Growing Up – Chapter 37

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A marriage proposal is very important, especially to women. I doubt that a woman ever forgets the day her man proposed, whether a proposal is romantic or not, the memory is engraved in the woman’s mind and heart forever. I personally want a romantic proposal, it shouldn’t be a normal proposal i.e. have a date at your favourite restaurant, then your desert order comes with a ring and he goes on one knee and proposes. You will say Yes to the man because he proposed publicly, and the people around were pressuring you to say yes. Come to think of it, men who make public proposals are very brave, what do they do if the women say NO? How are they able to live with the public humiliation? I, for one, wouldn’t be able to face people again.
Hearing a woman’s voice in Philani’s house saying yes to a marriage proposal was painful to my eyes and ears. My heart was telling me to go back home, but my mind told me that I shouldn’t leave because I needed to see who the voice belonged to. I probably stood close to 10 minutes his house, until I knocked on the door, and Philani was quick to open. I walked in and looked around but there was no woman.
“Sawbona Hlengiwe. Why are you looking around? Did you expect to find something or maybe someone?” he asked, in what seemed to be a very irritated voce.
I responded “No I thought I heard voices, sorry for looking around your house.”
“Maybe you heard the TV.” He said as he sat down.
He was right, the voices I heard were coming from the TV, and I couldn’t help but feel stupid. The woman who was being proposed to was on TV playing on one of my favourite soapies which I made Philani like. We were that couple that watched TV together, I made him like certain soapies and reality TV shows while he turned me into a mini soccer fan.
“Philani uhm…I came here” I began my break up line and then he interrupted me by saying,
“Hlengiwe before you say anything I’d like to apologise for the way I spoke to you. It was wrong of me to speak to you like that in front of my family.”
Does he think the way he spoke to me was only wrong because he did it in the presence of his family members? So I guess it would be acceptable if it was just the two of us….mxm. He shouldn’t have spoke to me the way he did at all, it was uncalled for. I hated him for believing that I’m so desperate that I would go and ask to his family elders to pressure him to marry me.
I responded and said “I wish I can say it’s fine Philani but it’s not. Your words made broke the little self-esteem I had. Why would you think I was the one who orchestrated the ‘marriage-attack’ from your family? Even if I had done that, would it be right for you to utter those harsh words you spoke? No, I don’t think so. Philani as much as I love you, I’m not at all desperate for you to marry me. If you don’t see me as your future wife, then it’s fine…we don’t have to keep fooling ourselves.”
Okay I didn’t mean half of what I said, especially the last part. But I think it was necessary for him to see that I won’t beg him, quite frankly I should make him see that he isn’t as important as he thinks he is, or as important as I made him believe. I have options now and futhi I’m beautiful, if Apostle wasn’t around, I would have new boyfriend as soon as I left his house. I was getting extremely tired of being treated like an ugly girl with no options. Actually I am wrong for saying that because no woman, whether beautiful or not-so beautiful, deserves to be treated harshly. We all deserved to be loved, treasured and cared for by our men.
“Baby I’m sorry yez, I know that you weren’t involved in the ambush, my mom told me that you weren’t involved. I’m really sorry for even believing that you would be involved in this. I was just angry that they treated me like a little boy who isn’t able to make his own decisions. I love you Hlengy, I don’t want to lose you but please understand that I don’t want to get married and I have given you my reasons. Maybe when time progresses I will warm up to the idea of marriage and then I will give you the wedding of your dreams, but please be patient with me.” After he had said that, he planted a gentle kiss on my forehead and whispered “I love you”, which melted my heart.
We kissed, I don’t when we ended up naked in his room. We had sex and it felt good, really good. Eish but how was I going to end things with Philani while he had such a huge effect on me? I didn’t want to end up in his bed, but I love this guy and he has some power over me. I think that even if Philani and I were to have a serious break-up, when given a chance, I would find myself in bed with him or thinking about him the entire day because I love him, I’ll probably love him forever.
