Have you ever done something completely out of character when you were drunk only to be told about it in the morning and you are left deeply ashamed? You can’t even face people the following day because the humiliation is beyond you. If you have never done that then you have never lived. You are way too cautious and need to live life a little. Many of you allow yourself to grow old before your time and by the time you realise that you have never done anything in life it will be too late. Kids, family, responsibilities, debt e.t.c stop you from enjoying life that one time. I am not saying do drugs but this feeling of absolute freedom I was feeling right now was unlike something I had ever had. It was amazing. I was in my front street naked. I remember screaming something as I ran down the street but not sure what the words were. My husband came outside and dragged me back. I don’t know what happened but I think I hit my head or something because I blacked out. That happened so fast.
When I woke up, it was Monday morning around 3am. Imagine, I had passed out for over 12 hours. I needed the bathroom and I think that’s the only thing that woke me up. I was dressed. I could not remember putting on my nightie so I can only assume that my husband had done that for me. I could not remember much about yesterday except that I was high. I hate being up this early in the morning though because it messes up my sleep patterns. I felt like throwing up. In fact the feeling was so overwhelming I found myself sitting in the bathroom for a good thirty minutes. It was one of the side effects of the drug. I was now sweating profusely as though I had a fever so I ran myself my bath. My husband heard me as I ran the bath and he woke up.
“What’s wrong?” he asked me after he entered the bathroom.
“I think I am sick!” I told him. We keep a thermometer in the house so I checked my body temperature.
My husband told me that Zethu had come back to check on the bump on my head when I was not waking up but she had said I was fine. I had a headache of note but that was not caused by the Ecstasy, but by the bump. It felt more sinister but I guess I was just being paranoid. My husband told me that when he came out side to chase after me I had run along the street screaming. I guess I was right then. I believed him because I could remember it clearly and could also see that he was not amused at all.
“I am sorry!” I said to him.
“It’s fine. It’s not your fault at all. It’s Lintles!” he said coldly.
“Speaking of Lintle, how did she come back if you were taking care of me?” I asked him. She was at the movies the last time I checked meaning somehow she had to come home.
“Let’s worry about her later! For now we need to get that fever down.” he said. Fever? What fever? I was actually burning up an sweating profusely.
“I am going to run you a bath and will go get you a fresh night dress because your soaked!” he told me. I was rather embarrassed so after he ran the the bath and put me in it, I told him to take about thirty minutes so I can get a chance to breathe!
It happened as soon as he left. I don’t know how to explain this because it was that sudden. I felt depressed. I felt like all the joy had been taken from the world. I don’t know to explain. I had been fairly okay earlier but now I just wanted to die. I tried to stand up but there was no point. What was the point of living? My husband did not love me? He loved a woman who was killing her husband? I loved him but I had cheated on him. I was a hypocrite, I was evil and am the scum of all women. How dare I get angry at my husband for wanting to be with other women when I was so ugly? I saw Nelisa’s mom, she is so pretty! Even her daughter is prettier than my daughter! I did this, I caused this! The tears just started flowing. I had a daughter who hated me, she could not wait to get away from me. She had told me as such herself. Even my friends, I did not even have any. I looked up at the medicine cabinet, there were so many I could take right now to make it all feel better. I did not want to live anymore. They will be happier if I was dead, that much is true and I will be happier too. No more problems. No more fake people trying to be my friends.
I stood up in the bathtub to reach for the medicine cabinet. It felt so far away. When I was getting closer Dear Lord there was the biggest spider in front of me! I am terrified of spiders. I screamed out loud and the next thing Sizwe was next to me.
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” I think he was asking but I was not sure!
“It’s the spiders, they are everywhere…!” I screamed! I could feel the crawling up and down my body. I could see their legs everywhere! I have never been so terrified in my life! They were there and they were big so why was Sizwe saying, “It’s ok baby, there is nothing there, shhh, there is nothing there my love. See I am standing in front of you, they won’t take you!”
Take me? Nigger must be worried about himself and not me because they will be taking him too! Suddenly I saw her, she came from behind him, it was a little girl but she looked like she had spiders coming out from all over her!
Hell no! I screamed my lungs out, so loud I could hear the dogs from next door start to bark!
