How is this for an uncomfortable fact, most people settle for people they actually never thought they would end up with and often it’s humbling as it’s less than those amazing expectations you used to have growing up. Sigh! Every girl knows, growing up we wanted more. We wanted the rich man, business man, handsome man, strong man, powerful man, you name it, but always it was more. More than the weak feeble men that surround us and for those who grew up amongst white people even a prince was an option. Now look at the man you call your man, and the many men you have already dumped or been dumped by along the way and laugh at yourself. Chances are they do not meet the expectations of what you thought you were worth at the time. It’s tough really. With time you learn that what you think you are worth is actually not how much society thinks of you. Yes you are beautiful and should tell yourself that everyday but men seemingly want more than beauty. Fine, with me I believe I have a bit of intelligence too, in addition to this beauty I tell myself that I have, but I guess that too was not enough. Personality I know, I am the first to admit that I am not perfect but do men not tell everyday us that they want a strong woman? I believe and so do most women, that it is the weak ones amongst us that are used like doormats and kicked around by men so yes, a strong woman it is. I know I am strong but now it meant my husband had an issue with it. With that said, sometimes the person you never thought you would end up with is the best thing for you. You think you have settled but you have won. That was me and Sizwe. When he made me pregnant I don’t think for one moment I had dreamt of such a man to be my together forever, yet here I was fighting for this marriage to work. I loved my husband but the question was, did he love me?
I woke up early, as I had slept yesterday when I got back. My husband was snoring and in a deep sleep so I left him there as I went downstairs. I normally don’t wake up early on Sundays when I am home but with Sizwe on the floor there was no reason for me to stay in bed. I found Lintle watching TV chatting.
“Morning mommy dearest!”she said cheerfully. I was not happy to see her obviously but I was going to stick to the agreement I had with Sizwe.
“I thought you said daddy left? What’s going on?” she asked me. I had actually forgotten that I had told her. I told her that I was just as surprised as she was when arrived at the door. I told her that he wanted to work things out which what I also wanted. I begged her to be on her best behavior because I did not want added pressure on us. She laughed and said,
“Mom really? I am not that bad!”
I wanted to rip her head off because what she had done was beyond reproach but I held my nerve. God gave us children so we could love them as opposed to killing them. Some kids though, forgive me Lord, are a nightmare. They are put on this earth to make you suffer and Lintle was one of those kids.
“I am thinking of making us all breakfast mum, what do you think?”
It had been a long time since she had offered to make us breakfast so I agreed. The problem with her was that after doing that she would leave the kitchen in a mess which would make us fight afterwards. Mapula was not here today as it was Sunday so I really did not want her doing it.
“What are you having? We have eggs and bacon and… let me see… sausages! Will that do?” she called out from the kitchen. I told her that was fine.
“… mum there is no bread! Please go and buy!” she asked me. I was going to buy at the garage which is right outside my estate so it was not far. In ten minutes I was back and the aroma of the cooking filled my nostrils. I decided to go wake up my husband. He was still snoring imagine! So late!
“Sizwe wake up!” I shook him.
“Mmmmmmmm” he moaned in his sleep! If I didn’t know any better I would think this man was having a wet dream, sies!
“Sizwe!”I shouted again and this time he responded, “I am up!”
“I can’t believe you snore even when you are on the floor!” I said to him when he finally woke up.
“What time is it?” he asked me. It was after nine. He must have been really tired because he almost never sleeps in this late, let alone on the floor.
“Lintle is making breakfast for us today so I think you should wash up and come down!” I told him.
You know when a person just woke up from a deep sleep they have this confusion in them. They are still trying to figure out where they are or how they got there. That was him. He stood up and went to brush his teeth. He showered whilst I unpacked his bags from last night. I felt as though I was snooping, looking for something. I checked his pockets everything but there was nothing there. I switched on his phone and messages came in. Unfortunately I could not read them as his phone now had a password. It never did before.