I ended up spending the entire night at Philani’s place and we talked about a lot of things, we were in such a good space at that moment and I felt like nothing could go wrong. He was saying and doing all the right things, I was just happy. When he left for work in the morning, I woke up and cleaned his house..when I was done I went back to my house. When I arrived home, I received a phone call from a woman, “Hey Hlengy, I want to get my nails done and my man said I should come to you because you are the best.”
I responded “Okay, when do you want to get your nails done?”
“I want to get them done today, if you not busy we can meet in about 2 hours..please send me the directions to your place.”
I didn’t ask who the person was, I was just happy that I was getting a bit more clients and that was going to build my brand. I tidied up the house and set up my equipment. In less than 2 hours, there was a knock on the door, and I was surprised to see who the person was.
Standing on my doorstep was the ‘future first lady’ Surprise. You remember Surprise right? She was the girl who was busy with Apostle Thulani and came with him the day he came to Philani’s house.
We greeted and she made her way in. I was so bored, I wasn’t in the mood for this girl.
“Nice home, who do you live with?” she asked as soon as I began doing her nails. I said “Thank you, I live with my friends.” She kept on asking me many questions about my life and I gave her as little information as possible.
When she was done with her interrogation, I asked her “So you and the pastor are in a serious relationship?” she smiled and nodded. I then asked how long had they been in their relationship, she told me that they have been together for a year and a couple of months. I was really surprised when she said this, so this means she was there before me, so this Apostle lied to me and made it seem as if they had been together for a little while. Judging by the way she spoke about him, she was really inlove and was convinced that they belong together.
“So do you have sex, and how is it? If you don’t mind me asking.” My question caught her off guard, but I needed to know.
She thought about it for a moment, then she responded “Honestly my man and I we don’t have sex.” She paused, I was very shocked but I didn’t believe her. I looked at her, then she continued “Yes, we don’t have sex, we make love. Our sex love is extremely great because he always satisfies me and meets my needs.” Mxm they make love? I don’t think she even understands what the word means.
“I thought you didn’t fornicate because you are both Christians. You came across as spiritually mature Christians but I guess I was wrong.”
I asked this question because the day she came with Apostle to Philani’s house, she came across as a very serious Christian who would never set a foot wrong. She was pretty uptight and she never struck me as the kind who would have, but you will never know with these ‘holier than thou’ people. My statement really startled her as she wasn’t ready for it, so she didn’t answer me. She asked me if I don’t have sex with Philani and I confidently said NO. I did that because I wanted her to feel ashamed, and to feel like less of a Christian, although no can never be more or less of a Christian. I saw the envy in her eyes when I said that, and she said I should be proud of myself and I shouldn’t give it up just yet.
When we were done she left, and I spent the rest of my day watching TV. A bit later Sihle called me and told me that I shouldn’t cook because she was felt like having Ribs. She also said Tsiamo was coming to sleep over because her mother left town and she was missed us. I was really excited because I missed my miss judgemental.
In the afternoon they arrived 10 minutes apart. It felt good to spend time with my girls and just relax. Sihle and I live together but we never see each other because we are both too busy with our relationships. We spent the afternoon catching up, and we agreed that we don’t want any man to come and disturb us, so we all switched off our phones. Our plan was working out well until we heard Philani knock at the door, Tsiamo was bored and said “Hai clearly I will never get time to spend time with my friends without a man disturbing us.”
I didn’t pay attention to her and went to open the door for him.
“Baby why has your phone been off? I’ve been trying to call you.” He asked and I told him that I was with my friends so I didn’t want to be disturbed. He went to greet the girls and apologised for gate-crashing our time, but he needed to urgently speak to me. We went to my room, kissed and sat on top of my bed.
“Hlengiwe do you love me?” he asked.
I responded “Yes Philani, I love you.”
He said “Hlengiwe baby you know that I love you as well right? You and I have been together for a while and we have been through a lot together. I am certain that you are the woman God created for me, so I want us to take the next step. I want us to spend the rest of our lives and this is the the 1st step our future and the beginning of our lives together.”
He paused and I was getting nervous. He stood up, took out a small box out of his pocket, went bended knee and said,
“Will you please make me the happiest man in the world and…

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