“Daddy what’s going on?” the spider girl said. Wait a minute? I knew that voice? It was my daughter. It was Lintle. She was my nightmare. She was the reason why I was here! She moved closer to hug me and I shrugged in the corner in terror.
“Get away from me! Get that thing away from me!” I screamed at Sizwe.
“Dad I am scared! What’s going on?” she asked him in a very terrified voice! I could hear him tell her,
“Go back to bed. This is all your fault! Your mother took those sweets in your wardrobe and ate them by mistake! You could have fucken killed her!” he screamed. Even in my dazed and confused state I had never heard my husband use the f-word to our daughter no matter how angry he got.
“O crap! She shouldn’t have taken them!” she said and ran out. I don’t know whether she was running out because he shouted or because she wanted to see what was left. I just saw her move and to me it was like a bird, a spider-bird, is there something like that? At some point I exhausted myself and I passed out again. When I woke up it was ten in the morning and Zethu was sitting over the bed checking on me.
“What happened?” I asked her. I could remember waking up to throw up but none of the rest.
“She is Up Sizwe” I heard her shout. It sounded so loud.
“You gave us quite a scare Nothabo! No more drugs for you young lady!” she said as a joke. I was not sure what she was on about.
“Hey there?” my husband said. He was looking very exhausted and dishevelled. I didn’t know why though.
“You had the worst hallucinations last night. You almost drove yourself mad so you really must thank God that you passed out when you did!”
It all came back! I remembered the spiders and Lintle. Goodness that was scary. One of the side effects of ecstacy is hallucinations and that’s the bad side of the drug. This you get from one pill, I had taken three or four.
“I underestimated it’s potency. I should have given you something to knock you out!” she was telling me but my mind was far away. We still had the small matter of Lintle to deal with. I don’t remember what happened after she ran off.
“Where is Lintle? Last time I saw her she was running to her room after you shouted at her!” I asked my husband.
“Lintle slept at your brothers place last night. I did not want her in the house. When you were screaming at her… she was not… she wasn’t there honey!” my husband said. No no no, I remember her there! I spoke to her. Was I losing my mind? Good Lord knows I don’t want to be mad! She shouted back even. Hallucinations are real people, say no to drugs! I had learned an unintended lesson and I just hope there will be no further consequences.
“I need to go get you some meds at the pharmacy. Nothing major!” Zethu said standing up. My husband was going to stay with me at least. I was tired of lying down so I stood up and went downstairs with him. At least this felt normal. The drug was definitely coming out of my system finally.
The door bell rang.
“Sizwe!” I called out.
He was at the back meaning I had to open. Who could it be so early in the morning?
“Dr. Makgofa, you are under arrest for Public Indecency and exposing yourself to minors! Eight of your neighbours filed a case against you for running around naked!” I was stunned. She looked as though she was about to burst out laughing but she did not.
“Under arrest?” I said back but she looked at me with disgust.
“Shame on you! A doctor at that!” She said 8 of my neighbours, my estate had fifteen houses!
Practically everyone had seen me but that was the least of my problems. If they tested me for drugs I could lose my medical license!
“No please don’t take me! I am sorry it was a mistake! It was a mistake!” I screamed at her! She was not listening, she threw me to the ground and handcuffed me as I screamed
I felt a slap on my cheek!
“Wake up!” Sizwe was saying,
“You are dreaming! It’s the ecstacy, no one is arresting you!”
He was telling me.
How long was this going to last?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I hope I find you well.
Bra Mike I have a problem, my girlfriend is too kinky. I love sex like the next guy but this thing of candle wax and handcuffs is not for me. She wants to get a clit ring! I had to research what that was when she told me. Is that even normal? I have tried to explain this to her but she is 24 and am 35 and said it’s because I am too old I don’t understand. I think I am paying for that. The other time we were driving from her cousins funeral and she demanded we have sex on the road “just because it’s risky”. We stopped on a street corner and had sex in the car. It was not nice at all I was nervous. I have tried to meet her halfway. I love this girl and don’t want to lose her but I can’t keep up. She has an obsession with porn and at some point I will fail to satisfy her the way she wants. Please tell me what I must do? We have been together for four years.