously.
He responded “Baby you didn’t wait for me to finish my statement, I wanted to tell you that I bought a new house and I want you to move in with me. I don’t understand why you thought it was a marriage proposal while I have been open to you about marriage and how I feel about it.”
“But you told me to give you time to warm up to the idea of marriage.”
He said “So you think one day is enough time for me to warm up to the idea of marriage? Hai Hlengiwe you can’t be serious. When I said give me time, I meant a minimum of a year, not a day.”
I couldn’t help but feel a rush of embarrassment coming over me like a flood, I felt like the biggest idiot of the year. I don’t know what made me think that he would suddenly want to marry me after he gave me his reasons for not wanting to get married. I think I should act like I don’t want to get married anymore, then he will want to get married. My desperate act wasn’t doing me any justice. They say guys love a chase, so I must apply reverse psychology on him. If he thinks I don’t want to get married anymore, he will want to make me want to get married.
“Okay I hear you,” I said, “So why didn’t I know that you were buying a house?”
“I wanted it to be a surprise, and only tell you once the house belongs to me completely. I knew that we weren’t going to live together in that other house because you always complained that it was too manly and I wasn’t willing to change it. But in this new house, you will be in charge of making it a home for us and our children.” He said.
I said “You should’ve spoke to me 1st about the house, what if I don’t like it or I don’t like where it is situated?”
He laughed and said “Well I bought the house at a place we pass every time we go to my mother’s house and you always told me that you would love it if our first house would be in that area. I know you will love the house because it is almost the way that you described how you want our house to be, and if I told you it wasn’t going to be a surprise now, would it? So relax my love because you are going to love the house.”
Inside my heart was jumping side-ways because I was happy but I acted like I didn’t care and as if I was indifferent about him buying a house for us. In an attempt to prove my indifference, I said
“Oh okay. But I don’t think I am ready to move in with you. I’m too young for that hey, I will come and visit you at your house but I won’t move in with you. You have done a great thing by buying this house, property in a good investment so congratulations.”
My words confused and shocked him because he didn’t expect me to do that. He expected me to jump at the chance of moving in with him, but that was the old Hlengiwe, not the new wiser Hlengiwe. All the years I’ve been with Philani, this was probably the 1st time I rejected anything that would potentially lead to marriage. I always did things that would make him happy, even if I sometimes didn’t feel like doing whatever it was that he requested. The problem with some women, me included, is that I would do anything to keep a man in my life. Some women do it because they just don’t know any better, and that can be because they don’t think they are desirable enough for other men so they try to make their boyfriends happy inorder to keep them in their lives. Some women haven’t experienced real love, so they accept whatever shit that is masqueraded as love. Then some women stay because of the financial security that the man has to offer. It’s not gold-digging but wanting to secure a financially comfortable life for you as a woman and children.
Besides the fact that I love Philani, I am still with him because his love is the only love I know and because I know my financial security will be secured. Philani has money and doesn’t mind spending his money on me, he never complains but instead prefers it if he does everything for me. Where will I find that if I were to break up with him? What if I get a man with money but he is stingy, what good will that do me? This is part of the reason I was unsure of being in a proper relationship with Apostle Thulani was because I didn’t know his spending habits. I didn’t want to be stuck in a relationship where a man doesn’t spend money on me.
So Philani was very shocked when he saw that I wasn’t interested, before he left he said “Baby I can’t force you to move in with me, but I’m hoping that you will change your mind. I bought this house with you in mind, I want us to build a home and life together. I don’t want to only see you when we have time, I want to watch you fall asleep in my arms,I want to wake up next to you in the morning and I want to look forward to coming back home after work because my woman will be waiting for me at home. Baby live with me sometimes mos and most of your things are at my house, so why don’t we just make it official? Please think about it and consider all the things I said when you make a decision.”