“Sizwe why does your phone have a password?” I asked him. If a man you have been married to this long suddenly has a password it means that he has secrets worth hiding.
“In case it’s stolen!” he replied so casually.
“What is the password?” I asked him. He did not hesitate to respond,
“It’s your name!”
I felt rather stupid. He had me as a password. Sure that was sweet if I should say so myself. I lost the energy to open the phone as it was no longer necessary. If I looked for things I might find them and maybe at this moment I did not need that.
“Please be down within 20 minutes because I want to eat my breakfast whilst it’s still hot.”
I went to the kitchen to help Lintle with the food but she refused my help and asked me to tell her about the funeral. I had not told her but in all fairness what was there to say about it?
“Your grandmother wants you to visit! In fact both of them because you have not been to Bloemfontein in a while!” I told her. She was never keen on visiting but she was cheerful right now so she said she would go whenever we were ready for her. She was even humming as she cooked.
My phone rang and it was Zethu. She told me that they had just arrived back in Jhb.
“Would you like to have a braai later at my place?” she asked me. I told her that I will get back to her in the afternoon but I was game. That’s the beauty of Jhb. You never run out of things to do during the weekend. I doubt there is any other town in SA where you can boast that. My brother asked to talk to me. He told me that my mother was still angry at me and said I must call her to make peace. He was probably right but my mother was too much work as is. It always had to be her way and that made us clash. I asked him to put Zethu on the phone.
“Your brother wants us to have a baby!” she said and I heard him protest in the background that she was sharing too much. This was true hey because I did not want to hear this.
“Well tell him if he has a good job, you guys can have a hundred kids!”
Zethu laughed at this but I was serious. I honestly don’t get girls who would readily get pregnant by an unemployed guy. It’s such hard work from there no matter how much you are earning.
“I don’t know if I am ready though. I feel like we have only just started dating so it could be too soon!” she said. This girl was wearing a ring and now having a baby was too soon? How does she even come up to such a conclusion really?
“I think that’s a conversation for you and him though. Good luck. I am always ready to be an aunt.” I said and we both laughed. This was a bad idea if ever there was one but I did promise that I was not going to get involved. I told her I will speak to Sizwe about the braai then I will get back to her.
I went back upstairs to call him but fortunately he was almost done which made it easier for me.
“Please don’t forget the boarding school thing!” I reminded him. When we got downstairs Lintle saw her dad and greeted him cheerfully. Maybe this child had bipola or something because she was very weird and in a scary way.
She served the food on the dining table.
“Can we pray first!” she said when we were all seated. That was new. Her father and I just looked at each other and agreed.
“Dear Lord, thank you for bringing my parents back together. Please guide them when they make bad decisions in regards to me and their marriage. Thank you. Amen!”
Did she really just say that? This child really had a way of pushing you to your limits. My husband and I did not touch the food for a good two minutes after that because we were stunned. Eventually Sizwe broke the silence and said,
“Your mother and I have decided that it’s time you went to boarding school!” he told her sternly.
“We figure you need to learn more about life without the shelter of your parents.” he said.
She took a bite of a sausage she was holding up with a fork and responded,
“Over my dead body will I go to boarding school! You wasted your time thinking because had you consulted me I would have saved you the trouble!”
The father just changed colour!
He was fuming!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you for your time.
I am a 17 year old girl from Witbank. Six months ago I started dating a much older man. He is 29. He is not married and has no kids. It was supposed to be a casual fling but now we are getting serious. I have not slept with him yet and he does not push for it. My mother met him and she was very angry at me. She asked me to break up with him and I refused. She then threatened to get him arrested but I am over 16. He backed off a bit but now I am the one suffering because I really do love him. All my friends who are dating boys our age complain about a lot of things but with me and this guy I have not found one thing to complain about. He agrees that I am young and says he is willing to wait for me to grow up but I don’t believe him. He will find someone else who won’t have as many complications as I do.
Please advise me on what to do before I lose my man.