With that said he kissed my forehead, and left. I took the ring box, and went to Sihle and Tsiamo.
“Girls Philani went on one knee and took out this box and asked me the big question.” I said and they both screamed and were excited because I thought I was engaged. They were in the same mind I was in when Philani took out the box, and went on bended knee. So I wasn’t really as stupid as I felt at that moment, if you go on down on bended knee and take out a box the next person will think you are proposing to them.
I waited them to calm down, then I said “Calm down girls, we aren’t engaged. You won’t believe what he asked.” At the same time, as if they had rehearsed, in disappointed voices they said “What do you mean you aren’t engaged?”
“He didn’t propose marriage, he asked me to move in with him.” I said and they both exclaimed “WHAT?”
I told them the whole story and they laughed at Philani’s mentality and they agreed that he was weird. Tsiamo went on to say
“I don’t think you and Philani will make it. I say this because you guys are headed to 2 different directions. How can he expect you to move in with him? He clearly wants you to move in with him so that he can sleep with you. I think you shouldn’t move in with him because you won’t be able to celibate if you cohabit.”
Sihle and I wanted to laugh when she said that, according to Tsiamo I was still a pure virgin. I never told her that the cookie-jar was now open because unlike Sihle, Tsiamo isn’t easy to talk to and she will try to make me feel like a whore.
“Yeah you are right Tsiamo, Phlani wants to rob our poor Hlengy of her innocence and we will not allow him to do that. Don’t move in with him Hlengy, if he wants your cookie or wants to live with you, he must marry you.” Sihle said with a smug grin on her face, Tsiamo was happy that Sihle agreed with her.
I switched my phone on because we were done bonding and were just watching TV, as soon as I opened my phone it was flooded with messages from Mdu, my brother in-law. He was telling me to call him as soon as I opened my phone. So I called him “Hello Sbari, you miss me ne? Don’t worry I will come and visit you” I said jokingly.
He didn’t laugh and said “Hlengiwe please come to my house ASAP, just take your car and drive to my house now. Please come with the girls you live with. It is important, don’t worry ne everything will be fine.”
After he said that I could sense that something was wrong, I tried to ask him what was wrong but he avoided my question and kept on saying everything is going to be okay. I became worried, maybe my sister was sick or Baby Letho was in hospital. I asked the girls to accompany me and we left with Sihle’s car. As I told you guys before that I am a very emotional driver, I was scared so Sihle couldn’t trust me to be behind the wheel while I was this scared.
We drove to my sister’s house and the fear I had when we left home subdued because the girls were busy talking rubbish the whole way. We arrived at my sister’s house and the girls stayed behind in the lounge while I went to look for my sister and my brother in-law. His family was in the house and they had sympathetic looks on their faces as I greeted them. I asked them where Thenjiwe and Mdu are, one of them said “Clearly she doesn’t know yet. Mdu is in his room sisi.”
What was she talking about? What didn’t I know yet? Clearly something was wrong with baby Letho. I rushed to Mdu, I needed to know what was going on. I found him looking depressed and his eyes were bloodshot red as if he had been crying.
I became worried and asked “Buthi Mdu, what’s wrong you don’t seem fine.”
He responded by saying “Please promise me that you will try to be strong.” I just nodded, then he asked me to sit down. He sat next to me and said “Hlengiwe my dear, Thenjiwe and Letho weren’t out shopping today and they had a car accident in the high-way.”
I was sad, then asked “Will they be okay?”
My heart was never ready for what he revealed next.
I lost my senses, felt so alone and thought God had left me.

8 thoughts on “Growing Up – Chapter 38

  1. Can one person really handle so much bad news!? Askies Hlengy if they were alive Mdu wud b with them at hospital like its done in the movies

  2. The story is very close to the truth tho as it potrays very well how beautiful chicks are so self-absorbed & selfish sometimes, thinking the world evolves around their beauty.
    Having said that, rich ppl have the same mentality too.
    Both tend to use each other but one thing 4sho money rules over beauty as the monied tend to use the beautiful girls more than the other way round. That’s just my opinion.
    Hlengiwe thinks she is using Philani but Philani is probably using her more as he refuses to commit.

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